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| "Life's Pains" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: SnappedChopstick On: October 25, 2004 11:25 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ugh... A Mary-Sue, and a blatant one at that. I would be embarrassed to present something like this to my teacher. Why don't you make something up using your OWN characters instead of taking Kazuya Minekura's? The violence in this fic is completely unnecessary; there for the sake of being there. You probably think it's "dramatic" whereas I (as an English major and future English teacher) think it's contrived and pointless. The whole fic reeks of fangirl, too. "Look how dark and deep I am! I am full of angst! I will make myself feel better about my patheic life by writing myself into a terrible Saiyuki fic!" Hone your writing skills by actually doing your assignments for your class, not trying to be "dark" and writing bad fanfiction. You have potential - I would hate to see it wasted.
| Reviewed By: Hariko Tanaka On: August 25, 2004 01:32 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
your fic is great!!!keep up the good work!!!please write more!!!!if you write, i'll read and reply.......
| Reviewed By: Luna Hoshino On: August 22, 2004 19:58 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 2 of 10 Comment/Review:
Whoo boy, where do I even START? First of all, this story SCREAMS 'Mary Sue.' Let's see, we've got a new female character who immediately needs rescuing by our heroes-- and not only that, but she manages to get Goku to TAKE OFF HIS DIADEM to save her. Sorry, dear, but the ONLY times that has ever happened were when he was so angry and so worried for Sanzo that he shattered it, and again when Homura removed it. Goku certainly wouldn't need to take it off to beat Zakuro into the ground. And then there's her oh-so-angsty past. Please. It's cliche as heck. Yeah, the Saiyuki boys have angsty pasts too, but they aren't shoved in our faces in the very first volume; rather, they are revealed gradually through a series of separate incidents. Your spelling and grammar are fairly decent, but this story was DOA. You could be a good writer if you work at it, but PLEASE don't make the mistake of adding to the Mary Sue plague. My advice would be to forget trying to write original characters until you have a better handle on the canon characters. Try writing some Saiyuki fics about the boys themselves to explore their personalities. but leave the OCs out of it.
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