Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: whirleeq [MediaMiner Member] On: May 07, 2005 18:22 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hello! You did not specify which chapter to review in your post, so I'm reviewing the preface/first chapter. Your style of writing is good, and having Keiko's thoughts as a preface definitely helped me understand your Yusuke. However, I think that you probably need to take another look at formatting your fic. Right now, it is a little difficult to read because there are no blank lines in between your paragraphs, and there is nothing to indicate a change of scene. I didn't notice any obvious spelling errors, but you should watch your comma usage in the future. In Keiko's thoughts, you have quite a few very long comma separated sentences that seem a little disjointed and probably would have been better as shorter sentences. Also, you need to remove the "Converting /tmp/php4z5c7D to /dev/stdout" that appears at the end of the chapter. I'm not sure why that is there. Maybe it's because of the text editor that you use. Try changing the application that you are using for editing. Personally, I have used Word, Wordpad, Textpad and Dreamweaver successfully on this site. Thank you for your submission, and I hope this review was helpful! Regards, ~whirleeQ
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