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| "A bird without wings" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Reviewed By: Nekocin [MediaMiner Member] On: February 17, 2004 07:42 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
Interesting original story. I like the idea. Although it's a bit unnerving when you end the chapters too quickly ~_~. But anyways I like the idea. There are still some errors here and there... but they're unnoticeable to those who aren't looking for them. So don't fret. ^^. Please update soon and keep it up!!!
| Reviewed By: Kapies [MediaMiner Member] On: February 22, 2002 22:44 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I like it, you need to post more tho I have been waiting for a while. And I realy want to know what happens. | Reviewed By: Dee-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: February 14, 2002 19:21 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Your spelling and grammar needs work and so does your style of writing but don't fret. I really think you have talent. This original plot is good the type of thing one expects to read from a book. I enjoyed reading this but I'm going through a beta phase so all your errors seemeds to be hilighted in my eyes. If you need a beta reader (someone to check spelling/grammar and review be4 u post) I'd be willing to do that. Please mail me at moongiggles89@hotmail.com | Reviewed By: Dee-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: February 14, 2002 18:37 CST
Comment/Review:
It's only me in this room, the other five guards is in a room above this one.
“Are” in place of “Is” I think.
We only have one prisoner right now, old Buun, he sat a building on fire.
Maybe something like:
We only have one prisoner right now, old Buun. I turned to look at him and saw him building a fire.
Perhaps I misunderstood the sentence but in the way it is now I find it a little confusing.
I heard the noise clear now, it was some people coming down the stairs. I picked up my sword, opened the door to the stairs and looked out in the dark. I saw lights from a torch and soon I also saw four people.
I think you used too many “I’s” maybe change the sentences around so you don’t have to use “I” (same thing goes for the beginning of the next paragraph):
Picking up my sword I opened the door to the stairs and looked out into the dark.
I also think that where it says I think the comma after “now” should be “;” unless my Microsoft Word is mistaken.
Why would they be using this one, I had been told that it would only be used for enemies to the king.
“Why would they be using this one?” is a sentence in itself and it needs a question mark at the end. Then from “I (and all in between)…king.” Can count as another sentence with a period.
I glanced at the prisoner he was wairing a big brown robe so I could only see his mouth.
You need a “;” in between “prisoner” and “he” If I’m correct. Also “wearing” not “wairing”.
Why did I care, I locked up the door and walked in, the others followed me.
“Why did I care” can count as an interrogative sentence with a question mark at the end. And from “I locked” to the end of sentence you’re fine.
They placed the man on the floor and told him to take of the robe.
“Off the robe” not “Of the robe”
He had pointy ears and his age well its hard, he seemed as old as time, yet he seemed to be a kid, but he was probably in my age.
Try “He had pointy ears and his age…well it’s hard. He seemed as old as time, yet he seemed to be a kid, but he was probably my age.”
I could hear someone shouting something but I was to caught up in staring at the elf.
“Too” in place of “To”
“yeah" I took a glance at the elf again…
Just capitalize the “Y” in “Yeah”
"you stay here until everything is looked up" the messagers eyes grew wide but he nodded and the guards walked out.
Capitalize the “Y” in “You” and I think you can put either a period or a comma at the end of the quote but I’m not sure.
I sounded alot more confident then I was, I wasn't sure if he understood what I was saying.
“A lot” in place of “a lot” at the end of “was” I think you can put a period or a “;”.
I'm just wondering but is this a Digimon fic? So far I think your story had a good start right off to introducing us to the cast. You need a touch up in the writing style but otherwise it's good. |
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