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| "Tanoshimi Club" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Reviewed By: unistar [MediaMiner Member] On: June 15, 2011 05:35 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
nice story... liked it... good job... great work! | Reviewed By: Angelica_Pierce [MediaMiner Member] On: August 11, 2010 08:58 EDT
Comment/Review:
Correction to my review (forgive me, I'm on pain killers): I *DO* think the bouncers would have caught Inuyasha before he was able to drag Kagome away, maybe before he even made it onto the stage. That'll teach me not to edit before I post
| Reviewed By: Angelica_Pierce [MediaMiner Member] On: August 11, 2010 08:54 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm not the type to review often. I do so in this case because I see potential for this story to be great if a few things are fixed. I enjoy the premise. It tackles an issue that most authors steer clear from; exactly where is the line when it comes to being unfaithful? A lot of women feel the way Kagome does in this piece and the concept of her revenge makes a lot of sense. Is being looked at worse then doing the looking? I was intrigued. However, I felt let-down. When Kagome presented him with the business card she never asks who "Chou-chan" is and I'm pretty sure that would be on any girlfriend's list. During the confrontation after Kagome's dance, Kagome never executes her whole purpose for doing the dance which is to let Inuyasha know that what he was feeling is how she felt. And Inuyasha complained that he was humiliated in front of his friends - the same friends that knew he was going to a strip club, thus humiliating Kagome by letting them think he had less than a stellar view at home (the whole reason Kagome was embarrassed). On a technical plot note, I don't think the bouncers would have caught Inuyasha before he was able to drag Kagome away, maybe before he even made it onto the stage. From what I understand those places are really tight with security by law. Finally, the story needs a good editor to fix the grammar. Words are missing all over the place, verbs and adverbs are misused and misspelled and the punctuation is off several times. That all being said, if you go a bit more in depth and fix those few problems, I think you have an impressive story.
| Reviewed By: Alliecoolgirl [MediaMiner Member] On: August 06, 2010 19:22 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I loved it, even if you did write it for the sake of not being bored :)
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