Beyblade Fan Fiction ❯ How we came to be ❯ I really love you ( Chapter 17 )

Chapter 17

 

#-# Kai Pov #-#

 

I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see her face. That beautiful face twisted in the utmost form of pain: betrayal. It contrasts so sharply to the memory of her on the roof. Where her eyes sparkled so, I have put tears ready to come out. Max thinks she's like this because Ray and I treat her differently, though I'm sure he knows more. Something in his look reprimands me and scolds me for what I did. I don't blame him, nor her for confiding in the kind blonde. Keeping everything secret was harder than I thought. Even I told someone, though not entirely willingly. Ray, my biggest enemy when it came to Faith, forced me to confess what I did. I expected him to hit me for hurting her, hit me for being stupid. But he did none of those. He gave me advice. That's another thing that troubles me. After all those years of freedom I'm still not used to not being punished for my actions. I guess that was also why my mind reasoned the way I did. If I pushed her away, no one would get hurt.

 

How wrong I was.

 

I feel the dull ache in my chest droning on, reminding me of how much it needs to be soothed. Faith stopped smiling, and the blue colour in her eyes has become a rare feature. It's only brown or purple anymore. And it's my entire fault. Ray still thinks she's just confused, and if I clear it all up it will all be ok. He doesn't know that I have done so much more to confuse her. Back in the convent all we had was each other. Losing Tala was a terrible blow for us, more for her since she had no one for a long time. And now, hearing me say that terrible thing to her was ultimate betrayal. We had vowed to fight for each other, and I have been neglecting her for weeks.

 

Max and Ray say it's not too late, but I hear her cries at night and I know it's my entire fault. I can only hope that they are right, and that we can start over. She might never see me the same way as before, but as long as she will no longer look at me in pain and fear, I will be happy. I broke the bridges between us because I thought it the only way to stop me from feeling this way about her. But it only got worse. All I wish to do now is go into her room and soothe her, tell her I'm sorry. Then why don't I? Because she will no longer accept me as a friend, I'm sure of that. She'll hide her emotions behind those jade eyes and tell me everything's all right, just like she always tells the others.

 

I glance at the clock: almost 2 a.m. I should really try to get some sleep. But my eyes won't close. Knowing that I'll see that pain again, knowing that her cries will be clearer in my mind as soon as I tune out my vision. Even though the crying has stopped, it continues in my mind. She might seem tough and unnerved, but in reality she is one of the most tender beings alive. She gets hurt so easily. After all she went through in her youth she has very little reserve left to deal with situations like this. I didn't need the shrink Max' mom hired to tell me that. I just knew.

 

Soft wails now reach my ears. She's having another nightmare. It wouldn't take long now before she would wake up screaming. It happened so many times before. All the others are vast asleep; they are hardly bothered by her pain. I hear the first scream. This one frightens me; she never cries this scared before. Another follows and another. Why hasn't she woken up yet? After 30 seconds I can't stand it any longer. I must see her; I have to know what's wrong. Not caring to throw on a bathrobe I storm into her room. The bed is a mess, she's tangled in the sheets, squirming like she's being beaten, throwing her fists on the bed. One of them has been constantly hitting the edge of the wooden frame, and I see droplets of blood falling down the bed. Her face is etched in a mix of emotions that make me want to look away. She can't wake up; she's trapped in the dream and can't get out.

 

I take hold of her wrists and start shushing her, hoping my voice will reach into the nightmare. But to no avail. She starts trashing harder, kicking and screaming. Footsteps behind me and I see Ray with a look of worry that is probably mirrored on my own face. He asks me what is going on, but what can I answer? I don't even know myself. All I know is that she is in pain and there is nothing I can do to help her. No, that can't be, there must be something. I try to find anything useful in my mind. Holding, waking techniques, little facts I remember of what to do in this kind of situation. But there are none. Well, there is one thing, but I'm not sure it works. I ask Ray to hold her down for a second as I manoeuvre my self to the headboard. Then I take her in my arms, forcing her to stop trashing. I put my cheek next to hers, close my eyes, and slightly rocking the both of us, I start humming an old song.

 

I remember very little of the way it went, but the trashing lessens. Ray looks at me with a quirked eyebrow. He comments half joking half wondering how he never heard me sing before.

“It's a lullaby she used to hum in the convent when any of us used to feel really bad. It used to soothe us.” I answer, adding that technically I'm only humming. Kai Hiwatari doesn't sing.

His only reply is that it's working. Soon she relaxes in my arms and the pain etches away from her face, which is now void of any emotions. It's a dreamless sleep, but at least she's not having nightmares either.

 

I softly stroke her cheek one last time after Ray and I successfully put her back in the bed under untangled cheeks. After that we leave, and I see him looking at me strangely again as I close the door as soft as possible.

“What?”

“What more proof do you need than this to know that you and she belong together?”

And with that he went back into his own room. Leaving me alone in the hallway, knowing full well that he was right.

 

I ended up sleeping for a few hours that night. Soft hazy sleeps, on standby in case Faith would have another nightmare. I would never leave her alone again, even if she hates me now or not. At breakfast it seems like only me and Faith look like we had a rough night. I see that she hasn't noticed the wound on her hand yet and realise that Max had.

“Faith are you alright? How'd you get that?”

She looks at her hand confused.

“I had a bad dream last night that's all. Don't worry.”

“Is something else the matter?”

 

She glances in my direction for a second, uncertain. She knows, she may not remember it, but she knows that I was in her room last night.

“Well…when I was having the nightmare, it all kind of faded away when I heard this humming. It was so strange.”

“What kind of humming?”

For some reason I can feel myself getting embarrassed and I quickly hide it by looking down to eat. From underneath my bangs I see her looking at me again, still uncertain, but scared too. A wave of pain goes right through my heart. She's scared I'll lash out at her.

“An old lullaby. My mom used to sing it to me and my brother, and I used it ever since to calm my nerves.”

With no response coming from my side I see her relax a little. That is, until Tyson makes his loud entry of the day, moaning about how they shouldn't have to train this early in the morning. Having that topic struck Max asks me when he has to catch up his triple punishment from yesterday. I shake my head.

“You don't have to, I crossed the line and I shouldn't have said that,” I say, looking at Faith, hoping she'll get the message as well. “In fact there's no training today for anyone.”

 

Tyson then asks me if he can have that in writing and after a quick glare from my side, goes back to bed. I don't really know what the rest are doing; all I can focus on is Faith. She still seems so scared, not looking at me. With the most pleading voice my pride will allow I ask her if I could speak to her in private. She doubts, fearing the consequences if she says no, but fearing even more what will happen if she says yes. But after seeing the reassuring smile from Max she follows me to the training room. In there I offer her a seat while I stay as far away as my heart allows me too. It feels strange letting my heart decide, but since my mind ruined so much, it's for the best that I don't listen to it for a while.

“Faith, there are no words to come even close to how much I hurt you and I'm sorry. I know you will probably never forgive me for what I've done, but I'm hoping you will want to start over.”

 

She's not looking at me, mulling over what I said and not answering. I take one step closer and she moves one back, chair and all. I drop onto my knees and try to look her in the eye. It's hard since we're pretty far apart, but I can still catch her briefly.

“I know that you find it hard to trust me right now. I don't blame you, after all I haven't done much to earn your trust lately, but I swear to you that I'm sorry. I thought…I thought…” my voice breaks and I can feel tears threatening to fall. I had never thought I had hurt her so deeply. “I thought it was for the best if I pushed you further from me, that you could move on and be happy. That I could forget how much I really care about you. I thought that this way I could forget how much I loved you but…but …but, it didn't, it only broke my heart to see you getting hurt by me again. I'm so sorry Faith, I really love you, I swear, but I just couldn't allow myself to admit it, but I don't care anymore, all I care about is seeing you smile and be happy again. And I'll do anything for that. Even if it means disappearing from your life forever Faith. I'd do everything, just to see you smile again. Just tell me what I need to do”

 

I can't go on; the tears are choking my voice. I can feel them running down my cheeks, dropping on the floor. Not a word is spoken and I can't bear to look at her. This silence seems to last for so long. I feel warmth spread on my shoulder. Looking up through my tears I see Faith bending over me, looking at me with those green eyes I detest so much. But she's touching me again and I take her hand and put it against my cheek. Still not looking away from her face I notice she starts to pull me up to my feet. Still with her hand on my cheek she says one simple line before releasing that neutral green from her eyes.

“I don't need to, you just did it.”

 

All shades of blue are in her eyes and I feel so overjoyed that I pull her into a hug, lifting her of the ground. Putting her back down I whisper thank you in her ear. For forgiving me, for accepting me again, for wanting to try again.

 

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A few more chapters to go, I know many of you will think that this is a good stopping point and I should shove the rest in a sequel, but the title is how we came to be for a reason, not how we are.

 

Yes, Faith is very forgiving, but wouldn't you be with the love of your life? I know I am…

 

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