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| "Partially Kissed Hero" Reviews/Comments [ 22 ] | | Pages (2): [ « ‹ 1 2 ] | Title: Editing Is Your Friend
Reviewed By: Terdwilicker [MediaMiner Member] On: August 30, 2009 07:55 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hmm. Having read this story from your first post over a year ago, I'm frustrated with it. On one hand it has some very interesting ideas in it, worth pursuing. But on the other hand, it falls into didactism (and then he brushed his teeth) as if you've lost sight of the plan of this story. I suppose I'm disappointed because this could be better whereas now I'm thinking this is your therapy that happened to be posted online instead because for some reason you don't like Sims or Command and Conquer video games. Its micromanaged obsessive detail rather than storytelling. If you wanted to turn this idea into a story you'd have to cut a lot of material out, about half, and think hard about pacing, about Point of View, and leave the overlapping obsessive planning aspect out. In the last ten chapters you've been treating this as an architecture lesson on building secure towns. An interesting subject, to be sure, but wrong for this story. The last twenty chapters have been almost a constant resupply crossed with Witches Secret mechanical storytelling, and that's not a good thing to be compared to. That's why I'm thinking you may be suffering from OCD and too much stress, thus this is your therapy. Trouble is, you're trying too hard. A suggestion? Write down your entire plotline, including what you've already done, in simple outline, and see if you have a character arc that will end up how you wanted it to as things are now. If not, time to correct the mistakes. Another suggestion I will make is like many of the HP authors you're a bit too focussed on outrage at times, to the point of wrath and monomania. Lots of HP authors do this to exclusion of sense and kill their stories. I suspect you're triggering emotional outbursts as you write, reliving some bad experience. Lots of people have similar, but if you let things go and write about that, you may get healthier and be able to return focus to your plotline and character arcs. I don't think you can save this story. You've taken the essential Harry, a kid with high tolerance to pain and determination and turned him into a rich magical super!Harry with no real limits and no drama possible. Its cancer, and you're wasting time writing it further. Start over with a fresh idea. Avoid the cliches you fell into here. Unless this really IS stress relief in which case, feel free to continue. Lots of people write as therapy. They just don't write good stories much of the time. Sorry if this comes across as harsh, but I only lie to my friends.
| Reviewed By: sdarian [MediaMiner Member] On: August 29, 2009 19:52 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is a great story. So, have you decided to move all of your stuff here, or are you going to keep posting to both here and Fanfiction.net? Ether way, I'm glad to see that you will continue writing as you are a great writer and I love reading your stories. Good luck, and keep up the good work!!!
| Reviewed By: Rubel [MediaMiner Member] On: August 29, 2009 17:30 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Good to see you've quickly found another site to use. I'm looking forward to your next works.
| Title: dennisud
Reviewed By: dennisud [MediaMiner Member] On: August 29, 2009 09:07 PDT
Comment/Review:
Happy u found another site, will check periodically.
| Title: fan
Reviewed By: piedscribbler On: August 29, 2009 05:07 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Glad you found a new site hope you upload the rest of the story soon.fanfic.net is evil for driving you away!
| Reviewed By: GrayPheonix [MediaMiner Member] On: August 29, 2009 01:08 PDT
Comment/Review:
Holy crap thi sis awesome. Continue to update, because if you don't, I will hunt you down like a dog and cornhole you. Ja ne!
| Reviewed By: kjoc On: August 28, 2009 16:15 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm so happy that you found a new site to post on. I love your fic. I can't wait for you to catch up to you were on fan fiction. I look forward to reading more.
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