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| "Unseen Smile" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Title: FFRG-Chapter 1
Reviewed By: misslady [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 01:00 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is a very interesting start to a story. It pulls the reader in but there are some distracting points that a beta reader would definitely be good for. Check the beta reader thread for someone to help make the story flow better. The characters are starting to develop well but the pronoun switching makes it a bit hard to follow. There is a lot of potential here for a good story. Please keep up the good work!! Misslady
| Title: FFRG Review Ch 1
Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: August 16, 2005 10:26 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting to FFRG! First, I want to say that I found your chapter very interesting, however I did notice a few things. There are a few places where the grammar is rough, a few places where wording is a bit stilted and heavy. These things could be worked out with the help of a solid beta reader. The use of numbers instead of writing out the number in word form is also distracting, as is the use of more than one punctuation (ie, !?) and all capital letters, and editors (if you're wishing to polish your skills this much) tend to leave these manuscripts in the slush pile. Nice, cohesive feel to the dialogue, and good job with description. Overall, I felt it was a strong chapter with a nice grasp on plot and story. Good luck with your writing endeavors, and thank you for submitting to FFRG!
| Reviewed By: lntora [MediaMiner Member] On: August 11, 2005 10:56 CDT
Comment/Review:
Sorry, meant to review the last chapter, but RL got in the way. Anyway, these later chapters are flowing very well in comparison to earlier ones. I think shifting some of the focus off Kou and Doku actually helped, least until they gain a more significant role to play in regards to the other four. I'm enjoying it very much, and look forward to upcoming chapters. (Also, small note: it's "l"ntora, small case L. Remind me to ask MediaMiner to change that one day.)
| Reviewed By: lntora [MediaMiner Member] On: July 23, 2005 13:38 CDT
Comment/Review:
Okay, I've been following this from the beginning, but was a bit too confused until now to make a clear comment. But things are beginning to fall into place, especially with chapter six. It's an interesting premise, yet still has the feel of the original despite being an AU.
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