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| "A Lifetime Loving You Part 1; Seasons in Owari" Reviews/Comments [ 10 ] | Title: Great Story
Reviewed By: kane-sakura [MediaMiner Member] On: September 29, 2004 17:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I absolutely loved this story! I've already got the second story saved for later and this one really was awesome, and I'm looking forward to reading it! I gave you a 7 in spelling and grammar becasue there were some parts that needed better grammar and the spelling needed some fine tuning, other wise, excellent job. Keep writing!
| Reviewed By: Stones On: September 13, 2004 10:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
Anymore Reviews here?
| Title: I liked it!
Reviewed By: smittin kittin [MediaMiner Member] On: May 14, 2004 15:31 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow! This story was not at all what I expected. It turned out to be sadder than I thought it would be. The last chap. was so weepy:( I can't believe she rejected him! (sniffle,sniffle) The way you told the story gave an epic feel to it. It was so dramatic in a "Gone With The Wind" sort of way. To my surprise I enjoyed it. I don't ussually like angsty fics, but yours is one of the exceptions. I am looking forward to the rest of this sweeping tale of love & commitment!
| Reviewed By: essie [MediaMiner Member] On: May 14, 2004 00:50 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
this is a damn good fanfic you have great writing skills cause this story was the best of all time this is so damned good that it should be framed
| Reviewed By: akuma_river [MediaMiner Member] On: May 13, 2004 22:59 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
DAMN!! Wow what a story. You got me to tears on the last chapter. I can't beleive she shunned him. Oh man. Can't she see he wants to be the father. And doesn't she remember that dogs don't have only one mate. And technically Kikyo is dead anyway so Inu is a free man. My god this story is such I don't know what to call it. But the minor grammer mistakes in it hasn't deterred me from making this a favorite of mine. Such a powerful story. So sad. So much drama. So much hurt. But this is all being told in the past tense so does this mean that is all leading up to a climatic battle of the present or that it is just being told? Either way I ABSOLUTELY love this story. You gotta finish it. I mean the sequel or sequels if you leave us hanging it is the worst type of creulity. I can't wait for the new one to come out. Here's hoping for Inu and Kag hooking up. So a great story.
| Title: hmmmm good
Reviewed By: Sirius The Dark Angel [MediaMiner Member] On: May 13, 2004 21:34 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I haven't finshit but the whole rape thing couldn't tell. I thought he was trying to kill her slowly. Keep up the good work! ^_^ >_< ~_~ @_@ V_V T_T
| Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: May 13, 2004 20:15 CDT
Comment/Review:
*sigh* I've finished the story. I have to say that I'm rather disappointed. I really don't like the way Kagome was acting. All self-riteous, and rejecting Inuyasah because she wasn't his first. Now, if I'm not mistaken, if Kikyo is , doesn't that mean that Inuyasha is free of her? I it when people write Kagome to be like that. Like she knows what Inuyasha wants, and so she says no when he wants to be with her.////////////////// Ok, so now I'm assuming that the part that made the story NC-17 was in the part where you wrote about Inu-taisho (or whatever his name was) and Mika(or whatever her name was). I didn't really read it, but that little bit at the beginning was certainly not enough to qualify for that kind of rating. In fact, if there really were no lemons in the story, then I would say that this chapter deserves a PG-13 rating. After all, a story is rated NC-17 because it has lemons in it. And if you rated it NC-17 just you could get more people to read the story, then that is dispecable. If not, then... ok. But I didn't want to read a story about Inuyasha's parents. I wanted to read the story because it was about sometning interesting. ////////////////// Now, Inuyasha was very OOC throughout the entire story. So was Kagome. (I really #@te all of her self-riteous $#it) THE EXCLIMATION MARKS! It's like you were trigger happy! The reason most people post the story as they write it is so that they can get advice on how to improve. Now that the entire story is posted, I doubt that you are going to go back and fix all of your mistakes. It would be too time consuming. /////////////////////// I don't think I'm going to read the second one. First of all, I can't put up with the aggrivation of seeing all those !marks being abused. Second, the dialogue really needs work. Third, I really don't think that you have enought skill to write from the point of view of a five-year-old and have it be reasonable. (even if it's third person, if it's third person intamate, then it has to be correctly portraying the thoughts and feelings of the focus character, and it's almost like being in first) Fourth, I don't feel that I have the patients to deal with sappy dialogue and overly romantisized scenes. Fifth, It doesn't look like it is about Inuyasha and Kagome much.////////////////// And one last problem, and then I swear I'll shut up and you'll never hear from me again; unless you email me in an offended rage because I offered some criticizm, and then got a little ticked-off at the end. The whole birth thing bothered me. You didn't really show Kagome's feelings right. I mean, have you ever seen a woman in labor? It's not like it is on TV. They get sweaty, and flushed. They certainly don't look beautiful. Most women will say things that you would never dream would come out of their mouths, and most all of them would certainly not want to be kissed while they were in the middle of pushing out the baby. Most wouldn't just fall in exhaustion when the baby was so close to being out either. Can you imagine how uncomfortable that would be? They would probably just want the darn thing out. Anyway, that and the baby was born, like, the day after the christmass celebration, and in a barn no less. A bit reminiscent of the real birth of christ? Not to mention cheezy, it was inappropriate and ill-used. Please don't do anything like it again because you could really offend people.///////////// And that's the end of my rant. I had hoped that this story would be a good one, but having too many OCs and all of the other problems made the story somewhat lacking. I hope that you work on your writing skills, and that I can read something good by you in a while. But please post it as you write it. How else will you improve unless people can comment as you write? Besides that, you get more reviews. Keep improving! ^_____^
| Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: May 13, 2004 18:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ok. I don't mean to be rude, or mean, but your dialogue needs work. Remember I wrote about the exclimation marks? Well, that still needs to be attended to. Right now I just got finished with chapter 19, and I'm still seeing overuse of Exclimation marks.////////////////// Then the second thing is: you make people talk unnaturally. People just don't talk like their in a drama. And while we can get the message just as well, it's unrealistic and annoying. So try saying the dialogue out loud and see if it needs to be changed.
| Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: May 13, 2004 05:17 CDT
Comment/Review:
Oh, a thing I forgot. You are a bit too obvious with the forshadowing. Forshadowing, in my opinion, should be done subtly, or not at all; and also not as often. You have hinted to impending doom in every chapter up to five (which is where I'm at in reading the story). ///////////////// Keep up the good work! I know you can improve! ^____^
| Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: May 13, 2004 05:13 CDT
Comment/Review:
I think its great. Inuyasha seems just a bit ooc. He's a little too soft, and mushey. I know he does have his moments of sweetness, but I think you make him have them too often. /////////// You have some grammar mistakes. There are some spelling mistakes that are easy to miss, but those are easily mendable by getting a beta. Now, your punctuation has some cause for concern. You seem to be a bit trigger happy with the exclamation mark. Now, in some instances, its ok to use it. But remember: it's used to indicate exitement or vehemence. It usually indicates a raised voice, but sometimes it's more appropriate to indicate the tone of voice with a dialogue tag. For example: "You look good too," Kagome said, a flush still on her face. As opposed to "You look good too!" Kagome said. The one before would imply a breathless, or flustered tone due to the blush. The second one just simply looks like she's practically shouting it. We have no idea of her expression, body language, and we barely know what she's thinking. Or you could have written "You look good too," Kagome said breathlessly. Instead of implying a tone, you can just outright write it. ////////////////////////// But that's it. Great story, I love it. Just try to limit your use of the exclimation mark, and watch out for OOCness. ^______^
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