Avatar The Last Airbender Fan Fiction ❯ Precious Illusions ❯ Frozen ( Chapter 9 )

Author's Notes: "If I told you that you had a great body would you hold it against me?"

 

Disclaimer: Is not mine, I could never make up something so beautiful and predictable as it, though I do wish I had Zuko (I would lock him in my room and never leave).

 

Warnings: language (the f word is used twice in the fic), a bit of violence, emotional turmoil, insanity, yuri (light and far away), shoujo ai, mentions of shounen ai/yaoi. Original characters, made up avatar creatures (that's all the warning I can think of off the top of my head).

 

Frozen by Madonna

 

Chapter Nine

Frozen

 

Azula watched as the little things concentrated on making the small soft balls follow the path that the air made in-between their hands. They had only been practicing airbending for a few days, it had taken a little persuasion for some of them to get over their fear of being reprimanded had kept them from really trying at first, and those were the ones who also tended to hide what they were doing but who's eyes would light up with the brightest shine when they got a move right and they couldn't help but show off. For others the fact that they were allowed to do something that had been against the rules before was what motivated them now, and they tended to be ones to give Azula the most grief with all their tricks and trying to airbend in ways that were much too advanced for them, like flying. Those three had found out exactly how mad and harsh she could be when the rules were broken.

 

They all had been shaved much to the sadness of the girls who cried over their lost hair, though none of them had received the tattoos, it hadn't been decided if they should. Those marking had once symbolized a people who didn't believe in worldly belongings and could move from place to place firmly. But now their ancestors were for the most stationary, not moving year to year. So it no longer seemed appropriate, because though many would become teachers, still more in the future would be expected to learn their arts of being air benders but also expected to return to their families after they were done. It would be up to them if they did so, of course, but even the spirit journey expected most kids to return to where they once lived.

 

Azula didn't care much. That was not the problem that consumed her, what her thoughts dwelled on was her brother and his friends. They were all in one place, and better yet, they didn't even recognize her. She could easily use that to her advantage. But the most ridiculous thing was stopping her from planning out her revenge. Saki. Saki looked to the avatar and saw hope for her people, saw someone of great value. She spoke of Aang as she spoke of a great spirit. Even after he completed helping to rebuild the temple and teach the people here all they needed to know about air bending then she would still feel guilty about killing him. Because it wasn't just that he was an air bender that Saki loved about him, she idolized him for all he stood for and all he'd done. The very reasons that she wanted revenge against the avatar were the reasons that Saki looked up to him.

 

Saki had even managed to stop Azula's plans on becoming an only child. Something she'd always had a little fantasy about even as a child. But Saki talked about all the good Zuko could do for the world and the air benders. She talked about how with her brother as the Fire Lord they would actually get to grow once again in peace. That now they would be able to roam free where with the old Fire Lord they'd still be forced into secrecy, forced not to hide part of themselves. She had spoken about how even the other Fire Lord, Zuko's sister, would have continued to poison the minds of her people. At that point in time Azula would try to block the girl out, her sails completely out of wind, and all thoughts of revenge pushed out and replaced with depression.

 

It wasn't just that Saki idolized people that Azula hated, if it had been that then Azula was pretty sure she could still find the power to kill her brother and the damn avatar. It was what Saki had thought of her personally that drove her to just silently seethe at her brother and avoid him and his friends as much as she could. That and she tried to envision herself lying to Saki, that no, she had not killed the avatar and remembered how easily the girl could see through her lies in a way that no one, not even that little blind earth bender, could have. She was angry, not so much at Saki, but more with herself. How could she let this person have so much control over her - that just by the thought of Saki's rejection could stop her from completing her one last goal in her life?

 

“You're thinking too hard again,” said Gato nudging her with a smile. Gato had seen how she had dealt with the new kids to get in them in line; he had just started speaking to her again.

 

“Gato, what would you do if something made you question the path you thought you needed to take?” asked Azula, for once seeking council besides her own quick mind.

 

“I'd probably revaluate what I thought I had to do and find a new path,” said Gato with a shrug. “It's basically what I did when I decided to live here from now on.”

 

“I should have known better then to ask you, air benders, so flighty,” said Azula, though how Gato could speak so generally but flippantly about a family he no longer had, she wasn't sure. Personally she didn't get the problem that he was having with them. In her culture it wasn't uncommon for a man to take on a male lover, especially in time of war in the old days when women had been forbidden from fighting. Even now a days it was just safer in away to have a same sex lover, they thought it would be easier then becoming pregnant and that since many preferred the opposite sex it would be easier to not gain a lover that would tear apart someone's heart if that person was lost. So she had no problem with Gato being gay, or whatever he called it. She said that if his parents were so set on having children then he should be married to some girl and then take on a male mistress. Gato had dryly stated that he wasn't rich enough to do that. She had shrugged and asked what the problem was then, if he wasn't having an arranged marriage then he might not have gotten married period and she really didn't see what the problem was.

 

“And if I didn't know better I'd say you were an earth bender with how stubborn you're being,” teased Gato. “But you're temper does show you're true heritage. Ow.”

 

“Hey, um, I've just come to observe,” Azula almost jumped at the water tribe boy's voice. She glared from the side of her eyes.

 

“Great, especially since…” the bell range signaling lunch. “The lessons over and I'm officially done for the day.” Azula pointed and the children were gone. She tried to leave but noticed that the kid was following her, that, and Gato had disappeared.

 

“So, um, you're insane?” asked the teen.

 

“That's not a good way to start a conversation,” said Azula starting to get the feeling that this kid was not going to get the hint and was going to get on her nerves. “But yes, for arguments sake let's say I'm insane and somehow generate a cultured conversation from that starting point.”

 

“You talk kinda funny,” said Sokka looking put out.

 

“Yeah, and you talk kinda stupid,” Azula wished she could just crush his little stupid head between her palms, that was sure to help her with her anger at this point.

 

“Well, um,” Sokka sighed. “That kinda killed conversation.”

 

“Great, get lost,” said Azula, hoping that she hadn't set any of him on fire because that could cause problems.

 

“What do you have against me and my friends anyway?” asked Sokka apparently finding the real reason he was after her to talk.

 

“Believe me, you don't want to know,” said Azula, going down the steps toward the mess.

 

“I want to prove to you that we're not really all that bad,” said Sokka, he looked like he had come up with a plan. Azula hated the boy's plans; he let his emotions get in the way of carrying them out.

 

“Good luck with that,” snarled Azula. Why wouldn't this boy take the hint and leave her the hell alone? She got into the line and waited to get her food. Not the best stuff in the world. Sokka followed her. “Shouldn't you be eating nicer food in the temple?”

 

“We choose to eat with everyone, even Zuko's here,” said Sokka with a wide smile and then he blushed as she glared at him.

 

“Good, go irritate them,” she said and went to go to the far table.

 

“Not without you,” the water tribe peasant practically sang, as he hooked his arm in hers and squeezed her hand.

 

“Let me go!” Azula demanded and tried to do something very painful to his hand. Apparently he had heard about her past experience besides the sword and knew what she was trying to do, because she somehow ended on the bench anyway with only giving him two new bruises. Her threats fell on deaf ears, and her glare was ineffective.

 

“She said that she didn't feel well. Sokka, what the hell did you do?” Azula found herself looking into the gold eyes of her brother.

 

“Bringing Azi over here so she can eat with us against her will,” said Sokka happily. Azula tried to stand only to have the boy lean against her, which scared the hell out of her, people did not touch her this casually unless they were Saki or Gato, no one else had dared, not even her mother.

 

“Yes, I noticed that, do you really think that is wise?” asked Zuko.

 

“Sure, she usually eats on her own anyway, I thought it best if she joined us, got to know us besides just the stories and rumors,” said Sokka and started to dig into his food at an alarming rate. Azula scrunched her nose in disgust.

 

“I don't want to get to know you,” she hissed but didn't try to get up. For some reason she had the feeling that she wasn't going to be let go by this group.

 

“So Azi, how is life around here?” asked the water tribe girl with a friendly smile.

 

“Not much different from anywhere else,” said Azula with little emotion.

 

“Do you have any time for fun? I mean between watching the kids and all,” Katara's voice was soft as if she were talking to a child.

 

“Whatever could you mean?” asked Azula with fake cheer. “Terrorizing children into doing my bidding is fun. Almost as fun as learning the sword so that I can get revenge against that bastard of a brother I have.”

 

The group just stared at her for a second. Then Sokka broke into ruckus laughter.

 

“Oh, that's a good one,” said Sokka hitting the table with mirth ad spitting out a few crumbs of food. Azula just stared at him and he seemed to get that she was completely serious. “Oh, you're not joking.”

 

“Revenge is never a good thing,” Azula allowed her eyes to travel to the avatar; of course he'd say something like that. “It's better to forgive then to constantly search for revenge. If you look only for revenge you'll only end up hurting yourself.”

 

“Remind me never to go to you for advice,” said Azula and then took a sip of her tea. She didn't need some goody two shoes advice, especially from one who had an agenda for what he said, even if he didn't know it.

 

“Don't stress so much over what she says,” said Saki coming and scouting herself between the earth bender and the water bender. “She's more bark than bite.”

 

Azula spent the rest of the meal in silence, going over ways that she could get her friend back for what she had said.

 

The next few days were very irritating. The water tribe peasant Sokka insisted on following her around. He was starting to work on her last nerve and she was very close to fire bending just to get him to leave her alone. But she was afraid to do so. While they might be dense enough to let a little change in figure and hair style make it so they couldn't recognize her anymore, it didn't mean that if they saw her fire bending they wouldn't figure out who she was. She had basically given up on the whole revenge thing anyway.

 

So the past fire princess was stuck with an annoying shadow. She had to keep her hair blue and had to ask Kish for extra dye. The boy had stared at her stupidly for a few minutes before smiling and getting some it. He had this weird glint in his eyes when he asked if she wanted to go on the next hunt. She had nodded in agreement but said she'd have to pass it with the elders and Master Tuk, he had understood and sent her on her way. So, for however long the avatar insisted on being here, she had blue hair. It felt weird, but since she didn't see herself in a mirror very often she wasn't constantly reminded of how different a year had made her.

 

“Seems your shadow doesn't follow you into the bedroom,” said a teasing voice.

 

“Shut up Saki,” said Azula burying her head in her pillow.

 

“Come on, Azi, lighten up,” said Saki with a laugh. “I'm surprised to find you in your room alone; he really seemed interested in you.”

 

“Believe me, even if he had been interested in that in the beginning I tend to act a little too intense for guys to stick around for long,” said Azula.

 

“Sounds like you're talking from experience,” said Saki.

 

“Yeah,” sighed Azula. “Plus, that boy is obsessed with only three things, his jokes, his dead girlfriend, and the Fire Lord.”

 

“At least he's, um, consistent,” said Saki with a giggle.

 

“If he doesn't shut up and give me a little peace during the day I'm afraid that he's going to find himself flying with you tomorrow,” Azula sat up and pushed her hair out her face and smiled at her friend.

 

“Azi, no throwing the avatars friends off cliffs because you don't know when someone is flirting with you,” said Saki with a giggle.

 

“I know what flirting is, my friends got hit on all the time,” said Azula.

 

“Not you?”

 

“Nah, people either knew who I was and didn't dare, or they would be distracted by my friend. There was one boy, but I was very ambitious, let's just say that our conversation was short and lasted only a little longer then it took to open my mouth,” said Azula and then sighed.

 

“They knew you were insane?” asked Saki looking concerned.

 

“No, at least not until the end, I had a reputation where I was as a protégé. No one dared to approach me, not that I let them, I knew that they would run away given time I guess. Plus, I wasn't that interested in that kind of thing. It just sort of hurt to see that no one really seemed to want to be near me. The only friends I had were first brought over by my father and then I basically threatened them into staying that way,” said Azula.

 

“No need to go looking for something you don't want. You've got us here, we're friends and you definitely can't threaten me to leave,” teased Saki.

 

“I can't even threaten you to slow down when my feet are bleeding,” teased Azula.

 

“I didn't know you're feet were bleeding, if I had known…”

 

“We would have kept going,” deadpanned Azula.

 

“Yes, but we would have stopped to get you better footwear,” said Saki with a smile. Azula waited with a little patience. She was tired and didn't need a long drawn out argument that first had begun as meaningless little chit chat.

 

“Saki, please, just tell me what's wrong,” Saki looked surprised and then smiled.

 

“It's just something you said a few days ago,” said Saki, she sat down next to Azula and started running her hands through Azula's blue hair, not looking her friend in the eyes. “Do you really hate your brother that much?”

 

“He locked me up,” hissed Azula. “He took away everything I had worked so hard for. He is the reason that I finally… broke.”

 

“It's just,” Saki seemed to be lost in her own thoughts. “I would do anything to have my brother back. I would cherish the thought of him coming back and have those same fights we used to have, to have him lecture me on my swing and that I'm not girly enough to get any man. I can't imagine someone who would take that so for granted that they'd want their brother dead.”

 

“I don't take it for granted. You think that I grew up with those kinds of memories? All we had was the beginning of our childhoods and then he left. My father sent me out eventually to get him back because I still wasn't enough. When he came back he betrayed both of us. I was put into a cell. It was so cold. I can't get warm Saki! I've never had the same heat inside that I'm supposed to have. But ever since I was in that ice cold room I've been cold I can't seem to get warm, not even by dragging fire inside of me. It's because of him I'm this cold, it's because he had to ruin it all,” her voice help venom. How dare Saki judge her on her relationship with her brother? She didn't know the beginning of it, how much it hurt to be reduced to nothing when she had had so much.

 

“Maybe you're so cold because you still harbor this hatred for your brother, maybe if you forgave him, saw that he was only trying to help you, save you and everyone around you from what you were becoming then you could move on with your life,” said Saki, taking Azula's hands in hers. Azula saw how much this meant to her friend.

 

“I can't forgive him,” said Azula softly. “He didn't do it for me, there is no love lost between me and him. But I promise you, I will not seek out revenge, not because I'm some bleeding heart to believe that he'd better or because I think he was right, but because it would make you sad, and that's the last thing I want to do. You're the only who keeps accepting me through it all, the only one I can't bully around, and yet you stay, and that's worth more than even what my father was to me,” said Azula, she didn't even stop to consider what she was saying, if she had she might have realized how sappy it was and puked, or ruined it in her usual flippant way.

 

But Saki just kept smiling at her and Azula found herself falling into those green eyes. They held a deep sadness, longing, and affection. Azula found herself craving it all, wanting all of Saki and make it so the other girl would never leave, to keep accepting her and to see those eyes every waking moment of the day. To put up with her motherly acts and lectures coupled with a child's curiosity. Their faces were inches from each other when Saki blinked and sprang back. She stood fluidly and smiled down Azula.

 

“You know, sometimes I get so mad at my brother for leaving me, I just wish that you could see what a gift your brother was,” said Saki and made to leave.

 

“Maybe to someone else, but not to me, certainly he was to our mother,” said Azula, but she was talking to herself, Saki had already left, closing the door gently behind her.