| "Darkness" Reviews/Comments [ 11 ] |
Reviewed By: Nobodynow On: December 08, 2005 15:32 CST
Comment/Review:
*raises eyebrow* Wow I thought this was a place to get better at writing and entertain your readers, guess I didn't get the memo that said nothing has to be logical. Just from my experiance readers (fanfiction and books) like believeability in their stories, that's why books like Harry Potter are so popular, they made secret societies of wizards seem possible and it was fun to pretent life wasn't so dull. However *sticks out hand* the best compliment I can give anyone is what I'm about to give you. Thank You so much for handling everything so encredibly mature! If you write for your own entertainment nothing can stop you, keep it up! Starting to believe there are smart people in this world. Even though I thought the story needed some work (I read everything and anything whether I like it or not, that's how I developed my tastes) I must commend you for writing how you want and not letting me influence you, no matter how much I'd like to ;). Also this couldn't be called a flame even if I wanted to, that's a profanic useless review that doesn't back up its claims. Thank You. DK ;) GO YOU!!!
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Title: To Nobodynow
Reviewed By: GN On: December 07, 2005 21:52 CST
Comment/Review:
Thanks for you wonderful out put on this ^_^ you have to remember also when I wrote this I was just getting off of work. Pulling two jobs, so you can cal it a flame all you want ^_^ I write my way. Plus its a fanfic. So if i am correct its just makebelive. NOTHING MORE THAN A STORY FROM THE DAMN MIND>>>MMMMM DONT SINK IN YET????? IF you dont like it then move on to someone who cares.
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Reviewed By: Nobodynow On: December 07, 2005 21:47 CST
Comment/Review:
Please read the one farthest down and read this review last I couldn't fit them all in. And you go on and on about her apperance how she's delicate yet is a 'force to be rekoned with'? Why does she need to know all magic? If you look that up in the archtypes that's the prototype for a supernatural guide or helper. Not the main character, he/she needs flaws and weaknesses and embarassing moments. They need quirks that distingusih them from other people and things they like and hate that DIFFER from what their love likes or hates, that many similarities gets boring after awhile and the relationship would crumble. Please rewrite this or ask for help on the forums. Also please know that all this was done to help you write and not to insult or flame you. THIS IS NOT A FLAME or rather these aren't flames. Thank You DK ;{
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Reviewed By: Nobodynow On: December 07, 2005 21:46 CST
Comment/Review:
Also your name for the OC didn't exist back then, it wasn't around until many years later. By the way the definition of a Mary-sue, something all fanfic authors cringe at is 'An original character put in the story to be a reflection or insertion of the author' There is no place for them in writing, to quote Ladya C. Maxine(I don't have permission to do so, don't accuse her of my doings or flame her for what I say)"what's the point of adding a character whose main purpose it to make the other characters look bad?" and "we write fanfiction becasue we love the CANON characters" read her rant on F F . NET it will tell you all you need to know. Basically you glorified your character without letting any other character say anthing. She rants and has 'powers that no one else has' that Yami SHOULD've had and protests everything. You aren't staying true to the additudes of that day in time, most women would've killed to be wed to a pharaoh whether or not he was the love of their life. Love truely was skin or money deep back then.
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Reviewed By: Nobodynow On: December 07, 2005 21:44 CST
Comment/Review:
'For some reason' is a key when someone doesn't know how to write dialogue during sex or just an amature who didn't bother to read anything else around here. No one doesn't know why they do stuff, maybe people like the canon Seto when they fall in love but they don't act on it because they're afraid, because the unknown scares them. They would take time to feel out the situtation WITH THEIR MIND PERVET! Get use to the waters or deny how they feel. And how is is that she was bold and brash protesting marriage then a passionate wanton lover lusting after Yami. And they barely even knew each other! Why would such a supposedly strong and proud character act like a shameless whore? Please tell me this is a parady making fun of Mary-Sues! If so sorry for inconveniceing you ;P!
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Reviewed By: Nobodynow On: December 07, 2005 21:43 CST
Comment/Review:
Let it be known that I am grading this with the mind that you are one) twenty as said in your profile, and two) that you have no mental or physical handicaps that prevent you from writing to my high standard. These include things like: AD/HD, Irlen syndrome and other learning disablities. If so please disregard everything said below as someone who didn't know and I would like to apoligize deeply beforehand saying only that I'm a tough critic and if worse comes to worse it's more the fact that you just need more practice not that you'll never be able to write better than anyone else. If not the above was not an insut merely me preparing for everything. Really need some help with this. Normally I'm not one to scream MARY-SUE! but this just calls for some talking to. Is english your first language? If not all gramical errors can be forgiven since I know learning new grammer is hard. You need the word 'said' before the person's name and there are a lot of misspelling. How long does it take to run spell check or use a dictionary? Small mistakes are okay but this has a horrid amount with lots of missing words. And present tense is okay but it just sounds cheesy with your dialogue. Scratch that is just sounds cheesy period. Nobody but some hated bashed character says things like "I know I can control all things" and brag like that. Nor are so many "..."s in there nessisary, it makes it too choppy.
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Title: UPDATE SOON!!!
Reviewed By: michew [MediaMiner Member] On: June 04, 2004 19:17 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
ooooooooooo this is really good, update soon!!! plz n thx!!!
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Reviewed By: Lil Sorceress [MediaMiner Member] On: April 07, 2004 12:13 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Continue please?
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Reviewed By: Rukhatsu On: July 20, 2003 13:40 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I would more of it, please? :) |
Reviewed By: Birdman On: July 14, 2003 21:07 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I enjoyed reading it....keep up the work... |
Reviewed By: The Birdman On: July 14, 2003 21:02 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great...I enjoy reading this...keep up the good work.. |
