| "Good Things Never Die" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] |
Title: FFARG (Forgot something)
Reviewed By: Pahhur [MediaMiner Member] On: December 16, 2005 14:17 CST
Comment/Review:
Gah! Blasted memory! I forgot about the quote. I understand it was picked, but it still feels out of context there, you may want to put more backstory, possibly Trunks trying to figure out why she said what she did. It just feels tacked on right there. I don't think a dying person would say something like that without a very good reason. You definately need to make that quote feel more natural. Though the entire viewpoint makes that difficult, that's another part of writing, doing what seems impossible. I'm sure someone as smart as you are can figure a way of making that quote feel right. I also forgot to say Thanks for submitting to FFARG... >.>
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Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Pahhur [MediaMiner Member] On: December 16, 2005 14:12 CST
Comment/Review:
Ah Angst... This was definately well written, and have a very dark feel to it. However, you fail to use any character descriptions whatsoever. Though I can tell who's who and what everyone looks like, others might not. Either way it is really well written and does what it's meant to do.
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Reviewed By: roseofvegeta [MediaMiner Member] On: February 07, 2005 11:45 CST
Comment/Review:
Silly me. I just read the author's notes and saw the explanation for the quotes...that makes sense now. ^_^
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Reviewed By: roseofvegeta [MediaMiner Member] On: February 07, 2005 11:43 CST
Comment/Review:
I thought this was a touching story. I think the events are in keeping with the DBZ universe. The only thing that got to me was the single quote mark in the beginning of every paragraph (not sure if you have control over that or not). And there were a couple of grammar errors but nothing too out there.
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Reviewed By: debbiechan [MediaMiner Member] On: September 12, 2004 21:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
*wiping tears* I'm a sucker for Mirai Bulma stories. Well, this one was actually Mirai Trunks' story, but Mirai Bulma was so brave and right. I did notice the quote marks!
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