Avatar The Last Airbender Fan Fiction ❯ Of Stalkers and Very Bad Advice ❯ In Which Zuko Gets a Stalker ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Author's note: Alright crew, I'm sorry I have been neglecting my writing duties as of late. This drabble is a result of sleep deprivation and an hour of Carlos Mencia (sp?) DVDs. Basically, if Zuko and Sokka were to hook up, it would be under circumstances similar to these. The chick Tenku is a representation of `Mary-Sue', cuz I had to do some bashing on that. I hate Mary-Sues.

:Disclaimer: Your Mistress Ferret and her minions do not own Avatar. If they did, Zuko and Sokka would hook up. So would Azula and Ty Lee.

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Alright, people honestly wonder why I haven't taken much interest in the female population. Normally, I don't feel the need to explain myself, but people are suddenly coming to the conclusion that I am sleeping with Ty Lee. No doubt those rumors were started by a certain sister of mine.

Anyways, `it' started sometime after midnight about two weeks ago. This chick had been following me around for about a month and, obviously, I didn't even notice her until my uncle pointed her out. I mean, seriously, not every guy is like the Water Tribe boy—meaning they don't all drool over every creature with tits and a pulse. For some reason, people just can't accept that. But my point is, this chick was following me for ages before she was pointed out to me. At first, it didn't bother me. I get this kind of thing a lot. But then it got weird.

I mean REALLY weird.

The minute she realized I was aware of her, she made sure to always be in my line of sight. After that, I saw her licking a doorknob I had just touched. But even that wasn't the weirdest part. The weirdest part happened the next morning.

I woke up to a strange smell. Not like the smell of Uncle Iroh's tea leaf concoctions, but like some sort of perfume—much like the contents of those bottles Azula used to throw at me when she was pissed. My first though was `Oh shit, she found me!'. My second though was `What the FUCK are you doing in my bed, you crazy woman?' Yup, you guessed it! She was in my bed! At first, I thought I had too much to drink the night before, but once I noticed the lack of a hangover, I began to panic.

“Oh, you're awake!” she giggled, as though it was perfectly normal to climb into some random guy's bed in the middle of the night. “I thought you were gunna sleep all day!” All day? Hah! The sun wasn't even up!

Okay, is it just me, or is that just a bit… I dunno… unnatural? “Uh… have we met?” I asked incredulously.

For a moment, she looked angry, but then she started to giggle again. “Silly, don't even joke like that! Don't tell me you don't remember!”

I was dreading the answer as I asked, “Remember what?”

The giggling again. I don't particularly enjoy hitting women (Azula doesn't count), but this girl was pushing it.

“Alright, at least tell me your name, and why you're in my bed—you're dressed, aren't you?” Her face turned bright red, and a split second later, I found myself flat on the floor, the whole left side of my face stinging. “What the hell?” I shouted.

“You pervert!”

“What was I supposed to think? I have no clue who you are, and you randomly show up in my bed saying I didn't remember something! On that topic, WHO ARE YOU?”

“Well, geez, you don't have to yell! My name's Tenku, and we got married last night.”

“THAT'S A FILTHY LIE!!” I shouted. “I came right upstairs after I cleaned up that mess the new serving girl made when she dropped the pitcher!”

“And then what? Think carefully…”

“I went to bed! Now get out before I throw you out!” That finally seemed to get her pissed.

“Fine! I will! And I'll raise OUR child all alone!” Tenku. Game, set, and match.

“What??” I all but screeched. “OUR child? I am POSITIVE I didn't sleep with you!”

“Oh really?”

Now, am I honestly alone in thinking it's right to kick a woman like this out, even if she is pregnant? Because I remember everything up to when I fell asleep, and I'm a very light sleeper. I don't do things while half-asleep and forget about them the next morning. Besides, I wasn't even that tired the night before! So I think it's safe to say that I did not make indecent advances on this chick. Anyways, she wasn't even that hot. Sure, she had a cute face, but her curves were… well… more or less NONEXISTENT.

It was then, right when I was thinking that things couldn't get any worse, that there was a knock at my door. “Yes, uncle?” I asked, making a dash for the door and opening it. “You needed something?”

He took one look at the situation, and instantly took on the look of the Avatar when I catch him on unawares with a fireball. “Am I… interrupting something?”

“No!” I insisted, right as Tenku scowled, “Yes!”

“I see…” he said, getting `the look'. You know the one. The `You-Like-Her-And-You-And-I-Both-Know-It' look. “I'll just go back to bed and leave you two to—”

“No!” I pleaded. “Please don't leave me with this crazy bitch!”

“Ex-CUSE me?” Tenku shouted. “That's it! I'll be downstairs!” And, to my relief, she stormed out.

“Zuko! What was that?”

“I am going to kill her,” I said simply.

“What happened?” he asked, sitting on my bed. “I heard shouting from my room.”

“I woke up, and she was in my bed! I have no clue who she is, and she claims we got married last night and she's pregnant with my kid!”

“Did you?” he asked eagerly. “Is she my new niece?”

“NO!” I shouted again, pressing my thumbs into my temples. “I didn't marry her, nor did I do anything ELSE with her!”

“Then what's going on?”

“I don't know! You've gotta help me, Uncle!”

“Hmmm…” He thought for a moment, then snapped his fingers. “I've got it!”

“What? You know how to get rid of her?” I asked happily.

“No, not quite. But I know someone who does…”

“Well? Who?” It can't get worse, can it?

“Do you remember that girl… Katara?” Head, meet wall. It can, obviously, get worse.

“Tell me you're joking.” He shook his head. He wasn't. Don't I just have the greatest luck? “What can she do?”

“She's a woman, in case you hadn't noticed. She might know what's going on here.”

I thought for a moment. Both scenes played out before my eyes: Katara laughing at my asking her for help, and being stuck with Tenku for the rest of my life, or until I went frothing mad. I considered staying with Tenku until rational thought set in. “Fine. I'll ask her.”

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Okay, what did you think? I love writing from Zuko's point of view! Uh… did I keep him in character, do you think? I kept trying to write something that sounded like a comical Hitler/Kenny thing, but I fixed it a bit in the end. R&R, mes amis!