Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Ones They Take For Granted ❯ Part Two: Fate Plays Its Final Hand ( Chapter 8 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A/N: Sorry for the delay, minna, and I doubly apologize for no reviewer response this time, but this thing's so late in coming, and I'm so beat... I swear, I'll get ya next time. Ah!!! I can't believe I'm almost finished with this fic! And the next chapter's the one I've been dying to write for... oh... 6 chapters now, so enjoy the beginning of the end, and let me know what you think!

Chapter Eight, Part Two: Fate Plays Its Final Hand

***
The sky was falling, heaven was calling.
When danger crashes, rose from the ashes
***

"I don't even know where to begin," I confess in a shaky whisper.

Bulma's gaze moves up towards the sky, and her expression looks especially contemplative beneath the dim light of the stars. "I guess that depends on how much you want to tell me," she replies after a long pause.

I bite my bottom lip anxiously, wondering if this is a bad idea for at least the tenth time in the five minutes we've been sitting on this iron bench in the corner of her mother's flower garden. I keep trying to wring my hands, only to wince at the painful reminder of how Bulma found out about this in the first place. "I never wanted to hurt either of them," I offer after a moment, though the words sound so feeble and worthless as I repeat them in my head, and I groan inaudibly at my inability to articulate everything that's happened over the last few months and years. Or maybe I can't express it because I know, deep down, that there's no excuse for this.

"I know you didn't," she assures me knowingly, "and you don't have to worry about me judging you. I've known Son-kun and Gohan for a long time, Videl, and I love those Son boys like they're part of my family. But I also care a lot for you, and I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened unless there was something seriously wrong between you and Gohan."

"And between Goku and Okaasan," I add under my breath.

I guess the wind was blowing just the right way, because Bulma chuckles softly at the comment. "Yeah, we all kinda figured that out when Son-kun refused to be wished back to life after the fight with Cell," she muses before glancing at me, "but that was a long time ago, and you never really know what goes on in his head from one moment to the next. For all I know, he may have just wanted an extended vacation, though I'd find a way to beat his ass for being so selfish if that's all it was."

***
Like two statues hidden inside ancient rock
We were praying for the secrets to unlock
***

Without even thinking about it, I shake my head. "That's not why he chose to stay dead."

This time, Bulma's eyes move to meet mine and stay there. "He told you why he wouldn't let us wish him back?"

It's interesting that this came up, because it's one of the first things I asked Goku when we started talking about our pasts. I had always wondered about it, ever since Gohan came clean about what really happened during the Cell Games, as well as how he felt during the many years that followed. My husband had never asked his father about it when he did return simply because he was so happy just to have him home again that he didn't need an explanation any longer. Naturally, I had been naively indignant towards Goku about the whole thing, even after so many years had passed. I mean, I had lived without my mom all of my life, and Kami knows my father isn't anything to gloat over, but I've never doubted his love for me, even if his ability to show it is kind of abstract. I know without a doubt that my 'tousan would never have remained dead and left my well-being in the hands of someone else if he was given even the slightest chance to change it.

But then again, my dad isn't the misplaced Saiyajin Son Goku, either, and I realized that that makes all the difference in the world. I also found out that it was the toughest decision he's ever made in his life, but for a man with his physical strength and strength of character, I discovered that his options have always been loaded with possible risks and blatant drawbacks. I can't imagine having to make some of the choices he's had to, that's for sure. I'm surprised he's never told Bulma-san, though. Unless it's because his explanation indicates foresight on his part, which hints at intelligence that would have blown his 'sweet but stupid' facade.

***
And when the sun had turned its back on us
In the dark our love kept track of us, pushed together by the lack of love
***

Bulma's still watching me carefully, her features open and genuinely expectant as I nod my head. "A lot of it was because he felt bad about his relationship - or lack of one - with 'kaasan, and he blamed himself for a lot of their problems," I explain solemnly. "But he was also worried about Gohan. He was the one that put the fate of the world on Gohan's shoulders because he knew that even though Gohan was so young, he was also the most powerful. When that monster got desperate and planned to kill everyone, forcing Goku to intervene, he said that he knew then that he'd been wrong to ever consider putting his son in that position. He felt like he should have stuck it out and let Cell kill him outright. He thinks that if he had, Gohan would have been able to channel his rage into power, and Gohan would have been able to save everyone without having to suffer through the guilt he felt afterwards, blaming himself for his father's death."

"Since he keeps his physical body when he dies, he knew he could be wished back anytime in the future if he was needed. Until then, he could train at Kaio-sama's and get strong enough to defend the planet and his family if another creature like Cell ever threatened it again. And he figured it'd be a lot easier to do that without Chichi around to interfere, since she never could understand his natural inclination to fight in the first place. And he was afraid she'd never let him live down making Gohan take Cell on, no matter what was at stake."

Bulma's jaw is hanging open now, and I smile minutely as my mind's eye replays the end of the conversation Goku and I had months earlier; it's so clear that I can almost feel the soft blades of grass between my toes and hear the fabric of Goku's gi shift when he leans back and looks up at me with a real smile. "He told me that he just gave you guys the short version of his reasoning. He was willing to risk the assumption that he was just being thoughtless so Gohan wouldn't feel like his 'tousan was deserting them because of his actions in that fight, or any blame concerning his death. He wanted Gohan to grow up knowing that Goku had made the decision to die and remain that way himself. Well, that, and he was scared as hell of Okaasan."

"Wow," Bulma breathes in shock. "And here I was, guessing that Son-kun was just bored and didn't consider anyone else's feelings at the time."

***
The sky was falling, heaven was calling
When danger crashes, rose from the ashes
***

I bow my head to hide a derisive snort as the wrongness of that statement hits me squarely in the center of my already broken heart. "The only feelings Goku doesn't consider enough are his own," I murmur angrily.

"What do you mean?" Bulma asks gently. "Are you talking in general, or about what happened between the two of you?"

I look back up and shrug negligibly. "Both."

Comprehension dawns suddenly on Bulma's smooth face, and she gasps sharply as one of her hands covers her open mouth. "Oh Kami, Videl..."

"I know," I respond. "It's crazy - all of it. I mean, I never would have believed a year ago that I would ever be capable of cheating on my husband, no matter how distant we'd become or how lonely I felt. And Goku... he'd always acted so carefree and happy, even when he was having to stay at my house as much as his own because 'kaasan kept throwing him out. But then," I try to swallow away the tightness in my throat that's making my voice sound hoarse, "one night he came, and the naive, childlike face slipped," I confess softly. "He saw what it was like between Gohan and me that night, and it was like... I don't know how to describe it," I fumble. "I saw a whole different side of him then. He was just as hurt and lonely as I was, and he needed someone to really love him just like I did. And we just... grabbed onto it, I guess. Neither of us knew that we would find so much more in each other. I certainly never would have believed that I could fall in love with someone like Goku. And now... now I don't know how long I can keep going on without him."

***
We held each other tightly through our hell of dreams
I still hear the neverending echo of those screams
***

Bulma's surprise seems to be diminishing as the time passes. "You know, this explains a lot," she confesses tiredly. "You have no idea how many calls I've gotten from Chichi recently about Son-kun and his strange behavior." She grins sheepishly. "I thought she was overreacting - until tonight, that is."

"I imagine she would think he's gone off his rocker if he's keeping his promise to me," I add humorlessly.

"What do you mean? What promise?"

I take a deep breath to steady myself. "In exchange for my word that I would go back to Gohan and work things out with him, I made Goku promise to be himself instead of pretending to be a happy-go-lucky idiot. Which he is not," I add sternly. "Keeping up that facade costs him so much, and that price is just too high, even for someone as strong as him."

Bulma leans forward, her lips curving downward into a thoughtful frown as the hand that had been over her mouth cups her chin. "So Son-kun made you promise to work things out with Gohan?" I nod once, and she pauses as she chews absently on one of her fingernails. "Was that the only reason you went back to him?"

"No," I reply after a moment to think about how to word my thoughts. "We both had our families to consider, so that promise wasn't the only reason I went back to my husband. But," I continue, despite the fact that my chest tightens painfully, "it is the only reason I've stayed with him."

"You don't love Gohan anymore," Bulma whispers.

***
But it's a life not made for reliving, it's a life that makes your soul forgiving
We sealed our bond from the beginning
***

"I care about Gohan," I amend solemnly. "That's never changed, but no, I'm not in love with him. The truth is, before Goku, that sentiment seemed so overrated and intangible to me. I thought being in love with someone was a glorified form of commitment. And in that way, I loved Gohan very much at one time, but... I don't know if I was ever truly in love with him. But with Goku... Kami, it's like he's s part of myself I didn't know was missing, but now that he's gone -"

"You feel empty without him," she finishes empathetically.

Bulma leans against the curved back of the bench and rests both of her hands in her lap. "How long has all this been going on?" she asks. "I mean, are we talking about a few years, or a handful of meetings in the last few months or what?"

"It's all happened pretty fast, actually," I admit carefully. "Barely more than six months, and three of those have been after the fact." I notice the doubtful look on my friend's face as she lifts a thin eyebrow skeptically. "I know that doesn't sound like a long time for me to feel so strongly for Goku -" I begin.

"No, it's not that," Bulma interrupts seriously. "I remember what is was like with me and Vegeta. One day I thought he was an arrogant, cold-hearted bastard, and I was totally head-over-heels crazy about him the next. It happened just that fast. I don't think it was quite the same for him," she confides with a grin, "but that's just how he is. And he came around after a while. I can imagine that if you and Son-kun made a connection like Vegeta and I did, especially considering how open Son-kun is to things Vegeta would consider 'stupid ningen emotions', that you and he could easily have fallen very much in love."

***
Aching, affection, vulnerable protection;
Falling, captured, crawling, rapture
***

Her brow furrows, and I can tell that she's trying to choose her next words carefully. "What I have a hard time grasping is that either of you allowed it to happen at all," she says apologetically. "I'm trying to fathom how much you must have been hurting to betray your husband, because I like to think I know you pretty well, and I've seen how loyal you are to your friends and your family. And Son-kun... Kami, Videl, that's even more bizarre! We all knew that he and Chichi had their problems - they always have - but for him to get romantically involved with you of all people! I mean... Son-kun loves both his boys with all his heart, and I don't want to make it out like he plays favorites," she explains. "But he and Gohan went through more together in Gohan's first twelve years than most fathers and sons tackle in a lifetime. The bond between them is uncanny, even by Saiyajin standards according to what Vegeta's told me. I just can't imagine a point that he could get to where he would be willing to risk losing the most important person in his life."

"I really can't explain why," I admit guiltily. "And the truth is... well, I tried not to think about it too much. I knew how badly it would hurt both of them if Gohan found out, but..."

Bulma puts her hand gently on my arm when my silence lasts a few seconds. "What?" she encourages gently.

"Kami forgive me," I moan desperately, "but I needed Goku, Bulma-san. I need him so much!"

"Even now?" she inquires with genuine curiosity.

I draw in a long rush of city air and find that it makes me long for my house in the mountains even more. I miss the emerald-green grass of my backyard. I miss the glittering snow that always caps the highest peaks, no matter what season it is. I miss the lazy flow of the streams and the icy water in the ponds. I miss everything about my old home, but I know very well that I'd trade it all for a cardboard box as long as I could be with Goku.

"Now... gods, I need him now more than ever," I whisper as another tear falls.

***
The sky was falling, heaven was calling
When danger crashes, rose from the ashes
***

"Oh, honey," Bulma soothes as she pulls me to her, wrapping me in a one-armed hug. Her tone is so tender and motherly that the thin barrier that's held back the grief I've suffered over the past few months collapses. She doesn't protest as I turn and bury my face into her shoulder, letting the soft cotton of her shirt absorb the wet deluge of my sorrow.

"I don't know what to do," I sob helplessly.

Bulma sighs heavily as her free hand begins smoothing down the stray hairs behind my ear. "I wish I could tell you something that would take away your pain," she says softly. "Believe me, if I could have invented something the would heal a broken heart, I would have done it a long time ago," she adds playfully. I can't help but chuckle harshly against my cries of anguish.

"It's too bad," I reply with an unladylike sniffle. "Something like that would make more money than when your dad invented capsules."

She laughs and nods before resting her cheek on the top of my head. "Well, until the day comes when I can create a regeneration device that can restore a battered heart, I can at least offer you my shoulder to cry on and my ear anytime you need to talk to someone."

"Am I doing the right thing by staying with Gohan?" I ask hesitantly. I know logically that she can't give me an answer to such a subjective and impossible question, but I can't help it. I need to hear something... anything.

And as I expected, she shakes her head. "I don't know, Videl," she answers sadly. "I really don't know."

Vegeta's scowling impatiently as I pick myself up off the ground and give my head a quick shake to get rid of the colors his well-placed punch sent across my vision. I know I shouldn't be trying to spar with him when my mind keeps wandering, but I had to do something, and I'm not ready to go back and stare at the walls of my room just yet.

"Baka, if you want to fight, then pay attention," he hisses.

"Gomen, Vegeta," I offer, blinking rapidly to bring my eyes back into focus. "You've gotten faster," I add, as honestly impressed with his abilities as I've always been. And there's a measure of truth to what I just told him. Even if I had been paying attention, I think he would have got me with the combination he used anyway.

"Hn." Rather than crouching into a defensive stance so we can resume, he surprises me when he looks towards the sky, his expression becoming blank.

"What's wrong?" I ask after several moments of silence pass.

He continues to stare at the skyscape, and I almost give up on him answering me at all before he takes a breath and begins to speak. "You are a warrior, a Saiyajin warrior, Kakarotto, and yet you still insist on denying that which you can never change."

Wow ... I didn't see this one coming. I was expecting a razor-sharp insult to shut me up or his typical scowl-and-growl. Kami knows Vegeta's not known for his people skills, and though he does consider me worthy of a word or two every so often, I can't remember him ever leaving this kind of opening for a - dare I say it? - friendly discussion. "What do you mean?" I ask curiously.

His royal features look even more severe than usual when he finally looks back down and levels his narrowed eyes on me. "You continue to carry on this charade of being one of these pathetic, weak ningens, despite what your instincts tell you. You have willfully and adamantly dishonored your heritage and disgraced our race on a daily basis your entire life. The knowledge that you are the only one besides myself left of our people sickens me, and I am even more disgusted to have to admit that your departure will make my life on this fucking mudball even more tedious than normal." And with that, he clears his throat roughly and immediately looks back at the stars.

I'll be damned... If I hadn't been here to hear it myself, I would never have believed it. I've become an expert at deciphering the unique dialect Bulma likes to call 'Vegeta Standard' since he uses it on me more than anyone else.

***
This is one time that you can't fake it hard enough to please
Everyone or anyone at all
***

He just told me that he's disappointed in my decision to not accept this bond he keeps talking about and leave, and that he's going to miss me. Not in the conventional sense, I know; we aren't bosom buddies or anything, but it's like he said. He and I are it as far as pure-blooded Saiyajins go. Sure, there are five others with our blood in their veins, but we both learned long ago that it's not the same as the real thing. Gohan is the closest thing there is - his natural strength and speed are comparable to my own when he's inclined to use them, which isn't very often. And Goten... well, being the youngest Super Saiyajin in history didn't change his apathetic attitude towards training and improving his skills, especially as he got older.

Trunks is the same way. The one that came from the future to help us beat Cell was a warrior through-and-through, but that had been totally out of necessity, much like it was for Gohan when he was a child. The Trunks of our time chooses hanging out at the movies over sparring on a regular basis. And then there's Bra who, despite being half-Saiyajin, acts more like a human woman than my own wife does. She shops, she goes to school, she shops, she talks on the phone, and she shops some more. I've even seen her run to Vegeta with huge tears in her eyes because she broke a nail, crying about how much it hurt and insisting that she make an emergency trip to the mall to get it fixed.

As for Pan, she's got more desire than the lot of mine and Vegeta's children combined, but she falls short on the pure power our people are born with. Sure, she's stronger than your average human, but she'll never be able to come close to any of the others, though it won't be for lack of trying.

I can sympathize with the sentiment, as well. He won't be the only one missing the challenge we naturally offer one another. After eight years in the Afterlife, I learned one very important lesson above all others: there isn't another race in the universe like us, and unless there's a group of incomprehensibly powerful immortals out there, all I've got to look forward to in space are the walls of the gravity room.

Then again, what, aside from a good spar with Vegeta now and then, do I have to keep me down here? Maybe it's the pain and isolation from Videl swaying my judgment. Hell if I know.

There's only one thing I know without a doubt. If I can't be with her - if I have to appease Saiyajin whatever so that Gohan and Videl can set things right and be happy together - then that's what I'll do. I mean, if what Vegeta says is true and there's already a kind of bond formed between us, then she must be miserable. Or worse, that Gohan told her what Vegeta told him, that they can't join their souls until I release this... thing... between the two of us, and she blames me for it.

***
And the grave that you refuse to leave, the refuge that you've built to flee
The places you have come to fear the most
***

But she would be right. I don't know when or how or why or even if it happened. But I'm the one that made her promise to work things out, and I have to believe that that's what she wants, too. I have to. If I ever let myself think differently for more than a fleeting moment, Kami help us all, 'cause I'll transport myself to wherever she may be, wrap my arms around her as tight as her body would allow and never, ever let her go again.

"I have to go, Vegeta. It's the only way to make things right." Vegeta's jaw clenches once; it's the only indication I get that he even heard me. "I'll be back in a few years," I add hopefully. "I mean, I'm not going to totally abandon my boys or Pan for too long, and if there's ever a threat, I'll be here in a matter of seconds. So you can't slack off on your training, because I'll eventually be at your door, half-dead from boredom and looking for a good match."

"The Saiyajin no Ouji does not 'slack off', kisama," he snaps. "By the time you deem it appropriate to return to the planet, I will be more than happy to beat your thick skull in. Perhaps then you will be more inclined to conduct yourself like a true Saiyajin warrior."

I shrug resignedly. "Maybe this whole un-bonding thing will make me just crazy enough to do that."

"Baka, you joke about it," Vegeta growls warningly, his face grave, "but do not forget that you are a product of an incident that has already changed your born disposition. This act could very well alter it again, and not in such an unthreatening way."

That's a scary thought. I mean, I decided on the spaceship in case I went crazy, but if I went even beyond that... If I became openly aggressive and violent, who knows how many people could get hurt before someone could stop me? "You and Gohan would both know if that happened by a shift in my ki." He nods once, his face totally expressionless. "Are the capsules still designed so they can be destroyed from the ground?" His head dips down once again. He knows where I'm going with this, but I'm gonna say it anyway because I don't want there to be any question on what to do if the worst-case scenario comes up. "If you think I'm about to lose my mind, I'm counting on you to blow up the ship and kill me before I can shield myself from the blast."

"Perhaps we should see if it is in a condition to fly first," he replies sarcastically as he lifts into the air. "We will need to run the necessary system checks tonight, and the onna will need time to make provisions. I will expect you at Capsule Corporation in fifteen minutes." And with that, he leaves in a blazing blue streak of ki.

No arguments from me. The sooner I can get this over with, the better it'll be for everyone.

*~*~*
***
Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself and hidden in the public eye
Such a stellar monument to loneliness
***

I don't know how long Bulma and I have been sitting out here, but I'm pretty sure after all the tears I've poured over her shirt, she needs to change into a different one.

"Gomen nasai, Bulma-san -"

"You don't have to apologize," she replies firmly. "I know how hard it is to feel obligated to one man and be in love with another." When I give her a curious glance, she leans back and her expression becomes distant. "I had been with Yamcha for years when Vegeta came to live at Capsule Corps. I mean, we had our share of problems, but I cared a lot about Yamcha, and he was really sweet when he wanted to be."

I've never actually talked to Bulma about what happened between her and her ex-boyfriend. It was before my time, and I had never thought it was any of my business, but now that she's brought it up... Of course, I've heard plenty of stories over the years of what probably happened, though no one actually knows for sure.

"But he cheated on you, didn't he?" I ask blindly as I remember what the general belief was regarding their break-up and her quick rebound with Vegeta.

She laughs, shaking her head. "Are people still saying that?" When I nod, she sighs resignedly. "Poor Yamcha... it's his own fault for always looking at those awful magazines."

"He didn't cheat on you?"

"If he did, I never knew about it," she answers. "He had a roaming eye, definitely, but so did I." She chuckles at my wide-eyed expression.

"So you broke up with Yamcha for Vegeta?" I ask breathlessly. "Even after you'd been with him for so long? You gave up all that time you'd put into the relationship?"

She bites her lip for a moment. "Not exactly," she responds shyly.

It takes me a minute to realize what she's hinting at. "You... you're the one that cheated?"

***
Bred with brilliant smiles and shining eyes and perfect makeup
But you're barely scraping by
***

"Like I said, it all happened really fast," she offers as confirmation. "And the truth is, even though I had fallen for Vegeta, I was afraid of losing Yamcha. I mean, we'd been together for so long - he was my first real boyfriend. I wasn't willing to throw away all those years that we had gone through together on the remote chance that Vegeta would eventually love me like I loved him."

Oh Kami... "But you did eventually choose Vegeta," I prompted anxiously.

"Woah, Videl," she stops, waving a hand in front of her. "It wasn't that simple," she explains knowledgeably. "Nothing having to do with being involved with a Saiyajin ever is. If everything hadn't happened exactly like it did, I probably would have ended up staying with Yamcha. But between the pregnancy and the bonding thing -"

"The what?"

Bulma blinks a few times, her face a mask of confusion. "You know, that thing that happens when one of these guys chooses the person they're gonna be with for the rest of their life."

I have absolutely no clue what she's talking about, but something tells me its very, very important.

Her eyes become wide as saucers. "Wait a minute. I knew you weren't bonded to Gohan - Vegeta griped about it for weeks after you two got married - but you mean he didn't even tell you anything about it?"

"No, he's never mentioned anything like that to me," I reply quickly. "What is it, exactly?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to explain," she admits with a frown. "See, Saiyajins don't get married and stuff like that. They have this ritual that they go through instead, and when it's finished, they're bound to their mates on a mental and... well, spiritual level, really. From that moment on, there's a connection between the two." She sighs, and I notice that she seems sort of sad. "It doesn't work both ways for me and Vegeta, but we both figured it's because humans aren't naturally telepathic like they are, but I can sense things sometimes..."

"Like what?"

***
This is one time that you can't fake it hard enough to please
Everyone or anyone at all
***

She sits and ponders for a moment before speaking again. "When he's feeling an especially strong emotion, sometimes I can feel traces of it. It doesn't happen very often, though. The last time was when he tried to kill Majin Buu by blowing himself up," she answers softly, and it's apparent that the memory is still painful for her to remember, even after all this time. She seems to recover quickly and goes on. "And if he deliberately wants me to know something, he can communicate with me in a pinch, though we both prefer talking to mindspeak. But Vegeta can sense anything that goes on with me. My thoughts, feelings, memories," - she looks meaningfully at me - "and my secrets... they're all an open book to him."

Well, that proves no such connection exists between me and Gohan. But... "If Gohan knew about this when we got married," I mutter more to myself than to Bulma, "why didn't he want to bond with me?"

"One word," she replies tiredly. "Chichi."

"Okaasan?"

"She's not a big fan of Saiyajin... anything," Bulma clarifies. "And she personally thought the whole thing was bogus, anyway."

I gape for several minutes. "But... but she knew about you and Vegeta, didn't she? I mean, what woman wouldn't want that kind of connection with her husband? I don't understand," I moan, holding my head in my hands. Kami knows how much of what's happening now could have been avoided if Gohan had been aware of all of my thoughts and feelings over the years...

Bulma just shrugs helplessly. "You know how Chichi is when she makes her mind up. Besides, the ritual itself isn't always necessary. I've never gone through it," she states, and I look back up at her questioningly. "With me and Vegeta, it just... happened. And being stuck on Chikyuu with a human woman as a mate was the last thing in the world he wanted, believe me," she goes on, her eyes rolling. "But now he says it was unavoidable. Apparently bonds that form naturally between two people are a lot stronger than the ones that are created by their ritual." She gives her hand a careless wave. "Anyway, the point is since it didn't 'just happen' between Goku and Chichi, she had no desire to make it happen if it didn't occur on its own."

***
And the grave that you refuse to leave, the refuge that you've built to flee
The places you have come to fear the most
***

"But," I begin, trying to find the words to ask my next question, "if that's true, then what would stop Goku from creating a bond with someone else?" She raises an eyebrow at me suspiciously. "I know, I'm not saying he would do it on purpose. Believe me, I know how he feels about keeping his commitments, but... Well, you said that you and Vegeta bonded, and he didn't even want to, right?"

Bulma's already shaking her head slowly. "I don't know. I assume there's something that happens which would keep it from happening - it would make sense - but I'm no expert on this stuff. If you really want to know, you should ask Vegeta."

And suddenly she's looking to the sky. "And speak of the devil," she mutters with a grin as I see something that looks like a blue comet flying in our direction. It lands on the other side of the building from where we are, and Bulma gets up, peering curiously in his direction. "Where is he going at this hour?" she asks, glancing at her watch. "Oh, he better not have fried the gravity room again." Several seconds pass before she explodes. "Damn it! That's exactly what he did, I just know it! That's the only reason he ever uses the spare. And he isn't even going to tell me he broke the damned thing!"

Just as I'm about to point out that we just saw him fly home, so he hasn't been here to break anything, a strange tingle starts at the base of my neck. I blink several times in confusion as the sensation goes downward until it's in the pit of my stomach where it explodes into a combination of shock and fear. Gods, what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I feeling so strange all of a sudden? It's... it's like an internal warning bell or a beacon of some kind, but hell if I know what it's supposed to be telling me. Then I hear the front swing open, and Bulma and I both turn to see Gohan striding across the yard, a look of anger and concentration drawing deep lines in his brow. Then he yanks the glasses off his face and shoves them in the front pocket of his slacks before floating off the ground, flying behind the building.

"And now Gohan's going, too?" Bulma questions in disbelief. "Well, this has got to be one of the strangest nights of my life. What do you think's going on?" she asks me casually. Her face becomes worried when she sees me, but I can't help it. Now I know what that feeling was, and I know why Gohan came out in such a hurry. The problem is that I can't seem to make my throat open up enough to tell her.

"You know what, I'm gonna go find out what they're up to," she offers after a moment. "Why don't you -"

I don't wait for her to give me the invitation to go inside. Before she has time to move, I'm running as fast as I can into the house, up the stairs, and into the large laboratory on the second floor. Thanks to Gohan and Bulma both (helped along by babysitting Trunks and Bra a few times), I know almost every button on the various control panels by heart, and it only takes me a second to find the button labeled Security Surveillance Feed for the spare ship.

*~*~*~*
Please come now, I think I'm falling, I'm holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere, and I'm trying to escape
***

"So, what do we need to do first?" I ask more sharply than I intended, forcing myself to ignore two powers that have just skyrocketed at my unexpected presence, though how the hell one of 'em knows I'm here is beyond me. Last I knew, she couldn't sense ki, and Gohan wasn't with her when I got here.

Vegeta smirks evilly. "Perhaps dealing with your half-breed son properly for a change would be your best option."

"That's what I plan to do, Vegeta," I reply flatly, "once we know this thing can get off the ground."

He huffs indignantly before moving gracefully to the control panel to boot up the main system. He punches in several command codes, and line after line of strange letter and number combination pop up on the view screen. He studies them intently, his eyes scanning deliberately over each line as they scroll automatically.

I'm glad he knows this stuff, 'cause it looks like gibberish to me, and I simply lean against the wall and close my eyes, my consciousness being tugged to two different areas. One is somewhere in the upstairs of the house, while the other is pacing frantically outside not more than ten feet away from us.

"Open the door and tell the boy to get in here."

My eyes snap open, and I growl softly. "Vegeta, I've already told you, I'm not fighting Gohan again."

"Baka, he knows this system better than I do," he snaps impatiently. "Your only other option is to drag the onna in here."

***
I yelled back when I heard thunder, but I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say, let me say
***

Shit, talk about a catch twenty-two. If I open the door for Gohan, he's liable to blast me first thing, and if I go for Bulma, I'll have to explain why I need the ship. I know I'll have to do it eventually, but I wasn't actually expecting to have to do it tonight.

Then I feel Bulma's presence getting closer, and my gut suddenly gets very heavy. "Bulma's walking over here," I moan softly. "Shimatta, if she sees Gohan -"

"Open the fucking door, Kakarotto." When I hesitate another moment, Vegeta glares over his shoulder. "If you have changed your mind, transport yourself back home and quit wasting my time!"

No, I won't change my mind. I was going to have to tell Bulma and Gohan both about this... Didn't I just tell myself the sooner I got this over with, the better?

Me and my big mouth...

With a deep breath and a resigned sigh, I walk to the door, say a short prayer, and hit the release button. This door moves slower than the one on the newer capsule, and I remind myself to keep breathing as it slides open.

Standing rigid with his eyes boring into me is my oldest son, and I feel a mixture of guilt and sadness bombard me.

"What are you doing here?" he growls defensively, his eyes shifting between me and Vegeta.

***
Hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge, and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet ain't so far down
***

"Gohan," I croak, cursing myself inwardly as my mind goes blank at seeing him like this. "I - I'm just - "

Vegeta spins around and I can see his jaw clenching as he stares at me furiously. Then his gaze moves to Gohan, and I see my son immediately look away, his features softening slightly. "Get in here, boy."

It would be funny under any other circumstances, because Gohan nearly trips as he scrambles through the door as though he were a kid again. To his credit, he seems to compose himself once he's inside and his eyes land back on me. Without looking away, he cocks his head towards Vegeta. "Hai, Vegeta-san?"

"What's the onna's password to do a scan on the navigation and flight systems?"

The anger flickers away for a fraction of a second. "It - it's 'doruka mada' - it means stubborn idiot in Namek," he explains when Vegeta raises an eyebrow.

Vegeta snorts, though it seems more amused than insulted. "Smartass woman," he grumbles as he punches in the passcode and new streams of miscellaneous data flood the screen.

Gohan looks away, finally, as his attention follows the information that's coming up. "Why are you checking the flight system, Vegeta-san?" he asks after a long pause, though I notice his voice is unusually tense. When it looks like Vegeta isn't going to answer, Gohan takes a step towards him, and I see him swallow hard. "Bulma-san hasn't mentioned that you were planning to go anywhere."

"I'm not," he snaps as he jerks his head toward me. "He is."

***
I'm looking down now that it's over, reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere, somewhere in His grace
***

Gohan stiffens, his fists clenched at his sides and his breathing shallow. I feel the mental wall my son erected between our minds shudder, and traces of both relief and sorrow slip through even as my own guilt floods my consciousness.

Then he turns his head ever so slightly in my direction. "You're leaving Chikyuu?"

It takes all my years of training to keep my voice from wavering. "Hai."

"When?"

"As soon as possible," I reply quietly.

The muscles in his jaw flex several times, and I can sense his emotions going haywire; knowing that I'm the cause of that pain nearly tears me apart. I want to go to him, comfort him just like I did when he was a kid, tell him everything'll be okay, that he's strong enough to get through anything if he puts his heart and soul into it. And it kills me to know I don't have the right to do that anymore.

It seems like he's bracing himself as he finally turns around and faces me completely. "Are you leaving for good?" he questions tentatively, his shaking gaze finding mine, and it's the first time since this whole thing came out that I don't see pure, undiluted hatred in his eyes. There's still anger, but there are so many other things mixed in with it.

If I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing before, I am now.

***
I cried out, "Heaven save me," but I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say, let me say
***

"I don't know," I admit with a helpless shrug. "I guess it depends on a lot of things I'm not sure about yet."

Gohan stares at me for a while before replying, but when he does, the hard edge is back. "Vegeta told you about the bonding," he states tightly.

"A little," I concede, forcing myself to remain calm so I can finish as Gohan's ki flares substantially. "He also told me there's a way to break it. That's why I need to get off-planet."

I can tell he didn't see that one coming. "Bu-but I thought -"

He doesn't get to finish, thanks to the sudden pounding on the door. Vegeta and I share a quick look - he, to see if I care whether or not Bulma joins our little group, and me giving him a nod I don't think even Gohan caught on to. With the push of a button, the door slides open once again, and Bulma storms in as I take several steps back. She looks like she's about to let Vegeta have it, stopping short only when she takes her eyes off of him and Gohan and sees me in my little corner.

"Son-kun," she begins with wide eyes, and I'm bombarded with a mass of different emotions from her, too, many of which don't make sense to me. I mean, it's not the first time I've shown up unexpectedly...

"Ohayoo, Bulma," I greet with a small smile. "Sorry about dropping in like this, but Chichi and I kinda had a little fight, and -"

I'm not sure what it is I said that snapped her out of whatever was keeping her from speaking, but her face suddenly becomes enraged, as well as a little hurt, and she stalks over and pokes her finger in my chest.

***
Hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge, and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet ain't so far down
***

"How long have I known you, Son-kun? Huh? How many years? How many times have I almost died going on some crazy adventure with you?" she begins angrily, her words moving faster than my brain can follow.

Which is probably a good thing, because it's obvious she doesn't want me to talk yet when she continues.

She finally stops trying to impale me with her finger and crosses her arms over her chest. "I thought I was your best friend," she accuses heatedly.

"You-you are," I manage out in my shock, and I take a quick peek at the other two people in the room. Vegeta seems to know exactly what's going on if the smirk on his face is any indication, but Gohan looks just as bewildered by Bulma's ranting as I am.

"Oh really?" she shrieks. "Then why didn't you tell me, huh? I mean, I used to bathe you, for Kami's sake!"

Okay, now I'm really confused. "Tell you what, Bulma?" I ask worriedly.

"Everything!" she screams, making me cringe. "Your marriage, this whole thing with Videl," - my stomach immediately drops, and I see Gohan stagger - "and..." She pauses, and I see every ounce of anger melt out of her face, leaving only the hurt and sympathy. "If I'm supposed to be your best friend, why'd you let me think you were a happy, empty-headed idiot all these years? After all the times you've helped save this place, why didn't you tell me you needed someone to help you this time?"

And then she turns her head away and sniffles before muttering, "Stupid Saiyajin men," under her breath; she leans forward, wrapping her arms around my waist in a strong hug, burying her face in my shirt, and all I can do is return the embrace and curse myself once again for making another huge error in judgment by not trusting my closest friends.

***
Sad eyes follow me but I still believe there's something left for me
So please come stay with me, 'cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
***

"I'm sorry I never said anything, Bulma," I whisper raggedly. "I just didn't want you guys to worry about me."

"We would've been there for you, you know," she admonishes as she pulls away and wipes her eyes. "Me, Krillin, Yamcha... even Kami-senin. We all love you, even if you're not just a big, smiling oaf like we thought you were."

I nod, and I know now that it's true. Hell if I know why I thought acting like I have was necessary for so long. "I'm sorry you had to find out like this, too," I add to my apology. "I guess it's a good thing Vegeta told you, after all."

A shadow crosses over her face for a moment as she glances toward Gohan uncertainly. Then she sighs heavily. "It wasn't Vegeta that told me," she replies. "It was Videl. She and I had a little talk tonight about... everything."

Oh gods... I fight off a wave of vertigo that threatens to send me to my knees, just from hearing her name and the immediate hardening of Gohan's features. And as much as I want, need, to know what she said, I'm scared as hell to find out.

I'm scared that my leaving this planet, and her, is what she would want me to do now.

And a lot more scared of the possibility that it's not.

***
Hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge, and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet ain't so far down
***

I swallow hard. Swallow back the questions, the tightness in my throat, the tears building at the corners of my eyes, the momentary doubt in the basic rules of right and wrong I've held onto for dear life these last few months. I can't change my mind now. As soon as I'm gone and this bond is broken, Videl can move on.

The only way I can love her now is by letting her go back to Gohan and become one with him.

"Actually," I begin carefully, "that's why I'm here, Bulma. With everything that's been happening, I..." I struggle against another spasm in my gut, "I've decided the best thing for me to do is leave for a while."

The bright blue eyes blink several times. "You're leaving? But... where are you going?"

"As far out as this thing will take me," I reply, tapping my knuckles lightly on the steel wall. "And as soon as I can get it stocked and ready."

"Does Chichi know yet?" she asks, catching me off guard.

I was expecting her to freak out on me, not ask me whether I'd informed my wife. "Not yet," I admit.

She doesn't seem surprised. "Well, you probably shouldn't say anything until the day before you take off," she mumbles. She leans forward and smiles sadly when she notices the perplexed expression on my face. "I've said it once already tonight, Son-kun. I don't know what you should do," she whispers softly enough so that neither Vegeta or Gohan can hear. "You know I'll help you any way I can, even if it means helping you leave this planet, but I don't think you should do anything unless you're absolutely sure it's the right thing. For both of you."

All I can do after that is gape as she begins going through the systems and making a list of supplies I'll need. Within minutes, she assures me that I can be off the ground in three days if I'm sure this is what I want to do.

I have to remind myself it has nothing to do with want. I have to leave. And soon.

*~*~*~*

Lyrics: Love Among the Ruins by 10000 Maniacs, Places You Have Come to Fear the Most by Dashboard Confessional, and One Last Breath by Creed