Reviewed By: ~ Evelyn ~ On: July 05, 2005 11:57 CDT
Comment/Review:
I really like your story. The plot is quite interesting and I would love to see what happens next. Some useful advice though: please work on your grammar and spelling. Although, I like your story, it's annoying to have figure out what is being said or what is meant by this or that. It's annoying also to read a chapter that is only 2, 3, 4, or ever 5 paragraphs long. Those aren't chapters. Maybe you could combine some of those snippets and make them into chapters. And lastly, it's hard to read clumped paragraphs together. There should either be space in between each paragraph or indentation at the beginning of your paragraphs. Please get a beta to help you out if you aren't sure how to do all that. Your story is entertaining to read but people could be turned off by it simply by its poor presentation. This isn't a flame so don't get discouraged. I just want to help you out because I enjoy your story very much. I hope to see it improve and become an excellent piece of work. Take care!
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