Title: FFARG Review (chapter 1)
Reviewed By: Yuugi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: January 20, 2006 19:03 CST
Comment/Review:
First off, I want to say I really liked the humor in this chapter and the way you portrayed Yahiko. However, you do have some characterization issues and some common grammatical errors. You should also take note of your capitalization issues when you finish a quote. While your descriptions are adequate, I felt as if I was missing something and the action for this chapter was hard to follow. The sentences were also a bit choppy which made it harder to understand. Try smoothing it out a little with some more vivid adjectives and verbs. Overall this was a fairly pleasant read. Thank you for submitting your chapter the FFARG and I hope you continue doing so.
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