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| "What Party Can You Go To?" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: Not perfect but...
Reviewed By: Jehuty Zero [MediaMiner Member] On: July 12, 2006 01:04 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
This isn't the best fic I have read but, it definantly isn't horrible. There were many parts that I found a little off but overall the fic was decent. One thing I have to point out to the other reviewers is, the characters taking the birth-control pills is actually plausable. Their is a transition before the story really gets started, so there is really not known how much time has past between the two parts. Anyway, On a scale of one to ten, i'd give it a seven. It's not bad, but I can see many areas that could be improved. All in all, a good try but not perface. keep trying and I'm sure you'll do fine. The Black Frame, Jehuty Zero
| Title: *shrugs* could have been a lot better
Reviewed By: Miss Nikki [MediaMiner Member] On: March 11, 2005 19:17 CST
Comment/Review:
Unlike the critizing Rizu I have read the whole thing. And I have to agree everything was a bit off. *shakes head* okay it was more then a bit off. They were totally out of character. But it's your story so do what you want. And exactly how much did Tina drink? I haven't seen her get sick from drinking before. And you contradicted yourself in the story. First you said Aoi-chan knew what it was and that she had played before with Miyabi-san. Or did you mean that those two have fucked? Oh another thing Rizu is right about birth control you can't just take them once and expect them to work. And on that note they're not a hundred percent effective. Okay, so this is a little off for me. I'd be willing to read more of you work but it has to be romance and the characters have to be themselves. Love MN
| Reviewed By: Rizu [MediaMiner Member] On: June 09, 2004 18:52 CDT
Comment/Review:
I haven't read absolutely all of this, but I was iffy when I began. Your style is that of a script; kind of sloppy and out of place. Writing words like "boobs" is more of an immature adjective for "chest" or "breasts", which makes the writing piece less serious. Not to mention, birth control pills don't just work once; you have to be using them for at least a month before they really kick in, and you have to be consistantly using them every single day otherwise they don't work. This was way too out of character for my own liking, and the facts and everything was just a bit too off for me. Sorry.
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