| "The Secret of the Fae" Reviews/Comments [ 20 ] |
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Reviewed By: Dezz On: December 17, 2001 11:30 CST
Comment/Review:
You seem to frequent here more often than you do over FF.net, so I figured I'd post my review here. All in all, it was very entertaining. I feel it deviates from what O!MG really is all about ie a fantasy epic instead of a romance series, but in a good way. Like WtC said over on FF.net, it has a very LOTR feel to it. Your fic is making me look at one of my favorite anime series in a new light, providing for an enjoyable experience. You're building up to a nice climax..I can't wait to see what happens. There is one thing that I didn't really like, however.
*SPOILER*
*SPOILER*
I wasn't too fond of Chapter 10 when you killed off Urd. I'm not against the killing of Urd itself, but the way it was presented. It seems kinda rushed. I was pretty surprised when it happened. Perhaps, you should have made it more subtle. You have Torvus coming down, stabbing her in the heart, Urd looking around then dying all in the span of 3 lines followed by "Urd was dead.". I understand that you were trying to put an emphasis on the gravity of the moment, but declaring she was dead seemed too straightfoward at least for my tastes. Perhaps something along the lines of "a look of shock before collapsing heavily to the ground" would get the message across without having to state the obvious.
**END SPOILER**
**END SPOILER**
Keep up the good work, Umi-chan. =) I am very much so looking forward to more of your work.
/D |
Reviewed By: Elizabeth Knight On: December 10, 2001 11:52 CST
Comment/Review:
Hey this was great. You seem to have a way
with descriptions and action sceans that really
put your reader into the story they're reading.
Congratulations on a story well done. Can't wait
to read chap. 10 |
Reviewed By: Umi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: December 08, 2001 22:19 CST
Comment/Review:
Thanks for the review. But I have a few things to say about it:
1. Yes you have seen the "whole Faerie thing" before. I certainly didn't make that up.
2. I actually haven't done many revisions. I said I was and I didn't do too much to it. I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that I am.
3. From chapter to chapter, I start on almost exactly where I leave off. If you need to reread a paragraph or two from the previous chapter, I'm sorry but that's how I do things.
4. I never said I was a pro...but I suppose I'll try to use more "adult" words.
Thanks again. |
Reviewed By: me again (Geo) On: December 07, 2001 16:50 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Comment/Review:
I didn't rate your originality because I wanted to find the story you got your idea from. But I can't. I read it here a while ago and liked it. It wasn't Oh! My Goddess, though. The Whole Faerie thing... I'm pretty surre I've seen it... which makes me re-rate the originality. the 3 is for applying it to Oh! My Goddes. |
Reviewed By: Geo FireBird - The Cool Guy! On: December 07, 2001 16:47 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Writing: Could use some work. You have a terrible transitions from paragraph to paragraph. It makes your writing seem very ametuer.
Grammar: You did okay. You use a bit too many baby words...
Enjoyment: I read this a while back and liked it... but how many frickin revisions are ya gonna have?
Overall: A 6 because it's not that spectatular and I have to re-read everything every time you add a chapter. |
Reviewed By: Duece of Spades [MediaMiner Member] On: November 30, 2001 21:56 CST
Comment/Review:
Excellent on the rewrite. I could get into this chapter much better than I could last time. I also liked how you specified there was a differerence between Nixies and Pixies, and maybe in later chapters, explain how they are different other than the Nixie/Water Pixie/Cloud angle.
What I want to find out though, is why Urd isn't overly fond of 'em. ^_^ |
Reviewed By: digibitch [MediaMiner Member] On: November 25, 2001 20:06 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really enjoyed you fic, "The Secret of the Fae" . It was well written with a lot of personal style. I especially liked the way you describe the goddesses in their Fae forms.
DB
DigiBitch@Team-Rocket.net |
Reviewed By: BlueDolphin [MediaMiner Member] On: November 23, 2001 09:05 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
hi, Umi-Chan! *waves*
ahh its so good! and the best part is, though i've never seen an episode of Oh My Goddess in my life, i can still follow it! of course, i can't comment on how in-character the characters were, obviously..but they seemed to be extremely well done.
there were a few spelling mistakes and grammar stumbles, but i think those were due to typos more than anything. i love the setting of the story (because i love fantasy stuff like that), and it seems like you've got a really strong story here. let me know when you get your site up...i'll link to you *grin*
and...just because you love my mp3s so much..
now playing: Record of Lodoss War - Odyssey |
Reviewed By: Umi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: November 21, 2001 19:13 CST
Comment/Review:
Thanks so much for all your revies Deucy! For awhile I thought I was just writing for you...lol. If you want to beta-read, I'd be glad to send you the chapters as I finish 'em. Or you can wait. I'm starting ASAP! |
Reviewed By: D-chan On: November 03, 2001 14:15 CST
Comment/Review:
I'm glad you decided to put "The Secret of the Fae" back up. It's a really great story that keeps the OMG crew in character as well as executes a beautiful story with new challenges! |
Reviewed By: Duece of Spades On: November 06, 2001 18:24 CST
Comment/Review:
Quite good. It lives up to the previous chapters as well, although there wasn't as much closure as I would have liked (but that's just personal preference.) Kudos. |
Reviewed By: Umi-chan (the author) On: November 07, 2001 16:56 CST
Comment/Review:
Thanks fo the comments D and Deuce. I'll keep your comment in mind, Deuze, about having more closure at the end of chapters. Sometimes I like ending it on a cliffhanger though.
Chapter 6 in the works! I'll have it up soon. |
Reviewed By: nice-day On: November 10, 2001 03:57 CST
Comment/Review:
well structured, and layed out. The tension laiden silences at
the table were very good. Though I don't know much about the characters
themselves, I can imagine that happening between any family where members
have just been called away to war. A sort of numbness, with no one wanting
to say what they're thinking as they themselves just don't want to hear it. The only small improvement I would suggest is a little more
description in your writing. On the whole, excellent. |
Reviewed By: Duece of Spades On: November 14, 2001 17:59 CST
Comment/Review:
Yay! Really good, and it's an improvement! (not that there was much to improve, mind you.) Please keep it up. |
Reviewed By: Duecy On: November 21, 2001 19:00 CST
Comment/Review:
First off, I wish you luck with your website. I'm too busy to even think of trying to start one with all my projects, so I give all who have sites and update them props. You are better people than I.
Other than it being so short (A quasi-chapter, if you will) it's good. I couldn't get into it as much as your others, but that was only because it dropped off as soon as it did get good. Again, good luck. |
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