| "Flammentanzer" Reviews/Comments [ 23 ] |
| Pages (2): [ « < 1 2 ] |
Reviewed By: nekojita_chan [MediaMiner Member] On: March 21, 2003 13:21 CST
Comment/Review:
I really like how this is starting out, and look forward to another chapter rather impatiently! |
Reviewed By: Pandora.81 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 21, 2003 10:18 CST
Comment/Review:
Pandora: T-T
Schu: Why are you crying again? *sighs*
Pandora: Morgana... she's just... too kind. *big hug for Morgana*
Schu: Ah, well, she mentioned you... so what?
Pandora: *glares at Schu* ... Anyway. Heh, I love your new story, Morgana-chan. ^^ Can't wait to read more!!! ^-^
Schu: ... and don't forget the pairing we talked about, ne? ^.~
Pandora: -_-' Just ignore that baka. btw, I'll send you the further translations this evening. ^^
Schu: And I'll do my best to screw them up again. *smirks*
Pandora: *smacks*
Schu: +_+ |
Reviewed By: MiniMorr [MediaMiner Member] On: March 21, 2003 06:21 CST
Comment/Review:
This is off to such a nice beginning! Please hurry up with the next chapter, I really want to know what happens! :) |
Reviewed By: Lady Gackt [MediaMiner Member] On: April 03, 2003 14:12 CST
Comment/Review:
Wow, very interesting story so far and it's got my attention. :) Youji/Ran would also be quite a treat. |
Reviewed By: Mara-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: April 03, 2003 08:29 CST
Comment/Review:
the story is very good. if you'd like i can help you out with the grammar, just email me at onejoy1@pobox.com. I'd be more than happy to help fix and teach (if you're interested) you the propper grammar so eventually you won't need any help. please don't be offended by my offer, i mean it with best intent ^_^ But if you're intersted i'd be happy to help.
the story is intersting although you didn't explain much of what's going on this chapter so i'm pretty confused as to what is going on. what happened to ken? yohji has telepathy?? you might be able to work omi in... they're all college students hm? well i know at least in america they have programs where really smart HS students can take certain classes, or be in certain programs at a college. for example i take japanese at a local university (not that i'm really smart ^^;;). so if you're trying to integrate him into the story you might be able to do it that way.
If you need any help at all don't hesitate to email me, I'd be more than happy.
Mara |
Reviewed By: Mara-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: April 03, 2003 08:38 CST
Comment/Review:
O.O suspense! oooh a cliffhanger you are sooo mean >. |
Reviewed By: MookieNH [MediaMiner Member] On: April 06, 2003 08:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ooooh, aieeee, and all those other shocked expressions. Ran was given all three of the mystery compounds! The plot thickens!
Loved Ken's barging in Ran and Yohji's room...his dialog was funny.
Nice to see at least one of 'em was smart enough to suspect something was up.
And as you may have gleaned from my review of chapter 1...I'm rather partial to the Ran/Yohji pairing myself. No better way to get close than under extreme circumstances, eh? |
Reviewed By: MookieNH [MediaMiner Member] On: April 06, 2003 08:36 CDT
Comment/Review:
An interesting beginning. Not badly done if English is your second language - I've seen worse from native speakers, believe me! Most of your verb tenses agree and your descriptions flow pretty well.
I've read a few (no, not this one) that made me want to pull out my hair because the mistakes caused me to stumble so often, the story started to lose its punch. Your story, as written, isn't so badly flawed that I couldn't enjoy the plot as it unfolded.
I look forward to finding out why they are running, and who is after them, and more about the relationship between the two of them. |
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