/ ❯ Puberty Pan ❯ Puberty Pan ( One-Shot )

A/N: The Bullshitting Penguins STRIKE AGAIN! See, Me, Majin Cosmo, wrote this, and Tainted Fire laughed at it! This is not intended to offend any T/P fanfiction lovers….oh…WAIT!…oh oh…YES IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No flames please…oh…wait…oh, oh….GO AHEAD! FLAME TILL YOUR HEART'S DESIRE! We are penguins, and we are COLD DAMMIT! We'll make it a bonfire! WEENIES AND MARSHMALLOWS FOR ALL MARRON/TRUNKS FANS!!!

WooHOo

Story Summary:

Trunks cheats on Pan and so she turns to an unlikely source of comfort, but the new apple of her eye is already taken! Can you guess which dark warrior Pan finds herself falling for, and the exotic beauty that already has him claimed? She falls for Mr. Popo! And his exotically colored lover Kami wants him back! No…not really. It's a battle of love, and the stakes are set for a certain mysterious warrior prince. And how will Trunks take this? Will he realize that he can't lose Pan, or will a certain revelation tear them apart for good?

The Actual Story:

Trunks watched as a hot blonde sauntered by their table. He didn't hesitate to reach over and casually slap her ass.

"Hey there blondie. I'm certain I've seen your face somewhere before…oh well, can't remember, but ya know where I'd like to see it? Sucking my big, fourteen inch…"

"TRUNKS!" Pan screeched in an annoyingly childish voice. After all, she was only fifteen.

"What is it kid?" Trunks asked casually.

"You always are cheating on me!" She whined obnoxiously.

"No I'm not…hey! Yeah, you. Um waitress, I was wondering when this fine establishment opens."

"You mean the restaurant?" The ditzy waitress asked with a tilt of her head.

"No, darlin, your legs." Trunks said casually, sliding his hand up her short skirt.

"SEE?" Pan screeched again. The waitress completely ignored Trunks's advance and turned her attention to Pan, whipping out a little box of colored crayons.

"Awww! Your daughter is so cute! Would you like some crayons little girl?" She asked happily, giving Pan the box.

"I'm NOT a little girl! I'm HIS girlfriend!" Pan cried, pointing at Trunks who was now leaning his chair back as so that he could talk to the busty woman in the table behind them.

"Awwww!" The waitress repeated. "Do you want to marry your daddy because you love him so much?" The waitress asked with sickening sweetness. Pan threw down her napkin and stormed from the table, tripping in the high heels she wasn't used to wearing and landing flat on her face. "Honey? Would you like me to get you a Tellatubby bandaid?" The waitress called after her. Pan went four shades of red and dragged herself to the ladies room, looking like hell warmed over.

A rather pudgy woman with a big purse looked at her sympathetically.

"Is it your first time?" Pan blinked in confusion. "You know, your period. I have some sanitary napkins if you need them sweetie." She said in a motherly tone.

"It is NOT my first time! I'm NOT a baby!" She screamed, stomping her foot to emphasize her point.

"Well dear, you've got some acne popping up and you look a little bloated. I just thought you might have been caught unprepared." She said as she exited the bathroom. Pan looked into the mirror to see acne and a puffy face.

"When can I find a man that will love me even though I am under age, one that will shower me with time and attention, and one that just happens to be filthy rich?" Pan thought about it for a second before coming to the conclusion that no such man existed. She tried to touch up her mascara but only succeeded in poking out one of her eyes. Her dress was ripped from her previous fall, she did look bloated, her face was all broken out, and her hair looked like warmed over shit. As she exited the bathroom, she ran into two people that she least expected to see. Bulma and Vegeta were heading for their table when suddenly Bulma's cell phone rang.

"What? I need to go on an extended business trip right away? And I won't be coming back for a couple months? I'll be right there!" She said happily as she ran out of the restaurant leaving Vegeta to inhale both of their meals before he finally spotted her. They were caught in each other's eyes, no one else mattered.

"Vegeta?" She asked weakly.

"No Girl…Run. I feel a Saiyan mating rut coming on! I…can't fight it! I'm…turning into a….sex crazed monkey! Run!" He said in a deep, sexy voice. Pan attempted to saunter towards him, but she was completely awkward thanks to the joys of puberty. Vegeta's eyes scanned over her stringy black hair, and her ant bite breasts, the pitiful make-up job, finally stopping on the flare up of acne that dotted her pre-adolescent skin.

"I want you Vegeta." She said huskily.

"Yes, woman, how could I go back to my rich, genius, spirited, Kami-can-her-breasts-be-any-bigger mate after meeting you. I think it is your underdeveloped chest and the acne that is setting my Saiyan Sex Senses on fire!"

"FATHER! How could you?" Trunks bellowed as he pushed in between the two.

"Step aside boy, you are not man enough for her, even though you are in your late thirties and technically that would make me in my late fifties early sixties! She needs a Saiyan Prince!"

"No father! You don't want her, trust me! She has…"

"Trunks don't say it! Oh Kami no!" Pan interjected but to no avail.

"She has…WEBBED FEET!" The restaurant went deadly silent and a pin drop could be heard. Suddenly, the silence was broken by Bulma.

"Hey everybody! Is this the scene where I enter and find my husband of over thirty years cheating on me with an annoying teenager?" A guy in the bar nodded his head and slid a drink down to her. "Thanks buddy, I'll need it." She said with a smile as she downed it and boldly walked forward.

"Bulma! You're back already!… Oh well, I wasn't going to do anything with her anyway." He leaned over and whispered, "She has webbed feet. You know…she's one of those types." Bulma's upper lip curled up in disgust.

"Ewww! Freakwad! Carnie!" She said as she and Vegeta left the restaurant, behind Trunks who had two busty blondes in tow.

"But now who will I victimize?" Pan wailed.

~~~

All this and more on the next episode of 'Puberty Pan'

And now, on special only, you can get your own 'Puberty Pan' action figure WITH WEBBED FEET! From the fine Irwin toy makers. Comes with a great accessory! A CRAPLOAD of shitty Pan/Trunks FANFICTION! Yes! Make it yours NOW! Dial 1-800-P.A.N. (which stands for 'Pathetically Annoying Nuisance'. Or it could be just like a normal pan.)

By: Predominately Majin Cosmo with a hint of Tainted Fire