| "Alpha" Reviews/Comments [ 18 ] |
| Pages (2): [ « < 1 2 ] |
Reviewed By: Meloblaster On: March 25, 2004 13:45 CST
Comment/Review:
Hey, I really enjoy your fic so far. The plot was pretty original, and the writing style quite suits the story. I would like to point out though, that the Bible does support the fact that demons exist. Keep the plot running!
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Reviewed By: Hillary On: December 02, 2003 16:13 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
very good buut needs more comebacks
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Reviewed By: Eartha [MediaMiner Member] On: September 18, 2003 22:36 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey, I really like what you have going here. But, you haven't updated for a while. Are you giving it up? Please don't. You got me interested. This is a great plot beginner. Don't let it die!! Ja! |
Reviewed By: Paws [MediaMiner Member] On: June 05, 2003 18:37 CDT
Comment/Review:
So she met Shippo. I enjoyed how she answered the question of 'was she ok?' by Inu-chan.
*Grins* I also enjoyed the way you explained how the 'Youkai Clans' chose their 'Alpha Pairs'. Thanks for that. When will Inuyasha make Kagome his 'Alpha Female'? Would it be under some sort of 'political dealing'? (If that then it could be more angsty and more drawn out) Or the old fashioned way of they're confessing how they feel for one another? Update again soon! |
Reviewed By: Ithilwen [MediaMiner Member] On: June 04, 2003 21:47 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Comment/Review:
Indeed, machinations! The murders, the actual or staged hacking, the marks left behind. Someone here knows exactly what buttons to push.
Alpha female, female leader. That seems to mean that it's she who leads the clan or tribe. Would the alpha male's female counterpart take on this title?
The wording is troublesome in some places, for example, when you mention the wolf pup, and we're told that "a boy was seriously injured," I am guessing that a young wolf youkai attacked the dog clan and hurt a young male dog demon. When Inuyasha asks "How's the pup?" it's not clear whether he means the attacker or the boy of his own clan.
"...stench of worry affected him..."
The style is simple, but not so that it's hard to picture what's happening. I can see the dog clan mansion in my mind, and the forest road. The only place where it seems too bare is when Kagome realizes that she almost hit a kitsune cub with her car. She must be feeling something: guilt, pity (hey, this kid is either Shippo, or someone equally endearing!)... It might be nice to see inside her head there. Are her hands shaking? Does she try to check the kid for injuries? What does it feel like to pick him up?
...not that she doesn't have enough other things to worry about -- not only angering the kitsune clan by allowing one of their young to stay missing, but will the other clans or the human groups think she's showing favoritism? The political situation you've created is so complex; I'm lovin' it!
There's no reason other than his name to think that Naru's Naraku in disguise, but if he is... Encouraging Inuyasha to carry on with his interest in Kagome could disrupt the dog demon clan by preventing Inuyasha from taking a wife from among their number, could cause the other dog demons to become displeased with him... Heh!
If he's Naraku, then he underestimates spunky Kagome, and if he's just Naru, then he knows tough stuff when he sees it!
I absolutely love the way Sango acknowledges the difference between "youkai" and "demon." I bet the hyperchristians wouldn't have gotten their undies in a knot over youkai if they'd never heard it translated that way. Stupid people in large groups. |
Reviewed By: Raye-Rei [MediaMiner Member] On: June 04, 2003 20:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
Rock on! This is good. I'm lovin' it yup yup! Keep it up!
Raye-Rei |
Reviewed By: Raye-Rei [MediaMiner Member] On: June 04, 2003 17:02 CDT
Comment/Review:
Holy moly! This is better than I thought it would be! ^_^ Excellent AU, I must say. Update ASAP, and I will be a very happy reader!
Raye-Rei |
Reviewed By: Demonchic_K On: June 04, 2003 15:51 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I love this fic. Keep up the work and continue this fic, please. IT's great and how you came up with the idea is majorly ove my head,. But i LOVE it. ^.^ keep it going! |
Reviewed By: Paws [MediaMiner Member] On: June 03, 2003 20:05 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
This is an 'original twist' to this story characters! Nice going! Love your Title choice as well. Hope you can update soon! |
Reviewed By: Moon_Kitsune [MediaMiner Member] On: June 02, 2003 20:59 CDT
Comment/Review:
PLEASE CONTINUE SOON!!!! I LIKES THIS FIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Reviewed By: Erisu L. On: June 01, 2003 10:22 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Spelling? ..Like I can spell.. But yeah, I'm waiting for more! *baited breath, puppystyle begging* |
Reviewed By: FireKat On: May 29, 2003 22:52 CDT
Comment/Review:
I immensely enjoyed your story, though it was only the first chapter. Any comments I have were already mentioned in other reviews. Your style is good and the story flows quite nicely. And I've never seen this senario before. Very refreshing. |
Reviewed By: applejacks [MediaMiner Member] On: May 29, 2003 22:50 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i like it. it's a interesting twist. |
Reviewed By: the shadow girl On: May 29, 2003 19:03 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
please update this story is really good.you have a nice beginning and all so you should keep this story going. |
Reviewed By: Ithilwen [MediaMiner Member] On: May 29, 2003 14:07 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hm... An interesting show. Inuyasha doesn't seem to get the "artificial strength" that humans often use. (He could overpower Kag easily; she's made strong by her position.) ...but then, maybe he does; he doesn't break out of the cuffs until an emergency.
So Sango diffused the bomb? It's unclear.
I like the "few demon children" idea. Makes sense considering their longevity.
I know it's just a transliteration, but the usual way to spell it is "Miroku."
Almost all the political and social pressures you describe make enough sense to justify. ...but the hyperchristian, Lei; would she think that demons of this kind threw a wrench into Biblical explanations, or would she think that they were rather actual demons, as in hellspawn? |
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