Avatar The Last Airbender Fan Fiction ❯ Precious Illusions ❯ The Pretender ( Chapter 14 )

Author's Notes: “If I could be anything, I'd be a tear: born in your eye, living on your cheek, and dying at your lips.”

 

Disclaimer: Is not mine, I could never make up something so beautiful and predictable as it, though I do wish I had Zuko (I would lock him in my room and never leave). It belongs to Nickelodeon (I think) and its creators Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. None of the music is mine either.

 

Warnings: language (the f word is used twice in the fic), a bit of violence, emotional turmoil, insanity, yuri (light and far away), shoujo ai, mentions of shounen ai/yaoi. Original characters, made up avatar creatures, blood (that's all the warning I can think of off the top of my head).

 

The Pretender by Foo Fighteres

Chapter Fourteen

The Pretender

 

Azula walked toward the mess, ignoring the way Sokka was skittering behind her in fear. It was better than his usual constant chatter. She had spent a long time making the kids run around and carry out their punishments. She had left three of the kid's punishments to Sokka because they were overly sensitive and tended to not take well to her kick ass self. While the other kids had taken to her `rough but fair' attitude, some had felt the hostility and had hidden in their rooms. These, she figured, were the ones that were actually strongly affected by high emotions. So she couldn't punish them as severely as others and not only because they were probably the ones working as hard as they could on the job but also because they'd break to pieces under Azula's sharp tonye. Apparently one had tried very hard to stop all the ruckus from going on. But she had a promise to keep; the only difference was she was handing out personal punishments since this really was not the military.

 

So now Mother got to deal with all the tired and depressed kids. And she could drop off the freaked Sokka with his friends. Why didn't he get that she knew how much to push these kids? The three she'd left to his charge should have tipped him off that she was a little sensitive to their moods. Instead he treats her like a scary thing. Odd, he'd seen the way she treated them during lessons, especially when one kid pretended not to get it just to get attention. Still, she felt odd doing it this way, she just sighed and continued toward the mess. Perhaps she had been a little loud while he still had that hangover. But she felt he deserved it, especially since it seemed the avatar had refused to drink any of the spiked tea, because it was apparently a very bad idea for him to do so. So he remembered the little slip of tongue and even Gato had been pushing her, so she just used his name, most of the time (she had decided).

 

“Did you have to be that cruel?” asked Sokka behind her. Azula glanced over her shoulder and looked at the boy who now had huge, begging eyes. Moron.

 

“That wasn't cruel, I was being strict and keeping my word,” said Azula to the boy. He glared at her. Water tribesmen could not glare to save their lives. Well, Katara could be scary in her own way, but their glares still fell a mile short of being remotely intimidating or scary.

 

“Did you have to be so cruel to the little kiddies?” asked Sokka, his eyes wide once again.

 

“Yes, they were little devils yesterday, they have to make it up today, and they did,” said Azula and then smiled her scariest smile at the teen. He backed off a little, but quickly regained his confidence.

 

“But they're just kids, wouldn't it be better to be kinder to them?” asked Sokka. Why wouldn't his wide eyes go the hell away?

 

“No, they need to learn that the only…” she froze, she probably shouldn't shout at him She didn't want to intimidate him, she didn't want him to get the impression she was mad at him, and when she yelled like that -- people tended to start backing away and avoiding her. For some reason she didn't want Sokka gone, she wanted him to understand that she knew what she was doing, but not with that voice. Not that she wanted to sound gooey and love struck, she'd still rather swim in bullshark infested water than date or kiss the fool from the water tribe. It was just… aggravating.

 

“Listen,” said Sokka, and then turned to the cook thanking him with a nod as he took his tray. “I'm just saying that you should go easier on them.”

 

“You listen,” said Azula slipping to sit next to her brother while talking to Sokka who sat opposite of her. “I can't do that now; I've already shown the way I take care of them. It's with a firm hand and if I change my method so abruptly they'll think I've become soft and will try to run all over me.”

 

“But if you got them slowly used to the idea. I'm pretty sure they didn't think you could do anything quite like that,” said Sokka waving his food around.

 

“I teach them as I see fit,” said Azula taking a large bite against her meat, and then blanched, she had just acted completely without manners.

 

“Looks like your learning to loosen up,” said the avatar.

 

“I'm not talking to you,” said Azula. The table laughed at the hotty expression she struck, her nose turned up and everything. “Hey, have any of you seen Saki?”

 

“She said something about not being hungry,” said Ursa looking a little concerned. “Do you know if anything is wrong with her Azi?”

 

“No, but she did say she wanted to talk to me after lunch today,” said Azula, she sighed and shook her head, taking a bite out of her food. “She seemed very tense last night, but I couldn't figure out was wrong just by what she said.”

 

“Well, hopefully you'll be figure out what's wrong,” said Ursa. Axula nodded and looked back at her food, somehow she wasn't so hungry.

 

-----

 

“Saki!” said Azula, finding her friend shortly after leaving the mess. Saki still looked disturbed at seeing her, no smiles or anything.

 

“You were heading down to the village,” said Saki, her voice mostly bored.

 

“Yeah, the kids have the rest of the day off but there's still damage control to do in the village,” said Azula. She looked at Saki. “Why, what's so significant about it?”

 

“They still don't really trust you,” said Saki plainly, she pushed off the rock she was leaning against and headed down toward the village.

 

“Well, no, but they'll take any helping hand at the moment. Maybe it will help them forgive me,” said Azula with a smirk. It died when she saw her friend's expression. They kept walking until they were on the opposite side of the village, the silence holding something ominous that Azula knew she'd hate once they got to wherever Saki was leading them. “Saki, you're never this quiet, what's wrong?”

 

Saki turned around and Azula tensed. She hadn't ever seen this look. No, that wasn't true, she had seen it once before. It had been when the village had found out she was a fire bender.

 

“Saki-“ she said with a little fear walking forward toward her friend. Azula flinched and her fear grew when Saki took a step backward. “What's wrong, you're scaring me.”

 

“You know, yesterday, Ursa showed me a painting done of her daughter,” Azula tensed at the bitterly humorous voice her friend had. “She also told me stories.”

 

“I don't get it,” said Azula, trying to sound completely confused and innocent. “What's wrong, what did Ursa say?”

 

“Oh, on first name basis with her and the rest are you?” said Saki with bite. Azula knew where this was going and it was starting to make her very worried. She wanted to avoid the inevitable.

 

“The avatar insisted,” said Azula, trying to straighten herself, so she didn't look weak.

 

“The avatar insisted?” asked Saki with an ironic smile. “Since when do you do anything that the avatar tells you to do? If memory serves you tried to kill him enough times that this really shouldn't be a problem for you.”

 

“What are you talking about?” asked Azula, now completely lost.

 

“What was your plan Azula?” asked Saki, mocking her real name. She looked disgusted. “To let them get to know you and then slowly kill them off, showing them that you had gotten the best of them? Why not just kill them when you came? They didn't have even the smallest misgiving about your character then. Or did you want all their defenses gone?”

 

“No, I wasn't going to kill the avatar or any of his friends,” said Azula. Saki looked at her in confused disbelief. The girl always had claimed to know when Azula was lying.

 

“But, can you tell me that you aren't Azula the former Princess of the Fire Nation?” asked Saki, her voice biting. Azula didn't answer. “What, can't answer because you can't lie to me?” Saki seemed to be enjoying herself in some superficial way.

 

“Is that the reason you sound so pissed?” demanded Azula. “Because I lied to you about who I really was?”

 

“You know what, the only reason I'm upset that you didn't tell me who you were before is because I've spent my time associating with a lowlife like yourself. If I had known who you are when I found you I would have left you to rot in that forest, after everything you've done, all the lives that you've ruined, you deserved that fate,” said Saki, her voice cold as steal.

 

“Me, I'm the one you have a problem with?” demanded Azula. “If I might point out my brother wasn't always on the right path all his life.”

 

“He changed!”

 

“So did I,” argued Azula.

 

“He changed for his country, what did you change for, and how did you change? You still act like a proper spoiled overbearing princess from what I've seen. So tell me, how have you changed?” asked Saki, her voice cruel and cutting. Azula felt her body shake with anger.

 

“I've changed for you. Damn it, that's the only reason those goody-goodies are still alive. Because you still need the avatar,” said Azula.

 

“Oh, how noble of you. You won't let the suffering of the rest of the world stop you, but me, somehow I became the exception in your little self-centered world. Tell me, Fire Princess, how did that come to be?” demanded Saki.

 

“I told you, it's because you've been there my entire life,” said Azula, she looked at her old ghost and wished for her to understand. “You might have disappeared, but you were always showing up and just talking to me. You were the only one who didn't bow because of who I was, but was there all the same.”

 

“I-am-not-your-ghost,” said Saki, her eyes shining. “That's just something your sick mind threw together by itself.”

 

“Yes you are. I might have been seeing ghosts all my life, but you are the only one I've seen that wasn't based on someone that I already knew of. You fit her perfectly. Looks and personality,” said Azula firmly. Saki clenched her fists in fury.

 

“If it really had been my ghost then she wouldn't have accepted you for who you are. I can forgive you for being insane, hell; it helps me accept your bitter personality. I can even forgive you of being a fire bender. What I cannot forgive is all that you have done when you were the fire princess. How many lives you ruined, how many people have you killed, how many evils have your ancestors committed against the other people of the world, their own people included?” demanded Saki.

 

“Why am I being blamed for the transgressions of my ancestors? Why not place some of that with Zuko?”

 

“Because he's doing all he can to make up for his people's wrong while you tried to make it worse,” sneered Saki. “From what your brother told me it was your idea to completely wipe out everyone in the Earth Kingdom.”

 

“Of course it was my idea, you think anyone else has the brains to think up something so brilliant? Those earth…” Azula was thrown backward, her back hitting hard against a tree and knocking the wind out of her. She took in controlled breaths, looking up through her blue hair. She glared at Saki, her breath hard to find.

 

“Brilliant? Are you fucking kidding me? You think that by killing off people, simply because they fight against your ideals, is a brilliant idea? You should have taken it as a sign that what you were doing was wrong!” yelled Saki, coming at her and stopping a few feet from her. Azula pushed herself up the tree, her back killing her, but she gritted her teeth and glared.

 

“Believe me, I know, I'm just as, if not more, vicious than my father was,” said Azula with a smirk.

 

“You deserve to be locked in prison -- in your head. I guess I can't blame you, it is, after all in your blood,” sneered Saki. Azula tensed, she was not putting up with this anymore, no matter who Saki was to her.

 

“Well, I guess the ancestors do play a part in people's lives seeing as you're just like your ancestors. You're just as flaky about your family as air nomads were. You aren't planning to go back to your mother, not after everything that's happen. You might have remembered to ask her to come. But she wasn't interested, was she? And you're going to stay here because you know this is where you're needed. You're daddy's little girl alright,” said Azula with a cruel smirk. A blade of air bit into her shoulder. Azula winced, but refused to back down. She felt warm blood trickle down her cool skin. She ignored it and just glared at her friend.

 

“And you, what you have a good family situation? You've tried all your life to be rid of your brother, while I'd give anything to get mine back,” said Saki, tears touching the side of her eyes.

 

“Don't compare my family to yours,” hissed Azula leaning forward on the tree. “And what the hell was that comment on fire benders anyway, what does it mean that you can forgive me for being a fire bender? I was born that way, I can't change that,” said Azula.

 

“Like you were born with a cruel personality bent on causing others pain to rise yourself up,” sneered Saki, staring down at the fire bender. “Though with what kind of person you are and atrocious acts you've committed I can't forgive or trust you.”

 

“Then let me rephrase. You're going to condemn people based on an ability rather than their personality?” demanded Azula.

 

“The personality seems to come with the bending, or so history has taught us,” sneered Saki.

 

“So you're going to call kids like Jet monsters just because they have a certain ability? Force him to become the dangerously unstable grownup he was starting to become before we started teaching him and showing him what human compassion was?” demanded Azula.

 

“No, Jet had some water blood in him because of his mother,” said Saki. Azula tensed, her glare intensifying.

 

“His mother is the reason he's so messed up,” snapped Azula.

 

“She's probably the reason that he's sane, the little tantrums are probably bad blood, he'll just have to work through it,” said Saki. “Damn, all this time we left you with the kids. We should have just sucked it up and taught them. I mean, you're friggin insane!”

 

“You know, in some ways, you're worse than me, condemning a child to abuse because he's a fire bender,” Azula winced as another blade of air cut against her.

 

“You dare suggest...?”

 

“What else would I be saying?” asked Azula and got pushed into the tree harder for her outburst. “And while I'm at, why don't I defend my people? Like pointing out that every other group of benders has tried to take over the rest of the world, though none but the air benders has come as close as us.”

 

“What are you saying, you quoting some ridiculous Fire Kingdom propaganda?” asked Saki.

 

“No, believe me, their propaganda does not make you out to ever be powerful enough to pull off something like that,” sneered Azula. “I've read all the old archives, and a long time ago, your people tried force the rest of the world to work its way, since it felt it was best…”

 

“It is,” said Saki digging into Azula, the former Fire Princess coughed but kept going.

 

“Don't be stupid, if the war forced anything down my throat it was that every nation needs to act as they see…” she gasped as one cut went from one shoulder to opposite hip. She bent over in pain, her vision starting to blur.

 

“I'm giving you a week, by the end I'll tell the avatar exactly who you are,” said Saki and then turned and headed into the forest. Azula wondered distractedly what had happened to make Saki hate fire benders or what in the war she could have done to have Saki practically kill her.

 

Azula limped back toward the temple, through the village as normally as she could. Saki had brought them far enough into the woods that there was a good chance no one had overheard them. She gripped her shirt together, but her vision kept blurring. These wounds were probably going to scar. She refused to think they were fatal. She might not be able to remember a time that it hurt as much as this, but she was sure she could survive it as long as she went somewhere and bandaged it up.

 

“Ah, Azi, they missed you in the village, but said you'd headed off with Saki. If you're done with you're done with helping the village because of a spat we should keep on your training,” said Master Tuk with reserve.

 

“I don't have time for this today,” said Azula, trying to move past her master on the stones.

 

“Come on girl… Hey, what's wrong?” asked Master Tuk lifting her head to look at her.

 

“Where'd this blood come from?” asked Sokka from behind Azula. She tried to move past her master, but Tuk held her fast.

 

“Azi?” he asked and then looked at her. “You're clothes are soaked in blood!”

 

“What! ?” shouted Sokka coming over to her. Azula felt the world tilt. The next thing she felt was something moving under her. Cold, but keeping her feet off the ground, and someone trying to pull her clothes back.

 

“These are air bender made,” said the avatar. Where had he come from? How did these people just pop up all the time? “That's how I know.”

 

“But who?” was that Katara?

 

“Azi… come back to me girl,” said Master Tuk in a strong voice. She blinked her eyes opened and looked his way. “Did Saki do this to you?”

 

“It's not her fault,” sighed Azula, still not able to concentrate, she didn't even think she could move any of her limbs her whole body just ached.

 

“Azi if…” But the world went dark.

 

-----

 

“Well look, Miss Prim is up,” sneered a voice near Azula ear. The blue haired girl blinked her eyes open to look over to see Saki, sitting to one side looking at her with sad eyes. “I guess I didn't kill you after all.”

 

Azula watched as her friend made her way over. She just stared at her emotionlessly.

 

“You should have just died,” sneered Saki.

 

“How can you say that to me?” asked Azula reaching out to her friend. Saki just stared at the hand in disgust.

 

“I am not your ghost,” said Saki with little emotion. “It's been three days by the way.”

 

“What?”

 

“You've been asleep three days,” repeated Saki. “Don't worry, you haven't missed much. I've been locked up for a few days. They had the head witch here sedate me and force me into a small room. I've convinced them it wasn't me. Better than telling them the reason we had the spat, that would have been breaking my word.”

 

“What do you care, I'm only a fire bender,” snarled Azula. Saki ignored her. Azula watched her, something was wrong. “You're not real.”

 

“What makes you say that Azula? Believe me, if I wanted to kill you I could,” said Saki with a smile.

 

“Yes, because the mind is powerful enough to make something unreal true to themselves,” said Azula with a glare. “You are not real.”

 

The fake Saki was gone in a blink of an eye. Azula curled in on herself. That Saki might be fake but the contempt she probably felt for Azula was very real. She wished the conversation had just been a bad dream, but the ach in her bones, and how her entire body hurt and the skin pulled against her wounds was forcing her to accept the reality of her situation. She shivered and felt her blue hair fall over her eyes. Tears started to fall and splash against her hand.

 

“Azi?” it was Master Tuk again. “Azi, what's the matter?”

 

“I can't fix it,” she sobbed, Master Tuk walked toward her in concern. Azula couldn't stop her sobs or her words. “I don't know how, I don't know how I can take back the past.”

 

“Azi, what are you talking about?” asked Master Tuk, this time his voice firm. One that demanded she reveal all or shut up before it was too late.

 

“Saki, she's angry with me. I can't fix it, I can't apologize. I don't know what to do,” she sobbed more and Master Tuk looked alarmed.

 

“Saki really did do this to you?” he asked in shock.

 

“Impossible,” Azula looked up at the man and then glared at Saki's father. “She's your closest friend. You're hers. She knows that you don't have a perfect past, that's never stopped her from accepting you before.”

 

“Yes, well, there are some things your daughter can't forgive,” spat Azula.

 

“I'll talk…”

 

“No, leave her alone,” said Azula looking up at the man, she saw that the avatar was with him. “She didn't mean to, not really, anger clouded her vision. Leave her be.”

 

“She's needs to learn she cannot use her air bending this way,” said Aang with earnest.

 

“She knows that. But believe me; she has a good reason for losing her mind and doing this to me…” Azula tried, she did, but the tears were there and she couldn't breathe without sobbing. She heard some shuffling and talking, but tried to ignore it. The pain in her heart even outweighed her physical pains at the moment.

 

Then two gentle arms were around her, pressing her to a slender body as a gentle hum fell on her ears. She buried her head in the red material, allowing the tears to soak into her mother's robe. A doll was pushed into her hands; she held it close to her chest and let her head fall against her mother, the tears falling down her cheeks. A hand touched her forehead.

 

“Azi, you're freezing!” her brother exclaimed, she rolled her eyes.

 

“That's normal for me,” she rasped out.

 

“Listen, Azi, I don't know what's going on between you two, but I'm sure it's not as hopeless as you think,” the avatar said trying to be helpful. Azula smiled at the irony of all of this. “Everything will turn out fine.”

 

“I don't think it will be, but thanks for the sentiment anyway Aang,” said Azula, clutching the doll in one hand and her mother's dress in the other.

 

“Don't give up,” said Toph confidently. Azula just shook her head.

 

“No, this time she didn't even need to call me a monster, what she thought of me was clearly reflected in her eyes,” said Azula with a small chuckle. She turned her head away from the avatar's gang. She just wanted to sit here for a while. For once in her life she wanted to be held in her mother's arms and feel like she belonged there, to pretend that her mother loved her, and just to feel that warmth from her mother's body that even made it past her cold shields. Azula slowly felt herself lulled a sleep. Everyone left but they sent some sort of support to her that she didn't deserve. She lay in her mother's arms and drank it in, she might not deserve their support, but she desperately needed it.