| "The Needed Journey" Reviews/Comments [ 32 ] |
| Pages (3): [ « < 1 2 3 > » ] |
Reviewed By: Foxflame [MediaMiner Member] On: January 02, 2004 00:32 CST
Comment/Review:
uh........ not 2 b mean n all but that could have been better.. the consept and all was great, but u had, like, no descriptions what so ever... keep at it though, maybe you willget better?
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Reviewed By: Razor Blade Magarita [MediaMiner Member] On: December 20, 2003 12:17 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
god i can't read anymore. and i'm only on the second chapter. as you have been told before, your lazyness is marring the creative spark of the whole story. -_-. i can't go on reading. and it had such great potential. oh well such is life, for one like me who craves an intellectually challenging read. Ja matta
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Reviewed By: Razor Blade Magarita [MediaMiner Member] On: December 20, 2003 12:10 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
umm... dude that was more of a summary than an actual story. you need more description and such. the premis is great and has potential, but you are missing the element of description that would make your story great.
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Reviewed By: Me, Myself, and Sesshie On: December 07, 2003 20:18 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ok, I've reviewed, now you update! I hate cliffhangers!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHh!!!!!!!!
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Title: Your lazy handling of plot buildup marrs your creativity and production.
Reviewed By: Little John of Locksland On: December 05, 2003 16:21 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
I was reading this story and enjoying it... at least until I reached the point wherein an author avatar broke the fourth wall in order to berate InuYasha for being an idiot and sleeping with Kikyo when its the author that wrote it in the first place. Character bashing really turns me off a story to begin with no matter who is the one being bashed, but add in that the entire scene absolutely killed the realism of the established plot and it really ruined it. I suppose I shouldn't be entirely surprised by that plot killing scene since other common untaught author mistakes also seem to leech into your work at times. For instance, in the scene where Kagome learns of her new demonic attributes, the explanation is rushed and given to the reader without any realism, but rather its a complete rushjob wherein she sees her new traits, hears someone explain that "oh, that youkai blood of the ones you killed must have coated you and changed you" and instantly that is that. There is no confusion, no disbelief, no attempts to change it back, no research into whether any harmful side effects will occur, etc. Seriously though... after all of the battles that have been waged in the Inuyasha series and all of the times that blood has been spilled, why is it only now in your fanfic that she will spontaneously turn into a youkai just from exposure to blood...? It makes absolutely zero sense as is, but with a more thorough and caring explanation it could work. But you as an author need to actually care about what you're producing and not just stick up a hackjob because you're too lazy to spend the time fleshing out your ideas. Basically that is the crux of your problems as a writer... you do not seem willing to flesh out scenes and ideas and instead just lazily do whatever will stick it up fastest without caring that the quality of the work suffers because of that. You need to take the time to make sure each scene, each plot point, everything that makes your story 'tick' is fleshed out and made to be believable. I'm sorry if it seems that I have been unfairly critical of your work, but as it is published online currently I personally feel that it deserves every word I've stated so far. You have some interesting ideas and twists on others' ideas which shows great potential, but currently that is all that it is... great potential. Beaf up your scenes, instead of skipping through important plot buildup, and you'll find that your ratings and reviews will beaf up as well.
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Title: Hello
Reviewed By: Slywolf9 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 25, 2003 20:27 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
heyhey! good chapter hun! YAY! glad ya updated! n im glad Miro will be back! hehe...hn. Yashis a lil OOC, but i think hes sweet that way, so good job! im REALLY glad ya updated cause i wanna see this gathering stuffies and how Kiya and Yash get together! hehe-wellz, hope ya update soon, but take your time ok! -Lani
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Title: Ithilelda
Reviewed By: Ithilelda [MediaMiner Member] On: November 20, 2003 20:12 CST
Comment/Review:
hey. check your email. I sent you one about my new fic. I have about five chappies done but i'm gonna wait to post the others until i get more reviews
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Title: Ithilelda
Reviewed By: Ithilelda [MediaMiner Member] On: November 19, 2003 16:59 CST
Comment/Review:
No problem on lending the muse just... give her back soon. I'm finally getting some more ideas for my novel and its hard to write w/o a muse. keep it going. I liked it.
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Title: Yayyy!
Reviewed By: Caliko not signed in On: November 17, 2003 09:00 CST
Comment/Review:
^_^ Good work! I like! Can't wait to see the next one! **looking at clock** oh darn it... /sigh/ Gotta go to history class... /sigh/
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Title: lo
Reviewed By: Slywolf9 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 16, 2003 23:19 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
heya! gooooood chappie! LOVED it! poor Yash! hehe-im glad Sango n Miroku came to visit tho!!! i still love that lecherous houshi! shes too damn hot! but so is Sesshy-sama, n Yash! newayz, i ramble...good chapter! soooooo glad u updated! hn. not much else to say other than i hope ya finish your stuffiez ontime!!! i dont want you to like mess up on nethin, so plz take your time okay! i will just wait for the next chapter n stuffies ok! take ur time and hope ya finish eveeting! -Lani
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Title: brittany
Reviewed By: Nagasaki [MediaMiner Member] On: November 11, 2003 21:37 CST
Comment/Review:
this is a great story so far. what is she if she isn't full blooded demon but not a honyou either? i can't wait until your next chapter.
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Title: lol
Reviewed By: Fluffysgirl4ever(Not logged in) On: November 10, 2003 17:33 CST
Comment/Review:
PLEASE UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN LOL
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Title: Ithilelda
Reviewed By: Ithilelda [MediaMiner Member] On: November 09, 2003 21:02 CST
Comment/Review:
Hey i know what the crap load of home work be like so I feel for ya. Oh and if youu ever need her my muse is willing to help any time. I haven't been making much use of her lately so i'm sure she wouldn't mind the work. She hasn't been keeping up her end of the bargin on the novel i'm writing so she can come and work for you if you need her.
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Title: Lo
Reviewed By: Slywolf9 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 08, 2003 00:37 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
hiyee! YAY! good job! im soooo sorry i havent reviewed yet, i was reading ur story for some time, just kept getting distracted! amn skul! and i would love to lend u my muse, but i think i overworked her....im sorry...shes a bit paranoind now n dont noe wut she talking about! eep! wellllllllll, GOOD JOB!!!!! very very very creative and well, i liked the lemon! it was good...and the tail thing! never thought of that! perfect! oooh...n i noe wut ya mean bout the papers thing....damn drrama...im sorry *huggles* i hope that you will have enough time to finish all your school work, just take your time....i noe wut its like-so just take as much time as ya need...its all good! but-keep up the good work okay! -Lani
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Title: on behalf of me?? @_@
Reviewed By: caliko (not signed in) On: November 02, 2003 17:16 CST
Comment/Review:
***blush*** Glad to help,only don't hit me when you get frustrated.. TEHEHEHEHEH... ^_^ Looking forward to seeing your rewrites! Um.. can you email them to me? I sorta lose track of fics lately. ***BIG BLUSH*** blame it on my teachers at college...^_^ Anywho, HURRY WITH THE NEXT CHAPPY! (i'm greedy) Caliko
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| Pages (3): [ « < 1 2 3 > » ] |
