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| "Playing With Fire" Reviews/Comments [ 22 ] | | Pages (2): [ « ‹ 1 2 ] | Reviewed By: lisalisa On: February 10, 2011 17:53 EST
Comment/Review:
Alright, So i don't know who you are and i really don't care either, but you're very rude. How dare you criticize anyone about their work? do u have anything on this site? Obviously you were so bored with your life that you had time to sit there and read ALL the chapters and comment on this work. There are THOUSANDS of stories on this site and you chose this story to post your rude,obnoxious comment. Get a life and move on with it! Your pathetic to even sit there and insult this author. I don't know where u see chapter sixteen on the first chapter but maybe you should go clean your eye. I don't think this story is in any way, shape or form related to twilight. So get off your high horse. The girls aren't useless, Sage is strong she just hasn't reached her full potential yet. The story isn't over and if u didn't like the story then you shouldn't of read it. How is having sex in the beginning of the story boring? Maybe your "skimming" is wrong and you need to learn to "re- skim". Also, your insulting the people who like the story and hasn't done a damn thing to you. Are you so conceited with your life that this affects you in any way?? Leave the story alone and the people who like it. If you have any questions please COMMENT. :) Have a great day | Title: in reply to Xeshitha
Reviewed By: lessie00 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 10, 2011 17:33 EST
Comment/Review:
I would like to start off by saying, who the hell do you think you are? I accept constructive Criticism whether it be good or bad, but this is a fanfiction site where people are free to express their ideas and creativity. I’m not trying to write a professional novel to be published or anything. A mistake was made when uploading the chapters, which is why the first chapter was wrong but I fixed it. If you don’t like my story, no one is twisting your arm to read it, nor do I need your unwanted opinion on how to improve my “horrible” story or characters. I’m not writing to please anyone; I do it because I enjoy it and if others enjoy it as well then that’s a bonus. This is something I do for fun and to share with anyone who wants to be apart of it. If you’re not one of those people I can assure you I won’t be losing sleep over it. I also don’t appreciate you calling my readers cliché, you’re not only insulting me but them and it’s totally uncalled for. You don’t like the story and that’s fine, but don’t get ahead of yourself. To be completely honest, your comment made me laugh a little because you are incredibly full of yourself. | Title: Xeshitha
Reviewed By: Xeshitha [MediaMiner Member] On: February 10, 2011 15:38 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
First, why does it say "Chapter Sixteen" on chapter one in this story? Second, the story has a very random start. IS this chapter sixteen, or was that on accident? Did you delete a few chapters? Because you act as if the readers know the characters here. They don't. This is an introduction (if this IS the first chapter). ----"All eyes were on them as they stepped out of the car. People were already beginning to whisper, clearly wanting to know why the new guys were hanging around the same two girls they have been publically rejecting for the past few days." This just... screams Twilight. And the best thing to do is to avoid Twilight-nit-picks at all costs. I know she wasn't the first to do this, but this whole thing is best well known from Twilight, and it's stupid, and fake. The way Chase keeps calling her "witch" is a bit stupid, too. It makes the dialogue for him seem fake. Chase is actually very bland, too. He doesn't seem bad at all. Not like that evil kind of character, but more like the cliche, boring, purposely-a-jerk character in nearly every school movie. And, with the dialogue, you state what they said or what they did, too much. It's never just straight dialogue for a bit. You always break it with their action or "she said/he said/murmured/pouted", etc. --Thoughts should be italicized, not italicized AND quoted. The example you set in this chapter for women isn't exactly too good, either. The guys are stronger than the girl (protagonist). Just like in Twilight. And in Twilight, Bella was useless. She had her boyfriend take care of her and she couldn't do crap. ---Your punctuation is a little off. And your characters are extremely flat. They seem really emotionless. You use their names a bit much and your writing is a bit boring because of how you structure the play of it all. You need to give all of the characters some emotion, make the chapter interesting and end it interestingly so that readers read on. I know you have have a few COMMENTS here. But there are the type of readers who like to read anything that is rather cliche, and then there are the readers who see fault in a story and notice grammar, the storyline, the characters. If they don't like the grammar, the characters, and if the chapter doesn't lead them on, they will stop. And that is plenty of readers lost. Honestly, I skimmed through a lot of this chapter, because it was just that boring. It wasn't because I was lost and didn't know what was going on - sometimes I really prefer it that way, but the chapter/start was just that boring. And I don't want to, in anyway, read on. ----I know I sound harsh, but you have a lot of work to do. I might have not mentioned how to fix it, but I'm rushing here. You can email me or respond in this review, for I'll check back, if you have any questions or comments regarding this all. | Title: MOREE!!
Reviewed By: DarkDemon123 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 10, 2011 15:05 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i gotta tell you something"I FREAKING LOVE THIS STORY!!" thank u sooo much 4 updating!! i REALLY LOVE this story!! KEEP WRITING AND UPDATE SOON PLZ! | Title: AWESOME
Reviewed By: DarkDemon123 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 09, 2011 15:53 EST
Comment/Review:
OMGG!!! I REALLY LUV THIS STORY!!! ESPECIALLY CHASE!!! HE SOUNDS FREAKING HOTT!!! PLEASE UPDATE SOON!! | Reviewed By: lisa00 On: July 05, 2010 21:32 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Love this story!! soo good!! Update plz!!! Cant wait to know more!!
| Reviewed By: funnyduckie1 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 04, 2010 11:03 EDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
OMg .. wow.. i love Chase!! LOL this is a great story!! UPDATE PLZ!!
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