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| "what is real future past colide" Reviews/Comments [ 1 ] | Title: you write terrible
Reviewed By: iamawesomeasiwannabe On: January 08, 2020 14:02 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 2 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm surprised I managed to make it up to chapter four. What took me
out of the story is you basically having some random mary sue ghost
attempt to kill Anzu which didn't make any sense at all for it to
do that. Jealousy is normal among teenagers but you write as if you
have a deep hatred for the character. In Anzu's defense, I agree
that it doesn't make sense for Yuugi to treat Jessamine like she's
special and act like a dick towards his friends. You clearly have
no concept of the characters that you're writing about. Even
Jessamine reads like a terrible mary sue where the universe and the
characters within it are just bending to her will simply because
YOU want it that way for her. She's an uninteresting OC and it
wouldn't hurt the story to remove her from it. It feels like less
of a YGO/Danny Phantom crossover and more like a story to insert
this OC to be liked by specific canons that are willing to cater to
her. I usually like reading old stories from years ago even if the
authors don't write anymore. Some of them are true gems of a read
but reading this was more like an insult to both YGO and Danny
Phantom. The story deserves a rewrite without the inserts you
created that are really just useless wastes of space in the story.
The ghost is redeemable with another name that doesn't make her
related to Yuugi. Because that's really idiotic. She also needs a
better motivation that doesn't involve trying to kill Yuugi's
friends and Yuugi doesn't need to be written like a dick towards
them either. Because that's not who he is as a character. He's not
Seto Kaiba so his actions towards Anzu didn't make sense for his
character. I could go on but I've made my head hurt enough reading
this garbage. If you're still around as an author, I hope you're
past this point of immature writing with self inserts. Because if
you're not, it's going to be a terrible read for the rest of your
fanfictions. I see you write Sailor Moon fics which is another
series I enjoy. However, I'm afraid to even divulge into at least
one of the stories with how this one turned out. I'll give one a
look and see if it's any different than this one. I pray it is but
my hopes aren't really that high regarding your quality of writing.
Sorry. =/
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