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| "A Purple Heart" Reviews/Comments [ 29 ] | | Pages (2): [ 1 2 › » ] | Reviewed By: tinkle time kelly [MediaMiner Member] On: April 16, 2008 05:54 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
Think you maybe ready to complete this now? I, for one, know you can. Your writing abilities/skills have steadily improved/matured over the last few years (I should know, I've been, 'stalking', um watching your work, all that time). You've become an awesome writer. This was a good start to what could be an even greater finish. Please consider finishing it. right_read_time (aff.net)
| Reviewed By: Cody Thomas [MediaMiner Member] On: October 17, 2005 04:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
WHAT?!?! how can you leave off there at least finish the story! a lemon at least! DON'T LEAVE OFF THERE!!!!!
| Reviewed By: misskittyTaru On: January 29, 2005 15:47 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
OMG I love this story! I acutally read it awhile ago and also printed it awhile too. So when my little heart could not stand to not see a chapy...I update, HEHE I wanna know want happens so please keep writing. (love this pairing) Dark Magaician a teacher...the hotness, HEHE Loking forward to next chapy.
| Reviewed By: michew [MediaMiner Member] On: August 11, 2004 12:31 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
OMG!!! THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO F*KIN GOOD!!! plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz you have got to update soon!!! this is f*kin amazing!!! poor yugi!!!
| Reviewed By: Kay Webb (again) On: April 26, 2004 20:11 CDT
Comment/Review:
Heh...quick note. Sorry, I meant "6" chapters, not 8. I must have been thinking of something else... o_O Probably because I reviewed a day after I finished reading the thing. Funny how time flies, isn't it? Well, remember my offer, and feel free to contact me. Later! ~Kay Webb (again)
| Reviewed By: Kay Webb On: April 26, 2004 20:07 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is a very interesting and original work of writing. You capture emotion very nicely, and the flow of your language is smooth, while many other writers I have seen have a stop-start-stop-start chunky blocky style. (See what I mean?) However. Yes, there's always the "but," isn't there? Well, there are a few things here that really bug me, but can be easily fixed. 1) Writing in the present tense In most novel formats, writing in the present tense is practically taboo. Other than the obvious (speech, thoughts, etc.), most fiction writing -- and even most non-fiction as well -- is written in some form of the past tense. An exception is the growing use of "script" style in online writing, which uses the present tense for labelling actions. For example, let's look at two versions of a small scene, with a random person we'll call "Mary." "That's good." Mary smiled. He's cute, she thought. Mary: That's good. *smiles* *thinks* He's cute. See? Using the present tense often sounds like you're writing a screenplay, which is obviously not the case! 2) Using many, many paragraphs While some writers have apparantly never HEARD of this "paragraph" that I speak of, and write entirely in a solid block of text, you seem to have every other sentence in a new paragraph. Easy on the eyes, true, but a little TOO easy. It's a bit like... No! *half a page down* It couldn't be! *another half-page down* It was... *scroll down some more* HIM! *scroll down yet more so* (The end.) It's really rather annoying. Of course, it may just be your formatting, but please keep this in mind. It makes your chapters look much longer than they really are, but although that can lure new readers, I read the entire 8 chapters that you've written so far in under 15 minutes. You might also want to consider squishing a few chapters together (Every time you write a cliffhanger doesn't mean that you have to end the chapter there! Keeping readers in suspense, even in the middle of a chapter, is a very good thing!). There are also a few typos, mostly inappropriate spaces (Hell o, the re!). These can be solved by quickly running through the entire document/chapter before posting and keeping a sharp eye out! (If you listened to all of this rabble, you deserve a cookie.) Once again, you are a very talented author with a taste for language. If you ever decide you need a "beta" (beta reader), feel free to just give me an e-mail at endlessabyss246@aol.com. Best wishes! ~Kay Webb
| Reviewed By: DemonandGoddess [MediaMiner Member] On: April 19, 2004 23:46 CDT
Comment/Review:
I completely agree about Anzu/Yami, they just were never meant to be. This is good! Real angsty and stuff, but I like it a lot. I have'nt seen a lot of Dark Magician/Yugi pairings, they're...a little stange, but I still like it! Please coninue!
| Reviewed By: Kionala [MediaMiner Member] On: December 17, 2003 22:07 CST
Comment/Review:
whoa this is differnt...MORE ^o^!
| Reviewed By: Keirra Maxwell On: September 24, 2003 02:58 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
This story is amazing, I'm a huge fan of Yugi + Dark Magician and it's about time more of this pairing is seen. Wonderful story so far. Please continue.
| Reviewed By: The_Female_Inu_Yasha On: July 25, 2003 00:11 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
make the next chpater 'A'. I feel sorry for yugi just thinking about it. | Reviewed By: Vegakitty On: July 24, 2003 19:11 CDT
Comment/Review:
Vega: Ok, I'll bite. A little bad and angsty. None of that really bad stuff, you know the kind.
Wufei: Rape, beatings, death, etc.
Vega: *glares at Wufei* Yeah... that kinda stuff. But other than that I think it needs a little conflict. Yami getting all jealous is cute but it won't be that way for long. Maybe Yugi needs to develop a backbone and leave Yami and make him see all the mistake he's made and beg for him back and--
Wufei: For gods sake, onna, this isn't your story!
Vega: Oops... sorry got carried away. I'll be going now ^_^; | Reviewed By: Maryna On: July 24, 2003 17:56 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I want the first one because I don't like to be mad at the authors, it makes me really mad at my self later on, so don't make something REALLY angsty/bad happen, thank u for listing to our opinions. I just love this story.
~Maryna~ | Reviewed By: Icz On: July 24, 2003 15:53 CDT
Comment/Review:
Er, I don't want anything bad, angsty to happen AT ALL.
Icz | Reviewed By: Maryna On: June 26, 2003 20:28 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I just love this story, great paring Yami/DM COOL I just love when Dark Magician tells Yami that he is too selfish. Continue please this story is cool | Reviewed By: Vegakitty On: May 04, 2003 16:11 CDT
Comment/Review:
Vega: Heh... me again. Please forgive the upcoming outburst.
Wufei: *covers his ears*
Vega: YUGI + DARK-BABY SITTING = CUTENESS!
Wufei: *winces then uncovers his ears* She likes this fic.
Vega: Ooh, ooh! I got suggestion for a pairing for another fic! Bakura and Yugi! I know, I know... waaaaaaay out there. But I read this fic that hasn't been updated in a while called "Cold and Lonely" and I love it! And I mean Bakura, not Ryou. Just read the fic and see what you think.
Wufei: Giving free advertisement to Lady Darkmoon, are you?
Vega: She deserves it! Anyway, keep those chapters rolling in! | | Pages (2): [ 1 2 › » ] |
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