Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Tale of Two Wallets ❯ Illegal Briefing ( Chapter 65 )

A Tale of Two Wallets

(An Altered Destiny)

Written by Jim Robert Bader

Proofread by Shiva Barnwell

"Shampoo!" Mousse announced himself as he stepped into the Nekohanten, "Shampoo! I'm here and I have wonderful news for you! Shampoo? Are you home?"

Silence greeted him in the all-but abandoned restaurant, prompting Mousse to feel a tinge of concern since it was mid-day and she was certain that the old woman would have opened by now. His concern over this was so great that his combat reflexes almost did not come into play until he felt the light press of the naginata on his shoulder, and then a voice that was almost familiar said, "Thought you might be showing up sometime. Glad to see that waiting around wasn't altogether a waste of time here."

The voice was somewhat deeper than he remembered, but age would account for that, so Mousse was not overly surprised that he recognized the speaker long before he turned around and saw the shock of pink hair covering half a face that was distinctly familiar to him. Nonetheless he did allow some of his surprise and alarm to show forth as he said the name, "Am-Bur?"

"Hello, Cousin," Ambergris replied, "So glad you remember the nick-name I adopted when trying to live down mother's error. Everyone else back home just called me Whale Puke."

"I'd never call you that," Mousse replied as he started to edge away from the point of her weapon, only to hear another voice say, "No, but probably think it."

Now Mousse was alarmed enough to show his dismay as he turned his head in the opposite direction, not quite making out more than an indistinct shape beyond the rim of his glasses, though he would know that stealthy tread anywhere-to say nothing of the double-bladed axes that she was sporting, "Perfume? W-What…?"

"Ah, he remembers us both," Ambergris mockingly cooed, "I suppose we should feel flattered seeing as it has been three years, plus change, since we last set eyes on one another…three of the happiest years in our village I might add as we have learned to get along without the village idiot always stumbling into posts."

"What are the two of you doing here…working together?" Mousse had a sudden dark suspicion and cried, "If you mean to do harm to Shampoo…!"

"Stupid Mousse," Perfume growled in low singsong, "Get it wrong like always. We no after Shampoo…"

"You, on the other hand," Ambergris finished for her, "Are top of the Most Wanted list, go figure. The Matriarch charged that we should be on the lookout for you if you happened to show up while she was away tending to other business…"

"Just give back what you take and you no get hurt…much!" Perfume added, the sound of her axes grinding together providing the edge that her high-pitched voice normally lacked.

"What I…what?" Mousse said in confusion, looking from one determined face to the other in growing uneasiness and confusion.

"<They mean the Jusenkyo water that you took the other day from a place of concealment,>" a gentle voice said in the Mandarin language of their native country, "<Surely you haven't forgotten about that?>"

"<You?>" Mousse turned with a start to see the slender, wand-like shape of the blue-haired girl named Lotion and stammered, "<I-I heard that you were supposedly dead…?>"

"<Yes, I get a lot of that,>" Lotion said tiredly, "<Just tell them what they want to know, Mousse, and they won't hurt you. I promise I won't let them, if only because I would hate to have to expend the energy it would take to heal your wounds when they are finished.>"

"<Plus it would probably upset the Matriarch if we got blood all over the floor and furniture,>" Perfume noted, "<So, will you make this easy on yourself or would you rather face my wrath, backed by the fury of the Tribal Enforcer?>"

"<I'm not afraid of you,>" Mousse sneered, "<Of either one of you…>"

"<That just goes to show how stupid you can be,>" Perfume noted with unconcealed contempt and loathing in her voice, "<You may be ranked high among the top male fighters of the village, but even your skills in dark magic cannot stave the both of us off if Amber and I work together.>"

"<I'll admit you would probably make a pretty good team,>" Mousse noted, "<If I gave you the option.>"

A pair of chains suddenly shot from the folds of his sleeves, forcing Ambergris to block with the shaft of her Naginata while Perfume's axes batted the other chain aside, then both plunged to attack the man in the middle space between them, only to see his robes fold inward as said man himself was no longer to be found there.

"What?" Ambergris managed to gasp out before instinctively turning her head upward to see Mousse hovering close to the ceiling with a perfect vantage point from which to strike, suddenly unleashing a volley of tiny metal pellets from his hands that pelted both warriors and forced Perfume to cry out as some of the pellets penetrated the furious guard provided by her fast-moving axes. She collapsed to the floor, dropping her axes and writhing as the pain messages flooded her hypersensitive nervous system. Ambergris managed to shrug this annoyance off her own body, only to take a step forward as Mousse alighted on the floor a short distance away, and in that mad rush forgetting about the pellets, some of which her foot made acquaintance with, thus costing her a critical moment of much-needed traction.

She fell heavily onto her back and found Mousse quick to set his foot upon her before disarming her of her weapon, and then it was her turn to feel the tip of a blade resting lightly upon her throat as Mousse held a sword in his hand that looked something like a Medieval rapier.

"You should have remembered something about me," Mousse said noted idly, ignoring Lotion as she went immediately to check on Perfume's condition, "I don't have any qualms about fighting dirty. Don't worry, though, this won't count as a marriage proposal. I just want to know where Shampoo is…and for you to explain to me what you meant about Jusenkyo water?"

Ambergris checked the movement of her left hand, which she had been carefully angling so as to bring her own hidden weapon into play, instead looking up at the now-bare-chested Chinese male standing over her and asking with a hint of suspicion, "You deny knowing anything about it?"

"Would you believe me if I said yes?" Mousse asked, "The only Jusenkyo water I know about is what I brought with me from China, Yaazuniichuan, which I used up during my fight with Saotome. Are you saying that there's another supply of cursed water somewhere in Japan that I don't know about?"

"And why should I believe that you don't know about it already?" Ambergris countered, only to note the way the sword tip moved from her chin to gently pry her pink hair from the right half of her face, thus exposing the scar underneath.

"Maybe the question should be why I should believe that you don't intend mischief against Shampoo. She's the one who gave that to you, correct?"

"Old news," Ambergris said scornfully, "And it's between Shampoo and me. It doesn't have anything to do with your theft of the Jusenkyo water."

"So…the old woman went to China and fetched the water to cure Shampoo," Mousse said with a thoughtful expression, then he frowned and added, "And you think I took it from the Mackerel Jerky?"

"I wouldn't put it beyond you," Ambergris replied, "And there was that incriminating feather the Matriarch found at the crime scene…"

"I don't molt feathers unless I'm in my cursed form," Mousse replied, "And it's not my problem if the withered up old prune can't keep her things locked up. I've got better things to do with my time than paw through her family trinkets…"

"No," Ambergris smiled, "You'd rather play with your own family jewels. Interesting that you deny responsibility, though, since possession of stolen goods taken from a Matriarch carries with it an automatic death sentence."

"Only if you get caught," Mousse replied, "And how do I know you didn't take this water if it's the kind that could potential cure Shampoo?"

"Because I don't have a Jusenkyo curse," Ambergris countered, "And I prefer to fight my battles fairly rather than try and hold something over Shampoo's head in order to get her to agree to marry you."

"Marry…Shampoo?" Mousse's expression took on a slightly dreamy air and he grinned, "That means if I get the water back for her she might…"

He didn't get the chance to finish his statement before he was splashed from behind by a bucket full of ordinary water. This naturally caused him to squawk a bit as he reverted to his cursed shape, the sword dropping harmlessly to the floor as Lotion lowered her bucket and asked, "You all right, Amber?"

"I'm fine," Ambergris smiled as she sat up and grabbed Mousse by the neck before he could think to escape her, "Not that I needed the assistance, but I do thank you just the same."

"Lotion pleased to help," Lotion nodded before giving Mousse a cross expression, "That he have coming for hurting Perfume. She be all right, I use healing power to numb pain, recover in a few minutes."

"Good," Ambergris said as she wrapped her other arm around Mousse's wings in order to further restrain him, "Then I'm counting on you to calm her down before she decides to add duck to tonight's menu…and would you please be a dear about fetching that cage out in back? I'd like to see that Mousse here isn't going anywhere until the Matriarch has a chance to interview him."

"It be as you say, Amber," Lotion nodded, and headed back towards the rear end of the restaurant.

"That was a very interesting performance you just gave," Ambergris noted as she raised the duck to eye-level and saw him attempt swallow in spite of her grip upon his neck, "And strangely enough, I'm inclined to believe you. If you had taken the water you'd probably have dashed some of it on yourself by now, and knowing you, you'd probably apply the wrong one," she turned him over slightly and stared at his tail end, "No, I think you're still in male form, so that rules the other possibility out, so I guess for now we're going to have to trust you…up to a point."

Perfume began to stir on the floor as Lotion came in carrying the wire cage in question. As the blue haired girl set the cage down and Ambergris deposited their prisoner, she paused to look at her pink-haired friend and ask, "You think Mousse no have Jusenkyo water?"

"Possibly," Ambergris replied as she checked to make certain that the cage was secured, "It would seem the likely scenario to believe in his innocence since he was never that good a liar."

"But…" Perfume began to say as she got shakily to her feet and recovered her axes, "If no him, then who take Jusenkyo water?"

"That's a very good question, my friend," Ambergris said in somber reflection, "Whoever it was had to be clever enough to break in and steal the water from a place of concealment, bypassing the traps set by the Matriarch herself, and I'm afraid Mousse was on a very short list of candidates who had the potential to achieve this."

"Another enemy?" Lotion suggested.

"Perhaps," Ambergris nodded grimly, then chewed one thumb in a gesture that unwittingly reminded her companions of the young girl she once had been-perhaps in a former lifetime-as she mused in thoughtful reflection, "I wonder…"

Nabiki's Journal Resumes:

Her name was Teneo Haruka and she drove that sporty roadster like a bat out of hell, causing me to briefly regret a back-seat position here to riding shotgun with Sham-chan! I was crowded in the back with Ukyo, Akane and Ryoga as we braced ourselves against each other while watching the road fly by at hairpin curves with a speed that left me reciting prayers to ancestors I'd not even remembered in a decade.

I noticed that Kuno Makoto was calm the whole time that we raced to our destination on the other side of town, but I caught her turning looks that seemed almost regretful towards Ukyo, as if she would rather be riding with the sex-changed chef, or possibly exchanged places with any one of us in order to have an excuse to scrunch back there with us as Ukyo shouted directions that got us to our timely destination.

My first impression on seeing Haruka was to think of her as a very tall, really cute guy with short blonde hair and an ultra-cool demeanor. It took more than a few seconds to notice the absence of an Adam's apple, which was the way I could usually tell Kuonji from her male half, and then I realized that we were in the presence of another cross dresser, one even more relaxed and at ease about herself than Kuonji. Haruka had exchanged brief looks with Ukyo before we climbed into an expensive-looking foreign car as if sizing her up for some reason. I recalled that Ukyo and Makoto were supposed to have been something of an item once, and that made me speculate that maybe Haruka was Makoto's current flame, only I had that annoying sense that this was not the case, and then my mind filled unbidden with an image of an elegantly refined young lady with green hair playing a violin, whom I took to be this girl's true significant other.

Oh yeah, I had a pretty good hunch that this Haruka chick was a full-blown skirt-chaser from the way she ignored the boys and seemed to be sizing up us girls as if rating us on a one-to-ten scale. It's pretty hard for me to miss when somebody else checks Shampoo out and pays extra attention to her generous bust size, and that's not counting the way she checked me out like I was on inventory before turning a really puzzled glance in Akane's direction. She might have her guy act down to a fine art but there's no way she could really hide the fact that she was interested, and that's even counting the fact that there was no tell-tale bulge in her pants to betray her.

Funny thing was that I had the same odd sense of enormous latent potential in her that I sensed around Makoto. It was like something lying dormant within both girls that I can't really put words to, just know intuitively that there was a lot more to their story than could be rated by a surface impression.

Anyway, this Haruka proved to be a lady of few words, and once we explained the urgency of what we wanted to do she consented to be our driver, whizzing us to the address Kuonji gave us for the office building housing her father's law firm. We pried ourselves out of that car and Kuonji fetched her baker's peel from the trunk while Haruka and Makoto eyed curiously and asked if we might need any help. We were about to decline when Sham-chan made her arrival in a typically dramatic fashion, soaring over our heads as she came down to a one-point landing, Ranma clutching to her like a man in fear of his life, then casually wheeled around and came to a stop a short distance from us.

"Nihao!" Shampoo said brightly as she killed the engine of her new toy, "We go in now and find stupid panda?"

I caught the double-eye blink of our two new acquaintances, who were not as accustomed as the rest of us to dealing with Shampoo's boundless air of enthusiasm, especially when there was a fight in the offing. I noticed that Ranma hardly said a word as Shampoo started to get off the bike, only to find Ranma was still clinging to her back with his hands unconsciously covering her breasts in a way that did not seem to unduly displease her. Nonetheless she still glanced at concern over her shoulder and said, "Aiyaa…are you all right, Airen?'

Ranma's face was set in a mask of shock and dismay, and I swear to you his pig-tail was curling up like a tail in the back of his head, a reaction I fully sympathized with, having first-hand experience with Shampoo's notions about driving. I knew something would be needed to shock him out of his state, so I walked up alongside the two of them, smiled then gently blew into his ear. That got him to twitch, and from there he slowly came out of his state of shock and became aware once more of his surroundings.

"Gah!" He exclaimed when he finally realized where his hands were situated and released our life, much to Shampoo's amusement and disappointment. He put a hand to the back of his head and glanced around nervously then tried to go into his usual macho act by saying, "Uh…so…we're here already? So…uh…when do we get to kick some bad guys?"

"This may not be that kind of fight, Ranchan," Ukyo-kun said matter-of-factly, "These aren't your normal nine-to-five, twenty-thousand yen an hour type lawyers. These guys are vicious professionals who operate something more like a branch of the Yakuza, and I wouldn't be a bit surprised to find out they've got connections."

"Hey, they're lawyers," Haruka said with a sniff, "That makes 'em worth kicking around in my book."

"Thanks," I said, "But I'd rather we got through this without any needless hassles. The last thing we need to do is give anyone an excuse to check into the family's dirty laundry…"

"Yeah," Akane agreed, "Kasumi wouldn't like that…" she paused, blinked, then said, "Why the heck did I just say that?"

"Can we get going?" Ryoga asked, "Lunch period's almost over, and despite what Elder Lotion said I don't like the idea that we could wind up on the bad side of Hinako-sensei."

"We're already on her bad side, block-head," Ranma sniffed, "But I'm with you on this. Standing around here wasting time isn't getting us any closer to finding out what happened to Pop."

"Is true," Shampoo bobbed her head in agreement, "Shampoo no finished helping Ranma kick stupid panda around, and no want tell mother anything bad happen to guy she once dated."

"Wouldja kinda not bring that up, Sham-chan?" Ranma replied with a wince as Ukyo led the way towards the building while Makoto and Haruka stayed by the car and watched us. Of course none of us knew what we were getting into at this point, but chalk it up to our usual sense of fatalistic masochism that we plunged on anyway into the den of the lawyers…

"What do you make of all that?" Haruka murmured to Makoto, "You think those kids are headed into any danger?"

"I don't know," Makoto replied, "I've got a pretty strong sense that something's very wrong about that place…like maybe there's a Youma hanging about, ready to cause trouble."

"That confirms my feeling," Haruka nodded, "Think maybe we should call the others and get some back up?"

"It's too far from Tokyo for them to get here by normal means," Makoto replied, "They'd have to teleport, and I'm not sure how accurate they could be at this distance."

"Good point," Haruka nodded, "Then we might be on our own here, which is a good enough reason to lay low for now until something more definite…hello? What's this?"

Makoto turned around, following the tall blonde's gaze as they both saw a dark limousine approaching their position, moving into a double-row parking space just barely adequate to fit it, then coming to a stop as the little man they saw in the driver's seat park the thing in neutral.

"Here we are, Mistress," Sasuke announced as the limousine pulled up alongside of a curb a short distance away from a car and motorcycle being tended by the pair of very tall women.

"Oh my," Kasumi remarked as she glanced out the side window, "Is that Shampoo's new bike? I wonder if the others got here before we did?"

"Impossible," her father said dismissively, "School won't be finished for hours and your sisters would never duck classes without strong reasons."

"Something bad maybe happening to Gemi-chan doesn't count?" Atsuko wondered.

"If you have to ask, then you probably wouldn't understand the answer to that question," Silk remarked, "But I sense that the children have been here, so they must have gotten word about Ranma's father."

"Ranma has gone to rescue his father?" Nodoka smiled happily, "He's just so…so manly!"

"So what are we waiting around for?" Comb demanded impatiently, "You want those kids to have to face Yumi by themselves? Let's get in there and kick some butt already!"

"I share your enthusiasm for staging a timely rescue," Kodachi agreed, turning to Kasumi, "Do wait here for us, Kasumi-chan. This may only take a minute."

"All right," Kasumi smiled, "But do be careful, Kodachi-chan. I understand that ninjas can be very difficult to reason with."

"That's true enough in most cases, Mistress," Sasuke agreed, "But if there's no reason for trouble then perhaps Mistress Kuonji will be in a more agreeable disposition, especially if you make a good argument in your favor."

Soun frowned as he and the others started to exit the vehicle, and half to himself he wondered, "Since when is Kasumi HIS mistress?"

The plan had originally been for his eldest daughter to remain behind, but Kasumi's obvious concern for Kodachi's welfare made her quietly insist that she wanted to come along to root for her rather than remain behind and supervise Terry Bogart. Kodachi's resistance to possibly putting the elder Tendo girl in harm's way melted at the mention that she would be left alone with the handsome Bogart if left to fret about the homefront. Soun was beginning to have seriously deep reservations about the soap opera like drama that he was seeing unfold before his very eyes, but he was at a loss what to do about it and so continued to fume in silence.

"Excuse me," Silk said pleasantly as she and Nodoka approached the two strange young girls, who were looking at them in return with puzzled expressions, "But did you see a group of high school students pass by here?"

"I'm the mother of a boy who wears Chinese style clothes and had a long, braided pig-tail," Nodoka added, "Have you seen him?"

Both Haruka and Makoto exchanged puzzled looks, and then the former replied, "You just missed them by a few seconds. They went inside there to look for the boy's father."

"Thank you," Nodoka bowed to them, "You've been most helpful."

"Let's go already!" Atsuko cried impatiently as she, Comb and the others hastened through the front doors, leaving behind a very tall and pretty brown-haired girl wearing a long dress and radiating a gentle demeanor, who approached them in a friendly manner.

"Hello," she announced herself with a small bow, "I'm Tendo Kasumi. Are you friends of my sisters?"

"Ah…" Haruka blinked, "Tendo…you mean the short-haired girls are your sisters?"

"Nabiki and Akane," Makoto said helpfully, then returned the other girl's bow, "How do you do? I'm Kino Makoto, a…friend of Kuonji Ukyo's from one of her old schools. HIS! I mean his old school…in fact, HE used to be my Sempai…"

"Oh, that's quite all right," Kasumi smiled, "I get confused about these things myself on occasion. It does get awfully complicated when people are changing from one sex to the other without warning."

"Huh?" both women reacted with matching blank expressions.

"Oh, didn't you know?" Kasumi covered her mouth with one hand, "I'm so sorry, but I thought maybe Kuonji-san might have explained to you about Jusenkyo…oh, never mind. Forget I said anything about it. My…such interesting weather we're having."

That last comment might have been delivered innocently but for the low rumble that caused the other two girls to look upward and take notice of the sky, which was roiling over their heads with peculiar shades of mauve and purple, enough though it was a just past noon and the sun had been shining down at full strength before this. They did not like how that odd rumble resembled a woman's voice chuckling in mirthless humor, any more than the effect that seemed to suggest a face taking shape from within the clouds, and suddenly their warning senses flared to maximum and they knew that something very bad was about to happen…

The sound of chopsticks snapping caused Tofu to start and whirl around. Kachu was sitting there holding the stumps of her former eating implements while the take-out food before her remained only partially eaten. He was even more concerned when he took notice of his Amazon wife's oddly pale expression, as if all color had just drained out of her face, and in an impulse of husbandly concern he wondered if she were coming down with a fever.

"Kachu-chan?" he asked when he saw her slowly turn and glance out towards a window.

"There is something amiss within Nerima," she spoke with an air of distance in her tone of voice, "A wrongness is afoot, and I…Elder?"

She sat upright and gazed off into the distance, looking at something which Tofu himself could not perceive, but a moment later he saw her nod her head and say, "Understood, I will be on my way at once!" She turned to look at him and said, "Please excuse me, Husband, but an emergency calls me away from this most excellent meal that you have purchased for me. I promise to finish the rest of it when the emergency is passed…"

"Demon troubles?" Tofu guessed, seeing her reach for her C'hi Chi where it rested on one wall.

"Indeed," she agreed, "The kind of thing I was trained to deal with. Do not be concerned, this sort of thing happens with me all the time in China…"

"I'll go with you," Tofu said, and when she started to protest he gave her his most gentle insistence as he replied, "Someone might be injured and you could use a good healer at your back. Besides, I'm not so bad myself in a crisis."

"That is true," she gave him a most fetching smile that almost put him into his "Kasumi Alert" mode, but then her seriousness reminded him once again that she was a very different type of woman, "Very well, if you promise to behave and not recklessly endanger yourself without cause, then I will permit you to accompany me."

"Yes, Ma'am," he smiled, managing not to sound condescending as he smiled back at her, though Kachu suspected he was only humoring her by pretending compliance.

Of no matter, she thought to herself as he locked up his clinic and the two of them headed out upon her mission, he would pay for mocking her in his heart…oh yes! She would make him pay when they were in bed later that evening, pay with kisses and that so-sweet touch of his that drove her to distraction! She smiled in relish of these tender moments, then forced herself back to a more professional mindset. There was deviltry about in her new home village, and such things menacing her husband's people Kachu would never tolerate. It was the Devil Hunter's code to protect the innocent and punish the wicked, and no way would she allow herself to be derelict in her duties, nor permit the demons of the world to believe that Tendo Kachu had in any way been humbled by married life…even though such a soft existence was proving to be most pleasantly distracting…

Shampoo's Diary Resumes:

Aiyaa! This day was a most eventful one, though never would I have suspected that a group of scholarly adjudicators would cause us so much trouble to seasoned warriors like ourselves! The Cleric position is not known to the Amazons, seeing as how all important decisions are made by the Elders without need of a go-between versed in the legalisms that so complicate life for people who live in larger cities, but I have always been given to understand that the whole purpose of a lawyer is to wrangle with words that which cannot be accomplished with your fists, so you will excuse me that I was not prepared to greet lawyers in a battle that was closer to my own method for the resolution of my problems.

Kuonji Ukyo took the lead in our assault upon the enemy stronghold, followed closely by my husband while my wife held a position in the center, which naturally necessitated that I remain close by her sword flank while her shield flank was covered by my apprentice and Ryoga. We six would normally constitute a formidable warriors band, had this been a normal type of engagement, but almost immediately we were to discover that these were no ordinary offices we were entering, nor were the people who worked here your typical breed of "Medical Unit Pursuers," as my wife so quaintly put it.

We entered through a pair of glass partitions into a "Room of Greeting," where we encountered a woman wearing glasses (much as Mousse does) seated behind a desk with some manner of terminal very similar to what Nabiki uses. The woman's hairstyle was oddly conical, and her manners polite and deferential as she studied us with a glance then said, "Can I help you?"

"We're here to see Kuonji Akira," Ukyo paused before adding, "My father."

"Ah…" the woman studied the sex-changed girl before saying, "You must be Ukyo. Your father told us to expect you, only he didn't mention you having any friends with you."

"They are with me," Ukyo insisted, "Now, if my father is upstairs I'd like to be announced."

"Certainly," the woman touched something on her desk and said, "Kuonji-sama, your daughter is here and in the company of some of her classmates…" she paused and seemed to be listening to something the rest of us could not hear, and I took note that she was wearing a curious head-piece that had some manner of device inserted into one of her ears. She seemed to acknowledge whoever was speaking to her through this device because she next said, "Understood. I will send them through at once." She looked at us directly and said, "You may go in. Everything has been prepared for you in advance of your arrival."

With that ominous pronouncement a side-door opened up automatically, which put me instantly on my guard as I sensed no human presence attending such an opening. Kuonji thanked the servant behind the desk and took the lead as we followed her into a narrow set of passageways formed by cloth-covered boards of some manner…but no sooner did we reach the first turning point when suddenly one panel shifted to the side and cut Kuonji off from the rest of us, and then other panels began to shift around us, and before we knew it we found ourselves trapped up in a maze being formed by these obstructions.

"What the heck?" my husband exclaimed, "Ucchan?"

"Ranchan?" we could hear her voice on the other side of the partition, "What the hell is going on here?"

"You tell us," Nabiki called out, when another set of panels shifted, and suddenly Akane and Ryoga were separated from the three of us as my airen reacted with alarm at this new development.

"It is some kind of a trap," I deduced, and moved closer to my loved ones so as to prevent another shift from separating us even further.

"I'll fix that," Ranma growled, and took a step towards one of the panel, punching it hard, only to back away holding his hand in dismay, "Ow! It's solid metal! What gives?"

Before either of us could answer him the floor opened up beneath us. My husband only had time enough to kick backward and twist in mid-motion with arms outstretched to catch the both of us into his embrace as we began to fall into some manner of shaft that angled beneath us abruptly and dropped us to a level below the one where we had been standing. The three of us tumbled back to our feet as I instinctively threw myself around my wife to protect her from the worst that might be taken. We got to our feet at once and found ourselves in some manner of basement, occupied only a man wearing a dull gray service uniform and pushing a mop across the floor while whistling a tune badly.

"Geez," our husband exclaimed as he rubbed his bruised hand against the palm of the other, "What is this place, some kind of fun house? I thought Ucchan's pop was expecting her or something…"

"Maybe Spatula girl has tricked us," I theorized, "This one thought that she pretended friendship a little too easy…"

"I don't know, Sham-chan" my wife considered thoughtfully, "Ukyo seemed about as surprised as we were. Granted she could be acting, but…"

"But nothing," Ranma said stoutly, "I ain't gonna believe the worst of Ucchan without more evidence, so as far as I'm concerned she's as much a victim here as any of us…"

"Ranma-look out!" our wife cried in warning as the man pushing the mop suddenly twisted his body at an angle that I knew signified an attack, and the mop suddenly became a Chinese-style spear with tassels as he pulled the head away from the wet end that remained upon the floor.

Our husband, of course, sensed the attack before it could be completed and moved accordingly to dodge the spear-thrusts as the man in the service uniform attacked him. Ranma tried to counter-attack but this man vaulted backwards and came down with a kick aimed at the bucket of soapy water, which same he sent flying into the air as Ranma and I hastily darted away from our worst nemesis. Unfortunately Nabiki was caught in the middle when the bucket came down upon her head, and her foot encountered the water, sending her tumbling to the floor and effectively putting her out of action…at least for the moment.

I had pulled out my bonbori and was using them to engage the interloper myself, hoping to provide the distraction that Ranma would need to attack this fellow from his unprotected flank. Ranma saw the opening and charged him, but the man darted out of reach of my maces and with a foot kicked the mop-head towards him, which turned into a deadly spike-shaped mace-head, which of course missed Ranma completely when my husband vaulted towards one of the walls and began running alongside it with great speed, catching the man by surprise as he turned to follow his motion, and thus gave me the chance to deliver a mace-blow to the back of his head that put him quite out of commission.

"Heh, he wasn't so tough," Ranma said as I went to check upon our wife, which drew his concern as he asked me, "How's Nabiki?"

"I'll live," my wife grunted as I pulled the bucket off of her head, seeing her disgruntled expression over the way she had been taken down. By her glare I could tell she would have relished visiting her own revenge upon the man himself, but as there was no time for any of that we got back on our way, seeking the corridor that had been protected by the sentinel who had pretended to be a humble servant. I wondered at what other tricks and treacheries we might discover in passing, and hoped that our allies would be faring as well as us in their own challenges as we made our way towards the center of the enemy stronghold…

"I see," the secretary spoke into her com-mike, "Yes of course, sir, I'll send them up right away."

She turned to look at the newly arrived adults and said, "You may go ahead, Kuonji-san is expecting you forthwith."

"Thank you," Soun replied, seeing the door that was opening for them on one side of the receptionist's desk, "You've been most helpful."

"Too helpful if you ask me," Atsuko murmured, "Somehow I don't think Akira-san is just going to let us walk in here this easy. There's something about this set-up that I don't like."

"For once we're in agreement," Comb remarked, "From what I remember of Yumi-san, she never did anything straight. She was always too subtle, never this direct, and if her brother is anything like her…"

"I know," Silk murmured softly, "I don't like it either."

"Now, now," Kodachi chided softly, "You can't always judge a brother by his sister, or vice versa. I well know this…"

"Perhaps so," Nodoka mused, following Soun's lead, "But it would be rude to refuse an invitation like this, so let's not keep Kuonji-san waiting."

"Why does this feel like such a mistake?" Comb wondered as she followed suit, against her better judgement.

"Hey, look on the bright side," Atsuko said philosophically, "Would could happen around a bunch of lawyers? At worst a paper-cut maybe?"

"You have obviously not had dealings with my family's lawyers," Kodachi mused, "Or you would not ask such a question."

"Maybe so," Silk said with a distracted air as she kept glancing back over her shoulders, "I sense a strong disturbance in the current flows around us. These partition walls are not as innocent as meets with appearances."

"Yeah, so?" Atsuko asked when suddenly the panel separating them from Soun closed shut, blocking further passage, at the time that another closed upon Kodachi, separating her from the other women.

"Does that answer your question?" Comb asked as she drew her sword, even as Atsuko laid hand on her umbrella.

"Remain calm," Nodoka said softly, "It would appear that we are faced with a type of illusion formed by soft surfaces over harder substance."

"Yes," Silk agreed, "But the steel beneath the softness only seems plain and ordinary, which makes it all the more deadly."

"Going Zen on us already, guys?" Atsuko replied before turning to see a panel shifting to cut them off from one another. She reacted by grasping one edge with a hand and bracing her feet on the floor, then setting her umbrella back in place so she could free her other hand, which converted to something more claw-like that she sank into another section of the panel for added gripping power. It took only a moment to get the proper position for her to bring her full strength to bear, and then she heaved, ripping the panel loose from its moorings and heaving it high over her head as though it were a wrestling opponent.

"Showoff," Comb remarked, trying not to sound too impressed.

"Over there!" Silk pointed at the section behind the wall, where three men were staring at the women with expressions of astonishment, which same became terror as Atsuko followed the Lore Master's lead and hurled the steel-strong panel back at the men who had been positioning it from hiding, forcing them to scatter.

"Heads up, ladies!" Nodoka called out as a section of wall paneling slid away and a group of suit-clad individuals came vaulting over a desk with briefcases in hand, wielding a variety of perfectly ordinary desk equipment in their other hands, which they began to employ like more conventional martial-arts weapons.

"What is this?" Atsuko demanded, "Enter the Lawyers?" but soon she was just as hard pressed as anyone present fending off an attack by determined sallerymen who looked more like they had strolled off the pages of Gentlemen's quarterly than "Kung-Fu Anonymous," not that anyone here was appreciating the distinction…

Soun instinctively rolled into a ball as the chute he was sliding through directed him into a curious basin, only to suddenly shoot him upwards as though he had landed onto the ramp of a gigantic Pinball machine. The tube that lifted him for a short distance was featureless but for the panel that hissed open to reveal a doorway, at which point Soun knew he had found his way into the lair of his enemies, and that the only dignified thing to do would be to square his shoulders and attempt to look something like a martial artist.

He entered into a large, dimly-lit chamber, his senses primed to the possibility of danger, a sense that normally would have inspired his self-preservation instincts, but his concern for his old friend and training partner caused him to at least effect a brave front. He was only mildly shaken out of his resolve when he saw a spotlight shine down upon a man seated-or rather tied to a chair-looking slightly worse for the wear but unmistakably Genma!

"Saotome!" Soun exclaimed, taking a step forward, "What have they done to you…?"

"Not much more than he's deserved," a familiar voice said, causing Soun to falter in mid-stride, turning about to search the room for more darkened shapes as he gasped, "Yumi-chan?"

Another spotlight shone down, revealing a tall and broad-shouldered woman dressed in the traditional garb of an okonomiyaki chef, but whose broad face and cool regard were as familiar to him as any memory of times long past. Twenty years had only hardened that face, but there was no mistaking the former ninja-girl who had once haunted his existence.

"So nice of you to remember," Yumi replied with a gruff nod, "At least I won't have to beat it out of you like I did your old buddy, Soun-chan."

"Tendo-kun?" Genma stirred at last, "Get away…it's a trap!"

"He knows it is, fool," Yumi snorted, her expression softening a little as she added, "Don't you, Soun-chan."

"Y-Yumi…" Soun faltered, "W-What are you doing here? They said it might be you, but…"

"They meaning the girls from the old gang now presently working their way through the maze?" Yumi noted, "My, doesn't this bring back memories? It almost makes me feel nostalgic…"

Genma grunted softly, then formed a half-smile before adding, "Well, look on the bright-side, Tendo-kun…"

"Bright side?" Tendo asked.

"At least this time she isn't one of MY old ex-girlfriends," Genma concluded.

Yumi reached up a hand and drew her baker's peel, then in one swift moment brought it down on Genma's head and flattened him once again, "And who would ever want to be YOUR girlfriend, baka, except maybe the Amazon or the Oni?"

"That is quite enough, Yumi-chan," said a tired male voice that Soun had never heard before, and he slowly turned to see a desk that was being illuminated by yet more overhead lamps, "Tendo-san…at least we meet in person. I am a man much wronged by your friend here, but I was hoping that maybe we might discuss matters like civilized gentlemen while my attorneys occupy the rest of your people."

"Civilized?" Soun asked with a hint of genuine annoyance in his voice, "You call this a civilized way to arrange a meeting?"

"As opposed to other methods at my disposal, yes," the heavyset man with a coarse beard stood stiffly up from his desk, warding off the look of concern from Yumi, and said, "My name is Kuonji Akira, and I believe you already know my daughter, Ukyo."

Soun nodded slowly, "I know the lady personally. She is a friend of my future son-in-law, Saotome Ranma."

"A friend," Akira repeated with a sigh, "Ukyo asked that I let her settled matters for herself, but it appears that doing so may have been a grave error on my part since she has obviously put aside any thoughts of marriage or vengeance. This has forced me to reluctantly take necessary actions to correct this problem."

"Problem?" Soun repeated, "What problem? Yumi-chan, what part have you to play in this…deviltry?"

"Deviltry?" the woman in the chef's outfit said somberly, "You dare ask that of me? Ukyo is my niece, I helped to train her, taught her everything she knows, so you can bet I'm on her side of this, and from what my brother's told me of the agreement between you and this…tub of lard here, it sounds like history's repeating itself. Do you honestly think I'd let her heart be broken like mine was you thoughtless jackass?"

"Please, Oneechan," Akira urged her, "Let us give Tendo-san the time he needs to consider what is at stake here. Family pride and honor count for little when measured with my daughter's happiness, and before I leave this world I will see to it her future-and that of our clan-is assured. All that is required of you is that you renounce your claims to have Genma's son marry one of your daughters and we can conclude this discussion like civilized people."

"My daughter…Nabiki?" Soun's expression grew hard and bereft of feeling, "Never! You would have me barter away her happiness for the sake of your pride?"

"Nabiki," Yumi mused, "Isn't she the short-haired girl who got nailed by that bucket? Not much of a fighter, that girl, and not enough meat on her bones to make a decent toothpick."

"What do you mean?" Soun asked, "What have you done with my Nabiki?"

"Nothing yet," Yumi held up a remote control device, "But why don't we watch the show and maybe that will help convince you to see reason."

She pointed it at one darkened wall, which instantly converted into a multi-screen television showing different groups moving through an obvious labyrinth formed of cubicle booths, and in one of these he saw Silk, Comb, Atsuko and Nodoka locked in furious battle with men in three-piece suits who were waging battle with briefcases, staple-guns, rulers, pointers, clipboards, pens and various other tools of any office profession. In another section he saw Akane and Ryoga squaring off with a burly Sumo wrestler who was holding up a serving tray with one hand heavily laden with donuts and a pound cake. In another section Kodachi was strung up and dangling from the ceiling by an Office Temp wielding a roll of Mylar tape that came from the VCR tape she was wielding in one hand. In yet another frame there was Kuonji Ukyo trying to find her way out of a box-like enclosure that had no surface features.

Finally his eyes came to rest on the image of Nabiki, Shampoo and Ranma, who were all contemplating the passage before them, which was lined with a shallow pool full of crocodiles that blocked them off from the doorway on the opposite side. It was plain to see by the look on Nabiki's face that she was having a very hard time of it contemplating such a crossing, especially in light of the Jusenkyo curses on both of her iinazuke.

"They are indeed a formidable lot," Akira noted, "But I give them little chance of making it up to this floor. I can put a stop to everything now if you will relent to consider my proposal. I sincerely do not wish to see anyone be hurt over this, but I am prepared to do whatever it takes to see that my daughter's claim will finally be honored."

"You're mad," Genma said aloud, struggling to free himself from his bindings.

"No, not mad, Saotome," Akira sighed, "Not as you mean anyway. I am a desperate man who is prepared to take desperate measures, and time is running out for me I fear. I must secure Ukyo's place as heir to the family fortune, and for this she must marry the man she selected long ago to be her iinazuke. Even you must see that they would make a formidable match, for young Saotome is reputedly the best fighter of his generation, while Ukyo has been trained for the past three years by Yumi, and she is every bit as good as my sister was at her age. Understand me when I say this, I will have satisfaction."

"You say…time is running out for you?" Soun looked at the man with mingled anger and concern in his expression.

"I mean that I am dying," Akira informed them both, "Of the same affliction that killed your wife, Yumi-chan's former rival. I have not long to live…possibly a few days at most. It is an irony to have such wealth as I possess and for it to mean nothing to stave off death, though I have tried to live long enough for the sake of my Ucchan. Now do you know what I mean when I say that I am desperate? Ukyo's happiness is all that I have left in this world, and soon even that will not sustain me…"

The man paled for a moment, clutching at his chest with a pained expression as Yumi was at his side in an instant, supporting him as he sat down heavily behind his desk, the color almost totally trained from his expression.

"Understand…" the man said in a voice that was almost as toneless as the grave, "That one way or another, I will have satisfaction!"

Soun said nothing in reply to this, but in the distant background he almost thought that he could hear the sound of a woman's mirthless laughter…

Continued

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