| "Return to Innocence" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] |
Reviewed By: Sassa [MediaMiner Member] On: August 03, 2005 11:01 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Know why I gave you 9 and not ten? Becaue I want more! Can't say I'm fond of Rayek, but by these pages a newfound affection came to me. Do not desert your story, manga. Do not!
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Reviewed By: shadow runner On: June 22, 2005 18:21 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i like your fic i have only read book one and two but this sounds good so keep writing please;]
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Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: April 30, 2005 22:40 CDT
Comment/Review:
You have a very interesting start to a story here. It is engaging and the characters well defined. I do have a few suggestions though. The first is you need a little more description of things that are unique to the series but that a casual reader wouldn't know anything about. If you inserted explanations decretely as a part of the thought process it would help. It will also help refresh readers of the series of certain things if they a) haven't read that far yet or b) forgot what everything was. The second thing you need to work on is the bane of most fanfic writers, the comma. You have quite a few dependent clauses that need to be set off properly so that the sentence flows right. Now onto the good. You do well at creating a sense of urgency and hooking the reader into your story. You also do well with grammar and spelling overall. You are obviously very familiar with the series and it shows. You have a very good start to a story here! It just needs a little bit of polishing to be a real gem. Thank you for submitting to FFARG!
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