Fan Fiction ❯ It Only Hurts ❯ It Only Hurts When I Talk ( Chapter 4 )

“Spike…” Kitty sighed as she walked back into her living room. Blu and Puppy had just left, they had spent the night and it was about noon now. “What's wrong with me?”

 

Spike looked up at her as he turned off the T.V. and said, “Nothings wrong with you.”

 

“No…” Kitty shook her head as she stood in front of him. “Something's wrong with me. Something has to be wrong with me…”

 

“Why does something have to be wrong with you?” Yes Spike knew what was wrong with her, she was denying that she was his, it was eating at her. He couldn't make her except this so he would just play stupid for the time being.

 

Kitty's eyes started tearing up a little and she shook her head barely whispering, “I don't know…but it hurts…”

 

Spike pulled her down into his lap, so she was straddling his legs and asked, “It hurts how?”

 

“It doesn't hurt, it just hurts.” Kitty said before she realized how incredibly dumb it sounded outside of her head.

 

“I think you need to elaborate Kitten.” Spike said tucking some hair behind her ear. “I can't read your mind, so that didn't sound too intelligent.”

 

Kitty sighed; at least he didn't outright say she sounded like a moron. “You know when your best friend punches you really hard in the stomach because they didn't want to be your friend anymore after a fight, after a while your stomach will stop hurting but you still feel bad…” Kitty really hoped that sounded more intelligent then her first attempt otherwise she really was going to all out cry.

 

“Ok that's better, I understand you now.” Spike said with a nod. “To put it simply your emotionally hurt…”

 

“I guess…” Kitty said leaning into him. “I just want it to go away…”

 

“I know…” Spike said, turning so he could lay down in turn making Kitty lay down on him. “I know Kitten.”

 

Kitty let Spike rub her back for a while before she said, though it came out more as a whine then anything else, “Spike make it stop…”

 

Spike let out a sigh and held her closer, “I can't make it stop Kitten. I'd love to but I can't.”

 

“You know what's wrong don't you?” Kitty whispered looking up at him. “You feel hurt too…”

 

“Yeah.” Spike said, answering both of her questions. “But I'm not the one that can make it stop…”

 

Kitty looked away from him now, a guilty look seeped into her eyes. She didn't need to ask who it was that could make it stop, she knew it was her. “How…”

 

“How do you make it stop?” Spike asked, to make sure, looking down at her. When she nodded he said, “There's no point in telling you, you can't lie and make it stop, lying makes it worse. You'll figure it out, and it'll stop hurting…”

 

“I…I'm going to go…” Kitty said wiggling out of Spike's grasp.

 

“Go where?” Spike asked watching her as she headed for the door.

 

“Downstairs, I'll be back later; if you go somewhere…I'll…I'll still be back up here later…” Kitty said shaking her head before she headed out the door. She couldn't be up there, in her, their, room; she couldn't be around him right now.

 

~

 

“Kitty you're a little dangerous today…” Jo said as he blocked a hard hit from Kitty's staff. “What's up?”

 

Kitty backed off and waved her hand to tell him to stop. Both of their staffs hung down by their side as they walked off to the side. “I'm just a little…you know out of it…”

 

“You and Spike fighting?” Jo questioned, he knew a fair amount on demons, he couldn't relate but he could understand.

 

“No…not at the moment…” Kitty said leaning against the wall. “We're on ok terms at the moment.”

 

“What's with the “at them moment” theme?” Jo asked as he slid down the wall after her.

 

“It's shaky…” Kitty explained, “We could probably start fighting if one of us told a “that's just not funny” joke.” Kitty did air quotes before resting her arms back on her bent knees. “We have a shaky relationship…”

 

“You don't trust him do you?” Jo looked at Kitty to see her answer more then listen to it. He had known Kitty for six years, since she was twelve and he was seventeen, Kitty's body language spoke louder then her words.

 

Kitty bit her lip before shaking her head. “I don't know…it's hard to say. There's times when he can be a good guy, and help me, but others I just don't want to know him.”

 

“It a fragile thing, trust…” Jo nodded at his statement, he was glad it fit the moment without sounding too corny. “You're still establishing how much you trust him.”

 

 

Spike turned and walked away from the training room door, he didn't want to hear anymore of their conversation. He had carefully waited until the right time to leave so he didn't jump off the handle; it was a smart thing to do. Had he left when she said she didn't know he would have been pissed off, but hearing her and Jo out he realized he really hadn't given her much reason to trust him.

 

It still hurt to hear she didn't trust him, or at least didn't trust him a lot. It hurt but he wasn't mad at her. He'd have to give her space, that's what she needed; hell that's what he needed too.

 

Spike bumped into Gabriel halfway up the stairs. Spike looked at Gabriel for a moment before saying, “If you're looking for Kitten she's in the training room, though I think she's still refusing to talk to you.”

 

“How could you tell I was looking for her?” Gabriel asked eyeing the younger man.

 

“You look ready to go to battle and you're not armed, also I'm a demon who has ties with Kitten, I can tell when someone feels something strong for her. You just happened to be stressed so I'm not getting any warnings I'm just aware of it.” Spike explained.

 

“Hmm…” Gabriel thought about this for a moment and then nodded. “What do you think the odds she'll even look at me are?”

 

“I'm not her, I don't know, but I'd say you have pretty good odds. She's a little stressed too, so I don't suggest trying to get her to see anything your way, but you might be able to make peace.” Spike said shrugging slightly.

 

“Do I even want to know what you two are fighting about?” Gabriel sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose.

 

“We're not fighting…Kitten's just stressed out.” Spike told him looking off to the side for a moment before looking back at Gabriel. “I'm not fairing so well either, but we'll both be ok.”

 

“You two just need some time. Everything will get better.” Gabriel nodded. “Well I won't keep you, and I'm going to try and get her talking to me again, my apologies if I make things worse.”

 

“No problem…” Spike said waving his hand over his shoulder as he walked the rest of the way up the stairs.

 

~

 

Spike and Kitty only saw each other for short moments during the day, but mostly stayed out of the others way. Like Kitty had said to Jo and Spike had said to Gabriel, they weren't fighting. No, they weren't even mad at each other, really they were just indifferent to the others presence at the time.

 

Eventually, around eleven, they were back up in Kitty's room, quietly sitting close together on the couch zoning out to some random movie that they had found on T.V. It was one of those old scary movies that weren't that scary anymore after watching about three times. They just made you jump a little.

 

“Are you talking to your dad?” Spike asked once a commercial came on.

 

“Yeah, kinda…” Kitty nodded. “We're not yelling, which is a good sign, we're just kinda soft spoken now. It'll be back to normal in a few days…”

 

Spike nodded at this information. People had cycles; Kitty apparently knew this one well. “Are you going to be ok tomorrow?”

 

“Hmm?” Kitty thought for a second before it hit her. “Oh…school…”

 

“Yeah, school. Are you going to be ok?” Spike re-asked his question.

 

“Mmhmm, even if I'm not I'm an incredible actress when the time calls for it, none of my teachers will know any better then to think I'm just indifferent to my day.” Kitty moved closer and leaned into Spike when she felt him lightly nudging her to him with the hand that found its way to her hip.

 

“You don't have to pretend you know, Kitten…”

 

“Yeah I know…”

 

“But you're going to anyway, aren't you?” Spike questioned looking down at her.

 

Kitty nodded. “After a few times of coming to school with bumps and bruises the teacher's tend to send me to the counselor for anything.”

 

“They think your dad hit's you don't they?” Spike wasn't trying to pry, he just wanted to know.

 

“Yeah, they're suspicious of him.” Kitty said quietly. “I think after they met him it calmed their nerves because they saw we got along just fine and he was a nice guy. Now they mostly think, though some still think it's him, that I get in fights after school.”

 

“Technically you do…” Spike said nuzzling the top of her head.

 

“They think it's because I'm a troubled kid though, not the real reason.” Kitty explained. “They think it's because of my mom…”

 

“What happened?”

 

Kitty shook her head and tried to move away, but Spike just kept her against him. “I don't want to tell…”

 

“Come on Kitten…” Spike whispered to her, “You can tell me.”

 

“She died…” Kitty said hoping that'd be the end of it. Even though she knew very well that Spike was not the type of person to take simple answers.

 

“I figured that out on my own Kitten, tell me how.” Spike said putting his other arm around her in a hug.

 

“She…” Kitty couldn't seem to get passed that point. After a while she took a deep breath and said, “She was coming to get me from school when I was seven…She walked up to get me just as she saw some guys coming up to me. She must have seen the guns they had too, because she turned to me so I was hidden by her body and…they shot her in the back. The police officer who was there for the day stopped them before they got to me; he came out after the second shot…” Kitty wiped at her eyes as she looked down at her lap. “It was my fault…all of it…”

 

“It wasn't your fault Kitten…You were just a kid.” Spike said holding her closer. “You didn't do anything, and you couldn't have done anything.”

 

“If I had listened…” Kitty whimpered to Spike as she pulled away from him, and stood up. “If I had just listen to my mom and dad and stayed home!”

 

Spike stood up and hugged her. He didn't say anything he just hugged her. She was shaking against him, and crying. He knew she wanted him to comfort her, she just didn't feel like she deserved it.

 

“I was so stupid!” Kitty cried. “I didn't listen to them for my own selfish reasons!”

 

“Kitten, stop blaming yourself.” Spike ordered lightly. “You were a little kid; you didn't understand that it was important that you listened to your parents about that.”

 

“But…”

 

“I don't want to hear it Kitten.” Spike cut her off by putting his finger to her lips. He took his hand way from her lips and wrapped it back around her before saying, “I don't want to hear you blame yourself for something that not only wasn't your fault, but you also can't change.”

 

“Let me go…” Kitty said lightly pushing on his chest.

 

“Why?” Spike asked her like he was considering listening to her, but not letting her go.

 

“Just let me go…” Kitty said shaking her head. “I want…I just don't want to be here…”

 

“Kitten shut up and just except the comfort I'm giving you.” Spike growled lightly. “I don't want to hear that you don't want to be near me, or you don't want to do something.”

 

Kitty sighed look off to the side instead of looking up at him, “Then let's go to sleep…”

 

“Ok sleep is good…” Spike whispered kissing the top of her head.