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| "leasons can take many forms" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Title: you still suck at writing
Reviewed By: iamawesomeasiwannabe On: January 08, 2020 14:56 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
I made it past the prologue and to chapter one. The grammar in this
is atrocious for one and two you completely just erased Usagi and
replaced her with a different self insert who is nothing more than
a terrible disabled version of the character trying to be Usagi
when she's NOT Usagi. I don't even think I want to know what your
thought process was when you wrote this other than the average
Sailor Moon fanatic who basically just creates what they think is a
better version of a capable Sailor Moon and insert it around the
characters friends. Why and how are they friends with this
character? Another question raised is if she's disabled, why the
hell is she even a Sailor Guardian? Like how? While I'm not saying
disabled characters can't have powers and do things with them, I
just feel like for this OC it reads like it would be too convenient
and easy for her. Like the other story I reviewed, this Kayla
character of yours took me out of the story simply because you
replaced Usagi with her and like as a reader, if I'm supposed to
connect and feel sorry for this character, I really fucking don't.
I don't have to be a disabled person to feel for it either because
that's the most childish response someone would give. No, this
story clearly looks like it's leaning towards being about all this
OC. Again, another terrible character being inserted into a series
where everything and everyone is bending around it, everything is
convenient and easy and it'll only be terrible for them unless you
want it to be. Also, you need to be consistent with the names
you're going to use. You're either going to use their dub names or
their sub names. Don't use the sub names for two and the dub names
for the rest. That is confusing as all get out for those that don't
watch subs. I watch both so it's not a problem but for those that
don't that would probably be confusing for them. And if the setting
of the story is in Japan, then common sense would be to use their
sub names. Which brings this back to the OC where her first name
wouldn't make sense unless she had one parent that was American and
the other was Japanese. That's the only explanation for her having
a clearly American name. But I don't care enough about this
character to want to know her story. I'm just like so done. If I
read another one of your stories, I'm gonna end up flipping tables
and flipping cats out of frustration for this insult to writing.
God if you still write in some form or somewhere else, I hope it's
not like this still because this is terrible.
| Reviewed By: Purefire16 [MediaMiner Member] On: January 23, 2007 15:20 PST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
CONTINUE!!!! plz?
| Title: Lessons Can Take Many Forms
Reviewed By: Megan Consoer [MediaMiner Member] On: December 15, 2005 16:17 PST
Comment/Review:
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
| Reviewed By: Maruken On: February 20, 2004 21:44 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hmm, sounds good. So they haven't seen Malik yet? PLEASE have Bakura by abusive to Ryou!! PLEASE make Bakura be insanly possesive!! I LIKE that couple! Either that or Malik/Ryou or Mariku/Ryou!! I LOVE all those pairings!
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