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| "The Emergence Of A Legend" Reviews/Comments [ 9 ] | Title: ltns
Reviewed By: LaLa13 [MediaMiner Member] On: January 08, 2006 10:55 CST
Comment/Review:
Hey you! LaLa here again. I just came back and reread some of the chapters, and they're way better than I remembered! Forget what I said before, you are absolutely THE best. I have no doubt in my mind that if you sent this to enough publishers it would most definitely get published. The storyline is beautiful, but is it over? I hope it's not! I want to read more of your wonderful writing! I'm writing a book myself now, and I only wish I could write as well as you! Gotta go, I wanna read more now! Bye, LaLa13
| Title: fav. character
Reviewed By: LaLa13 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 30, 2005 14:22 CDT
Comment/Review:
My favorite character is Tystan. I know, I'm so cliche but I can't help but fall for the bad boy. He sounds so cute! Please update! I really really like this story, and I can't wait for more!!
| Title: love it!
Reviewed By: LaLa13 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 19, 2005 00:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I absolutely love your story! There are a few spelling errors, but it's my job to notice them! I'm totally hooked on this story. I love how you made up your own world and characters. That's more than a lot of authors can say. You are an awesome writer with lots of great ideas. I just love the romance, too! I mean, 1 girl, and 3 guys! How perfect! I just love reading about jealousy between the guys (i.e. Koga and Inuyasha) and it just thrills me to see that you have some in your fanfiction. I agree with Sun_Naoko. You should get this story published! A lot of the best authors here on mediaminer are great at what they do, but they use other anime's ideas, so they can't get their work published, but yours is original! One thing I did notice, Tystan is sort of sounding like Inuyasha. Or maybe that's just me. But don't worry about it. Just keep up the good work! Kudos to you!
| Title: ffarg review
Reviewed By: angelica incarnate [MediaMiner Member] On: April 01, 2005 18:28 CST
Comment/Review:
I've read all of the piece that you have up thus far and I have to say you have an excellent sense of building a character and the start of an intriguing plot. Your typos are few and far between and very minor (whole instead of hole, te instead of the); silly things that a quick read through by a beta or even by you before you post would clear up. Some of your transitional phrasing is awkward or missing. Coress's thoughts bounce all over the place and sometimes rather than building into her character, I feel that it detracts slightly. She stirkes me as smart and some of the choppy thought passages make her appear quite flighty. I think you've done a wonderful job capturing the essence of emotion in your characters. You obviously take great pride in your work and I plan to check back every so often to look for updates. Happy writing!
| Title: Chapter 2
Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: March 27, 2005 11:27 CST
Comment/Review:
I enjoyed this chapter! I thought there was some significant insight into the characters, and Coress' personality and thoughts were very strong. Aside from a few awkward phrases, the chapter came across as well constructed with an emphasis on Coress' feelings that there is something she's missing in her life. Very nice! I wish I had more time to give a deeper review, but since it is a holiday ... Anyway, I do look forward to reading more when I have a chance, and wanted to let you know that I really am enjoying your story! I see some very real promise in your prose, and you have a very good sense of style. Nice work!
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: March 21, 2005 12:02 CST
Comment/Review:
I read the Prologue and Chapter 1, and I must say, very nicely done! I found your writing to be clean and tight overall, with a nicely added bit of understated humor as well as an interesting ensemble of characters and thorough set up, as evidenced in your Prologue. There were a few places that leaned toward choppiness in sentence structure, as well as a few grammatical errors, but as I've said, I can see the genuine care that went into your effort. The only real problem I saw was the point of view shifting in chapter one. While it is an easy thing to do (I've had my own problems with it, myself) it does lend toward difficulty sucking in your readers because of the constant change. Though subtle enough that they don't jerk the reader out of the scene (which are very vividly dones, BTW, kudos!), the changes are one of the things that publishers do not like, if that is the direction you're headed, either with this piece or in others. Overall, however, I have to say, I did enjoy reading, and I think you have very solid groundwork here for your story! Thanks for sharing! ~Sueric~
| Title: F.F.A.R.G.
Reviewed By: roku kyu [MediaMiner Member] On: March 19, 2005 22:12 CST
Comment/Review:
I've read the Prologue and the first three chapters, and I have to compliment you on your gift of characterization. Coress is very vividly drawn. However, she seems to jump from one mood to another very quickly, loaning her character an air of instability at times. I'm also impressed by your quick and lifelike depictions of her realtionship with her two best friends. If I were to give one piece of advice, it would be to get rid of the Prologue. The story of an evil god, a quest for a magic object and a chosen one to protect/destroy/return it is an archetypal tale, so I agree with previous reviewers that it can make this story seem unoriginal. The only thing that raises archetypes above cliche are the individual characters and relationships in the story. So start out with your strong characters and leave the exposition to be filled in later in the story, perhaps read in a book or conveyed in a vision or something. The best thing any writer (including me, as exposition is my own personal demon as well) can do is to keep the expository parts short, and insert them in dialogue or action scenes as much as possible. Good luck!
| Reviewed By: Sun Naoko [MediaMiner Member] On: December 31, 2003 19:30 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Not the most original storyline, probably other storylines got involintarily sucked in to it, I do it all the time. But one of the best stories I've read. Better than any novel I've read so far. Totally kicks the crap out of Harry Potter. You should publish it when it gets long enough, I mean I'd buy it... ~Yer ol' pal (Well, new pal if you want to get technical) Six.
| Reviewed By: Crazy Chi Chi [MediaMiner Member] On: March 12, 2003 18:48 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I really enjoyed it! The only thing I can see is that you need to 'sell' your story to the audience. What I mean is put more description and emphisis on the summaries for the story and chapter discription! ^_^ Keep it up ! |
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