| "Heaven Meets hell" Reviews/Comments [ 31 ] |
| Pages (3): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 › » ] |
Reviewed By: Ashley Cohick On: January 22, 2005 00:51 CST
Comment/Review:
i fogot to add my AOl s/n and email. GothycCoalChambr@aol.com. feel free to put me in your story. and my name is Ashley
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Reviewed By: Ashley Cohick On: January 22, 2005 00:41 CST
Comment/Review:
i love it. i hope you update it soon. i can't wait for the next chapter.
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Reviewed By: HuHu_huggiez On: January 13, 2005 19:20 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
oo wow that got me off guard!!!! i wanna be sango!!!! ehehe or Rin? i like rin!!! heres my email address doll_face_08@hotmail.com LOVED IT! UPDATE OR WHATEVER SOON!
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Reviewed By: Hayashi Panthera [MediaMiner Member] On: January 13, 2005 15:51 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well my only complaints are that the chapters a too short and there are alot of grammer and spelling errors and the story did sem a bit rushed. But apart from that the story is really good!! Please update soon!
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Reviewed By: HappyBunnyBabe On: January 13, 2005 13:55 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey. I like your idea and decided I'd like to be a part of your club thingy. my aol sn is BVampireN so. yeah. ok I g2g now before I embarass myself anymore.
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Reviewed By: KAGOME165 On: January 12, 2005 17:32 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
GREAT STORY!!!!!!!! PLEASE UPDATE SOON ^_^ IT WAS GETTING GOOD AND I REALLY WANT TO KNO WHAT HAPPENS!!!!
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Title: heaven meets hell
Reviewed By: inubrat [MediaMiner Member] On: January 12, 2005 07:15 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
wow great story *wimper wimper * i wont more you can put me as any charter you wont my name is catty
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Reviewed By: dark S On: January 11, 2005 16:24 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
You said review, so here it is. Please contin.
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Reviewed By: The Dancing Pony [MediaMiner Member] On: January 11, 2005 14:30 CST
Comment/Review:
Here's the rest --- and the only sounds that are ever stretched are vowels (excluding soft Cs and Ss) So watch out for that. Try saying the dialogue you type out loud, and see if it sounds right.) Now back to your excessive use of punctuation. I think you should practice conveying the emotion of the sentence not only through the dialogue itself, but through the description of the character. Say, if he was very, very sad, describe how something looked to him. Was he in any pain? Some authors like to make the character close in on themselves when they're breaking down. You know, blank out the rest of the world and focus on their pain. This is what you should do. If you want to effectively portray emotions, you have to examine how you feel when you have felt a similar emotion. Remember how it felt, and then write it; only in the context of your story. This is not only a much more effective way to create believable emotion, but much more interesting. It also eliminates the many, many, many, many, many... many exclamation marks. Which are annoying.
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Reviewed By: The Dancing Pony [MediaMiner Member] On: January 11, 2005 14:18 CST
Comment/Review:
You need to use a spell check. I noticed some words spelled incorrectly. Ruby only has an "ie" at the end when it's plural, and then it's "rubies." That goes for most nouns that end in "y." Also, I notice you switch from present to past tense very frequently. You have to watch that. If it's in present tense, then stick with "he does, she does" if it is in the past tense, stick with "he did, she did." It's very bad grammar to switch tenses. It's also considered bad writing in general if you switch tenses from scene to scene. ///////// Also, do not use multiple punctuations, such as the copious ammounts of exclimation marks at the end of a sentence. You should be able to convey emotion, or raised voices through the surrounding text. For example, in the most recent chapter right at the very beginning, Inuyasha shouts out "Kaogme" followed by 81 exclimation marks. I suppose you were trying to convey screaming, and the tag after the quote said "His howl, his cry for his mate...." That right there should have been enough. If you wanted to actually show that he wailed her name in a howl, you could have used "Kagooooooome!" or "Kago~ome!" or "Kaomge!" or "Kagomeeeeeeeeee!". Whichever vowl you wanted to stretch. (Another thing. Most ameture authors, when stretching a word to fit a stutter or a scream, do something like this "Kkkkkkkaaaaaagggggoooommmmeeeee!" Now I want you to try and say that. With the extra Ks and gs and ms in there. It's hard to do --- Cripes! out of space!
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Reviewed By: The Dancing Pony [MediaMiner Member] On: January 10, 2005 17:48 CST
Comment/Review:
First of all, "peties" is not a word. Did you mean "petals"? //////// Second of all, have you ever taken a bath with petals floating on the water? It's not very pleasent. If the petals get underwater, they stay underwater. THey stick to your skin, and if you have long hair they get stuck in that too. Petals on warm water also tend to smell kind of bad./////////////// Thirdly, never stick an author's note in the story. It's really annoying. If the reader wanted to immagine a n@ked Kagome, then let them. Otherwise write out that the petals obscured her body from view. It shows lack of skill that you have to add in commentary to clarify a point.
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Reviewed By: InuChick13 [MediaMiner Member] On: January 10, 2005 10:58 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really enjoy reading this story. I haven't read one like it before. I just wish that it was longer, but it is your story and you write it how you want b.c it's great now. Keep up the good work. :)
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Reviewed By: flrsblue [MediaMiner Member] On: January 09, 2005 00:47 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
ok i really love this story! this chapter so made me want to cry. please update soon! i want to know what happens. why inuyasha said no kids. God your killing me here. update, update, update!!!!
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Reviewed By: Hellkeeper [MediaMiner Member] On: January 07, 2005 12:59 CST
Comment/Review:
um wow
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Reviewed By: whitmangurl [MediaMiner Member] On: January 05, 2005 15:28 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is very very very good...plz continue , the last chapter you posted was really well written. can't wait for the next one.
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| Pages (3): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 › » ] |
