Avatar The Last Airbender Fan Fiction ❯ Precious Illusions ❯ I Wanna Be ( Chapter 16 )

Author's Notes: “Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then, I guess you know I'm here after.”

 

Disclaimer: Is not mine, I could never make up something so beautiful and predictable as it, though I do wish I had Zuko (I would lock him in my room and never leave). It belongs to Nickelodeon (I think) and its creators Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. None of the music is mine either.

 

Warnings: language (the f word is used twice in the fic), a bit of violence, emotional turmoil, insanity, yuri (light and far away), shoujo ai, mentions of shounen ai/yaoi. Original characters, made up avatar creatures (that's all the warning I can think of off the top of my head).

 

I Wanna Be by Emma Roberts

 

Chapter Sixteen

I Wanna Be

 

Azule woke to some weird tugging on her head, she would have blamed Saki, but there were too many little tugs to count. Though that could still be the air bender… after yesterday, could she think of the other girl as her girlfriend… yesterday!

 

“Ah, good your awake, it was getting hard to give Aang reasons why he couldn't come visit you while you were still out of it,” said Saki with a smile.

 

“Why couldn't he visit me?” asked Azula with a small bit of suspicion. Alright, a lot of suspicion, but Saki deserved it. Saki only smiled and ran her hand through her hair. Azula looked at her friend in confusion before bringing her hand up to her hair. It was clumped smoothly together. Azula blinked and forced it forward. Her black strands were braided into many, many small little braids, all tipped with an invisible band.

 

“Why is my hair… not blue?” asked Azula with a blink during the transition.

 

“I got bored. I didn't want to leave your side, so I decided to get all that damn dye out. I did, but then this morning I got bored again, and well, now it's all done into little braids that can be left that way for weeks if you treat it right,” smiled Saki.

 

“What is it with you and hair?” asked Azula looking at her friend like she had lost her marbles.

 

“I like your hair,” she said and smiled at the braids.

 

“You're obsessed, if I didn't know better I'd say you tamed my hair just so you could run your fingers through it,” said Azula with a laugh, and stopped at the serious smirk her friend wore.

 

“What other reason would I take time out of my insane trek to just brush your hair? I didn't care that you were insane, and seeing people's reaction to you was sort of funny,” she took a few braids in hand and started playing with them.

 

“I didn't find it that funny, and I never keep something like that bottled up, so I know you knew,” accused Azula, Saki blushed but didn't comment, Azual decided to not press. “But really, why did you get out all the blue?”

 

“Because I thought it would be best just to be upfront about who you are,” said Azula. “I mean, the hair shouldn't have worked so well, your uncle came in here, said some confusing stuff, but mentioned your eyes. He thinks that it's changed enough to throw even your brother off. Anyway, they'll figure it out eventually and…”

 

“Saki, why?” asked Azula trying to catch her friend's eyes, but she was intent on looking down at her hair and rubbing it between her fingers.

 

“Because, you're the phoenix, and to rebuild the balance that was offset by the war the avatar has learned that he has to bring together all of the spirits that represents the source of the four bending's. Sokka's happy, apparently he gets to see his old girlfriend,” Saki laughed a little and Azula frowned.

 

“I have to leave you?” asked Azula, Saki laughed. “I have to tell everyone who I am? They'll kill me.”

 

“Apparently that would be a very stupid idea,” said Saki happily. “You see, if you were to die then the earth would become dark again until the four elements stabilized and confirmed your existence. So, unless he wants the world plunged into darkness and to die off before you're reborn, he'll just have to get over who you are.”

 

“You mean I'll have to travel with him?” asked Azula, she looked devastated; her girlfriend started laughing at her again. “It's not funny, they're insufferable goody-goodies!”

 

“Those insufferable goody-goodies looked after you all last week, I'd suggest you show a little respect,” scolded Saki.

 

“I don't want to travel with them!” cried Azula and Saki laughed. Azula smiled up at the girl. She was going to miss Saki, she was just getting to a good level where they hid nothing from each other and on a daily basis, in private, Azula could have stolen quick kisses. She liked Saki's kisses; everyone else's paled in comparison. Well, as soon as she taught the girl to kiss they would, but until then it still felt right.

 

Of course, she was still ignoring the real problem. She would have to confront her brother. No shields, no witty comments, well, she could work them in, but they probably wouldn't be appreciated. She didn't know how they would react to seeing her. She wouldn't even have the comfort of slipping into madness, because that happy little corner seemed to have disappeared with her transformation. She was warm now; it felt good to be warm. Her brother would be less than impressed though. He had trusted Azi, had talked to her and confided in her when they were practicing.

 

Azula's thought process stopped with a screeching halt in the next few seconds. Gentle lips were playing against her, unsure but persistent. It took a second of bliss for her brain to kick start and her eyes to open wide and look at Saki. The air bender was blushing very prettily and distracting her again.

 

“You looked like you needed a distraction,” explained Saki with a fierce blush still present. Azula went in for the kill, it tasted so good, but it was over too quickly. Saki's tenseness told Azula that the other girl still wasn't comfortable with the idea. Azula sighed and wished that she could make her friend as sure in their relationship as she was in this temple.

 

“We really are going to separate, aren't we?” asked Azula, she would see it in Saki's eyes. Saki nodded. “Why, can't you come with us? I'm sure the Avatar wouldn't mind. He'd probably think that you were the perfect person to keep me in line.”

 

“My place is here Azula,” was the soft reply. “The air benders need me here, and I can't just leave this to the Elders they're so old they'll just end up screwing everything up.”

 

“Well, I guess it's time to face the music then,” said Azula with a sigh.

 

“Here, Aang wanted you to wear something that showed you represented the fire benders. I don't know where he got it, didn't ask. But here are red shirt and pants. The shirt doesn't even have a back. Apparently you're not supposed to have one so that everyone will know who you are. That's going to be cold when you go to the North Pole. Anyway there is some makeup by the mirror. I'll just be going now.”

 

“Is this your room?” asked Azula, starting to take off her shirt and looking around. Saki turned around to respond and blushed, but still answered.

 

“Yeah, you weren't actually really hurt this time,” said Saki with a shrug. “Your tattoo bled a little, but that stopped quickly enough and they just left you up to me.” She backed up and Azula realized that she was serious about leaving.

 

“Are you really leaving?” she asked with a scoff.

 

“Yes,” was the firm reply as Saki just stared as Azula started to slowly pull up her shirt.

 

“Why?” asked Azula, smiling in what she hoped was a seductive way. Saki gulped.

 

“I'll be right in the next room when you're done and I'll take you to see the Avatar,” said Saki extremely quickly and sprinted out the door, closing it firmly behind her.

 

Azula looked at the door for a few minutes, her eyes were amused, but then again, in some ways it made sense. The Phoenix started changing, wondering what Saki would possibly have for makeup, she wanted to really surprise her brother, it would be a sort of revenge, making his heart stop for a few minutes. She looked around and saw her sword by Saki's bed. She loped it around her waist. She might need that if their reactions were to act violent as soon as they saw her. Which, after seeing all the poster for her, that could very well be the case. She also pocketed the little Earth Kingdom doll. But that was just in case her mother insisted on having it back. She had burned the last one her mother had tried to give her as a small child. Though, perhaps that shouldn't count in her mind since it had technically been from her git of an uncle.

 

-----

 

This was a delicate operation. She couldn't afford to be caught by the enemy. Azula checked out the door and looked around. Good, Saki wasn't there either. All she had left were the stairs and then she could have her brother and his friends on her own, without Saki there to try and smooth things over. Who knew what that could do?

 

She snuck up the stairs, she wasn't even sure that Saki knew she was going. The air bender might think that Azula was just trying to gain the courage to face them as who she truly was. The thing was, Azi was her real personality, Azula was part of her past, and them not being able to see that would only prove that she was wrong about thinking the world could be balanced with good people in it. No, that wasn't her own thought. Azula swatted the air testily. This whole being a great spirit was kind of annoying when it came right down to it.

 

She snuck on the roof and breathed a sigh of relief to see The Avatar there with his friends. The maid hadn't been lying. Azula pressed her back against the roof and took a deep breath in and then let it go, settling herself for the mayhem her presence was going to cause in a second.

 

Small feet beat against the roof as Azula walked forward, as gracefully and with as much aristocratic snobbery as she could summon. The group continued to talk for a few long moments, Katara stopped, her eyes locked and large, just staring at Azula, the former Fire Princess could see that slight fear that meant the water tribe's girls knew who she was. The group slowly seemed to realize that something was wrong and tuned toward her, even her mother seemed shocked still. They moved as one into fighting position ready to strike against Azula. She stopped where she was and bowed in the traditional fire kingdom fashion, bowing as deeply as her hips would allow her without showing off all of her back.

 

There were a few confused mutters, and she didn't feel as if anyone was running at her to attack. A few slow steps were made toward her, and pair of sandal feet came in front of her. The Avatar if she remembered right.

 

“Azula?” the voice was filled with hate and confusion, her brother. He sounded right behind the Avatar. She wondered if they would recognize Azi now that they saw her. She might be in a backless shirt and the clothes that the Avatar had given to her as the phoenix spirit, but the cloth that went around her neck was made of loose folded cloth that she had spread over the back of her shoulder. She hoped that she wasn't bending over so much that the phoenix showed, the head was hidden the cloth.

 

“Fire Lord,” she said in reserve. Nobody seemed to know what to do with such a relaxed Azula. Zuko, she was sure, was looking for the cruelty and anger she should be using when calling him the Fire Lord.

 

“Azula,” came a reserved call, new shoes joined next to the avatar's sandals.

 

“Mother,” scolded Zuko, obviously afraid for the woman's health, Azula couldn't really blame him, but she still felt the old bitter stab at the thought that Zuko was taking her mother away from her again. Azula lifted her head slightly, looking a little sideways at her mother through a few braids. She caught her mother's gold eyes in her own, and the woman's eyes widened and she pushed past her brother and the Avatar and brought her into a bone crushing hug.

 

Azula couldn't help but let her arms slowly come and hug her mother back a little for a few seconds before squirming her way out of her mother's vice like grip.

 

“You have no idea how glad I am to know that it's you,” said Ursa, and Azula looked at the woman in shock. She was glad that she had deceived her and that the person who had tried to kill her precious son had been with them the whole time?

 

“What are you talking about mother?” asked Zuko. Ursa looked at her son in the same gentle eyes that she had always used when looking at him. She turned back to Azula, her eyes were still kind but they had grown firmer, the look a mother gets when she knows she's dealing with a predictably stubborn child. She made a small circular motion with one finger. Azula sighed but did as instructed and turned around so her back was facing them. A few more gasps were uttered and Azula turned back to them while adjusting her neck strap so it was on correctly.

 

“But how?” asked Sokka, his grip tightened on a new boomerang that had been fashioned for him. His eyes hardened and he had to be restrained by Toph, Azula lifted an eyebrow but didn't comment. Well, at least one of them had attempted to attack her because of her betrayal, even though it was rather a seething fury then anything immediately troubling.

 

“So, what was your reason for this?” asked the Avatar. He seemed confused. “Did you really change and not want to leave this place? Or had you been planning to turn these people against Zuko and then me?”

 

“That wouldn't be very logical,” said Azula, she smiled hotly and shifted her weight back on her heels. “These people consider you to be the last air bender before the Avatar, and they respect both of those titles beyond all. Plus, while they might not thrilled to have my brother among them they do know that if he hadn't taken over that the title of Fire Lord would have gone to someone who would make sure that they were eradicated, which by the way, would have been me.”

 

“You can't tell me that you didn't consider revenge even once while you've been here,” hissed her brother. Azula smirked at him. It was fun to be riling him up again.

 

“No, I definitely considered it a whole hell of a lot when you first came here,” she said with a twisted smile. They were all once again on the defensive. “That's why I escaped in the first place.”

 

“Then what stopped you?” asked Katara harshly.

 

“Saki,” said Azula with a shrug. “She needed the Avatar to teach air bending again; plus, it wasn't the Avatar I was really angry with, he didn't dethrone me. The only reason before he was my main target in the past was because he got rid of my Saki ghost.”

 

Aang looked confused for a moment and then his eyes widened at the memory.

 

“You were talking to someone!” he accused unnecessarily and probably confusing everyone else.

 

“What about me? Why didn't you kill me?” demanded Zuko, his fist tight.

 

“You and the water tribe's girl,” said Azula wanting it to make it perfectly clear who she blamed. “You two were directly responsibility so your death's would have been the most important to carry out. However, Saki was still my problem; there's was little chance that she wouldn't ask me who the killer could have been…”

 

“And you can't lie to her,” said Aang, his eyes growing wide. “Was that really all that held you back?”

 

“No, in the end…” she blushed; she didn't want to say this. The others laughed; Toph even appeared to be giggling. She didn't think that they had completely accepted her. There would still be those awkward moments, especially if she forced to travel around a lot with her brother. From the look of it Sokka wasn't too happy either.

 

“So, did anyone here know about you?” asked Zuko stiffly. “Because they all seemed to think that you might have a connection to why the spirit was so restless.”

 

“That was because they had found out I was a fire bender, not the former fire princess,” said Azula snidely and then shrugged. “The only one I think knew who I was uncle Iroh.”

 

“Azula!” cried out Saki. Azula flinched; the air bender had to come right in time for her to seem like a liar. From how the others were holding themselves, she guessed that their suspicion was up completely again.

 

“Hello Saki,” said Iroh happily.

 

“Hello Master Iroh,” said Saki with a small wave. “Hey Azula, you could have told me that you wanted to greet them by yourself, I would have paid more attention to make sure you didn't go through with it. But I'm happy you're alright.”

 

Saki nuzzled her nose into the crook of Azula's neck.

 

“So, how long have you known who she really was?” asked Aang, trying to make it sound like a casual question. Saki blushed a deep red.

 

“You found out the day that Azula came back nearly dead,” breathed Katara, just figuring it out.

 

“Well, technically I pieced it together the night before that and didn't have proper time to talk to Azula until the day after,” said Saki awkwardly. She laughed a little, and most of the tension seemed to drain from the group. “So, I guess now that I've accepted her you're going to take her away.”

 

“Afraid I have to,” said Aang with a shrug. “If it makes you feel better I'm not planning to leave her alone, especially now that I know who she is. Not everyone is just going to listen to me when I say that she's safe now. Many people will probably try to kill her because of what she did to their family and so on.”

 

“Well, as long as I have your word,” said Saki. “May she take a few things with her?”

 

“Yeah, but not much because we're using Appa to get around,” said Aang. Saki bowed sadly.

 

“Come on Azula, let's figure out what you need to pack,” the two friends left. Saki twining her fingers in Azula's hand and sniffling. Air benders sure were a sappy lot. But Azula held on the others hand with just as much force.

 

----

 

The day and the next past in a flurry of movement. Azula had to teach the children once more, the Elders only a little hesitant to allow her to let her continue to teach them after finding out who she was. They had to let her because they couldn't find anyone so late, they couldn't let Gato teach by himself (he was an awful teacher, but a wonderful assistant), and they couldn't even make Mother babysit all day long after the woman had gone on strike for having to watch the monsters alone for a week. So Azula taught as normal, not letting up at all even when her past was brought up, especially then.

 

Jet, it appeared, was officially now traveling full time with the Avatar. He couldn't go back to the South Pole because that would be torture now that he had found his fire. Besides that, now that he knew Azula was a fire bender he had informed them that he would accept no other fire bending teacher. Azula told him he would be happy with what he got, he was mouthy, and she had sent him on almost impossible jobs. She had never seen someone so happy to be moving a huge bolder up the cliff side with just fire bending.

 

Everyone's spirits seemed lifted. Sokka eventually got over his slump, and began to torture her for whatever pain she had put him through; he followed her everywhere and just talked. He would leave when she changed or went to the bathroom, and when he she fell asleep. The night before she had been kissing Saki soon after changing when he had walked in talking. He had stopped and blushed and muttered as he left. It would have been funny but Saki had gotten scared also, so at the moment Azula was just pissed at the water tribesman because he had stopped a wonderful goodbye make out session.

 

Azula packed very few things, clothes, a brush, a few pieces of loose change, and her doll. She was leaving that afternoon on the flying bison's back. She threw her small bag on first, the water tribesman had also given her a tent she could pitch. Sleeping on the dirty ground didn't seem appealing to Azula, but she had slept in worse conditions in her year of raging madness, and she was on thin ice as it was.

 

The whole temple was gathered to see them off. A few little ones were crying, and one little girl was demanding Mother to tell her who would guard them from the thunder now that Azula was going away.

 

“Now, remember Azula, after this is done you're expected to come back here. We're all going to miss you,” said Saki gripping Azula's hand as she got ready to leave. The Avatar waved sadly to the air benders as he mounted up on the back of Appa.

 

“Are you sure you can't come?” asked Azula, she didn't want to be without her ghost again. Saki smiled and shook her head.

 

“This is where I belong, Azula, but don't worry, you're taking a bit of this place with you,” said Saki with a huge grin.

 

“What?”

 

“Wait up!” Gato half ran, half waddled his way over to Appa huffing. He threw his own small bag of stuff and propelled himself sloppily half up Appa and then started to try and drag himself up the rest of the way.

 

“Why are you coming?” asked Azula, watching the boy in surprise and not even pretending to be trying to help him up.

 

“Because we need a representative of each kind of bending that is not the spirit or me,” said Aang.

 

“Are you sure you don't need me to come along,” Azula blinked down at her brother, he wasn't coming?

 

“No, you can go ahead and see a few more places on land with your mother if you really think that is safe,” said Aang with a shrug. “We only need someone to offer a flame and Jet'll be fine for that.” Azula started climbing onto the flying bison, already positive that she was going to hate this experience.

 

She and Zuko's dealings with each other had been interesting. They had still practiced fire bending routines together and at dinner had had a polite conversation where they both ignored Saki as he chattered behind them. They had spoken of nothing of real importance and had been careful not to even get close to fire nation politics and ruling. Their ways were so different that they would never see eye to eye. While they would see eye to eye in some obscure and basic areas it would only add fuel to any debates they would have and drive them further apart.

 

She had a slightly better time with her mother, though she had only seen her two other times. One had been another quick hug and a few tears that had freaked Azula out and she had had no idea what to do to get her mother to stop. The other time had been right after dinner when her mother had commented on her hair and how she would have liked to put it up one more time and then sighed at her braids. Saki had stepped in then and had started talking Ursa, pushing Azula to go to bed. Saki was very possessive with her hair.

 

Now she was leaving her mother. In a time that felt like she could actually bond with her mother, that this time her mother might be able to accept most of who she was instead of just wishing she was more docile and kind. But again, in his own way, Zuko was taking her away. Azula looked at her brother and with a sigh, decided that he needed her more than she did, no matter how badly she wanted this time, she wanted it perhaps only to prove to her mother she had changed, and not for her love of the woman.

 

“Yip, yip,” said the Avatar. Appa took off and Azula waved down at the children briefly and the longest to Saki. Saki signaled and a group, including her to take to the skies. They circled around Appa for a little while, and after a bit Saki flew in carefully and caught Azula's lips briefly before flying away.

 

Azula didn't even notice the shocked looks she was getting as she watched the air benders leave. She was going to miss that. They flew on, and Azula continued to ignore the others and just think about the kiss. Maybe after she got over the fact Saki had definitely kissed her in public would she meditate and concentrate on sorting out the thoughts that were flying through her mind.

 

*****

 

It wasn't until later that night, after she had pitched the tent, that she remembered something she had meant to do ever since one of Sokka's new favorite topic had become that water tribe girl who had died. She didn't remember the girl's name, and frankly didn't really care. All she cared about was getting the message to Sokka and getting some sleep.

 

She made her way to Sokka's tent, and opening the flap she found the boy straightening things out. She kicked his foot. He jumped and turned around. He seemed shocked to see her.

 

“You don't need to say anything, in fact don't, this is just a warning,” Sokka blinked in confusion and then frowned and made to speak. “Listen, I don't care what you do, but if you break my brother's heart, I promise I will break you.”

 

And she left the tent, Sokka staring open mouthed at her back. Azula smiled; glad to have gotten that over with. Toph was staring at her in shock, but Azula just smiled wider.

 

“Nice night, no rain,” she said with a smile and continued to her tent. She curled under the covers. It was a warm night, they had had a good meal, and the location was beautiful. It was surprising how doing nothing but flying could make her so exhausted, but maybe it had more to do with all the questions everyone had had around the camp fire. Whatever it was, she found herself easily slipping into the dream world as she clutched the little Earth Kingdom doll to her chest.

 

END

 

(If anyone would like to know why go back to the first chapter and read the Author's Notes)

 

(Now that you have done that and are asking `why isn't this funny?' it's not supposed to be, it's supposed to be unbearable. Which is why I'm not sure why up until now mostly I've gotten praise, but I'm pretty sure that's just me failing my objective, and that's alright, it usually happens that way. That being said, if anyone is interested in me writing the sequel tell me to, I do know what happens next. Just don't expect the first chapter until next fall, and know the updates will probably be more sporadic.)