Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction ❯ Trial By Tenderness ❯ Part 5 -Anxiety Incarnate ( Chapter 5 )

Part 5: Anxiety Incarnate

 

Mara was camping out in Cevn's room. She waited patiently in her 'sprite' form: invisible to the human eye or even Banpei's detection circuitry most of the time. With every instance that he left the room unattended, she would descend from her hiding place and pore over the pages, taking notes. He had been gone most of the day so far; Mara overheard him discussing with the others about possible routes through the city, as he wanted to strike out and explore on his own. "Fine. All the better for me to check this out," she thought with glee.

"Foolish mortals," she reflected. "The only side to us Demons that they see is the evil side. They look at us and think: 'all that demons care about is spreading evil and misfortune'. Boneheads! They never take into account how fun it is for us to cause havoc! It would be dull for a Demon to simply be a mindless harbinger of chaos. That's why we have the edge on the mortals. They think we're just one-dimensional beings. But we're not just evil automatons! We love our work! And a First Class Demon like me rules the roost, because I'm really good at having fun at other's expense. And if it doesn't work the first time, I'll always try again. I love it! It's situations like this that make me grateful I'm a Demon."

Mara continued to address her imagined audience.

"There's this new guy Cevn. He has this book; it lists instructions on how to summon the Ultimate Demon. He doesn't even have a clue about what it really is! And Belldandy and her sisters don't know either, bwah heheh! They aren't even concerned enough to go about putting a Demon-warding field up in his room, canya believe it? Even if only half the words are in the Demon's Language, I know that this book can tell me how to summon forth the Ultimate Demon, Isilblius. Now Cevn, he's this mortal who has been to Hell and back and hasn't even died! I think he may even be a Demon...with a little shift in the balance of his mind, he can be mine. My tool...I can use him to torture that do-gooder Belldandy!"

"What's more, it is written that she who summons Isilblius will become all powerful, because Isilblius is bound to do only her bidding. Unlike the Ultimate Destruction Program, Isilblius is a full-on Demon. Once summoned, he cannot be destroyed simply by being erased. That damn Skuld, ruining my plans with the Ultimate Destruction Program!" she remembered resentfully. 

"But she won't be able to do a thing this time! I would have the most powerful being in the Multiverse at my command! I wouldn't only topple the Goddess Relief Office, I would usurp the Almighty himself!"

Mara reflected on her childhood rivalry with Belldandy. Belldandy had chosen to go to the Goddess Relief Office while Mara had chosen to join the Demon Grief Office. From this point onward, their rivalry had intensified, at least on Mara's part. It was no longer the innocent child-like infighting they both enjoyed so much. Mara became more evil by degrees, while Belldandy became more kind. She had to compete with Belldandy all the time.

The Demon Grief Office functioned in total opposition to the Goddess Relief Office. Where the Goddess Relief Office would offer a wish to deserving individuals in their time of need, the Demon Grief Office would cause catastrophe in the lived of randomly selected individuals at the time of their greatest happiness. Mara recalled with a sense of pride all the mortal lives she had ruined. She had cut through the human race like a scythe cutting wheat. Nietzsche, Nobunaga, Cleopatra, Lennon, Napoleon, Marie Antoinette...all had been her assignees. But sometimes, the Demon Relief Office would randomly assign a life at the same time as it was being granted a wish by the Goddess Relief Office. Such was the case with Morisato Keiichi. Belldandy had been lucky enough to beat Mara to the punch with Keiichi. If she hadn't, Mara would have appeared, to make him miserable. She had planned to have him framed for a murder he didn't commit, then sent to prison for the rest of his life.

Instead, Belldandy arrived moments before Mara. Then Keiichi had made his stupid wish for Belldandy to stay with him. Now, Mara would have to remain locked in combat with Belldandy over Keiichi for as long as his insignificant mortal life would last. On one hand, she hated the fact that she had to focus so much time and effort on destroying only one mortal's life. On the other hand, she relished her fights with Belldandy. She had nearly succeeded several times in wrecking Keiichi's life; it was through some unexpected whim of the Ultimate Force that she hadn't destroyed him. She took consolation in the fact that she had made their lives extremely miserable, for at least a few moments or days. But she knew that eventually, fate would favor her, and she would bring down Keiichi, and that would ruin Belldandy forever.

Mara imagined some point in the near future: Belldandy would have to bow to her in defeat and be forced to give up her precious Goddess license, knowing that she brought shame upon the Almighty and his minions by losing Keiichi. Then Belldandy would have to take on a mortal life and Mara would be free to plague her until death.

Mara grinned at this dire thought, her fangs gleaming in the sunlit room. She returned to her covert study of the ancient text, looking for arcane clues regarding the summoning of the Ultimate Demon.

* * * * * * * *

I was sitting in the park, drinking a can of Oolong Tea from the vending machine. It was so quiet here in the park, in contrast to the bustle of the city. Makuhari was a crowded section of Chiba, to even a greater degree than Waikiki or the denser parts of Honolulu. It was a far cry from the Midwestern town I had grown up in. And yet it was in Chiba Prefecture...which Keiichi called 'the boonies'.

I reflected on the life of extremes I had led: full-blown drug addict, sexual abuse victim, widowed husband at 20, a leader in recovery, disabled by deep bouts of depression for the last eight years, scholarship recipient, single for the last nine years, doctoral candidate. Now, my life in Japan required a whole new shift in my identity.

What parts of me got brought over from 'there' to 'here'? Not my body, because everyone back in the US thought I was dead. My depression had reared up several times already. My sexual abuse issues and the accompanying fears were still very real; I was absolutely walking on eggshells around Urd. The need for recovery support was amplified by the episode last weekend; my addiction was still there, waiting to be triggered. And it was triggered big time when Urd 'forced' me to get intoxed. Yet all wasn't miserable. My scholarly work had paid off with a job at N.I.T. I was probably one of the youngest faculty there, as I was just a few years older than many of the students.

"They'll really trip on that," I humorously mused.

"So where will balance assert itself in my life?" I wondered, recalling a part of my wish, way back when. I knew that I needed to do two things right away for me. First, I needed to check out this therapist whose sign I saw on the way to my interview at N.I.T. Second, I would need to setup all my musical equipment. With all the sudden changes, I would need professional help. What if a bout of depression came on all of a sudden? I remembered that I hadn't had any medication for my depression ever since I arrived. With all the randomness of life with the Goddesses, I knew that I would need a place to vent my feelings from time to time. I didn't have a compassionate Belldandy to share my innermost feelings with.

I thought about Urd. Such a beautiful woman! I must have been entranced with her, at least her appearance, within minutes of first seeing her. In real life, she put to shame any manga attempts to depict her, although I had to respectfully give the artist his due...he had come as close as humanly possible to depicting a Goddess. This was no mean task. But as beautiful as Urd was on the outside, she was as proportionately messed up on the inside. Just like me. The only difference was that I knew that I was messed up. I had worked hard to move through a period where I would just simply 'beat myself up' emotionally in response to my inner human riot. I had mostly recovered from the diminished self-esteem that accompanies a messed-up-life. And, I had learned how to distinguish between my own shortcomings and all the victimization experiences that were 'put on me'. Finally, I was somewhat in tune with the spiritual context of my recovery. But Urd was not in touch with any of the above. Except maybe the spiritual aspects...after all, Urd was a higher power! I remembered Norse mythology...the Well of Urd. A place of punishment. I still struggled with my life. Urd, on the other hand, seemed to be able to dismiss any struggles. She would screw up, then deny it, then move on to next week's 'adventure'. Dammit, why didn't I have the luxury of an emotional eraser like she did? Why couldn't Urd be more like Megumi?

I felt a sinking feeling with that thought, and decided to check out this therapist right away. I walked through the park and onto the main street, then over a few blocks, left...right...left...etc. Finally, I found the narrow street, recognizable by the butterfly design painted on the side of the building at the head of the street. I walked down several blocks, and then saw the familiar sign. Climbing up a narrow stairway, I found myself in a hallway with rows of offices. I looked until I came to a door that said:

 Dr. S. Ogawa, Ph.D., MD. Therapist specializing in 

Trauma Issues, Depression and Family Counseling 

I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts, and entered the office. The office had a nicely appointed, but small reception area, with antique sumie scrolls and framed degrees on the wall. I sat next to a pile of Japanese magazines and thumbed through a couple. I always preferred the thick Japanese magazines as opposed to their spare, thin, American counterparts. They seemed to have much more information and fun reading. Then I remembered that the Japanese as a culture had a far higher literacy rate than America, because of the former's emphasis on primary education.

"That's what America gets for amusing itself to death with its empty pop culture," I opined. As I conjectured along these lines, an elderly Caucasian woman emerged from the inner office. A Caucasian therapist? I was totally unprepared for this development.

"~~May I help you, young man~~?"

I bowed to her and introduced myself, explaining that I was interested in therapy. I received a second shock as she asked me--in English!--my name and age. I was expecting to have to deal with the difficulties of translating nuances of feeling and attitude from English to Japanese...a task I was totally dreading. But with this woman...

"~~You speak English?~~"

"~~Yes, I was born in America, and lived on the West Coast until I met my second husband, Mr. Ogawa. After we married, we moved here.~~"

"~~I was expecting a Japanese woman. Not that a Japanese therapist would be bad, but I was expecting...~~"

"~~You shouldn't rely too much on expectations, you know!~~"

I acquiesced to this remark. She called me into her inner office. I sat down on a chair facing her and began to sort through how I should present myself. I would need to remain secretive about Belldandy, Urd and Skuld; nor could I tell her about my 'death' back in the US. In other words, I would have to perform a lot of 'editing'.

"~~What seems to be the trouble, Cevn?~~"

I shared with her a condensed version of my life. For the next forty minutes, I outlined the high points and tragedies of my experience. Finally I told her about being new in Japan, and how things were so topsy-turvy.

"~~I definitely think you are in need of my services. Let's meet again in a few days to look closer at who you are.~~"

I signed up for an opening for next Monday, and thanked her. After the requisite discussion about fees and such, she ushered me out of her office with a reminder to be prompt next week.

* * * * * * * *

Friday was a bustle of activity in preparation for the race. This event was sponsored by the International Federation for Solar Energy Research. It was an extremely high-profile competition, because it had a worldwide roster of participating teams. The cash prize was rumored to be in the tens of millions yen. This was big-league stuff, far beyond what the N.I.T. Motor Club had ever been involved in before. This was the inaugural race, so the pressure was turned up.

Also, this was the beginning of March, which was nearing the end of the school year at N.I.T. The Solar Car race would be the final flourish for the N.I.T. Motor Club. Then they would have a brief vacation and then start another school year in April.

The competition would begin tomorrow with the preliminaries.

"If we get past that, then the real fun begins," sighed Keiichi to himself as he opened his mapbook and examined the highlighted route planned for the final race.

The finals would be a tour-style affair consisting of an oceanside drive from suburban Makuhari past downtown Chiba, then angling northeast towards Sakara and Narita. Traveling around the Kasumiga Lagoon, they would circle two smaller mountains, Tsukubesan and Kabasan via the Ibokuro Pass. From here, their route turned eastward, towards Kasama and Mito. Once in Mito, their racecourse would then bear west again, parallel to the Nakagawa River until the racers reached Kuroiso. Driving past the Tohoku Expressway, they would travel southeast through Tochigi Prefecture towards Nikko and Nikko National Park. En route to the park, the drivers would negotiate a number of zigzag mountain roads. Traveling through Nikko, they would then drive between Mts. Nantai and Shirane and then retrace their route back to Nikko. This meant that the drivers would have to travel up and down the infamous Iroha-zaka highway, with its 48 sharp turns. From Nikko they would proceed southeast, skirting around Utsunomiya and angling south to Shimodate. From Shimodate, their trek would pass Ishioka, through Sawara and out to Choshi and Cape Inubo. From there, the route proceeded down the ocean to Tagane and then down the coast through Chosai, Mobara, to Katsuura. Here, they would double back west across the Boso Peninsula towards Futtsu and then south to Tateyama and out to the tip of the peninsula at the Nojimazaki Lighthouse.

The course would be extremely rigorous, as the drive northeast from Makuhari consisted of treacherous narrow winding roads. The roads near the lagoon were dirt roads, which were bound to mire some of the contestants. The drive to Nikko National Park would strain the batteries, as it was heavy shaded with forest. The mountain driving there would test the car's stability to the utmost, as the pair of mountains would have dramatic orographic wind sheer. The oceanside stages would dramatically effect the efficiency of the solar panels with salt-water spray and wind turbulence. The drive from Katsuura across the Nokogiriyama mountains to Takeyama was entirely on maintenance roads that possessed some hazardous cornering and rugged terrain. Finally the short stage from Takeyama to the lighthouse would subject the solar car to leeward weather conditions and hilly, twisty roads.

Keiichi looked up from the route map and sighed to himself. This wasn't going to be any walk in the breeze. Almost all of the 1000 kilometers would be packed with hazards. Of course, the planners had designed the route to expose the solar vehicles to all sorts of challenges. It would be a dozen hours of hell, from a driver's perspective. Ordinary cars had ordinary mechanical problems, but each team would be fielding a lightweight experimental car, which would be even more fragile than a 2500 Kg. passenger car.

Keiichi looked at their racer, the N.I.T. Taiyo-no-Kinetsu. The "Solar Solution". The solar panels were placed facing inwards, in order to shield the cells from the anticipated ocean mist along the seashore. They sloped downwards as they reached the rear of the vehicle. This had been Megumi's idea, so that the panels could take advantage of the slope angles when traveling downwards towards the finishing stage. The more they were exposed to the sun, the better that the energy could be tapped for battery storage. The angularity of the placement of the solar cells was the subject of intensive calculations; the math had literally been reworked dozens of times. Each vehicle was allowed three hours to "sun up" before starting the heats. Coasting would also play an important part of this race, as to conserve energy was to increase overall speed time.

The initial heats consisted of a drive through Makuhari and Chiba itself; the best two times from each eight-car heat would then advance to the actual tour the next day. There would be all sorts of news coverage from NGN, NHK and CNNI. This was a major event, perhaps the most important race that Keiichi had ever driven in.

"Not perhaps...definitely!" he urged himself, steeling his nerves for the heats tomorrow.

The international field was highly competitive, and the Japanese had only four entries out of the field of 102 competitors. N.I.T. had two slots, due to their astounding 1-2 finish in a solar race earlier in the year. The third slot belonged to Tokyo University and the fourth to a Toyota research team. The favored team was the French-German team that Citroen and Benz were financing. It was rumored that the two corporate partners had spent millions of yen on their computerized solar car.

Tamiya was worked up like he had never been before, to the point where his hands were shaking when he inspected the many moving parts of the car. Several times, he had chewed out other club members, saying, "Don't touch that, yuh poseur, yuh might break it!" The club members took his scoldings lightly, as they all felt grave about the whole final inspection. Ootaki had set a lucky charm on the roof of the cabin, and taped a Shinto good luck paper strip to the top of the dashboard. There had been arguments about the added weight, even if it amounted to a couple of grams, but finally the club members relented to Ootaki his little superstitious eccentricities.

Belldandy, on the other hand, was relieved to see the good luck charms.

"At least this will give Mara second thoughts about sabotaging the race!" she noted with gratitude. Dressed in her N.I.T. overalls, she looked like a model from one of the more 'decent' calendars one may find in automotive shops across Japan. Urd, who normally functioned as cheerleader to the club, was sorely missed. She was still morose after having her powers restricted, and decided to stay home and stew in her misery. Despite Urd's recent major screw up, Belldandy missed the comfort of her older sister. To her, an integral part of the team was her partnership with Urd; it seemed that part of the team was missing. Even if Urd was a fifth wheel sometimes.

Skuld was a picture of excitement. She contested many points with Megumi about 'this and that'. But the friendly competition between the two designers had pushed each to a higher plane of creativity. Consequently, the racer design was as refined as humanly possible. Belldandy had to restrain Skuld's zeal, because the young Goddess wanted to provide divine assistance in the form of technology that was a hundred years ahead of mankind's best. A simple task for Skuld.

"How would we explain a submolecular valance accentuator to the jury of inspection, should we win the race?" Belldandy explained to her sister with an amused grin. Skuld's suggestion was sensible, however, as the lack of friction between the outer ring electrons of fuel molecules would increase the energy output when they were catalyzed. Belldandy had to set a limit on Skuld's suggestions: only use current human technology.

Megumi was worried. She knew that the chances of an N.I.T. victory were slim. She didn't want to taste defeat. The club members were like family, and Keiichi was family. A defeat would cast a long shadow over all of them.

"What's more," she thought, "there's a lot of school pride and national pride riding on this race." A good finish would increase the prestige of the school enormously among its peers. She wondered how it was that Belldandy kept such good cheer in the midst of this last chance to tinker with the Taiyo-no-Kinetsu. She was constantly bringing tea, cookies and sweetmeats to the club members swarming around the racer. Every once in a while, she would embrace Keiichi from behind, and her brother's face would momentarily lose its intense expression, to be replaced with a serene, far-off look.

"So that's what love is all about," mused Megumi. She sometimes felt the pangs of being alone, having no one special to comfort her. She was grateful that Cevn was living with them, because he was a guy that she could safely confide in. There were just some things she couldn't tell her older brother, she acknowledged to herself with a note of common sense. She had initially been struck with this gaijin newcomer, but her feelings of desire towards him had quickly turned into sisterly affection. He seemed so cool and aloof, but yet there was a cauldron of strange contradictions bubbling below his surface demeanor, she observed. She wished he knew something about mechanics, so that he could be useful here, or at least offer her some company.

The new club member, Genji, had caught her eye. He was a focused young man who was planning to major in electronic engineering. In some ways, he reminded her of Keiichi; the innocent charm her older brother was graced with seemed to indwell Genji as well. There was a catch to the whole situation, however. A major catch.

Genji was Mishima Sayoko's younger brother.

Sayoko was a junior at N.I.T.

As far back as six years ago, Sayoko had romantic intentions towards Keiichi. It started their senior year in high school. It was assumed by everyone at N.I.T. that she would hook up with him before either became upperclassmen. When Belldandy had arrived on the scene, her hopes for a relationship with Keiichi were dashed by the beautiful young Goddess. As a result, Sayoko harbored immense bitterness towards Keiichi, Belldandy and Megumi. Sayoko had mellowed somewhat in her contentiousness, while at the same time her drinking had increased. Several times, the household had been disturbed in the middle of the night by a drunken Sayoko. Although she treated Sayoko with the deference required by a younger to an older student, Megumi felt that Sayoko was somehow planning mischief. Part of her felt sad for her too. Her drunken flings were becoming more frequent as well.

Sayoko certainly complicated her feelings towards Genji. Genji, for his part, seemed to reciprocate Megumi's attentions, but there was a limit to his friendliness, apparently the result of his older sister's influence.

"Sayoko must have really been pissed when Genji joined our motor club, instead of Aoshima's," Megumi acknowledged to herself.

The subject of her secret affections was checking the wheels and steering column of the solar racer. Megumi grinned at him, and Genji meekly smiled back at her.

"God, he has such handsome eyes," Megumi once again noticed. Her heart fluttered briefly, then she reluctantly caught herself wandering off into romantic flights of fantasy. With effort, she turned back to the task at hand: checking the solar panels and batteries with Skuld.

Cevn kept away from the proceedings. He felt that he was still on shaky terms with the club members, despite Keiichi's insistence that he was forgiven by most of them for his outrageous behavior a week ago. Instead, he focused on assembling his 'studio'. He had been working for several hours arranging keyboards and guitars here and there. He would have to build a panel for all the effects board he had bought. He had several keyboards and Midi's slaved into a workstation. His wavestation was still not hooked in to the conglomeration of equipment, and he still needed to set up the drum machines, samplers and sequencers for primary and secondary effects.

After he finished with this, then he planned to set up the 'studio' part of his setup, using analogue and digital recording devices. He had purchased a computer to store track data, and a CD burner, so that he could perhaps cut a CD if he had some compositions that were good enough to share. He overheard noisy discussion from the club members as they did the final checks on the solar car. It was almost midnight. He tested a few MIDI patches, and then decided that he would turn in, so that he could accompany the club tomorrow. Perhaps his presence there as a passive participant might reduce some of the tension he felt would be present.

"The sooner I get back in their good graces, the better."

* * * * * * * *

Race day! The oceanside Makuhari Messe Exhibition Grounds and Center in Chiba, rebuilt since the destruction caused two years ago by the still unexplained mysterious forces of nature, was becovered with banners announcing the "World Solar Vehicle Efficiency Competition". Keiichi looked at the wide square in front of the Center, packed with racing teams, media, spectators, and vehicles. He was almost overwhelmed by the incredible assemblage of solar car designs. He had to fight with himself to maintain his appreciation of the Taiyo-no-Kinetsu, as the other cars looked like works of marvel to his trained eye.

He looked over at Belldandy, who was dressed in a white N.I.T. racing jacket with a dark blue mini skirt and light blue hose with a cherry tree in blossom running down each leg. She wore a racing scarf around her neck, and had a pink blouse under her jacket, with orange and green geometric designs. She had on those sexy white boots that accented her slender legs and feet. She had dressed to the hilt for this event, no doubt to encourage Keiichi and the rest of the team. He felt a surge of pride as he noticed members of the other racing teams walk by, stop to stare at her with admiration, then grudgingly resume walking towards their destination. She was divine, if only judged by her beauty. He felt a poke in his ribs, and looked up to see Skuld grin at him, then poke him again with the end of her mallet.

"Pay attention to the race, not to Elder Sister, Keiichi. Or I'll bomb your car and you can forget about impressing her." Skuld was being downright friendly today, he thought. Normally, she would be attempting to run interference between Belldandy and Keiichi. But today, she must have noticed how much her sister is involved in this race and had decided to be a good girl. Then he looked over her shoulder and saw his cousin Tomohisa. 

"Ah-ha! That's why she is in such a good mood," he thought with amusement.

"Tomohisa-san!" Keiichi yelled above the clamor.

"Hey, cousin Keiichi, I thought I would surprise you! Your aunt and uncle send their love...they'll be watching the TV closely to see if they can pick you out."

"Skuld, you knew he was coming and didn't tell me, you little brat!" Keiichi stuck his tongue out at her and received the same back at him. He noticed that the 15-year-old Tomohisa was standing close to Skuld, looking very happy to be visiting his cousin's young friend.

"I bet he used this race as an excuse to get away from home for the weekend and see Skuld!" he thought. "Megumi must have been in on it too, otherwise Aunty wouldn't have let him come visit. I'll have to talk to her about concealing things from me...after the race is over."

Tamiya was in maxed-out adrenaline mode. Every word was shouted, and his tense muscles rippled under his muscle-t. Ootaki had actually taken off his studded leather jacket, which was probably the first time Keiichi had ever seen him without it in public. He wore an X-Japan rock tour T-shirt that was at least 10 years old. A collectors item, to be sure.

Sora looked very calm in comparison to her two sempai, wearing a pair of wrap-around Ray Bans and a look of quiet concentration. She also looked a lot different than usual without her round-rimmed little glasses.

"She must be feeling it too," Keiichi noted. Although her figure was girlish like Skuld's, she was attracting a good amount of attention from the guys on the other competitor's teams. Keiichi felt sympathy for her, as he knew that the man of her dreams was the president of one of the other teams. He looked over to where Aoshima's Nekomi Tech. Four Wheel Club was stationed. Their racer looked sleek and futuristic, no doubt built with the latest in expensive materials. He felt a huge surge of respect for Sora, as he knew that her romantic heart would rather that she would be over there helping Toshiyuki Aoshima's team; but instead, she was keeping her commitment to the Nekomi Tech. Motor Club.

"Alright, let's get a move on!" Tamiya bellowed. The judge's inspection followed; Tamiya and Ootaki's nervous pacing back and forth behind the inspection team was almost comical to Keiichi's eye. A sigh of relief followed the judge's pronouncement that the "Solar Solution" was cleared for the heat. Keiichi was then weighed, as each driver had to weigh in within a 5 kilogram range, so that the teams wouldn't be differentiated by the weight of their driver. 

"Otherwise we'd have Skuld drive, if she even knew how," Keiichi laughed to himself. He had been dieting for the past two weeks so that he would fall into the low range of the weight category, and he was happy when his weight was only a few decigrams above the minimum.

"Yuh the man! Yuh da bomb!" Tamiya shouted and happily hugged him, almost crushing his ribs. "Now get in there and kick some ass!" 

Keiichi climbed into the cockpit of the solar racer and strapped himself in. Belldandy walked over and gave him a lingering kiss on the lips, for good luck. 

"Be alert for any signs of Mara, my love," she whispered in his ear, then she blew cool air into his ear and whispered with a smile, "I'll be waiting for you when you return, Keiichi-san." Keiichi shivered at the thought, and pulled the cockpit lid down and locked it.

As luck would have it, the two N.I.T. teams were competing in the same heat. Keiichi looked over and saw the rival team's driver, who looked as tense as he was. Tamiya and Ootaki gingerly pushed the Taiyo-no-Kinetsu to the starting line, then high-fived each other for not destroying the delicate solar vehicle while positioning it on the starting line.

Keiichi steeled his nerves and watched the lights descend from red to orange to....

Green!!!!

He pushed the pedal halfway for a slight moment, to feel the response of the battery-powered vehicle. The engine whirred to life and he felt the acceleration push him back in his seat. He floored it, shifting several times to reach the highest gearing. The Makuhari Messe Exhibition Center disappeared behind him and open road beckoned. He hugged the turns as the downtown Makuhari/Chiba landscape blurred past him. 

" This car is magnificent!!!" Keiichi thought to himself as he felt driver and solar car become one, while the racing heat headed into suburban Chiba.

"May your wheels fly with the wind, dear Taiyo-no-Kinetsu!" Belldandy shouted as she watched the pride of N.I.T. Motor Club vanishing from sight. She liked the fact that this race didn't begin with the deafening roar that usually accompanied the start of a race. She also relieved that there was a total lack of noxious fumes that resulted from the combustion of gasses. Clean...that what is so important about this race. She felt a deep pride in how the club had risen to this challenge. In this case, they had truly fulfilled Tamiya's unofficial club motto: Great deeds on a small budget!

Keiichi turned into a straight line of highway, keeping vigilant for the other drivers. The only car even close to theirs was the N.I.T. Four Wheel Club entry. The driver had a malicious grin on his face. Before he could wonder what that smile was all about, three motley-looking individuals emerged from behind a hedge up ahead and threw an assortment of coffee cans and rubbish in front of his lane.

"Assholes!" he yelled in the cockpit of the racer. "C'mon, Taiyo-no-Kinetsu!" Keiichi urged, leaning forward as if to psychologically push the pedal even deeper.

Instantly he thought, "I have only one chance to avoid that junk, and that's if I can jump ahead into his lane before we reach it." He steeled his nerves and swerved to his right, almost clipping the front of the other N.I.T. racer. The man had panicked and slowed down, choosing to let Keiichi in ahead of him rather than risk collision. 

"Whatta lightweight! Afraid to play a little 'chicken' on the road, eh?" Keiichi thought mischievously.

Belldandy had felt a sudden unlucky impression, as if an unfortunate star had fallen, and shouted "Keiichi!" Almost immediately after it, she felt a surge of relief. The club member's attention was fixed on the far side of the road, where the finishers of the heat would first appear. They strained their eyes to the utmost to see any telltale bumps on the horizon.

"Look!" They saw two minuscule bumps. Growing larger, the bumps caused untold fretting among the N.I.T. Motor Club. Sweat was pouring from Ootaki's forehead and Tamiya was tensed like a tiger ready to leap. Megumi held her hands clutched over her heart, hoping to see her brother.

The bumps grew even larger, and Ootaki pointed.

"It's Keiichi!" a number of voices yelled.

The whole team of engineers started jumping up and down. Megumi hugged Cevn, then the other team members. Belldandy was kissing each member on the cheek. The team was elated beyond belief as Keiichi brought Taiyo-no-Kinetsu in well ahead of the other cars in the heats.

"YEAHHHH!!! WE DID IT!!!" shouted a beaming Sora. Ootaki and Tamiya started hugging, then playfully cuffing and wrestling each other. Megumi hugged Belldandy and Skuld slipped her hand in Tomohisa's. Tomohisa tensed for a moment, then leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Skuld's eyes grew wide as she realized that, in the fervor of the NIT victory, she had unconsciously reached for Tomohisa's hand with hers.  She was ready to slap him when she saw Cevn approach.  Cevn patted Tomohisa on the shoulder, then offered a hand to Skuld. Skuld hesitated, then reached out and squeezed his hand.

"The winner of the third heat, Nekomi Tech. Motor Club!" the PA system announced. Keiichi pulled the solar racer off to the side as his teammates ran towards him. He popped the hatch and climbed out of the car just as Belldandy bounded up and hopped up in his outstretched arms, so that he was carrying her.

"Someday, Bell-chan, I will carry you over the threshold like this!" he thought, right before being absorbed in the excitement of victory.

"Oh Keiichi, my love, you won!" Belldandy praised him.

"Not bad for a guy," offered Skuld. Tomohisa mock-cuffed her and countered with a snipe of his own.

"That's my cousin Keiichi you're talking about...you be careful or I'll put some spicy masubi in your ice cream when you aren't looking, Skuld!"

The excited team was jubilantly celebrating, while Cevn was walking away from the group, with a blank expression in his eyes. He reached down and picked up a large sledgehammer that was resting near to him and started back towards the gathering.

Megumi was the first to notice.

"Cevn-san, what are you doing?" Her inquisitive air dissolved to terror as she saw the empty look in his eyes. He was staggering towards her, towards them. He was still advancing with the hammer held high overhead.

"Cevn!" "CEVN!" she screamed at the top of her lungs in shock and fear.

Keiichi turned to see Cevn advancing with a hammer. He was staggering, as if he was trying to resist each step forward. The club members spied him, and crowded around to the other side of their car, out of the path of his hammer.

"What are yuh doing with that hammer, ya moron!" Tamiya yelled angrily. Belldandy looked at Cevn with silent shock. Ootaki ran over to try to restrain him, but Cevn kept advancing with a gleam of 'otherness' in his eyes.

"Ah told yuh not to bring him! He's nuts," Tamiya accused Keiichi.

"It's.....Mara! She....has.....me," Cevn said in a halting voice, forcing each word out with visible effort. Ootaki was amazed that Cevn was actually dragging him. He held Cevn around the waist, and still couldn't halt his advance. 

"Tamiya....hit....me.....knock....me....out!" Cevn strained to say.

Belldandy watched as the giant Tamiya started hitting Cevn on the head. Cevn's head snapped back as Tamiya hit him with all of his might.

"He'll kill him!" Keiichi shouted. An idea flashed in her mind. Belldandy pushed her way to the racer, tearing the good luck charm off the roof. She knew that Mara had possessed Cevn with the intent of having him hurt one of them, destroy their solar car, or get hurt himself.

"Here, Keiichi!" she said she tossed the charm to him. Keiichi caught it and flicked it over Tamiya's shoulders. As soon as it hit Cevn, he collapsed.

"Mara!" Skuld shouted above the din as she saw Mara's invisible 'sprite' Demonic form make good her escape.

"I killed him!" Tamiya exclaimed in panic. Just as the charm had struck Cevn, Tamiya had decked him with a roundhouse punch. Cevn went limp in Ootaki's arms, sliding to the ground. Tamiya was looking around frantically. Keiichi ran over and felt Cevn's neck for a pulse. 

"He's alive, Tamiya! He's okay!"

"Whatta goofball! All that, jus so I could knock him out? Wha's wrong with him? Who's Mara?"

"Mara, how could you do this?" Belldandy wondered to herself with disappointment as she saw Mara's sprite-form rising away. Cevn was breathing shallowly. A news reporter ran up, seeing a man on the ground.

"What happened here?" he asked.  Megumi thought quickly.

"He's a new teacher from N.I.T. and he came with us. I guess the heat was too much for him. We'll take care of it." She smiled innocently at the reporter while shielding him away from the group and their car. She turned to look at Cevn and paled. His nose was bleeding, and his face was red with bruises. She cursed Mara.

"Who's Mara?" Tamiya repeated. Keiichi used the first story that came to his mind.

"Mara is a strange form of seizure that he has. He forgets where he is and who he is. It's like he was possessed by a bad demon, or something," Keiichi explained. Tamiya narrowed his eyes at this, then looked to see Belldandy nodding in assent. He knew that Belldandy had never lied to him before. He suddenly felt ashamed that he had hit Cevn so hard.

"Tamiya, he wanted you to knock him out. Don't take it so hard, Tamiya-sempai!" Keiichi said, offering him some solace.

"Uh, whatta we do now?" Ootaki wondered out loud.

"Owwwwww...my head!" Cevn groaned as he tried to sit up. Megumi immediately kneeled behind him and helped him up into a sitting position.

"Ahhm sorry, Cevn, but ah did what yuh's told me to do."

His head still spinning, Cevn surprised Tamiya by thanking him for his efforts.

"That's a killer left hook you have, Tamiya-san!"

Several of the club members helped him to his feet, but he could not stand.

"I'll call an ambulance," Sora volunteered.

"Out of the question!" Cevn interrupted. "We can't have that be a damper on your victory celebration. You guys won! You're in the finals! I'll be okay." To prove it, he gamely stood up on one knee, then got to his feet. 

"Hey, where's the party?" he added, leaning against the racer for support, clearly light-headed as he wobbled.

"At duh Men's Dorm, of course. An wimmens are permitted, jus' for tonite!" Tamiya shouted.

* * * * * * * *

Belldandy and Skuld were at the temple house, getting ready for the party. Cevn was in his room, a cold cloth on his head, courtesy of Keiichi and Megumi. Urd was still in her room, hiding out. Belldandy walked down to the hall to his room, slid the door open a little, and looked at the sleeping figure.

"Brave Cevn, you sacrificed yourself to save the solar racer," she whispered with respect. She started to shut the door, but heard Skuld walk up behind her.

"Is he okay?"

Belldandy reassured her little sister that he was going to be okay. Skuld looked at Belldandy and asked if it would be okay if she stayed home to work on her Cypheratron. She peeked in the room to see Cevn, then turned to her older sister.

"Why did he ask that big ape Tamiya to hit him?"

"He was possessed by Mara, and the only way he could figure out to stop her was to somehow lose consciousness before he could hit anyone with that hammer."

"But wasn't that dangerous?" Skuld said with sudden recognition.

"Yes it was, dear Skuld. But he was willing to take that risk, so that none of us would get hurt." Skuld mused over this and felt new respect for the recent addition to their household. This Cevn-san was an enigma, she felt. First, he runs amok, and tries to hurt everybody. Then he sacrifices himself to prevent his possessed form from hurting anyone.

"How could he resist Mara long enough to tell us that she had taken him over? How could he even resist Mara's possession? That's impossible for a mortal!" Skuld asked.  Belldandy looked at her with her soft azure eyes.

"I don't know, Skuld. No mortal has ever been able to resist one of Mara's possession spells." Skuld's brown eyes widened at this.

"He must have really not have wanted her to use him to hurt any of us! He have wanted really bad for her to leave him alone!"

Skuld felt Belldandy's reassuring hand pat her on the head, then stroke her long silken black locks. She couldn't comprehend everything that was going on, but she really wanted to.

"He must be a really nice guy to do that for us!" she concluded.

"Yes, I think he is. I don't think he is a Demon at all. Sometimes, I think he is something special that none of us have seen before, Skuld."

Skuld peered into Cevn's room again. Then she walked back to her own lab. In one room, she saw all the musical instrument boxes piled up in the corner of the room.

She knew what she needed to do.

* * * * * * * *

A headache forced me awake. 2 am. The others were still sound asleep.

"My head feels like a sack of wet cement!" I thought as I walked into the bathroom to survey the damage.

"I just hope that my nose isn't broken," I silently prayed. Looking into the mirror, I saw my face. Two shiners, and a strawberry, a swollen jaw and a red nose, not broken!

I splashed cold water on my face to fully roust the sleepiness I felt. I looked at the bathtub longingly, and drew a hot bath. Soaking in it, I remembered the events of yesterday as the stiffness left my neck and shoulders...

Right after Keiichi crossed the finish line, I could remember hugging everyone. Then I felt a feeling like I had never felt before. It was like someone had inserted a freezing cold icepick at the base of my spine. The chill sensation was breathtakingly painful, repulsive. It slowly slid up my spinal column, edging closer to my brain. Once it reached my brain, it suddenly burst into a burning feeling. My brain cells, synapses and axons, felt like they were on fire. A rippling sensation fired across my consciousness as I heard a grating female voice tell me to grab a hammer. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't. It felt like someone was operating my body in the same manner they would drive a car or play a piano.

"<Who are you?>" I could remember asking the burning voice in my head.

"<You're doing fine. Don't ask any more questions. Here, enjoy these fine memories!>" a voice had answered, rife with sarcasm. Try as I might, I couldn't even put together a thought. Memories had rushed into my consciousness, all horrible. Being beaten with an electrical cord. Being choked in the shower. Thrown through a window at age four. Pushed naked out the front door and locked outside the house. Force-fed my own vomit after I threw up some food I was forced to eat. Being sexually assaulted over and over again as a child.

I screamed silently, while walking towards the car. I remember a mocking laughter echoing in my head.

"This must be Mara," I guessed between painful scenes of my life.

"<Shut up, mortal!>"

I couldn't stop moving forward with the hammer. The presence told me to hit anyone within reach, or smash the car if I got to it first.

"<Mara, why are you doing this to me?>"

"<Shut up, my slave! If you do what I want you to, then I'll leave you alone,>" the voice bargained.

"<No!>" I tried to slip in a thought between each horrible slideshow of my life. Maramaramaramaramara!

I remember hearing my own voice say "Mara!"

I remember Megumi screaming, and Tamiya advancing, and Ootaki holding me back. The suffocating feeling worsened. I reached inward, to some hidden source of strength that I only guessed was there.

"Tamiya...knock...me...out!"

"<Noooooooooo!>" the grating other voice in my head exploded with anger. "<You can't do this, you're only a mortal...>"

The next thing I knew, I was laying flat on my back in the middle of the raceway. The whole N.I.T. Motor Club was all there. I didn't know if I had succeeded in preventing Mara. I looked over at the car, and saw that it was alright. Megumi was holding me, and everyone looked concerned...

In the present moment, I felt sobs coming from deep inside of me. The warm water soothed me as I let the full force of my feelings wash over me; the tears running down my face and neck into the water. I stepped out of the tub, catching my face in the mirror; tears were streaming from my red eyes. I stopped her! I stopped Mara!

Maybe I am supposed to be here.

I walked back to my room, stopping at the doorway right before mine. On it was an elaborate plaque, which said: Cevn's Studio.

Curious. How did that get here?

I slid open the door and saw all my musical equipment.

"Someone has been in here," I observed. I turned on the blacklight and the keyboards and computer. I turned the amps on and set all the mixer outputs to 'headphones' and started playing some random notes. I ran a few scales up and down the keyboards, then started playing around with the midi's and sequencers. It sounded wonderful, incredible. I set up the computer and started recording.

The music was magic that I disappeared into. I imagined realms of consciousness that I could only dream approximate. The symbols from the mysterious book flashed before my eyes. The movements followed clearly to me. Soft lush orchestral harmonics, blending into a choral piece with lute, niko and koto in contrapuntto...a sequenced bass rhythm with double tracked keys and guitar...then a quiet passage with soft harp samples echo-tracked...the finale had MIDI samples from instruments I hadn't ever heard before...but it sounded right!

It was wonderful. Now I understood the affinity that Keiichi must feel when he is driving. There is a merging of man and machine that transcends the creativity and technology of both. I had noticed how Keiichi's eyes always became more animated when he saw the Taiyo-no-Kinetsu. I finished the music, and sat back. How had this whole bit of music emerged from me? I hadn't forced it, rather, it seemed to take on a sentience of its own. I heard voices in the hallway, discussing something just out of earshot. I checked the cassette to see that the music was clearly on it, and then emerged from my studio.

I saw Keiichi and Belldandy in the kitchen, eating shortbread and tea.

"Keiichi must be forgoing his coffee because of the race," I guessed. Both of them got up and hugged me. I was surprised when Keiichi had hugged me after Belldandy did.

"I want to thank you for yesterday. That was an incredible act of courage, Cevn-san." This, coming from a guy that was about ready to drive on a dangerous route in an experimental solar car. I bowed deeply to Keiichi.

"Score one victory over Mara!" he added. I decided to challenge him.

"Keiichi, the victory won't be complete unless you win today. I know you can do it. I'm going to stay back home, but I want you to jam on this when you finish the race in first place." I handed him the cassette, while he looked at me quizzically.

"It's music, I just created it last night while you were all asleep." Belldandy raised her eyebrow at this mention of music.

"Why aren't you coming to the race?" she asked.

"Think about it for a moment. What happened yesterday could happen today. Besides, I feel trashed. We can't afford to have me there, because Mara might try something again. The tape will assure me that I'll be there in spirit with you all."

Keiichi assented to this, adding that he would rather have me there with the rest at the race. He pocketed the tape in his racing jacket.