Beyblade Fan Fiction ❯ How we came to be ❯ I'd give up everything ( Chapter 10 )

(A/n: Gomen, I had exams plus an internship in Sweden. Since I'm used to an AZERTY keyboard, the Swedish QWERTY proved to be tricky to type on when I had the chance. Well here is the tenth chapter of Addiction, and I'm finally getting back on track a little :P Hope you like it ^^. Enjoy)

 

Chapter 10

 

The nurse looked at the young man, unsure of how she was supposed to react to the outburst. He seemed to be angry, panicked, afraid and desperate at the same time. To tell you the truth, Kai was gripped with disbelief, and reality. The only thing he vowed to protect, the one person that could prevent him from becoming totally inhuman was in the intensive care unit. Everyone had been telling him that she would come through, that she would make it. He had believed them; he had thought she would come through. But he had been wrong, they all had been wrong, she wasn't going to be ok, and it was his fault. One thing came into his mind. He had to see her, right now.

“What room did you say again?”

“12, but its restricted sir, only family is allowed to go in there.”

 

Anger started raging through his veins again, and it took him a great deal of willpower to control it.

“Look here nurse… Jane, I've known that girl since I was seven, and I also know for a fact that I'm the closest thing to family she has left. Now I'm about to lose her and you're saying that I can't go see her? Try and stop me.”

The glare shot in her direction was a hard one to miss. Kai stood there waiting for a little while, and when the nurse gave no sign to object, he stormed off towards ICU.

 

Once there the male nurse in charge didn't even try to stop Kai from entering, it took the guy all his courage to give Kai the necessary medical precautions. After he got in his heart sank and his guilt rose. She had got into a coma because of him, because she had wanted to help him, because he had been stupid and weak.

 

All the tubes sticking out of her nose and mouth were horrendous to see and the wires from the patches on her body made it look like some kind of freak Frankenstein movie. The clip around her index finger was attached to a beeping machine in a corner. Apparently they needed to check her heart rate. The rest of the machines were beeping and buzzing with the signs that she was all right.

 

But Kai saw it differently. Faith didn't look at all alright to him. Her skin was so pale, that even his scarf looked grey. Her lips showed a slight tinge of blue, like she had just spent hours in the snow. Touching her hand, he realised that it was as cold as ice. This all signalled to Kai that she was everything but ok. And he was the one to blame for it.

 

While grabbing a chair to sit next to her, the disturbing dream came into his head again and the message replayed itself inside of her head.

-One day you'll go berserk. She will fight long and hard, but she will die. -

“I guess you were right Tala.” He muttered to himself and buried his head in the sheets next to Faiths body. At long last he let his emotions take control and broke down in tears.

 

He didn't care for his reputation anymore. His reputation ended up destroying the one thing he had cared for. Even though he had tried so hard not to do it, he ended up caring for the blue haired girl. Everything he cared for died, he should have known better than giving this girl a place in his heart. He couldn't afford to loose her too. If she died, then his human side would be lost forever. He needed her; she had always been his rock. And now he had smashed her. He never wanted any of this to happen.

 

“Faith, I'm so sorry. You're going to die now because of my stupidity. I should've never asked for your help, and then you would still be ok. I swear I'll give up everything for you if you wake up. I need you in my life.”

 

Not realising that Ray had heard it he kept his head in the bed and his hand in her cold, pale one. Just like Kai, Ray had found the normal room that Faith was supposed to be in empty. When he found out that she was now lying in ICU, anger raged through him. He hated Kai so deeply as he stormed off towards room 12, because he had been the one responsible for putting her there and that the Russian didn't even seem to care much. But when he entered the room and heard Kai's plea, the angers subsided and made way for sorrow.

 

Kai did not just care for Faith, it seemed he adored her. What way the adoration went, he didn't know exactly, but all previous theories that the raven-haired had formed concerning Kai and his attitude towards Faith were tossed and burned. The vulnerability of the otherwise stoic blader seemed to both crush his heart and warm it, because he finally had the clarity he had always wanted. Then his gaze turned towards Faith and he felt lost immediately.

 

The paleness of her skin, the absence of all vividness. This didn't look like Faith at all. For even though she looked more dead then alive, she looked even more fragile. Somewhat like a paper doll. Like the slightest gust of wind would blow her away or tear her apart.

 

He placed a hand on Kai's shoulder. The other boy looked up startled, a track of silent tears evident on his face. He didn't even bother to glare at Ray for catching him in his vulnerable state. The mask of indifference had been broken.

“Don't worry man, she'll be all right, she's strong.”

 

Upon hearing that, Kai's mood changed entirely. He glared at Ray and then turned his gaze towards Faiths lifeless face, unknowingly warming up her hand.

“I'm so sick of hearing everyone say that all the time. She won't be all right, she won't make it. Don't you get it; this is exactly what I was trying to prevent. I thought that if I… if I kept her at bay I could stop caring for her, and then nothing would ever happen to her. My parents died because I cared for them, I didn't want her to die because of me neither. But now she is going to die, and nothing you say can change what's going to happen.”

 

“Kai, none of us could foresee this. You shouldn't blame yourself like this.”

“Don't tell me what I should or shouldn't do!”

And before Ray knew it Kai had risen to his feet and he was now face to face with crimson eyes filled with hatred and other emotions. It was obvious that Kai wanted to blame himself and that no one would be able to change his mind.

 

They stood like that for several moments before Kai just sighed and turned to sit back on his chair.

“I'm sorry, it's just that…”

“I know, she's important to you. Even though you said it a million times before, I never realised how much she meant to you as a friend. Sorry for never believing you.”

Ray picked up another chair and sat next to Kai in silence, at least for a while.

“How much do you care for her?”

“A lot, but probably not nearly as much as you do.”

 

He had to admit that, he did care for Faith, but after witnessing Kai's human side, he knew that no matter what, Kai cared for her the most. He didn't know what made Kai ask that question. Not that he minded, this was much better than the silence. He thought it was just simple curiosity. But for Kai it was different. He hadn't been ignorant from the dirty looks Ray sent him every time he and Faith were in a conversation or every time he interrupted one of Rays conversations with faith. Not to mention the anger outburst two nights ago. He wasn't curious; he was looking if he would be fit to take care of Faith if she woke up. He couldn't do it, not anymore. The only thing he would do is hurt her. If she woke up, he would be out of her life. It would be best for the both of them. Just thinking of that made his heart ache. But he ignored it. He'd willingly go through this everyday if she'd be safe.

 

“Do you want her?”

“If you want to put it so rudely, yes, I want her. But not physically alone. I want to love her, I want to cherish her, spend my days with her. But she doesn't love me like that. I'd find it amazing if she even considered me as a friend.”

Because Kai had his eyes on Faith again, Ray couldn't see the bitter smile that had formed on Kais lips as he tenderly stroked a cold cheek.

“We were never learned how to love. You shouldn't blame her for it. We are friends because we were together before everything was taken from us. We remind each other of the days that we were human…and happy. If it hadn't been for that I doubt that we would've even known each other.”

 

The silence returned for a moment. Ray needed a moment to digest the piece of information that was just given to him. He had known that the two had gone through hard times, but he had never heard it from either mouth. And he hadn't expected their times to be this cruel. He was shook out of his thoughts by Kai's next question.

“Do you have dreams about her?”

This made him feel uncomfortable, but he didn't see the use of lying, of course, he wasn't going to give Kai all the details either. Very silently he admitted.

“Sometimes. But Kai, why all these questions.”

 

Because the low volume of the question, he probably didn't hear it, or probably ignored it.

“How do you feel after one?”

“That depends on how intense the dream was. Why are you asking me this?”

But once again, Kai continued.

“I dream about her too sometimes. I can't remember them, but I know they're about her. After those dreams, I always get this intense feeling of calm and happiness, I only get that when I'm with her, so they must be about her. I don't know how she can do it, but it's like she can make me feel normal again.”

 

Rays eyes widened a little, but at the same time the look in them softened. For the first time ever he felt pity for his team captain. He wondered what it must be like. To feel something like that and not being able to identify what it is. He knew, of course, but then again, he had been raised up in a loving family as well.

“You know Kai; love is something you don't need to learn. But you do have to learn how to recognize the feeling. And what you just told me sounds a lot like it.”

Saying that hurt Ray, because it was a confirmation that he didn't want. But he also knew that he couldn't intervene. This was just too powerful for him to stop.

 

“I can't. I don't know how. I care for her, yes, but everyone I care about dies. I'm the one that put her here; I don't want to hurt her anymore. I don't deserve to love her, I don't deserve her. I wish I could just stop caring for her, but I cant, I just cant, I'm too weak. She can't love me, she shouldn't. She deserves better.”

 

When Kai started this rant Ray got really concerned for Kai. The boy seemed to be on the edge of a serious breakdown. And he had no idea to help him. Faith would've known, she always knew how to help people. But now she was the one that needed the help. Before Ray could stop the rant, it stopped on its own, and Kai turned to Ray with the most serious of looks on his face.

“She can never know we had this conversation. Promise me that you'll never tell a soul about this. Please, she can't know. I don't deserve her. Promise you won't tell.”

 

Ray agreed, but not willingly. He found out that Kai Hiwatari didn't just adore Faith, but loved her as well. But instead of embracing those feelings and showing them, he seemed to be afraid of them. He denied them, like it was something that wasn't meant for him. Even though Ray was practically certain that this was meant for both Kai and Faith. They had gone through so much together, it was only natural they belonged to one another. They were the only ones who would understand what the other had gone through.

 

Silence had fallen again. But this one wasn't as pleasant. It felt very awkward this time. It stayed like that for a while until the doctor came to check up on Faith. Then it all happened very fast. Before Ray could even turn his head to greet the doctor Kai had risen up in blind rage. He was about to pounce on the doctor when Rays reflexes kicked in and he grabbed both of Kais arms to stop him. This proved very hard since a pissed of Kai is very strong. Feeling the restraint Kai yelled at the doctor whilst fighting his restraints.

“How could you let her get this way? You said she was safe!”

After that Kai freed himself from Rays grip and rushed forwards in rage.