| "Desires that bring life" Reviews/Comments [ 35 ] |
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Reviewed By: kuroiyouko (not logged in cuz im too lazy) On: May 04, 2004 22:57 CDT
Comment/Review:
im sorry...I don't know how to write lemons and I don't reed any lemon fics..and uh...i don't realli get what ur trying to say, It would be nice if you would summerize it in one simple paragraph in terms i can understand, im not really a shakespeare fan, so i don't get it(I am reading shakespeare rite now though...it's boorringg...) x.x
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Title: Chapter 4
Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: May 04, 2004 20:55 CDT
Comment/Review:
What's with Inuyasha saying "She might be a w#0re, but she's my w#0re."? That's not very comforting. In fact, I would be extremely insulted. Inuyasha just called Kagome a w#0re to Kikyo's face. What would you do? Would you act like Kagome and blush at being called Inuyasha's w#0re? And don't do some answer like (I'll be Inuyasha's w#0re any day!! ^___^) really think about it. Would you want to be called a wH0re by the person who just said they loved you, but practically d you?///////////////// About the raping part. The first time for a woman is painful, and you said that. However, it goes away after a few minutes. It shouldn't have hurt Kagome for that long. The only reason that she would be hurting is if Inuyasha didn't give time for her body to "get ready" and there for there was no lubrication and Kagome's tissue would have been damaged, and hurt alot worse than it did. Also, as far gone as you made Inuyasha out to be, I don't think he would have been able to pull out in time to not climax inside of her. Because that's what happens. And it doesn't seep out. It shoots out, and a man will fall back in exhaustion after they climax. /////////////
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Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: May 04, 2004 20:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ok. Those rediculously long ellipses are illused, misplaced, and it makes everyone seem like they have a very slow mind, or only one lung. An ellispes is only supposed to be three periods long. If it's at the end of a sentence, then the end sentence punctuation goes after it. Ellispes are used to omit a portion of text, and sometimes (although I truly it) it is used to signify a pause. Ameture writers usually lengthen the ellipses to signify a longer pause, however when you do it, it just looks like you jammed the key and took off your finger once you had a couple of inches between words. //////////// I mean, who talks like that? Do you talk all breathy like Kagome seemed to be doing? Do you pause in between syllables when you are saying someone's name? Do you take five minutes to get out a sentence? I know that some people argue that the pauses are for dramatic effect, but when you have that many that are that long, it gets redculous.
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Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: May 04, 2004 20:34 CDT
Comment/Review:
uhhh. Chapter three--well, you have some vocabulary that is so... so *sniker* wrong. "He entered her cl(i)t..." First of all, that's wrong. I don't exactly want to tell you all the names for parts of a woman's anatomy, but read some of the good lemons. They have things called the rights names. Most people reading this story would have known what you ment--just because they know what actually happens--but still, that doesn't mean that you can leave it like that.
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Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: May 04, 2004 20:26 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ummmm. A month and a half passed pretty quickly. Not to mention that you have absolutely no setting besides a vague location of "in the castle" or "somewhere in the woods"
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Reviewed By: ................. On: May 04, 2004 14:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
SUNNY!!!!.T______________T Kagome in troublee?????? O and can u bring back Inuyasha.....me MISS HIM!!!! T___________________T NEWAYZ/// UPDATE !!!!!! :D
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Reviewed By: moon_goddess On: April 17, 2004 20:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
REMEMBER, I AM NOT, I REPEAT, NOT CRAZY
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Reviewed By: moon_goddess On: April 17, 2004 20:27 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
you killed him!! how could you kill him? will Sess bring Shippou back? will he bring Inuyasha back? can he bring Inuyasha back? oh ya, one more thing I AM NOT CRAZY, OR LULU, OR KUKU, OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT!!!!!!!!!!!! um. . .you're kinda, well, you're suposed to laugh and think it's funny. not think i'm more crazy than you already did (did you think i was crazy?) oh well, i'm done now, well i'm done talking. . .no, i'm done typing, not done reading though. oh darn, now you think i'm crazy again, well either crazy or maybe funny, no definitaly crazy not funny. but ANYWAY your story is great, i love it, but why did you have to kill him? darn again,please please please update soon
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Reviewed By: Mandz** On: February 29, 2004 17:34 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
LOVE IT!! wooo...f**in kikyo...i hate her!!! you gotta finish it soon! i wanna kno wut happens to everyone!
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Reviewed By: me suzie ^^ On: February 27, 2004 20:20 CST
Comment/Review:
FINALLY u updated yay!!!! love it^^
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Reviewed By: Caliko [MediaMiner Member] On: February 25, 2004 10:30 CST
Comment/Review:
***WHAHHHH!!!*** The chappies stopped there! Please, i beg you, I'm BEGGING you.. PLEASE hurry with the next chappie!!!! ~Caliko
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Reviewed By: tbiris [MediaMiner Member] On: February 21, 2004 18:59 CST
Comment/Review:
.........
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Title: please continue!
Reviewed By: amanda01 On: December 26, 2003 13:31 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
plz plz continue soon ill be waiting fOr you to update and if you can e-mail me when you do update at acyoung28@hotmai.com!!
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Reviewed By: kaggie00 On: December 19, 2003 21:02 CST
Comment/Review:
y u kill inuyASHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh IM GONNA BURST ne wayz UPDATE OR ELSE!!!!!HEHE^^
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Reviewed By: GML13 On: December 18, 2003 21:36 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
IF YOU DARE TO PUT THAT BI*** OF KASUGA GETTING SESSHOUMARU I SWEAR I'LL...!!! I'LL...!!!! I'LL THROW MYSELF TO A 500 FEET DEEP HOLE AND/OR DIE IN A VERY PAINFULL WAY!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ToT put sessh with kagura, i beg you!!!!!!!
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