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| "Not As Dumb" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: Burned Vamp [MediaMiner Member] On: March 27, 2017 00:31 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I don't even know where to start... The writing, excellent! The
characters, perfect! Plooooot!!!! There's unanswered questions,
please! Found the link to part if 5 on your home journal so yay!
But as yummy as this is headed there's a great story that's not
lost in too many details or porn and I would dearly love to see
more. Especially that moment when Dee discovers the threats and
what he'll do to Ryo and JJ for not telling him.
| Reviewed By: Nikari On: August 16, 2009 22:24 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
You have no idea how disappointed I was when I reached the end of the last chapter and realized that you hadn't posted a new chapter yet. I love this story so far but I will admit that there were some things about it that confused me a little. In the first chapter what bothered me was that Dee seemed a little out of character with the whole fainting scene. It's made up for in later chapters with Dee's explaination about Anna (right?). It made a lot more sense afterwards and fit his character a lot more. I don't know how you could make that part better though because I like where you have Dee's revelation now. There's nothing wrong with your grammar and spelling (and if you do make mistakes they're not that noticable) but another place that you could improve is your descriptions of the scene. I can follow along in some areas but in others I feel like I'm missing information telling me that they went from laying on the floor to cuddling on the couch (i know that didn't happen but it was the only way I could think of to express what bothered me about the scenes). Also the introduction to new characters threw me off a little bit. I didn't like the dirtbag gang of detectives (which was probably your goal), I liked Alex, but Tedd's personality threw me off a little as well (it could be because he's a minor character in the series so you never really know what his character is like). Also the way you portray Ryo makes it seem like you don't think very highly of his character and somtimes evem downright dislike him(or at least that's how it comes across). I like how you forshadow what is probably going to happen in the future(you never know when a plot bunny is going to ambush you in the middle of a sidewalk and drag you kicking and screaming down abandoned dirt roads). I also like how you're having Ryo tackle the potential for a bad situation. I know it's more realistic for a person whose been raped and tortured to feel dirtied and worthless and avoid human contact but some authors can drag it out for so long that the readers lose interest. I know this was long winded and it probably sounded like a bunch of insults but it really wasn't. I just can't always seem to find the right words for how I feel about a story and so it usually comes out wrong. I really do want you to continue this story. I don't have an account so if there's anything you wanted to say to me you can contact me here: nikkigoetz@hotmail.com
| Reviewed By: me On: April 29, 2009 19:19 PDT
Comment/Review:
wow -that's very intense. i hope you post more - i am eager to see what happens next with the stalker
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