Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Tale of Two Wallets ❯ Anatomy Lessons ( Chapter 36 )

A Tale of Two Wallets

(An Altered Destiny)

Written by Jim Robert Bader

Proofread by Shiva Barnwell

Lotion sat in silent contemplation as she regarded the tealeaves in her cup. So thoughtful was her repose that she barely acknowledged Cologne's polite inquiry, "See anything of interest?"

"Indeed," Lotion replied in a distant tone of voice that the Matriarch well knew meant that the Lore Master was receiving an important vision, "My granddaughter is about to make inquiries that will have dire consequences for your apprentice as well as mine. Old specters from the past shall emerge, and promises made will be regretted."

"Interesting," Cologne replied, long ago having resigned herself to never receiving a straight answer to such a direct question from her old rival, yet for the sake of formalities she asked it anyway, "And what does all that mean?"

"Pretty much what you would expect where it involves the son of Saotome Genma," Lotion said as she shook of her mood and turned away with great fatigue evident in her motions.

"That bad," Cologne murmured, churning over a mental list of possible calamities in the offing.

"The boy is a puzzle, isn't he?" Lotion mused as she tested her legs on the floor as if to assure herself that they were steady, "Combining many of the best and worst aspects of the father, and yet also containing the seeds of much greatness. He should go far under your tutelage, with a little bit of training."

"This I already know," Cologne replied, "But you hinted just now that there is a possible threat to him."

"More like a promise unanswered," Lotion sighed as she leaned upon her staff, "These Japanese do have many quaint customs and traditions to amaze and confound a pair of old fuddy-duddies such as us. Thankfully my new apprentice is blessedly lacking in sentimental attachment to the worst of those traditions. Unfortunately there is one who makes up for this absence in abundance, and her claim upon young Saotome goes deeper than any bond to a fiancée."

Cologne's owlish eyes grew notably wider as she hissed the word, "Nodoka!"

"Indeed," Lotion acknowledged with a tired nod of her head, "Your granddaughter's rival will soon reenter the picture in Nerima, and when this occurs there will be a crisis that will test the resolve of both of our young wards. If the wrong choices are made the consequences could be dreadful."

"And what do you plan to do about this?" Cologne asked tensely.

Lotion glanced away and there was a long pause before she said, "I have spent half the night sitting here trying to decide that one for myself, but in the end I have decided to take no action in the immediate present. I would counsel you to do the same, Matriarch, or at least until such time as a way for us to make ourselves useful is presented. At the appropriate hour the timely intervention of an Elder will be most welcome for our young students, and it should avert one or both of our grandchildren taking hasty and drastic measures of their own to resolve the crisis."

"I see," Cologne replied, "That would be very likely where Comb is concerned, but I thought you had a higher degree of trust in Silk, your senior apprentice?"

"My granddaughter does as she sees fit, which more often than not is in accordance with her desires rather than any objective insight as a Lore Master," Lotion replied as she began to hobble towards the stairs, "Now, if you will excuse me, Matriarch, I must retire to my bed. These long sessions of probing the alternate passages of Destiny can be most exhausting. I will emerge when I am ready to once again resume the education of my apprentice."

"I'll try and see to it nothing major happens while you are away," Comb said with low sarcasm.

Lotion paused at the first step, turned around with a coy smile and said, "Oh by the way…there is one other bit of news that should interest you. An old acquaintance has returned from a long slumber. I think you may be hearing about him rather shortly." And with that the old woman pulled herself up the first of the stairs, humming a tune to herself that Cologne only belatedly recognized as being an old song from the Americas, circa the late 50's, "My Boyfriend's Back and There's Gonna be Trouble…"

Cologne stood stock still, barely noticing when Lotion made her way up the stairs, her eyes very wide indeed with shock and apprehension, but when she recovered her expression turned to one of deep resentment and annoyance.

"HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" she shouted to the silence of the empty Nekohaten…

Nabiki's Journal Resumes:

I woke up to the peculiar sound of metal clanging against metal and wondered if the trash people were picking up on the wrong day, then I saw the time on my clock and realized that it was long past sunrise. I must have overslept or something, but usually about this time I'm woken up by Uncle Genma telling me that it's time to join Ranma in morning practice.

I yawned hugely, stretching and feeling tired in every bone and joint, thinking maybe I should just give it a rest and tell Ranma's father to go stuff it. Still that insistent ring of metal on metal draws me to wonder who is outside giving who else such a workout. I've pretty much determined at this point that somebody is taking turns sparring in the garden, but since Ranma and his father tend to fight without weapons that left me to wonder who else might be sparring with metal.

Shampoo? Possible, but lately she and Ranma have been working on unarmed combat styles, and it wasn't too likely they'd break from that pattern. Ukyo? Another definite possibility, given Kuonji's penchant for whacking people over the head with that oversized spatula she uses.

And then my tired brain wakes up and I remember that we have other guests staying with us. All at once I throw off the covers and jump out of bed, awake and alert with a desire to see what my prospective Mother-In-Law is like when she goes into action.

I pull on a pair of shorts and a tank top, which is as much in the way of practice gear as I feel up to at the present, then I take the stairs two or three at a time, vaulting the last five steps to save time, which may be nothing when compared with Ranma's ability to leap over houses but certainly is as far as I'll go before risking a broken ankle. In just under a minute from coming awake I made it to the patio and found-much as I'd expected-our two guests were working out while Ranma and his father stood on the sideline along with Shampoo, Ryoga, Akane and my father.

There was Comb working out with a Chinese straight sword flashing in her hand while Silk deflected her thrusts with that silver flute that she uses like a short staff. (At least I think it's silver, but from the way she was using the thing it must be lined with some other tough metal) The pinging sound of steel against silver was ringing loudly in my ears as I approached this scene, barely able to follow the rapid exchange of movements as it seemed to me like the two Amazon ladies are intent on killing one another. Given the way they bicker now and then I wouldn't be half surprised if that was what they were trying to do, but then I realized after another moment that what looked like a life-and-death fight was really just a controlled set of motions with each woman pulling just short of doing the other actual physical damage.

To be frank I was amazed by both of their techniques. I may not be as expert as Ranma at detecting the nuances of various martial-arts styles, but I could tell that these two were pros, deadly fighters who had honed their craft before any of us were at the age of conception. The way they fought was almost like a coordinated routine that you'd expect to find in a top-notch Chop-Sockie Hong Kong action movie, only there was no one on the set telling them to break for lunch or exchange places with a stunt double. I could well believe Comb's claim to being a former tribal champion, and from where I sit she's never really lost it.

I approached Shampoo and was hailed by her usual warm greeting, which of course earned Ranma's attention for long enough for him to nod in my direction while the Amazon looked ready to throw her arms around me but was-for some odd reason-unusually restrained this morning. I felt a little tense considering how things had gone last night and was half-afraid that she'd be angry at me for locking her out of my room. I don't know where she slept the night before (I doubt it was with Ranma, considering his shyness problem) but she seemed her usual cheerful self, so I silently hoped that I was still on her good list.

Yeah, I should mention here that I'd had a lot of thought about Shampoo the night before, one reason why I didn't get to bed real soon. I'd started to seriously consider her proposal of a three-way engagement between us and Ranma, and it wasn't really with any surprise that I decided in favor of accepting that arrangement.

I wasn't sure how Ranma was feeling about us at the moment, and there was something disturbing about the way he seemed to be ignoring us and concentrating all his energies towards studying the fight between the two Amazon parents. I was half afraid that he had gotten the wrong idea from what he had seen when he surprised me and Shampoo at the furo (and to tell the complete unvarnished truth, I could hardly blame him if he was thinking that about us!) so his silence was alarming, but I didn't know what to do or say to press him on the issue.

But then the sparring match between Comb and Silk came to an end with both ladies separating into metaphorical corners, then saluting one another and assuming mutual postures of respect and non-aggression. I was fairly amazed to see that they weren't even breathing very hard, given the furious way that they had appeared to be going at it before. I guess after over thirty-plus years of practice the two of them had worked this thing out to where it was hardly a strain on their bodies.

As I was registering this I managed to overhear my father say, "They are very skilled, and much more capable fighters than what I remember."

"Oh, we could still take them if we wanted, Tendo-kun," Uncle Genma assured back, "Not that either of us would want to try, right?"

"Indeed, Saotome," Daddy replied with a bit too much nervousness in his tone, which did not lighten my mood any as I was still trying to make my mind up about this Silk who used to be a part of his life before Momma, "Best not say that too loud, we don't want to court any more bad omens."

"Oh come now, Tendo-kun," Genma chided, "You don't seriously think that was an omen, do you? It was a weak shelf and it's been there for a long time. It probably fell down on its own, no need for you to worry."

"You're probably right," Daddy replied, but the tone of his voice was not very convincing.

Just then Comb turned to regard us, giving me a brief glance that I took to be neutral, then smiled and said, "Your turn, little one! Come show your mother how much you have improved since the last time."

"Aiyaa!" Shampoo said brightly and leaped out into the garden while Silk retired to the sidelines. I saw great eagerness in Shampoo's eyes as she called up her bonbori from wherever-the-hell it is that she normally keeps them then assumed a fighting crouch as she squared off against her mother.

"They sure are something," Ranma said as we watched mother and daughter lay into one another in what I took to be the Amazon equivalent of parent-child bonding. His voice startled me as I hadn't expected him to address me during this particular match, but then I saw him turn his head my way and he faintly smiled before adding, "About last night...sorry if I interrupted something."

"Huh?" I said intelligently, wondering to myself if he really had gotten the wrong impression.

"Shampoo's mother explained it to me," Ranma replied, "And I guess it kinda makes sense. She said a lot of things I really never thought about before. Guess I acted like a jerk, but…it kinda confused me, but now I guess it's all right."

"What are you talking about, Ranma-kun?" I asked nervously, "What did Shampoo's mother explain?"

"Oh…stuff," Ranma said tersely without looking in my direction, and not for the first time in my life I wished that I could read his mind and figure out what he was thinking. It really annoyed me at that point that he seemed to know something that I did not, which is hardly what I've come to believe is the natural way of things between us.

"Ranma-kun," I growled in warning.

He turned a smile my way that was confident and knowing, then went back to studying the quite amazing sight of two purple-haired ladies going at it sword to bonbori, and like hell was I going to fall into the trap buying into his act of pretending to know something that I didn't.

I sniffed and turned to watch the fight, impressed at how Shampoo was able to fend off an attack from her mother. Her bonbori are heavier and clumsier to work with than a sword, yet somehow Shampoo made it look easy as she and her mother chased one another back and forth across the yard, all of the time smiling like a pair giddy teenagers. In the back of my mind I was wondering what I might possibly have missed before dragging myself out of bed, and only belatedly did I start to notice that someone was missing from our assemblage. In fact it would not be until five more minutes had passed that I would ask myself the question aloud: "Where is Kasumi…?"

Kodachi groaned and covered her eyes against the light, wondering why her head felt as big as a drum this morning, and who the hell was beating on it with a pair of Jo-sticks?

She pried one eye open, then risked opening the other, discovering that she was laying between the silken sheets of her own bed under a gauze-like canopy that was seldom drawn without her asking.

Very slowly she took deep breaths, then yawned, coming back to herself with a slightly confused sense of time loss. That it was morning was obvious from the sunlight streaming through her window, yet she could not remember anything happening the night before beyond sharing a dinner with Kasumi…

That brought her bolt upright with a sharp exclamation. What had happened the night before, and why was she in her bed alone, wearing her favorite nightgown? Who had bothered to undress her, and why couldn't she remember? The last thing that she could remember was Sasuke brining her the "special" sake that was supposed to have two different flavoring extracts, the more important kind always to be served to her guest and…

"Sasuke…!" Kodachi began to growl in a low and menacing tone of voice.

Her hand snatched out to grab the bell-rope that was always near to hand and she yanked hard upon it twice, intending to give her hapless manservant a royal chewing out as soon as he came groveling into her presence, but much to her surprise the summons was answered by another who appeared only moments later with a tray in hand and a very welcoming expression.

"Good morning," said Kasumi herself, startling Kodachi beyond the point of a reply as the oldest Tendo daughter set down the tray next to Kodachi on the bed, "I hope you slept well. You passed out so suddenly that I was afraid that we'd have to call a doctor. Sasuke-san assured me that you were doing well, though, so I helped bring you to your bed and got you ready to sleep. I hope I wasn't being too forward, but since you let me stay the night I thought that I'd at least repay you by making you some breakfast."

"Ah…" was the most intelligent thing on Kodachi's mind at that moment as her eyes roved down to see the appetizing fare that had been laid out for her, far more delicious in aroma than what was usually the case when Sasuke himself was doing the cooking. There was tea and grapefruit juice, and all manner of wonderful things that made Kodachi's mouth water.

Of course the one thing that she had wanted the night before was standing directly before her wearing the most beatific smile, all innocent of any conniving intentions. Kodachi closed her mouth after several tries and said, "Ah…forgive me…it might have been the strain…of fighting with the Oni…"

"Of course," Kasumi said brightly before sitting down on the bed with perfect decorum. Kodachi could not help but notice that the dress that the Tendo girl was wearing did something very flattering to her figure, to which Kodachi could not help but quietly swallow.

"Um…forgive me for asking," Kodachi looked away, trying to compose her thoughts and wondering why she was feeling this burning sensation all over her body, "But…as I had not yet prepared a room for the night…I was wondering where you slept…?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" Kasumi replied, "Sasuke-san showed me to a room that wasn't occupied. I'm not used to sleeping in such comfortable surroundings, but I must say that I did sleep very soundly. It's just a few doors down the hall, and the bed doesn't appear to have been slept in much lately…"

Kodachi felt a chill run down her spine. Kasumi had slept THERE? Who knew what manner of awful spirits would hang about such a place, but somehow Kasumi appeared to be unaffected by any trace of lingering evil…

"That nightgown…" Kodachi murmured but could not continue.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Kasumi glanced down, "It was a perfect fit, and Sasuke-san said that it would be all right for me to wear while my own things are being washed and dried. I hope I haven't offended you. I could wear something else if you like…"

"No…ah…that is all right," Kodachi said with unusual hesitation, trying to steady her nerves though the clawing fingers of old nightmares were seeking to breach the barricades of her subconscious, "It looks…very nice on you, my friend…"

"You think so?" Kasumi asked, looking genuinely flattered, "It's such nice material, it must have cost someone a fortune."

"It did," Kodachi said tightly, "It belonged…to my mother," the last word was barely uttered at the level of a whisper.

"Oh my," Kasumi put a hand to her mouth, "I had no idea! I'm so sorry…this must bring back memories for you…"

Kodachi was finding it hard to breathe. She could feel the walls closing in around her, her tiny fists banging against the locked door of the small closet. She shut her eyes and remembered the sting of the welts along her arms and legs as she begged her mother to forgive her, that she would try harder and not make any mistakes in practice…

"Kodachi-chan?" Kasumi's gentle voice was full of concern, momentarily chasing away the nightmares, "Are you all right, Kodachi-chan?"

All at once Kodachi leaned forward and threw her arms around the other girl, hugging Kasumi tightly as the shuddering started again. It felt good to hold someone who was holding her back, calmly stroking her hair and murmuring into her ear that everything would be all right, that she didn't have to fear the darkness…

Just as suddenly as she had made the gesture Kodachi broke her hug and pushed away from Kasumi, ignoring the confused expression of the other girl as she dabbed at her eyes and tried to make light of the whole situation.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I don't know where that came from. I must have had…a very bad dream…" Kodachi forced herself to assume a calm and pleasant smile as she looked back at her new friend and said, "I must seem like a silly minx to fret so over nothing…"

Kasumi seemed confused by her friend's change of demeanor, but then her natural cheerfulness came to the fore and she said, "I understand. I used to have nightmares myself when I was a little girl, but my father would always come and chase the nightmares away, and after I started praying to the spirit of my mother I felt better about myself each morning."

"You did?" Kodachi momentarily let slip the mask of her confusion, wondering how their parental experiences could be so radically different, but then she adopted her familiar mask again and said, "You will, of course, join me in this excellent repast that you have labored so nobly to prepare. I could use the company, and it will make the food taste more pleasant."

"After you, Kodachi-chan," Kasumi smiled happily, picking up the tea-pot and pouring into a small cup of excellent china before handing this to Kodachi, who accepted the proffered drink with much gratitude…and not a little desperation…

Tofu Ono awoke to a very disturbing awareness that something was burning in the air, and an angry voice was sputtering Chinese in the kitchen. It ook him only a few heartbeats to add these elements together, then he heaved a heartfelt sigh and forced himself off of the couch, intending to stage a rescue before his whole clinic was burned to a cinder.

"<Stupid Japanese Cooking Implement!>" Kachu was snarling in Mandarin, "<How do you use these clumsy things anyway? Give me an honest fire and a wok to this…electricity…!>"

"<Excuse me,>" Tofu said as he approached her, trying to keep his tone level in spite of the alarming amount of smoke pouring out of the skillet, "<But what are you doing, Kachu-san?>"

For a moment Kachu appeared more startled that he was addressing her in her native language than at the poor success she was having in dousing the flames in the skink, "<You speak Chinese?>"

"<I've studied the language,>" he replied, "<I'm more fluent in Cantonese, though. You have to know both languages if you've researched as many texts as I have.>"

Kachu recalled what she had been upset about and turned her wrath back towards the offending skillet, "<Then explain to me what I am doing wrong! I was trying to make breakfast, but this damned thing would not heat properly!>"

"<Of course not,>" Tofu replied, "<That's an electric skillet, and I think you just killed it. It isn't supposed to be held over a fire, it generates is own heat when you plug it into a wall outlet.>"

"<It does?>" she blinked at him as if he were describing some new form of magic.

With a sigh he took the pan from her unresisting fingers, ran it under the faucet in his sink until it was sufficiently cooled down then casually tossed it into a waste basket before activated the fan to deal with the smoke problem. He then turned to her and said, "I don't mind you wanting to cook yourself a meal, but next time ask me if you have any questions about things. I've been preparing my own meals for quite some time now and it may be that I'll be able to give you a few pointers."

She noted that he was speaking Japanese again, so when she turned away from him with a flustered look in her eyes she did him the courtesy of doing likewise, "I…wasn't making it just for myself. I thought…I thought maybe…"

"Huh?" Tofu blinked his eyes, "You thought maybe…what?"

"It's nothing!" she growled, moving to the nearest window and forcing it open, "Nothing at all that should be of any interest to you…"

Tofu blinked his eyes from more than just the sting of the smoke fumes that were remaining and said, "You were going to prepare breakfast for me? But…why?"

"Because it's required of me," Kachu said without turning around, "And because…because you were nice to me last night. I wanted…Oh, never mind! I need some fresh air! You can stay here and choke on the smoke for all I care!"

Tofu remained where he was as he watched his alleged "wife" go storming towards the front door to his clinic, then after a very slight pause he picked up his heels and decided to hurry after.

"Wait up!" he cried, "At least wait until you've had time to take a shower or a bath…"

That stopped Kachu dead in her tracks. She half turned to him with an astonished look and said, "Bath?"

"Um…yes," he replied, deciding that it would not be diplomatic to mention that she looked very much like she could use one, although he had too much smoke in his nostrils to confirm the state of her body odor, "It's kind of a tradition we have here…we Japanese are famous for bathing at least twice, sometimes three times a day…"

"I'm used to taking baths," Kachu remarked neutrally, "I had one last night as a matter of fact, but I usually don't take them that often."

"Well, go ahead," he waved towards his clinic wash room, "You can bathe first, then maybe we can go out shopping together and I can get you some nice clothing."

"You…want to buy me new clothes?" Kachu frowned, "Why?"

"Uh…no reason," he said sheepishly, "But you must have been on the road an awful long time, and if that's all you normally wear, plus the fact that it's can't be too dry after last night…"

"What I'm wearing is perfectly dry," Kachu responded, but there was a different kind of hesitation in her voice, "I wouldn't want to put you to any more trouble on my behalf…"

"I don't see how you could call it trouble," Tofu shrugged, "After all you're…uh…my guest, and it's the least that I can do to help you feel more comfortable. I even know a good place in town where they sell Chinese-style clothing. If you want, I can even buy you some breakfast."

Kachu turned towards him with a look of suspicion, "And in exchange for these favors, what do you want from me?"

"Huh?" Tofu asked in confusion.

"No one is as thoughtful as you are being without having a hidden reason," Kachu said with a slight edge to her voice.

Tofu shook his head and said, "Where did you ever learn that? I don't want anything from you, really, except maybe that you could smile a little and we could at least try to be friends."

"Friends?" Kachu said the word as if she had never heard of it before, "But…you are lawfully my husband…"

"Husbands and wives can't be friends in your culture?" he asked simply.

Kachu turned away and for a moment was silent, then at last she turned around and headed for the bathroom saying, "All right, but wait your turn! I'll let you know when I'm finished."

"No problem there," Tofu sighed, relaxing a little, "If you need anything, I'll be sure to tie a sack over my head and wear a blindfold before I fetch it."

"But what good would that do…?" Kachu started to ask, then she frowned the more deeply and turned away with an angry, "Never mind. I'll be certain that I won't need anything from you while I am bathing."

Tofu remained where he was for a moment after she had vanished into the washroom then sadly shook his head and sighed, "I wonder if other married couples have honeymoons like this…?"

Ranma glanced at his iinazuke and felt a twinge of guilt for teasing her the way he had. He could tell that Nabiki was irritated by his attitude this morning, but that was certainly better than what she might have felt if she had been aware of his thoughts of the night before, when he had seen her in a clench with Shampoo and appearing to enjoy it.

His thoughts turned back to the previous night, when Comb and drawn him inside to the dojo so that they might have a private conversation beyond the hearing of others. Comb had sat across from him with only a few meters separation, not saying anything at first but waiting until she was certain that she had Ranma-chan's undivided attention.

"So," Comb had said to Ranma there in the dead of night, "You want to know what it is that men are supposed to do with women."

"Ah…" Ranma had started to say, about to protest that he had not actually asked that.

"How long have you had your curse?" Comb inquired without waiting, breaking into his train of thought, though Ranma was certain that she must already know the answer.

"A few months," he said, "Just a day before I got to your village and met Shampoo."

"And in the time since you acquired your curse, exactly how much time have you spent in your girl form?" she asked him.

"Ah…" Ranma was about to say "more than I like" but something about the purple haired woman facing him stopped him from blurting that out. Instead what he said was, "I change a lot of times whether I want to or not…it's pretty darned annoying…"

"I can well imagine," replied the Amazon Healer, "Perhaps I should have asked how much time do you usually spend in girl form, or do you always rush to change back into a man as soon as circumstances allow it?"

"I guess it doesn't really matter," Ranma replied with a hint of exasperation, "As soon as I'm a guy again it starts to rain or I run into a sprinkler or somebody dumps a pail on my head…"

"And what is the longest length of time that you have spent in your female form?" Comb asked insistently, then gave a slight smirk as she added, "Or has Grandmother used the Cat Tongue on you already?"

"Uh…she used that on me about a month ago," Ranma replied, "I spent a couple of weeks being unable to change, and that ain't no picnic."

Comb nodded to herself, "Grandmother is a creature of habits. I'm sorry for you, Young Master, it was cruel and thoughtless of her to try and coerce you into marrying my daughter. She should have used less drastic means to convince you that it was all to the better, but you seem to have decided this on your own, so I'm satisfied that you require no such persuasion."

Ranma held himself silent as he studied the other woman, wondering at the drift of this whole conversation when Comb spoke up again and answered his unvoiced question, "The reason that I ask you this is because I wanted to gauge just how much experience you have had as a woman. Obviously not enough to get a proper grasp on how things are for those of us who were born of this gender."

Again Ranma did not reply, though his confusion level was growing exponential to the amount of his silence. Deciding to allow the purple haired lady conduct this stage of their discussion he waited for her to continue, and when she did it had the suspicious sound of a classroom lecture, but one that did not threaten to put him to sleep within five minutes.

"Shampoo tells me that you have only spent time around your father," Comb resumed, "And I do not need to ask any questions concerning what he might have or not have informed you about what it means to be a woman. You cannot be expected to know, having only a limited familiarity with a body that is so very different from what you call normal."

Ranma-chan gave a bitter laugh at that and said, "You got that right, lady!"

"And yet you are in an enviable position to know things from a perspective most men would never dream of experiencing," Comb noted in passing, "And because you have this curse it is very important that you listen to what I say, and that you believe me. After all, I have a medical degree, and I am learned in Amazon lore stretching back countless millennia, so if anyone is in a position to know what it means to be a woman, you are looking right at her."

"No argument there," Ranma-chan sniffed, then paused before saying, "Does Shampoo…?"

"My daughter has had the benefit of such teaching as I have been permitted to share," Comb said with a note of sadness in her tone, "She could have been a healer, like me, if not for Grandmother's insistence that she be trained to be her heir…"

"Why did you leave her with that old ghoul?" Ranma-chan wanted to know, "It almost sounds like you abandoned her-URK!"

Without having seen the other woman move, Ranma-chan suddenly found the edge of a sword pressed up against her neck with the other end being tightly gripped by the purple haired woman, who had halfway closed the space between them.

"For your sake, Son-in-Law, I will pretend that you did not actually mean that," Comb said softly, then the sword was withdrawn and she resumed her place at the far end of the dojo, the sword vanishing to wherever it had been drawn from as she said with complete calm, "But in a way you have a good point. I did, technically, surrender my daughter to the old woman. I have certainly regretted it often enough over the past decade. I can only wonder what Shampoo must think of me…"

"Why'd you do it?" Ranma-chan asked as she felt along the side of her neck, "What kind of leverage did the old ghoul use to get you to turn over your daughter to her for training?"

"What leverage did your father use to convince your mother to surrender you to his training?" the Amazon countered, but then relented, "Once, long ago, I was being groomed by my grandmother to become her duly appointed heir, to become a warrior every bit as powerful as she was and to one day take her place as Matriarch of the Council. Then one day I met a man…your father…and the events that followed from that began to open my eyes to other possibilities that I had never before considered. I returned home and renounced my Warrior status, telling Cologne that I would henceforth train myself to become a healer of bodies rather than someone who would destroy them."

"Pop made you change your mind?" Ranma asked in stark disbelief.

"Do not be so shocked, young Warrior," Comb mused, "There was more to your father in those days than the person you see now. After all, despite his many faults, he managed somehow to raise you to be a warrior fit enough to defeat an Amazon champion and earn your groom status."

"Ah…" Ranma winced, "Nobody bothered explaining the rules to me…"

"Indeed," Comb interrupted, "But to resume my explanation…Grandmother was very disappointed in me and did not, at first, accept my refusal. She would not let me train to become a healer until I promised that one of my line would take my place, and by those carelessly misspoken words was the fate of my daughter decided. Shampoo would become the designated heir, and when she was six years of age that old woman came to collect on my promise."

"So you gave her over to the old crone," Ranma concluded.

"Indeed," Comb sighed, "To my everlasting shame and regret. I have been forced, because of that promise, to sit back and watch as my grandmother took my place in raising Shampoo to be a warrior of some measure. If it were not for my other two daughters my life would have been empty because of this, but as a consequence of my choices my eldest child has been made to suffer."

"So what do you want me to do about it?" Ranma-chan asked in a neutral tone, "I've already agreed that I ain't gonna fight about the marriage."

"That is very good," Comb nodded, "So when may I expect that your union will be consummated?"

"Consummated?" Ranma's eyes got as wide as saucers.

"Surely you must know that I'm expecting grandchildren," Comb said in amusement, "I'm surprised that my daughter has waited as long as she has to take you and your iinazuke to bed. She has a very passionate nature, or hadn't you noticed?"

"Ah…" Ranma-chan broke out in a cold sweat and said, "I-uh-um-ah…"

"How eloquently put," Comb chuckled softly, "Your father could not have put it any better."

Ranma-chan had a sudden flash of memory, seeing Shampoo bent over Nabiki, one breast exposed and in the grip of the Amazon's powerful fingers. Nabiki's flustered look as Shampoo broke their kiss to look in his direction, then the offer that he join them in whatever it was that they were doing…she swallowed on a dry mouth and felt an incredible sensation in her chest as both of her breasts stood erect beneath her silken Chinese outfit.

"I will ask you a simple question," Comb said, stressing the words, "Son-in-Law," before moving on to add, "What do you suppose happens when a man lies with a woman, or a woman lies with another woman? Did you think the mysteries of the genders is confined merely to the types of equipment each is assigned by nature? More to the point, where do you suppose babies come from? Indeed, everyone on the planet has had a mother and a father. You had one of each, so you should have little difficulty grasping the concept that Nature has a purpose in our construction."

"Babies?" Ranma-chan asked, her voice an octave higher than normal.

"Not to confuse the point," Comb said, "But Babies are the natural consequence of sexual intercourse between opposing genders. Same-sex coupling doesn't have that risk and so is somewhat safer to indulge in, which is why many Amazons experiment with other warriors before moving on to acquiring husbands. I had a few flings myself when I was younger, before I met Shampoo's father, that is…so I well understand the passions that have motivated Shampoo throughout most of her life. She has been very lonely the last two years and has been seeking happiness with someone who is able to care for her in the manner for which she longs. Once she had such closeness in her life and she very much wants to know it again, which is why she was willing to accept your Nabiki as her second Airen."

"S-Same sex?" Ranma-chan was having difficult understanding what that was, in spite of the recent example that was all-too-fresh in her memories, "How…how the heck can that happen? Doesn't one of them need a…you know?"

"This may come as quite a shock to you, Son-in-law," Comb's mouth quirked with amusement, "But there is more to the sharing of pleasures than merely having a penis. Most sex is really all in the mind, and without the pleasurable concepts that cause arousal we would be very drab and dreary people indeed. It takes more than the physical act to bring pleasure to a woman, or didn't you know this? Being part woman yourself, you should understand that the body responds to stimulation in direct proportion to the mind's ability to sense and experience pleasure. Woman sex can be very versatile, all it takes is the instinct and the willingness to give and receive pleasure."

Ranma-chan's mouth hung open and her eyes looked blank, so Comb decided to continue while giving her "son-in-law" time enough to grasp these new concepts, "It's an amazing thing to be a woman. I say this not just as an Amazon but as a doctor who has studied both Western and Eastern medicine and many times helped women bring new life into the world. Truly we are blessed by the gods with many gifts denied to men that more than amply make up for your own advantages, which is in accordance with the balance of nature."

"Advantages?" Ranma-chan sounded skeptical but maintained a neutral expression.

"Don't act so surprised," Comb replied with a smug look, "In spite of what Genma may have told you, we're not that substantially different in abilities. Oh, it's true that you men look imposing, and on average you're about 10% taller, 20% heavier and about 30% stronger, especially in the upper body, but we are more resistant to fatigue, disease and old age. Our brains are smaller yet more densely packed with neurons, and we have more Immunoglobulins in our system. We both have Testosterone and Estrogen in our systems, but all that means is that our metabolisms are very complex with a chemistry that affects us both in different ways, most notably centered around the ability to make babies."

"Ah…yeah," Ranma-chan winced, "That."

"Whether they know it or not," Comb continued, "Most young girls are thinking about becoming a mother on some level of their consciousness, even the ones who steadfastly deny it. When they meet a man they like they are unconsciously sizing him up for his potential as the donor of his sperm. Women rate men on various qualifications that have actually very little to do with the qualities that many people would expect them to go by. Strength and health are obvious qualifications, but there is also the comfort level that comes with meeting someone with whom you feel at least a measure of computability. Many women judge a man on his ability to provide a safe environment and a good house, while others like a man who has an air of danger and menace. Some like mystery, others like a man who is confident and forceful, while still more prefer a man who is not so certain or assertive of his own nature…and then there are men who defy rational description, such as your father."

"Yeah," Ranma-chan frowned, "What's up with that? Don't tell me you actually thought the old man was handsome?"

"Handsome?" Comb seemed to consider the question, "Not particularly, but there was something about your father that did appeal to me…at one time. Silk likes to taunt me about that first time we met when I almost lost to Genma in a fight, but then again she's always had her eye on Soun, so there's no accounting for standards."

"Uh, yeah," Ranma-chan said in her most non-committal fashion.

"In a lot of ways it is easier for you to state what attracts you to us," Comb continued, "Men have always prized a woman who combines the aspects of a child with the strength of a wild huntress. I dare say that you could probably list the things you like about Nabiki and my daughter with very little difficulty, beginning with the two items that most men seem to first notice…"

"Uh…their eyes?" Ranma-chan hazarded, then blinked when she saw the other woman facefault.

"You have got to be kidding me," Comb straightened up with a smile, "Son-in-Law, you either have the lowest sex drive of any man that I have ever met or else you are not really that interested in women."

"Hey, I'm interested!" Ranma-chan protested, then blinked her eyes and said, "I mean…I'm not into any of that weird stuff, I just…"

"You just want to know what it is that Shampoo and Nabiki want from you," Comb replied, "Am I close?" When Ranma did not immediately reply she continued, "I am probably going to regret asking this, but do you know what a period is?"

"Uh…it follows after a sentence?" Ranma-chan answered lamely, then blinked as she saw the older woman double over with laughter, "What?"

"I'm sorry," Comb replied after a full three minutes of non-stopped laughter, at which point Ranma-chan was close to boiling over in unvented anger, "It really isn't your fault, but the idea of you learning all you know from Genma…the dense leading the blind…!" she broke out in another solid minute of near-hysterics.

"Okay, so I don't know everything," Ranma growled, "So what's the big deal about a period? I mean, I'm trying to make up for all the schoolin' I missed out on because of the old man…"

"This has nothing to do with a conventional education," Comb forced herself to grow sober, "A period, young Master, is the term employed when a woman goes through her monthly menstrual cycle. How you could reach the ripe age of sixteen without knowing that…"

"Menstrual cycle?" Ranma-chan blinked.

"The cycle in time when a woman releases an egg from one of her ovaries," Comb explained, "Where she is fertile and ready to conceive a child, right up to the point where the egg fails to be fertilized and must be discharged, which causes an average girl to feel somewhat bloated. It's also accompanied by some harmless bleeding."

"Bleeding?" Ranma-chan asked, and then she almost fainted when Comb spelled it out in terms even more graphic, "Say what?"

"Shampoo has bled every monthly cycle since she was eleven," Comb explained, "In some girls the time begins even later, at which point they are officially designated a woman. Two or three days out of every month a woman is ready to conceive a child, and if she has sex with a man in that time there is a very good chance that they both will become parents."

"Urk!" Ranma-chan squeaked as she finally put all of the pieces together.

"Of course the process isn't always so automatic," Comb continued, "Only one out of two fertilized eggs ever goes on to produce a baby, and many eggs are spontaneously aborted because the body has determined that they fail the viability standard. Some women never conceive at all, while others are blessed-or cursed-with incredible fertility. In the old days it was common to hear of families where there were as many as a dozen children, sometimes even more. Of course in the old days many young boys and girls tended to die young due to all manner of childhood diseases, or the occasional disaster. These days, with China boasting a population of nearly one and a half billion people, the government has decided that children are too much of a good thing and has imposed strict limits of one child per couple. This is, of course, largely ignored in the countryside where couples traditionally want sons who can grow up to honor their fathers…whereas we Amazons, of course, prize our daughters for much the same reason."

"Are you saying…" Ranma-chan hesitated, "That those girls want to have sex with me…to make babies?"

"As they say in Canton," Comb replied, "Bingo!"

"But that's…that's crazy!" Ranma-chan protested, "We're not old enough to have kids! We're still in high school…!"

"In my village you would not only be considered old enough," Comb replied, "There would be all sorts of questions about you if you hadn't got Shampoo pregnant with her second daughter. Of course I'm a fine one to boast, seeing as I waited until I was almost twenty before I had Shampoo…that's considered over the hill in some parts of China."

"I'm not ready to have a kid!" Ranma-chan cried out, "What would I do with one? I mean…I'm still learning about martial arts! I haven't even graduated…!"

"Well then," Comb replied calmly, "There's no real rush into things, and if you use protection then you can put it off until you are properly ready."

"Protection?" Ranma-chan blinked, now seeming utterly bewildered.

Comb shook her purple head and sighed, then murmured to herself, "This is going to take a lot of work, young Master, but somehow I am going to try and help you to understand why it is important for you to take these issues seriously."

"Hey, I'm serious!" Ranma-chan insisted, thinking to herself, "serious as a heart attack!"

"We'll see about that, Son-in-law," Comb replied ominously, and from there the conversation had progressed to other things, and by the time it was over Ranma had QUITE an education in the purposes and definitions of what it meant to be a woman…

"Hey!" a voice intruded upon his thoughts, "Earth to Ranma! Are you there?"

"Ah," Ranma turned a sheepish look towards Nabiki, suddenly remembering a bit too much about what Comb had informed him regarding women. He somehow did not think that she was the type who looked forward to getting pregnant at the first opportunity, but he was now fully able to imagine what it might be like to be intimate with her, enough so that he had to fight to keep his expression neutral.

"Our 'Mother-in-Law' just invited you to spar against her," Nabiki informed him, "Take it easy, though, she's already had quite a workout."

"Oh, I ain't worried about her," Ranma assured, then before Nabiki to ask any further question (or possibly notice him blushing as he forced his eyes away from her) he began to charge forward and cried, "I'm ready for you, 'Mother-in-Law'!'"

Then-to nearly everyone's astonishment-Ranma headed straight for the koi pond and jumped in without hesitation. She leaped out onto the opposite bank and assumed a fighting crouch as she declared, "All right, lady, let's see what you've got!"

"Did he just call her 'Mother-in-Law?'" Soun began with a hint of towering range in his voice that usually heralded the appearance of the demon-head.

"Calm down, Soun-chan," Silk replied, "Can't you see he meant it as a jest?" She turned away and headed for the gate exit, "Well, I'd love to stay and watch but I have an important errand to run, so I'm trusting Shampoo to insure that you don't all die from food poisoning on account of Comb's cooking."

"I heard that!" Comb called out without pausing in her sparring match against Ranma.

"Oh?" Soun glanced at Silk in concern, "Where are you going?"

"Best not to say just yet," Silk assured him with a glance over her shoulder, then a wink that caused Nabiki to frown slightly, "But I should be back by nightfall, so you won't have that much time to miss me."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo murmured to Nabiki as she leaned a lot closer, "Nabiki think Ranma behave very odd this morning?"

"There's definitely something funny about the way he's acting," Nabiki replied, then she and Shampoo blanched as they saw Ranma score a point past Comb's guard, actually going all out instead of holding back as she normally did when facing off with a woman.

"So she's good," Akane tried to sound disinterested, "Big deal. She's a lot older and more experienced than Ranma, so she ought to know a few more tricks."

"She's certainly every bit as good as her daughter," Ryoga agreed, "But if I didn't know better I'd think Ranma was actually trying to hit her."

"Impress her is more like it," Nabiki narrowed her eyes, "Didn't know Ranma-kun wanted so much to get into her good graces."

"Aiyaa!" Shampoo brightened, "You think Ranma want to prove to Shampoo mother that he worthy to be Amazon husband? Shampoo so happy! It mean Ranma ready to marry us and become proper Airen!"

Before Nabiki could finish chewing that one over another voice called out a pleasant, "Ohiyo!" in a distinctly Kansai accent.

"Ukyo!" Akane greeted the Okinomiyaki chef warmly, much to the intense displeasure of Ryoga, "We're back here watching a practice session!"

"No fooling," Ukyo said as she rounded the corner, "I never would have…hey! What's with Ranchan and Shampoo's Momma?"

"Nothing much," Nabiki eyed the cross-dressing girl warily, "Just some mother-in-law to son-in-law bonding."

"I guess," Ukyo said as she came to stand beside them, "Hey, your mom's pretty good, Shampoo."

"Is former Tribal Champion," Shampoo replied with a less distant tone than Nabiki had employed, "Shampoo Mother stay in shape even though she now Tribal Healer. Should be good after more than thirty years hard training."

"I guess you've got a point at that," Ukyo conceded when she heard a voice chuckle softly, "Good, you're all here. Makes things easy."

"Easy?" Nabiki started to turn around to see who had spoken, but all at once she found a little old gnome spring up virtually in her face and the next thing she knew the tiny figure had attached itself to her bosoms.

"Honey-chan!" the little dwarf cried as he started to enthusiastically squeeze her breasts as if testing fruit for bruises.

Nabiki was not one given to impulsive actions like screaming, but under the circumstances she decided to make the exception. That brought Ranma-chan and Comb to an abrupt halt in their sparring, each turning with equal alarm to see the bizarre tableau of a frantic Nabiki trying to pry something loose from her chest. Shampoo automatically attempted to assist her only to have the old man switch from Nabiki to her, crying out in delight, "Yippee! Mounts Fuji and Kilimanjaro!"

"It can't be!" Soun cried.

"We're doomed!" Genma seconded, then as one they fell to her knees and started groveling as if pleading for mercy.

"Oh no," Comb said faintly, "Not him…!"

"Who?" Ranma-chan asked, adding under her breath, "Weird looking fellow…"

"What the heck is that-GAK!" Akane cried out as she suddenly found the old gnome was coming for her, but unlike the others she had time to react and took a swing at the old man, which missed him completely. Ryoga made a lunge while Ukyo whipped out her baker's peel and sought to clobber the old man, only to get Ryoga by mistake (though Nabiki had her suspicions about that).

"I thought you'd show up here and now," Cologne's dry voice interrupted a near riot as all the girls-including Ranma-chan, started to chase the old man in earnest while he nimbly managed to avoid them.

"Eh?" the gnome halted in his tracks, which caused the youths chasing after him to suddenly dog-pile into one another as the first one (Ranma) tripped over the fleet-footed pervert.

"It has been a long time, hasn't it…" Cologne paused before pronouncing the word, "Happy?"

"Do I…know you old woman?" the aged dwarf inquired, only to go owl-eyed as he felt the point of a sword rest upon his shoulder.

"Don't move," Comb said tensely, "Or I may forget that I'm a doctor."

"Doctor?" the old man started to say, only to freeze again as he felt the sword knick the side of his neck ever-so-slightly.

"That's right," Comb replied, "Graduate from the University of Beijing, which is how I know precisely which vein to open up if I am forced to. Say the word, Grandmother, and his life is yours to have forfeit."

Cologne signed, "No need to stain your blade with his blood, Granddaughter, and I doubt even that would kill him in any event."

"Granddaughter?" the little man suddenly hopped away and turned around to study the purple haired woman in more detail, "Well, well…if it isn't you, the Amazon cutie who was after my lad, Genma…"

Comb curled a lip and tensed to strike, but Genma leaped to his feet and cried, "Don't! You'll be throwing your life away if you try and threaten the Master!"

"MASTER?" came the automatic chorus from just about everyone who was not adult status.

"That's right," Soun said gravely, lowering his head, "To our intense shame, he is our Master."

"The founder of the Anything Goes school," the old man said as he puffed up his chest with pride, which did nothing to improve his stature, "Master Happosai, that's me!"

There was dead silence for one long, drawn-out moment, and then Ranma murmured faintly, "Somehow it figures…"

Continued

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