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| "Tsunami" Reviews/Comments [ 14 ] | Reviewed By: Fox_Demon [MediaMiner Member] On: August 15, 2004 01:15 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i really like this fic, i wish you'd continue it. and if theres any pairings...i like sere/ranma. please write more to it soon.
| Reviewed By: Kit Carlson On: February 04, 2003 10:29 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's not often that someone can pull a convincing "Clark Kent" with Serena, let alone a Sailor Moon/Ranma cross with Ranma only being a minor part of the action. It's even less often that someone can pull a mixture of anime/western story cross successfully. This caught the flavor of both Sailor Moon and G.I.Joe. Congratulations.
"She'll fight for freedom whereever there's trouble, G.I.Moon is there..G.I.MOON!" | Reviewed By: C. Rose On: February 01, 2003 23:50 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
Okay, gave this a shot and was really kind of disappointed. The primise is pretty good, but you really, really need to work on the basic tenents of writing. The bigest mistake you are making is called 'don't tell, but show'. You are telling this story in a series of facts, you don't show anything.
What are the girls wearing, not once in this whole story did you describe what anyone was wearing. What anybody looked like, you just assumed that we would know and went from there. That just doesn't work and ruinds the story. You jump around for no particular reason, crossing over with shows that don't quite fit, but have potantial.
Having Ranma and the tendo's traiing Usagi is a great idea, but in the end you have basically ignored them. if you were to cut those scenes out and just say that she had been learning martial arts it wouldn't have effected the story at all. Also, the scouts turning on serena like that just didn't make any sense whatsoever. You kind of explained that it was because they were tired of her being a ditz and a clutz, but never showed anything of the kind and in the anime they all kind of get used to it. Usagi is going through a growth spurt in her teen years, this tends to make her legs different lengths and makes her clumbsy, she is a ditz because she wants to be and it makes her life more normal. You gave her increased intelegence, but just explained it away as she was pretending to act that way. I can't swallow that, it makes no sense with all the times the scouts complained about it.
Where the hell are luna and artemis?
Darien turning on Serena is also a bit strange, especially when he himself has gone off to America to study. Is he a hypiacrite?
GI Joe? Strange cross, but one that I like if it's pulled off in the right way. that scene in the dojo was the first one you had that showed off some of the potential this story has. You 'barely' described what was going on in the fight. showed some of the back ground charactes reactions and had Usagi kick the crap out of a fully trained marine?
blink...blink...
Ranma could do this easilly, but usagi has barely two years of training and nothing as intense as Ranma's training. She goes to the dojo for a few hours every night, on top of all her shopping, dates, food attacks, and other fun with the scouts?
Over all I think this nees work in every area, expand it until you can't expand and add to it anymore. when that is done, sit back and start over, expand some more, this time work on conversations and picture it in your head exactly as you have it written down. the reader has to envision this in their head and if you dont' give enough details that will be impossible.
Now, I know this isn't a very favorible run down of the fic, but I wouldn't have put so much down unless I thought it wasn't worth the trouble. It needs a major rewrite, when that is done this story could be very, very good.
Hope this helps a little bit at least | Reviewed By: Shinigami On: January 08, 2003 02:28 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I dunno, those 4 could be from any anime. The first thing came to mind was those guys from Weiss Kreuz or the Elite Four from Pokemon... If it's from Weiss Kreuz, it could be either Weiss or Schawtz, or Schreient... But, I dunno what anime the author loves besides Ranma and Sailor moon, since I don't remember the exact words of Tsunami's profile at thew moment...And I already voted, I don't want to go in details twice, so I won't... | Reviewed By: Nova On: January 07, 2003 16:22 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great story but your chapters need to be longer. | Reviewed By: Shinigami On: January 01, 2003 20:07 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Add the Outers in, and have Ranma and Molly join Sere later on! Hsve the Inners find out hte entire truth about Sere! Or have Queen Serenity give everyone their complete memories of the Silver Millennium back! Cuz I find it hard to beleive that Sere acted like a real princess in the Silver millennium all the time! Cuz I recall some moments when Sere acted like a human being in the manga... If Sere have to be graceful, and followed the rules all the time, then she'ld be boring and a dead giveaway... If I recall correctly Sere used to sneak down to Earth to visit Endymion. What kind of a princess acts like that?! As for Darien, if he gets back together with Sere, I have one requirment. Change his attidude pronto! Cuz I don't like him acting like an icicle!0 | Reviewed By: Yume On: December 31, 2002 22:50 CST
Comment/Review:
DO NOT put Serena and Darrien back together! Darrien
is an evil cold hearted b*stered. The inner scouts
are b*tchs(which you have so acuratly portraid in
your story so far).
I think send Molly and Melven to be with Serena,
and pair Serena up with someone much, much better
than Darrien. | Reviewed By: godai On: December 29, 2002 03:08 CST
Comment/Review:
it needs to be a ranma usagi match up | Reviewed By: reandn On: December 29, 2002 01:26 CST
Comment/Review:
I like the story so far and I hope to see more soon. I'd wouldn't mind seeing more of the Scouts in the story but thats up to you. As for Serena I like seeing her paired up with just about anyone except for Darien. | Reviewed By: Korin Chou [MediaMiner Member] On: December 29, 2002 01:21 CST
Comment/Review:
Don't put her back with Mamo-baka! I don't like any matchup that involves him getting together with Usagi. She deserves someone better, someone like Seiya or some other cute guy. ^_^ | Reviewed By: Korin Chou [MediaMiner Member] On: December 29, 2002 01:20 CST
Comment/Review:
Don't put her back with Mamo-baka! I don't like any matchup that involves him getting together with Usagi. She deserves someone better, someone like Seiya or some other cute guy. ^_^ | Reviewed By: Chi Vayne On: December 27, 2002 21:28 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is a good start. There are a few typos (plane, college, its wonders). If you are going to cross over with Ranma and decide to have a breakup, I do believe that Ranma is the best pairing out of the Ranma cast. (Ryouga might be the easiest to meet her in the U.S., but I personally don't care for his character. | Reviewed By: Yume On: December 27, 2002 15:09 CST
Comment/Review:
I like! Continue, please! Espcialy if you have her
break up with Darren for good...but please don't
pair her up with Ranma | Reviewed By: godai On: December 26, 2002 23:00 CST
Comment/Review:
i hate to say it but this story need a ranma usagi matchup maybe with him doing a simaler escpae scene from the tendos |
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