| "Who Should I Choose?" Reviews/Comments [ 47 ] |
| Pages (4): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 › » ] |
Reviewed By: ying93(2 lazy ta login) On: July 29, 2004 06:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
Update soon!!!!!!I Waannnaaa read more!!~
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Title: Hey
Reviewed By: WacheyP87 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 20, 2004 16:46 CDT
Comment/Review:
Just like say THANK YOU FOR NAGGING AT ME!! It kinda helped me in breaking the wall. Yeah I set up the TNT, and you handed over the match. Thank you again! Now excuse me, for now I have to write the third chapter...again...
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Reviewed By: Most Feared Assassin On: June 12, 2004 23:57 CDT
Comment/Review:
HEY, when are you going to continue this?!!!! I read the previous version, which you deleted (and I still don't understand why), and I liked it. Now you're writing it all over again, and you left it aside. Why? This is such a great Xover! Please write another chapter! I wanna read more!!!!!!!!!
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Reviewed By: stamina On: March 22, 2004 19:16 CST
Comment/Review:
wow, just wow
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Title: Wow!
Reviewed By: Egyptian_lover [MediaMiner Member] On: September 23, 2003 15:32 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
hurry and please post ur next ch. soon!
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Reviewed By: KrazyHieiLuvr2003 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 10, 2003 23:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
AWSOME!!!!!!!!!! I soooo love this story!!! Its soooo Kool!!! You are an awsome writer!!! I can't wait for the next chapter!!! |
Reviewed By: jayde On: August 21, 2003 01:00 CDT
Comment/Review:
omg!! this is soo good. i cant wait for the next one to come out!! haha. keep up good work. |
Reviewed By: Eve On: July 28, 2003 19:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
HI!! plzplzplzplz keep goin! the suspense is buggin the hell outta me!! *ahem* from wut little experience ive had it really helps an author along buttkissing duz *apllies chapstick* o great and talented 1 plzplzplz rite more!!! tis a great and awesome story itis!!
~eve~ |
Reviewed By: Legolas On: July 23, 2003 18:13 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very good, update ASAP! |
Reviewed By: Zefyr [MediaMiner Member] On: June 30, 2003 22:59 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Starters, I noticed some grammatical and spelling errors, but they're the kind that would be missed by a spellchecker. Like "bare" for "bear" and whatnot. I can do an extended review, no problemo - still got my email?
As for the story itself, you're moving quickly. There are definitely some points where I think if you slowed down and gave us more time to digest, it'd work better. I know you mentioned you were worried Duo trusted too quickly, but we are talking about Duo here!
If anything, what's got me most confused at parts is your tendency to jump rapidly from one scene to the next. The phrases in square brackets, like "a white room somewhere" or whatever, struck me as author's short-hand. As though you'd said, here's a note of where I'm putting the characters - I'll just come back later and describe the location. Don't. Describe the location now, because I can't always visualize what you mean when you simply say, for instance, "someplace dark" - a dark bedroom? An unlit airplane hangar? An office with no windows?
Also, your sentences tend to be choppy, so I'd suggest working on smoothing them a bit. Turn one sentence into a supporting phrase every now and then. For instance:
[He walked into the room. He looked around and said...]
into
[Walking into the room, he glanced around and said...]
Word choice is also important. Looked, glanced, glared. Heero, Wufei, Hiei glare; Trowa observes while Duo glances. But maybe, in *your* story, they do something else - but they all do more than just look. Your plot is marvelously inventive, and you've come up with great ideas, but it needs more details, powerful word choices, and slightly smoother description. I recommend a thesaurus, btw - never, EVER let anyone tell you that you shouldn't use them. They're tools, and they will help you get better.
Keep it up, and post the rest of those chapters. I'm very interested to see what you plan next! |
Reviewed By: GoldenRat [MediaMiner Member] On: June 23, 2003 01:32 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I still love this story idea. But the G-boys trusted Kurama way too easily.
The story moves a little too fast, parts could be expanded. |
Reviewed By: Zefyr On: June 17, 2003 14:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
I like the start... but where's the rest? And major points for jumping right into it. Barely had time to breathe and bam, story's started! Woo! Hurry up and update! |
Reviewed By: Trunks' Girl 787 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 27, 2003 12:53 CDT
Comment/Review:
Please write more! This is so exciting! They're many Yu Yu Hakusho Xovers out there, but not many of them are good. Yours is in the good list!
Will Hiei wake up again? I'm sure Kurama can bust the others out of there. |
Reviewed By: Setsuna On: May 23, 2003 18:48 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
you're style of writig is pretty good
spelling and grammar...you should do a little more editing
the story's great! lovethe idea of it and im enjoyin it so far!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue |
Reviewed By: Infidel [MediaMiner Member] On: May 03, 2003 19:22 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
very unique and adorable!!!! My favorite bishounen from each anime series together!! Oh god this is brilliant and challenging pairing, I commend you for taking it on. Please continue! |
| Pages (4): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 › » ] |
