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| "The Trials of Shinobi" Reviews/Comments [ 6 ] | Title: Review for Chapter 1.
Reviewed By: radiomovie [MediaMiner Member] On: April 12, 2007 21:22 CDT
Comment/Review:
Yo. Long time no anything. Hope you're well. Me? Lots to say ... LOTS ... but I'll stay on topic here in hopes that proper forums for the other topics manifest themselves eventually. I like that this draft has Rock Lee at the start where your first draft instead had Naruto. In my opinion, Naruto was too distracting for right at the start. And I'm glad that the conversation with Kiba and his dog, that was in the first draft, isn't in this draft. In my opinion, that was too soon in the story to show Arika's temper towards Kazu, because then the audience wouldn't care so much about Arika, in my opinion, becuase I think that characters and people in general should be nice -- or extremely odd -- in order for the audience to care about them ... so I'm glad you cut that part. In other words, this fic is evolving nicely. Oh, and in this draft, here are my first impressions of the characters: Arika has too much of a temper to even be trusted around weapons. Kazu reminds me of buddies I've had in the past; I like him. He's someone who doesn't watch what he says, so therefore big immature dumb white guys like myself can be comfortable enough around him to talk mindlessly about anything without having to worry about self-censoring. I like him. Tatsukuro, in my opinion, seems fake. He's basically a good guy who's a rule-follower. I think he's boring, but I do see why it's essential for him to be on the team since his attitude is in between Arika and Kazu's attitudes. Nariko seems insecure. She verbally demands to be treated like an adult, but she acts like a child. But what's an adult anyway? Maybe adults are people over fifty. I like her. I want to mention some grammar stuff, but I also want to mention stuff on other topics, so I'd best just get back to work on what I was doing. As usual with your fics, it was a pleasant distraction ... but it was a distraction, and I've got more important things to do, so bye.
| Title: Ch4
Reviewed By: Kitsune no Rai [MediaMiner Member] On: February 21, 2007 15:07 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Another fast update. Great chapter. It'll be interesting to see how Arika's family reacts to seeing her. Great idea for character development. I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
| Title: Ch 3
Reviewed By: Kitsune no Rai [MediaMiner Member] On: February 18, 2007 17:38 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow, that was a fast update. Anyway, great chapter. I can't think of anything negative about it. You gave a little backstory for Arika. That was a nice change of pace. I liked how you gave at least a little foreshadowing in the first chapter when she mentioned that she dislikes her family. Good job.
| Title: The Trials of Shinobi chpt 1&2
Reviewed By: shattered-words [MediaMiner Member] On: February 18, 2007 07:32 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
This was a very good story and I hope you update soon so I can read more of it. Cheers on a well done job.
| Reviewed By: Kitsune no Rai [MediaMiner Member] On: February 17, 2007 15:43 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, this is another good chapter. A couple of suggestion though. -If you are going to use Japanese names for jutsu, please put the English beside it or just use the English form. I had no idea what the one of the two Japanese jutsu you used meant, and the other I only half understood. -Also, why did you switch from third person to first person? That confused me and it threw the chapter of a little for me. -You use a lot of nicknames for your characters. It might just be me, but a lot of the nicknames throw me off and I have to look back a chapter to figure it out which nickname was for which person. -I did, however like the fight scenes for this chapter. You tried for a little variation with the basic bell test and for that good job as many would just say basic bell test and call it a day. -Hirokazu reminds me of Tayuya and Noriko reminds me of a character from my fic at least as far as elemental jutsu goes. All and all, it was a good chapter and I look forward to the next. And with that I'm going to update my fic. I expect to see more chapters soon. Good work.
| Reviewed By: Kitsune no Rai [MediaMiner Member] On: February 01, 2007 15:45 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, I decided to give this fic a chance and I'm glad I did. It's good for a first chapter and I'm glad that you did things differently than normal. This OC team reminds me of the Naruto fanfiction I'm doing except mine takes place two years before the Rookie Nine instead of one. The characters are each different and each have their own flaws. I can tell that I'm going to like Noriko the most. Anyway, my only real problem is a pet-peeve of mine and it shouldn't be taken as a mark against your fic. I just don't really read fanfiction that uses Japanese words like hai, baka, Ja where all the person has to say is bye, yes, no. Most of the time I do understand it, but I just don't like it. There are exceptions like honorifics and jutsu names, but other than that it just annoys me. I will, however, continue watching this fic and I'll wait for you to update. This story has a chance at giving OC stories a better name than just a bad romance hack between Sasuke, Itachi, Gaara, Neji, etc. x OC. Sorry for the miniature rant. Anyway, keep writing.
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