Reviewed By: Salmastryon On: October 29, 2004 21:55 CDT
Comment/Review:
The two things that struck me the most about this story were the characterizations and the dialog. The characters portrayed are very much how I interpreted them from the Manga and Anime. This was most evident in your dialog. What the characters say and how the say it is an element often overlooked in fan fiction. Describing a character's way of speaking and portraying their actions during dialog is a very tricky thing to do. More often then not an author leaves you wonder what is going on or jars you out of the conversations flow with too much description. You avoided this and managed to include some excellant imagry. I particularly liked this bit: The toad turned back to the child, his eyes narrowing slightly and replied with a slight huff of annoyance, "You mean that human brat who tried to kill you? Why would I know where a worthless creature like that is?" He paused to square his shoulders and take a more imperious tone. "My Lord should never have saved such a devious brute in the first place." However, despite the wonderful description that encapsulates the dialog, the description of events suffers from the common malaise of Show, Don't Tell. That being that the description is not actively showing the reader what is happening, but telling the read what is happening. This combined with run-ons makes that part of the story difficult to read and disrupts the flow of the story. It will be interesting to see how the story unfolds in the next part.
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