Blade Of The Immortal Fan Fiction ❯ Abstinence Education ❯ Part Forty-Four ( Chapter 44 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Shadow and substance: crossing over into the twilight zone...

The characters and universe of Blade of the Immortal/Mugen no Junin are copyright by Hiroaki Samura and do not belong to me. Not one sen will come into my hands in consequence of this story.

Warnings for sex in various forms, including quasi-incestuous themes and a sixteen-year-old female paired with an adult male. Violence and dismemberment are legally required in any BotI fic... along with the occasional shellfish-toxin poisoning.


Abstinence Education
by Madame Manga

Part Forty-Four




“You feeling a little warmer now?”

Rin couldn’t speak to answer him; Manji hadn’t forgotten?

No... of course he hadn’t forgotten how sick she was. He probably realized it much more clearly than she did. She felt drowsy and dizzy, her bodyguard’s voice echoing from far away. But he was very near. He couldn’t have been closer.

Rin murmured and tried to push her head into Manji’s chest where she lay pillowed; her neck moved only slightly. She couldn’t sense the folds of his clothing against her cheek nor the clasp of his arms around her, though she felt his warmth all along her body. Still his warmth...

“Sorry, Rin. I’d’ve built a fire even with the damn hunters watching, but I couldn’t leave you all by yourself to fetch the wood... you were shaking so bad. You ain’t mad at me?”

Mad at him for holding her? To chase away the cold? Rin couldn’t imagine why that would make her angry. The icy crackle as her muscles froze – she had thought she must be dying. Though Manji had kept assuring her that she would be all right, he never would have said otherwise even if he’d thought so. Crouching over her while she whimpered, briskly chafing her shivering limbs and chiding her fears away.

After a few interminable minutes of panic, the iciness faded into numb paralysis. She wasn’t dying after all, though she could barely twitch. Oddly, Rin felt more comfortable than she had in days; she drifted in dreamy helplessness like an infant’s, and she couldn’t muster more than vague puzzlement at anything Manji said. She breathed his familiar scent, and images stirred and took firmer shapes in her wandering mind. Angry?

Oh... that. He’d embraced her before, hadn’t he? Before the sun had gone down. Before she had suffered a cut from a poisoned arrowhead, a dreamy memory now. As if she hovered high in the air, watching a man and a girl clutched together, kissing mouth to mouth. She felt a flush of greater heat along her cheeks and chest, though at such distance that didn’t upset her. Frantic, abandoned... if that arrow’s emergence hadn’t interrupted them, they wouldn’t have stopped at all. But then, without his pain eroding his resistance, they might not have lost control in the first place.

Now he cradled her like a child, and enveloped her in his concern. Which warmed her even more than the heat of his flesh...

“Freakin’ hunters – and I thought that arrow was causing ME some problems – shee-it. Rin... I was kinda harsh on you. Sorry.” Manji paused as if he expected her to comment. “But... aw, crap. No news there.” He sighed and paused again; she had the impression he thought it necessary to keep the one-sided conversation going, but didn’t want to venture too far on that particular subject. “...At least it’s not raining, hnn?”

Manji reached up and adjusted the reeking horse blankets he’d tented over both of them. She sensed vague pressures and shifts of gravity from his movements, though not the nuances of contact on her numb skin. “Well, gotta deal with what we’ve gotta deal with. You’re about as limp as a wilted flower, kid... and I’m not letting you out of my sight. Not for one instant until you’re better.” He took a deep breath and patted her head. “Still hearing me, aren’t you? Don’t you worry.”

Rin murmured again. Hadn’t he nursed her through illness before? Though perhaps a bounty hunter’s vile poison was a little more cause for concern than a tantrum and an upset stomach, she wasn’t worried. Nothing about their situation seemed like a crisis, not when her brain felt almost as stunned and prostrate as her body, but she’d never doubted that her bodyguard would take good care of her. She wished she could tell him so.

“This knock-out crap wasn’t meant to kill anybody, see? Bounty hunters are bastards – but they generally want to nab the quarry alive.” Manji sounded very sure about that; his certainty supported her. “So the poison’ll start wearing off pretty soon. Gotta be a couple hours short of midnight now... I can’t see much of the sky from here, but the moon set more than an hour ago. By the time morning light comes, you’ll be fine. Understand?” Manji hitched her body a little way upwards along his and settled her head between his jaw and collarbone. His voice thickened. “No longer than that, I promise. Go to sleep if you want... little woman. I’ll keep you warm all night – if... if I got to.”

Rin heard the tight, liquid sound of his throat contracting in a hard swallow.

She smiled a little, all that she could manage – Manji wasn’t exactly gritting his teeth against an unpleasant task, even if he had been fighting his carnal urges before he’d been forced into this position. When there wasn’t any question of her responding to his touch, their intimacy felt almost innocent.

Almost... because although she was reasonably sure Manji hadn’t put his hands anywhere that a brother wouldn’t, his chest vibrated a little and she felt a greater warmth near the crown of her head, as if he had his nose on her scalp again. Inhaling, exhaling... what was it about a woman’s smell that he liked so much? She didn’t know exactly, but she didn’t really mind him doing that... it felt nice. Comforting, like his own smell. The very roughness of his breathing seemed to prove something...

Her drugged thoughts melted into smooth, sugary fantasies; her bodyguard adored her without reservation, longed to make her his wife, begged for her love with vows and tears. He’d take care of her forever: strike down their enemies and warm her futon with equal facility. And give her children, a whole happy houseful...

Rin almost giggled at the idea – now where had that come from? Manji, an attentive husband and father? Squalling brats sitting on his knee while he puffed his pipe and sharpened his blades and swore like a bandit? Her head certainly wasn’t fitting on straight right now, though she rather enjoyed the sensation.

Manji gave a faint groan and shifted to curl his body deeper under the blankets with her, his heartbeat a distant throb beside her ear. Rin’s awareness slowly turned and rotated until she lost all sensation of weight and position. Suspended in space, almost like floating in the womb... she slipped gradually into dreaming. Nothing bad could happen in the entire world, not once she was wholly his... and in the life remaining to her, she never meant to stir from his arms again.



“Open your eyes. Okay? Stay awake...”

She didn’t want to open her eyes. She wanted to sleep.

“Rin, wake up! Can you still hear me?”

Harsh voice, urging at her like a fire gong. Manji’s voice – it was he who kept shouting. Why wouldn’t he let her sleep? Stupid, trying to wake her in the middle of the night for nothing. She felt so tired, she wanted to die.

“Open your eyes. Do it – show me you can.”

Only halfway, because her lids felt far too heavy to raise. They fluttered sluggishly open; the gray light stabbed through the trees above her. It hurt, like sand in her eyes. She squeezed them shut.

“Dammit, Rin! Keep ‘em open.” The voice cracked with urgency. “Listen to me. Do what I tell you!”

She blinked once, then again.

“Good. Now stay awake. Keep listening to me...” She made a protesting sigh in the back of her throat. “Rin. I know it’s hard... dawn’s coming, but if you fall back asleep now.... you’re feeling colder – ” He broke off. “Keep breathing good and deep. You’ll be okay.”

She couldn’t. Breathe deep, that was. Her chest felt compressed, as if someone lay on her full-weight and pinned her to the ground. But Manji wasn’t lying on her. Propping her up, patting her numb cheek; she glimpsed his hand moving between her and the gritty light when she fluttered her lids again. A blurry glare around his spiky topknot – she couldn’t see his face.

His outline faded as her eyelids closed to soothing darkness. He shook her, setting off a sick wave of dizziness. “Rin!”

Stop bothering me, you jerk, she thought. Put me down. Just go away...

“RIN!”

Hammering her ears – she hated it – hated him – why wouldn’t he shut up and leave her alone? Dizziness took her, though Manji said her name over and over. He was losing his voice, perhaps – his calls grew fainter as the dizziness whirled her deeper. With relief she turned away from him and into the soft, cool blackness beyond. Eventually she couldn’t hear him at all.



“Let me through. That’s all I’m asking, see? She’s just a girl...”

Loud, agitated voices in response, none very close. Her own slow, labored breathing almost drowned them out. It hurt every time she drew air.

“Put down that fucking pigsticker or I’ll shove it through both your fucking earholes. Let me past the gate!”

More voices, though the only one she understood came from right above her. Murk swirled in her mind – what was going on? Where were they, and why was everyone shouting so much?

“Look at her face, dammit! It’s not a trick – You want to arrest me? You’re welcome to try... once I get her to a doctor’s house. That’s all I – shit!” Manji rasped in a deep breath and exploded in a roar. “HEY, ASSHOLE! Aim that at ME – and this time, don't miss!”

A man screamed. Hard jolting, the sound of hoofbeats. Steel, and a gurgling cry almost in her ear. Hot metallic stink of blood... on her face? It burned in her mouth; she could not spit it out.

Whose wound? She felt nothing. A flash of clarity with the taste of blood: on horseback, supported across her bodyguard’s lap, surrounded by armed men. One of them had just taken Manji’s blade in the throat?

Or her bodyguard might have been run through while he tried to shield her from a spear. Had he been hurt badly enough to be captured? She seemed to slip and shift and be roughly seized again, cramping her chest so tightly she could no longer breathe at all. Dark red swirled under her lids, which she could not open. She slipped again and wasn’t caught. Fell without finding the ground, and the screams cut off in mid-howl.



Her body lay wrapped in a thick blanket of numbness, seeming to touch nothing. Almost as if she floated on water, though at the same time her limbs seemed carved of stone. She could barely breathe, was barely aware of her slow and thickened heartbeat. Her blood ran sluggishly, her mouth tasted bitter, and her thoughts moved just as slowly. Mind dim and confused, not sure of where or when or even who. A faint ember at her core remained, but it could not warm her.

Not floating, then... sinking.

Slowly she descended into ever deeper waters as if she were drowning without a struggle. Each slight breath came burdened with crushing pressure. She could feel no motion of her own chest, and her eyelids would not even flicker. A faint shimmer of light blinked in and out on the rim of consciousness, as if her eyelashes trembled from involuntary motion, or someone shook her in a steady rhythm. As if someone carried her while he walked with heavy tread, perhaps, supporting her neck since she lacked the strength even to hold up her head. The light and the rhythm were the only confirmations that she was not entirely dispossessed of her body. That she wasn’t dead.

In this utter disorientation of non-feeling, a few impressions filtered through; maybe not every faculty had gone completely numb. She reached for those impressions, tried to hold them and bring them into focus. She picked out a faint scent, a fresh sharpness... of pines. Must and cold of wet earth, the animal reek of horses. The odors of her surroundings brought her a little way up from her immersion and slightly eased her breathing. With concentration on the tale the air told came awareness of another living being in her constricted world...

Of a man.

Sweaty and tired, the fiber of his clothes damp, his salty breath tinged with stale tobacco. He seemed very close, though her sense of his presence came and went.

A sharp crack in her ear, like sticks breaking. Grating pop and strike, several times repeated. Sounds echoed and overlapped each other with queer reverberations. Lighting a fire? Her sense of time seemed distorted; she thought she might have been entirely unconscious for short periods, or even a long while. She had no way to know.

No sensation of outside cold, nor of heat. Who was with her? She couldn’t connect this person with any name or face, though a pleasant feeling curled through her because he was near. She smelled wood smoke and the steam of wet cloth. She tried to speak, and a small sigh formed from a sluggish breath.

“Rin?”

Tobacco again, suddenly very strong as if his face were nearly touching hers. She had no other way of sensing his nearness except that all light had vanished from the fringe of her lids. He cast a deep shadow over her, but his voice sounded clearer than anything else she had heard. “Rin!”

That could be her name, Rin. It sounded familiar, and he seemed very sure of it. He sounded impatient, maybe angry. He was always getting angry... she knew that somehow. So she must know him. She could smell him waiting for a response, but she didn’t try very hard to give him one. Why should he be angry with her? She hadn’t done anything. Couldn’t do anything – breathing was difficult enough. A vague pressure on her face.

“Dammit, you’re so cold...”

She felt the tension in that voice, and at her core she realized the man wasn’t truly angry. He sounded angry because he didn’t like how he felt and he didn’t want to feel it and had no idea what to do other than shout at it and try to scare it away.

He was frightened. Why?

“Little woman... make a sound, anything... tell me you’re still alive.” The pressure moved to her chest and his voice muffled. “C’mon, heartbeat. Talk to me...”

She tried again to speak, and dimly she realized again that her numb body would obey no command. Perhaps she should be frightened too?

The man’s smell faded and returned. She heard muttering and rustling, and she scented water. Her head was raised, which set off a wave of disorienting sensation. She seemed to tumble end over end and spin faster and faster as if she had gone over a waterfall. Her mind whirled and shuddered, trapped in the deep and turbulent pool under the pounding water. He might be lifting her, trying to make her drink – but he mustn’t, she couldn’t swallow, couldn’t even feel the spout at her lips, she would drown in his clumsy solicitude...

Gradually she sensed coolness in her throat and the spinning slowly subsided. Damp grassiness and a hint of mud on her tongue, and a slight salty-sourness she couldn’t immediately identify. River water, a bamboo container... and the man nursing her by hand. Drop by drop, his wetted fingertip moistening her mouth. If her lips moved to sip the water from his skin, she couldn’t tell.

A brighter edge of light showed for a moment and she heard him breathing – maybe he had laid her on her back to face the sky. “Damn, hungry... we still got some of ol’ Anotsu’s grub, for all the good it’ll – Rin, I’m sorry.”

Rin? Was that her name? She wanted to ask who Anotsu was, but could not summon even a murmur.

“I tried my best to get you to a doctor... but they’ve posted those damn notices everywhere I go. Me and this face. Not like I care if some freakin’ spearchucker of a village sentry tries to take me, but while I’ve got you on my hands... little broken-necked bird – ” He choked to a halt.

Her caretaker sounded contradictory to her, rough and ill-spoken as a laborer but as forceful as a person of rank. And another element under the force and the roughness? A weight of duty, a kind of tenderness.

Towards her, anyway... as if she were every care he had.

Her heart quickened a little – she pitied the strange man’s grief, though it embarrassed her as well. It sounded like she had caused him a great deal of trouble. Could she do anything to soothe him in return? Piece by piece, she searched for and gathered her elusive strength. She could save just a wisp of movement from the labor of each indrawn breath...

Somewhere near, the earth gave out a dull thump like the pound of a fist. “What the hell’s left to do, huh? Am I supposed to pray an’ knock my forehead? Make bargains, like I ever kept a promise in my life?” Her caretaker laughed with a creaking sound. “Pray... right! There’s no god that’ll accept my soul for collateral – it’s claimed already. Got a hundred creditors banging on my door...”

Nothing he said made much sense to her, though she felt that it should have, and she was a little ashamed of having forgotten why.

“Got to work it off, piece by piece. Until it’s all done and I’ve left nothing out. Not a single hair. Look a mother in the eye who’s lost a child – tell that bastard he's run up a blood debt, just like – no, that's one brand I ain't gonna take! Never in this life..." His exhaled breath shivered, though she heard the fire's snapping and a substantial crunch of settling coals. "Face to face... dammit, that’s gonna hurt worse than losing an arm." A mirthless chuckle. "But it’s gotta be worth something... to them.”

That made even less sense, though she understood he had to pay something back. He owed money? Who were his creditors?

“They crowd around me at midnight, y’know... a hundred of them, and more. Armless and legless and headless... stinking and dead... and hungry. They hiss their hate in my ears and they tell me every punishment I know I deserve.”

Not money, then...

“I can’t sleep when it’s like that.. or else they crawl into my nightmares.” She heard a stick break with a loud crack. “What’s the difference? I stare right through ‘em until the sun comes up and I hear every word they say. Who am I to complain? I killed ‘em, after all. They’re souls suffering unavenged because of me. It’s their right to gnaw me down to the bones and chew on my...” He groaned. “Oh, I got mine, and it’s no one’s fault but my own. I eat my punishments until I choke... unless you’re there.”

She? Perhaps she had once known something about ghosts, but what it was she couldn’t remember.

He heaved up a strange, almost hysterical laugh. “You, Rin-chan! You hug me and you laugh at me, so happy to be with this bloody-handed bastard... you don’t even know your own power. I watch you dreaming... with that beautiful smile, like a bodhisattva in a shrine, like you're feeling a little preview of paradise... heh... and there’s no ghost in hell who can even peek into the room. They’ve got no claim on your soul.”

His voice had gone irregular, choppy. “But they ain’t the worst, those hungry ghosts... it’s her. My little sister – she comes and sits with me and takes my arm, and she smiles at me and her face is empty, she’s never remembered how I wrecked her life and she doesn’t blame me at all, and it’s worse than their hate and hunger. It’s... worse... If I can’t see your face instead of... damn it...”

He caught a low moan in his teeth, as if he refused to weep. “No! That ain’t right – I can’t cheat that way out of my debts. If I’d made you all mine, stained you as black... who knows? Maybe they’d claim you too.”

His voice fractured. “And if... if you crossed over to them... if I saw y-your face among the dead...” He was sobbing outright now. “Haunting my nightmares... forever after. Those big eyes full of hurt – I’d go crazy-bad again... beast in a human shape. Sweet girl, you’re the only one I’ve got. To defend me... ”

Defend him...? Such a strong man, when she was so weak?

He fell silent but for the deep wet rasp of his breathing. Gradually it changed to another irregular rhythm; low in his chest, he was chuckling. He cleared his nose with a sloppy honk and blew out an exasperated huff. “Aw... shit. Listen to this unhinged moron, wouldja? Some bushi you are.”

A sword scraped from the sheath. “Fine. Pray, then. Make some stupid promises.” She heard more scraping sounds, clangs of steel thrown to earth. “I won’t do her any wrong – I’ll slice it off myself to make damn sure. Won’t even think it, not ever. I’ll shave my fucking head and chuck every blade I own into the river –

“Gaahahaa...!” He let out a raucous guffaw that startled her. “As if! I ain’t got the strength to give up my sword... any of ‘em. I’ve already done her as much wrong as I could...”

Wrong... this faithful guardian?

“I always knew... that little woman wasn’t for me. Not... me. But even though I never could’ve been – how the hell did I ever believe... that I had the courage to rip out my own guts? Fucking... coward.”

She wanted so much to open her eyes for him, see his face, hear her name in his mouth again. Maybe he’d tell her his name too, and why he took such care of her. He didn’t always swear like that, did he? If he wanted, perhaps he could speak gently...

After many slow inhalations, she managed another faint sigh, but all unknowing he muttered over her. “Who gives a damn if yer insides ripped themselves out instead? Why didn’t you do your freakin’ job and keep her safe? Hah? Worse than that dribbling brat of a hatamoto – you were supposed to take care of your little sister, you fucking cunt-licker. Not sit on your useless ass and watch her die!”

He struggled with a groan, almost weeping again. “Wake... up. Please...”

She grasped at his desperation like an extended hand. To live, to wake. For this man, nameless and faceless as he was, she thought she could attempt the greatest task. She had forgotten everything but how much she must have cared for him; if only she could speak it aloud, he could remember it forever. Would she have another chance? But already exhausted by the unheard whisper, she slipped once more into darkness.



“Namu Amida Butsu... Namu Amida Butsu...!” A confusion of men’s voices roused her, though only to dark disorientation. One woman wailed and prayed, inflicting a higher note on the general noise; she could not put together many words nor the sense of them. Everything seemed a little distance away – she was not right in the middle of this commotion, though not very far from it either.

“Aw... shit. You?” Sharper voice, cutting through the confusion: another man, surprised and angry.

A fight was about to start? Was there danger? She couldn’t see anything, and her body wouldn’t budge, as if she’d been shut in a tight-fitting box. Maybe she should try calling for help? Or were these shouting people her captors in the first place? What the hell had happened to her?

“For mercy’s sake... I beg you, O-samurai-sama! Blessed Amida, preserve us! Spare our lives!”

Three men, she thought – all sounding as if they’d been ambushed by ogres. A fuzzy memory tangled with the present: running for her life down a forest road, her ears stunned with a thundering gunshot. Someone had left her behind – she had to reach him before he vanished, or the ogres would carry her away to devour her. He’d never find her again in the darkness... and the monsters had caught her, hadn’t they? Seized her, dragged her through the forest, lashed her to a tree. She struggled against the bonds that seemed to hold her, feeling almost nothing.

“Hey, I haven’t drawn – look, I wouldn’t have stopped you people, or anybody, but my woman – ” The voices kept clamoring. “Aw, shuddup, you morons! All I’m asking for – ”

“For gold? Here, take it all! Just let us go, please!”

“I ain’t no fricking bandit! Put that shit away before I make you eat it!”

“Then what can an outlaw want from us – oh, no!” The man vented a horrified gasp. “M-my honored wife – I’ll give my life in her defense, I swear – ”

“Gimme a break! Don’t I got enough woman problems?”

Oddly, she thought she might recognize both men’s voices. One rough and furious, one vibrating with fear. The second man sounded educated, a respectable gentleman, but the first voice made her recoil even though it seemed far more familiar. An outlaw samurai, a ronin turned highwayman? Why would she know anyone like that?

“I can’t believe my evil fortunes – I thanked Heaven that we had escaped you! Surely a vengeful karma is pursuing me. Namu Amida Butsu... Namu Amida Butsu...!”

Could this prayerful gentleman do anything to aid her? She tried to call to him; she couldn’t make a sound. Then she was gagged as well as bound and enclosed...

“Goddammit all to hell! My woman’s sick. I need some... help.”

Help? That seemed like a difficult word for the outlaw to pronounce; his meaning broke through her rising panic. She realized that he must be the kidnapper who had seized her and still kept her captive. But he had some sort of trouble he couldn’t overcome by himself? Perhaps that would be her deliverance from his hands.

“...Your woman?”

“Ah, what’s the use? Of all the sorry bastards in the world to come along this road just now... that’s it. I’m screwed. And she’s dead...”

“D-dead? You... you aren’t referring to that spirited young lady? The one to whom I spoke... at a food stall?”

Dead? Ridiculous – of course she wasn’t dead. Although her body felt mostly numb, she could hear perfectly well, and she smelled a campfire and pines and horses. She was next to a road, under trees: an evening breeze bringing a hint of the sea. Even the voices mostly made sense now; she felt aware even though she realized she’d lost an unknown space of time. Why had she been brought here, and why did a nasty outlaw call her his woman? She wouldn’t ever willingly associate with someone like him. She was an unmarried girl of a respectable samurai family... Asano, of the Mutenichi-ryu. Her name was – she had to grope for a moment – Rin?

Yes, that was right. Rin, the only daughter of Asano Takayoshi. But her parents didn’t seem to be anywhere near. Where were they?

The question closed a cold grip on Rin’s emotions, though she didn’t remember why that should be. A bad dream...? Maybe that was it – she was dreaming, and her wild imagination running riot. She wondered what she’d eaten before going to bed. Too many sweets, probably... but she’d never dreamed anything like this unmoving darkness before. She’d always been able to look straight at her nightmares...

“Hell, go on! Run outta here and turn me in! I’ll stay right here and greet the officers, like I got a choice. Just come back with a doctor!”

“A... doctor?”

“Bring a priest too. I don’t know which she needs worst now...”

“Good heavens, wh-what happened? Where is she?”

“Right over there by the fire.”

“May I speak to her?”

A sarcastic laugh. “Sure, go ahead. Just don’t expect an answer.”

She had a recent history in these people’s minds, but not in her own; Rin wondered how to reach and re-create it. A clue here and there... if she could hold on to them. Recollections flittered across her mind at random and twinkled out of sight, as if her memories were a sun-dappled forest thicket that danced with bright butterflies and impenetrable shadows. Wasn’t she almost fourteen? Nearly a woman. This would be a special birthday... Father had promised her that.

The voices grew louder with approaching footfalls. “Er, young mistress? Excuse me... we met a few days ago – oh, dear...”

“Told ya.”

“Oh... oh, my goodness! The poor girl!”

A thump and rustle at Rin’s side; someone had knelt down. A man’s hair pomade, the smell of ink, a well-washed body overlain with road dust. Then he could see her predicament? Her bonds and gag! He’d cut them away and free her in a few moments, surely.

“What the hell do you think yer doing?”

“Heaven forbid that I should offend you again in any way, O-samurai-sama... but please allow this ignorant person to examine your, uh, young lady. With the greatest of care and respect for her womanly modesty, of course.”

Examine her? Examine what? She wasn’t ill, only restrained... though why bonds should lock down her memory she wasn’t sure. Maybe she’d had a bump on the head? Rin tried to focus on the voices.

“You a doctor?”

“I’m a simple scholar, but I’ve studied the Chinese treatises. I – I can’t promise anything – please don’t mistake me for an expert healer – ”

“Okay, okay, you can take a look. No hands!”

“Good sir, I will need to read the pulses at her wrists and observe the color of her tongue. Will you grant me that much discretion?”

A growl of reluctant assent. “I’m watching you.”

No one said anything for a while and she felt a few slight movements and pressures. Gradually Rin worked out that this probably wasn’t a dream. She wasn’t bound nor gagged, but wrapped in a peculiar immobility. So maybe she really was ill. Flutters of briefly captured memory reinforced her impression of reality; she’d fought a duel... with another woman? A head rolling on the ground – terrible howls and the stench of torn guts. Her own tears. Perhaps she’d been wounded in the duel, and that was what disabled her? Other images moved in a darker, distant stretch of time. A man lay dead with severed arms, surrounded by mocking swordsmen. A voice whispered behind an iron mask, reciting bad poetry that could not quite block out a woman’s screams. Strange weapons hurled blood, wielded by ghostly figures. Scars...

One man’s face alone stood out, a sharp-graved image like no other that lived in her mind. A deep impression... or a goal towards which she had to struggle. She couldn’t forget it nor give it up for anything; he had destroyed and remade the structure of her life, with himself as its center. His presence would stay with her forever. Ahead, behind, at her side. He said nothing to her in that darker dream, though Rin remembered a deep and even cadence of speech. Withdrawn even when he smiled, narrow-eyed and intelligent and cold. He wasn’t this rough-spoken outlaw who seemed to think she was his?

No, the narrow-eyed man wasn’t here; she’d left him behind this time. But she had to see him again... whether in this life or in the next. Rin tried to collect her energies, but they seemed to slip from her grasp and scatter again every time she gathered more than a little of them together, like attempting to pick up too large a handful of smooth pebbles. Her body felt immaterial, as if she had very little connection left to the world. Only the delicate thread of air that brought her sounds and smells, nothing more. And once that had thinned to nothing...

The voices caught her fading attention.

“You’ve been holdin’ her hand long enough, guy.” The outlaw spoke around the stem of a pipe. “Quit screwing around.”

“Ah... hmm. Perhaps I should have inquired first – what happened to the young lady?”

“Poison. On an arrowhead. Sheesh, you can’t even figure that from checking her tongue? Heh, heh...” Rin scented burning tobacco mingling with resinous wood-smoke.

“Goodness! She’s been shot? Er... where?”

“Naw, not her. She took a little nick from one that hit me... and in a few minutes, she was down.” The outlaw seemed to be seated near her head; mingled with the strong odor of his pipe she smelled clotted layers of sweat, and an odd rankness from his clothing that wasn’t unwashed skin.

Dried blood...

“Eh? Why aren’t you in the same state, then?”

“Poison don’t bother me so much, but that has got to be some seriously bad shit. Maybe so much of it in my blood – ” He broke off. “...Wouldn’t that just figure.”

“I beg your pardon?”

Rin could have demanded an answer to the same question; how had this smelly roughneck put her in such a dangerous situation? Judging from his prickly possessiveness, he’d probably been holding other men at bay, with no regard for her safety other than keeping her for himself. What arrogance! No – she didn’t like him. Not at all!

“Forget it. It was about sunset yesterday. I thought she’d have to be all right by morning... then she only got worse.”

“A little nick? Such as... these cuts on her wrist?” The scholar spoke in a musing tone, then inhaled sharply and swallowed hard with a gurgle in his throat.

“Yeah, that’s the one. Damn thing had edges like a razor. Nothing much by itself – hey, what?”

“I s-see... oh yes, nothing by itself – ” The scholar seemed suddenly far more nervous, even though the outlaw’s manner wasn’t particularly hostile. “As I said, I’m not a p-professional healer, not by any means.” Rin realized he was fighting panic, as if he’d just felt the first tremors of a threatened eruption. “Y-you haven’t tried to take her to a doctor?”

“What the hell do you think I’ve been doin’ all freakin’ day, idiot? If I could get anyone who knew the first goddamn thing about curing poison, would I be letting YOU look at her?”

“Oh... of c-course, all those notices! You can’t approach any settlement in this region without risking arrest. That’s a face anyone would recognize at fifty paces.” He let out a trembling breath.

A half-amused snort. “Try a hundred.”

“B-but... you say she’s worsened steadily since her injury? She doesn’t seem to be breathing very well – a creeping paralysis?”

“Yeah, like that. She had a bad spell early this morning.” The outlaw blew out a long gust of smoke. “I carried her in front of my saddle while I was looking for help. All curled up in my arms... she started choking and turning blue. I had to stop and lay her out straight so she could breathe a little easier. She looked better... for a while.”

So she’d been alone with him for hours, at least. All day? Hadn’t Rin’s mother cautioned her about even speaking to a strange man, for the sake of her reputation? And she knew about bandits – someone had often repeated stern warnings. The thought of bandits made her want to vomit. Cruel, lustful outlaws... a deep shudder twisted her empty stomach. How had this one gotten his blood-soiled hands on her? She knew he wasn’t admitting the whole story.

“Th-that was wise, sir... uh, and building a fire, yes... th-this hand is like ice, and her forehead... the heat of her blood seems to be failing...” The scholar babbled, as if he were afraid of betraying something less trivial.

“Yeah... I had to hold her for warmth last night. I dunno if – hey, what the fuck is with you? You’d think you had a knife to your throat.”

“N-nothing! Ah... ah... oh, merciful heavens, p-please, for the young lady’s sake, I’m only the messenger – ”

“Haah?”

Held her... all night? Confused horror caught Rin’s precarious inhalations short. Then this outlaw was beyond all doubt a kidnapper and a ravisher. Her ruination! A ruined girl had only one possible course – her mother had barely mentioned that sort of thing to her yet, but even so young, she knew exactly what a samurai woman had to do.

Her duty. She was helpless to perform it now and escape her dishonor... why? Perhaps she had tried and not quite succeeded? Not yet, anyway, but somehow she would accomplish it. So near to the next world as she was already...

Rin felt her throat close. Plunging downwards, as if she had thrown herself from a bridge. Dark waters waited to embrace her far below...

“Hey... is she...?” A pressure on her face and the outlaw’s voice, so close the hot blast of his breath touched her even as she fell. “Rin? Oh... shit!”

“Sir?”

Violent shaking: but she felt only a slight ripple as the current caught her and swirled her away. “Woman, breathe – goddammit – breathe – ”

“What? Move – let go!”

“The hell!”

“Let me! Please – ”

The voices scuffled and washed into unintelligible distance. She seemed to tumble over just before she blacked out.

Rin emerged to rhythmic pressures in her body, a sense of compression and release. Awareness returned more clearly than before. It hadn’t been long, she thought, a few minutes at most. She lay face down now – she smelled a musty reed mat. A weight on her back rocked slowly up and down, and a man panted with the motion. A strong waft of tobacco next to her face; it stung her nose and throat, and she tried to cough it away.

“Knock it off! She’s doing it on her own!” The outlaw’s loud voice blasted her ears again. “Get the hell off her now, or I slice your ass no matter what!”

The rocking stopped. The weight eased off her back and she was rolled to her side. “Yes, she breathes.” The scholar sounded a bit breathless himself, but relieved and gratified. “It was a quick recovery... I’m glad I remembered the method.”

“You’re damn lucky she came back.” The outlaw laughed with half-joking menace. “After straddling her right in front of me...”

“It was absolutely necessary to assume that undignified position, sir! In order to press on her ribs with enough force to make the air enter and exit the lungs – ”

“Yeah, yeah... damn.” The outlaw sat down hard and blew out a long sigh. “Uh... I guess I might owe ya one there.”

“It was nothing. Your pipe-smoke aided as well.”

“Right... look. I’m sorry about that crap, the other day.”

“Ahhn?”

“When she had to save your hide... after I pulled a knife on ya.” A slightly shamefaced chuckle.

“It was nothing, sir, no offense taken – I owe her a debt as well.”

“No offense? You’re more forgiving than I’d have been.” The outlaw laughed.

Rin searched her memory to no avail. Saved the man’s hide? How could she have any influence on a desperate criminal, someone vile enough to steal a virgin and lie with her? Rin wondered what exactly he might have done while allegedly keeping her warm, and then scolded herself for shameful curiosity. Better to forget it all if she could! But a strange feeling quivered low in her body and a few glimpses threatened to break the surface. Had she really seen a man without any of his clothes on? Why she’d want to remember something like that she could hardly imagine.

“I realized it wasn’t my business, sir, but my wife urged me, and I... it didn’t seem right to walk away and leave a young woman of obvious refinement in such an... err...”

“With a scummy low-life like me, you mean.”

“Oh, sir – ”

“Hey, dude, I ain’t saying it’s not a fair cop. Some guy putting his hands on my – on that girl, and maybe I went a little crazy. Heh...”

Rin listened with all her attention. This violent, possessive man... had he done her a dishonor in handling her, or not? Now that didn’t seem so clear any more. The more she learned, the more confusions intruded.

“Ah... thank you, sir. Err... may I secure your indulgence?”

“Question?”

“I gather that this girl is not your blood relation... nor your wife. She told me that her parents were dead...”

“I’m her yojimbo. Which she told you too. What’s yer point?”

Her father and mother... both dead? Rin hadn’t remembered that, but she also realized it was the truth, and that her parents had crossed the river together years ago. She would have wept if she could have, but no sound came from her lips. Why would she have taken on an outlaw as a yojimbo? Perhaps he was just telling lies, to make it seem like he had her leave to hold her so closely... but these strange circumstances had something to do with each other, didn’t they? Fragments of mystery began to coalesce into a obscure whole, with the narrow-eyed man at their center.

“Yojimbo.” The scholar took a deep, steadying breath. “Then, sir, you have... a legal responsibility or some formal right... concerning her?”

The outlaw didn’t answer for several moments, and when he did his voice had gone hard. “...Legal?”

“Her father consigned her to your care, perhaps?”

“Never met him.” He muttered under his breath and banged his pipe on the ground to knock out the ash.

“Oh... then... there’s some other contract between the two of you. Surely?”

“What’s that to you?”

“Perhaps, err... a betrothal.” The scholar didn’t sound as if he would approve of the arrangement, but was searching for some spot of firm ground on which to build his reasoning. Rin would have liked to find one too, though she didn’t enjoy the idea either – good heavens, marry a man like that? A disgusting prospect at any age, and she wasn’t even fourteen yet. “At least... the promise of one?”

“Haah?” He snorted as if at a monumental absurdity. “Outlaw, remember?”

“Oh... very true, sir. I suppose that would tie your hands, if... there’s nothing formal, sir? Nothing at all? But with no family, then she has only you to guarantee her care and safety.”

“Damn straight.” That was close to a snarl. “Got a problem?”

“No! Not at all, sir – I protest – you don’t strike me... Heaven only knows why, but I begin to believe, d-despite appearances, that you may not be the sort of man to indulge a temporary amusement...”

He wasn’t? When he had no right to treat her as his own, yet hauled her around like a sack and kept her in his futon? Did he think he deserved her body as payment for his services? Perhaps she was no longer a child after all, with her parents so long dead. Rin wanted to burst out in indignation; who were these men to quibble over her, anyway? She wasn’t anyone’s property. She hadn’t been born to that...

“What the hell are you quacking about?”

“A-a-are you willing, sir... oh, d-dear... I ask you to what lengths – how great a personal sacrifice would you make to save this young lady?”

“Sacrifice? Shee-it...!” The outlaw burst out in a long, raucous laugh. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“I beg you, sir!” The scholar’s voice deepened into a tone of high seriousness. “In the name of Heaven! By the blessed symbol whose name and representation you bear, however tattered and stained! Even after all the dreadful crimes you’ve committed, some dregs of reverence for the gods and the law must remain in your belly. And I venture to suggest, even some kinder regard – ah, for the young lady’s s-sake!” He choked and gasped as if watching a dark expression cloud the outlaw’s face. “If you care for her at all – her very life – go to the authorities immediately – and give yourself up!”

“...The fuck?”

Rin felt just as surprised as the outlaw. It sounded as if he were a notorious offender. Give himself up? To arrest, prison and certain death? No one like that could care a millet-seed for a woman’s life, and never at the cost of his own.

“I knock my forehead to you, O-samurai-sama – I implore you!” She heard a repeated thumping noise.

“Damn you, preacher, you got the balls of a tanuki – hey, quit the groveling!”

“If I must humiliate myself... to make you understand the gravity of my message – ”

“Message? That what you were about to tell me, before she stopped breathing?”

“Aahh – I call on the brave young lady’s spirit to intervene, since she can’t appeal directly for me now! Don’t strike me down s-simply for telling you the truth!”

“Do I look like that kind of guy?”

“I tremble to inform you... there’s n-nothing I am able to do for her... I am not a professional physician...”

“You’re a long-nosed, interfering son of a bitch, that’s what you are. Which is what got you in trouble in the first place. So spit it out before I cut you a new hole to talk with!”

“Sir – perhaps you have not noticed? Her hands...”

“What about ‘em? Hey, touching time’s over!”

“One is cold. The other... is too warm.”

“...Hah?”

“Observe, if you would, sir... these red streaks down her arm. Originating from the cuts on her wrist...”

Rin lost the vague light through her lids and felt pressure somewhere around her periphery; the outlaw had probably crouched over her and taken her hand. A deep ache twinged under the pressure, as if he tightly gripped her arm.

“Oh... fuck.” The outlaw spoke softly, but his horror struck her; the scholar might have been right to dread telling him this. “Halfway to the elbow already. How did I miss...?”

“Surely your vigilance could leave nothing to be desired, sir! But if that arrowhead was dirty as well as poisoned – ”

“Was it dirty? Shitfire...!”

“As long as her chi remained strong enough to fight an infectious evil, her body could probably resist its attack. But you tell me she’s declined ever since the injury – ”

“So now she’s too weak to hold it back, and it’s galloping as fast as it can run.” The outlaw still spoke softly, but with almost no expression.

“I think that may be so, sir. In another day or even a few more hours, the evil may invade her flesh until the arm must be amputated to prevent a fever of the blood... and in her weakened state, the shock of such a loss – ”

He paused as if to let the outlaw respond, but all Rin heard was heavy breathing directly over her face.

The scholar’s urgent tone disturbed her, but she felt only a vague twinge – could she be that badly off? Everything she heard seemed like wild exaggerations. Though her half-disembodied state argued otherwise; she might lose her grip again whether she willed it or not...

The scholar ventured again. “The... the young lady’s life is in great – ”

“I got that, asshole! So fetch me a REAL doctor!”

“B-but – there’s no point even in trying.”

“What?” A loud scrape of sandals in the dirt; the earth quivered under her.

“Listen to me, sir! If I could persuade a doctor to leave his house for such a dubious errand, which I doubt, who would venture from town so late in the day? To meet a wanted outlaw? He’d run a grave risk of arrest himself for aiding you.”

No reply for some moments, though again she heard heavy breathing, now a man’s height above her. “That all you got to say? Then fuck off and die.”

“No – I meant that you must take her to a settlement again as quickly as you can, and surrender! Don’t you understand? Wasn’t she hurt during an attempt to arrest you?”

The outlaw said nothing.

His silence admitted guilt, didn’t it? Rin’s contempt for him rose. What a careless guardian he must be! If he was even telling the truth about acting as her bodyguard, he’d still allowed his pursuers to harm his charge. Certainly he thought only of himself and his selfish desires... the big jerk.

“You’re wanted everywhere – you can’t escape. Her dire state is a sign to you – surely the workings of divine karma! Cast down your weapons and peacefully give yourself into the officers’ hands. Beg their help, and her life may yet be saved – ”

“Sure. Right.” The outlaw guffawed, as if at a proposal that he swim the ocean. “So I’m disarmed, I’m bound, I’ve got no options left, and they figure she’s dead anyway and toss her in a hole. Why would anyone give a warm crap about a criminal’s woman?”

“Er... oh dear.” The scholar stammered. “I hadn’t considered that...” Neither had she, actually; but Rin realized the outlaw was probably right. In his low company, she’d been stained just as black as he...

“Aww, no shit? You strike me as the kinda guy to take an optimistic view of yer fellow man... heh, heh.” He kept snickering, sounding almost perversely pleased. “Guess you’re gonna have to find out the hard way.”

“I... I’m sorry for making such an insolent suggestion... oh, sir! Please don’t look that way – spare my – ”

“What good would that do? Even if I’d get more than a little personal satisfaction out of hacking you, she won’t live one minute longer for me spilling a lakeful of blood. Believe me, if I could buy that with a sword...” The outlaw snarled and sat beside her again.

“But...”

“Just get the hell out now.” The outlaw’s voice sounded muffled. “Double-time it. Nobody’s gonna want to be anywhere near me... in a few more hours.”

“...But there’s still... an alternative...”

“Praying, right? Sorry; tried that. All I got was you.” A weary groan.

A long pause; Rin heard no departing footsteps.

“Whatcha waitin’ for, preacher? To die of old age?”

“I... I can’t go off and leave her with you like this. It’s virtually the same as killing her.” Rin silently urged him to persist. She still didn’t believe she was dying, but he had to do something. Save her from this outlaw and his murky intentions!

“Staying here’s probably the same as killing yourself. Didn’t you get that yet?”

“I won’t have her death on my conscience.”

“Whose death do you want on your conscience?”

“But I can do something to prevent hers. Even if it’s a futile effort... I must try!”

A rumble in the outlaw’s chest, like another precursor to an eruption. The scholar started to hyperventilate.

“We have... a palanquin and bearers. Which could convey a sick girl... in comfort. You... you can’t go where she can be treated. So you must stay here, sir, or go your own way. We m-must... take her with us!”

A rattle, a swift high-pitched slide – of steel. She barely registered a drawn sword before the scholar moaned and collapsed to the ground. Run through?

The outlaw let out an incoherent growl. Rin wanted to shriek. A remorseless murder committed practically at her feet... and her only chance of rescue was gone! Out by the road, the woman screamed and the other men gabbled. They sounded too terrified even to run away.

“M-m-merciful Amida!” Not dead after all? The scholar didn’t even seem to have been injured, though he sounded like he might expire of fright.

“TAKE her? What’s your damn game? Like I need to ask!”

“For the l-love of heaven, put that blade away. You’d think I’d offered to kidnap her!”

“Ain’t you? What’s the difference?”

“We’re on pilgrimage – a temple visit – the monks have great skill with healing herbs – p-p-please, no...!” The scholar caught his breath. “To the Hasu-ji!”

“The... Hasu-ji?” From the outlaw’s outraged tone, the man might almost have said he meant to sell her to a brothel.

“You must know it – dedicated to Amida and the bodhisattava of mercy – it’s less than an hour’s journey from – ”

“God damn – and I actually believed you were just a busybody townsman.” The outlaw snickered with a vicious overtone and took a couple of deliberate, ominous steps away from Rin, as if pursuing someone who crawled on all fours. “You been dogging me all this way, you Itto-ryu bastard? Guess that shriekin’ bitch is some whore you hired for the part!”

“Sir – my honored wife!”

“Plenty of crowds to hide in at a big temple. Meet up with yer damn Toshu – and hand over the prize he’s been hunting for days!”

“Itto-ryu? Toshu? I d-don’t understand what you’re talking – ”

Rin felt a shock. She did understand, in a visceral and half-conscious way: he spoke of an enemy, her great foe. He was the one she had to guard against, no matter what the outlaw might have done to her. Good or bad...

“Like hell. I KNOW he ain’t given up yet!”

“I protest – I intended to offer a charitable act... to the holy name of Amida B-B-Butsu – ”

“Skip the pious bullcrap! Score a few merit points for yourself on top of it, hah?”

“W-well... I won’t deny that. But I’ve never heard of this Itto-ryu, nor would I hand this young lady over to any person, if I were responsible for – ”

“Responsible?” The outlaw let out a hiss and kept stalking him with heavy footfalls on the pine needles. The scholar scrambled on the ground, whimpering. “Aw, even better. Gonna try makin’ it legal, hah? So that sweet little woman won’t ever run off again with a piece of samurai scum. Who’s wanted in every goddamn hole in the Kanto!”

“Dear heavens, YES!”

The outlaw’s footfalls halted; the scholar howled at him from the ground. “If it’s the last thing I strive to do in this life, I’ll save this poor girl!” He burst into tears. “Stinking... ronin... garbage! I despise your kind – to see you all crucified would hardly satisfy my hatred!”

If anything would earn him instant death – Rin struggled in desperation, still unable to move. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t intervene, and because of that an innocent man was going to die. All because he’d tried to help her!

But to Rin’s great surprise, she heard no strike. After a few moments’ silence, the outlaw snorted lightly. “Call me ronin garbage while I’ve got a blade in your face? That’s honest of ya.”

“Three years ago... on the Tokai-do... my elder brother and his family...”

“Shut – the fuck up. I don’t wanna know!”

Silence, broken only by the woman’s strangled weeping. The scholar slowly sat up with a crackle of pine needles and spoke again, his voice trembling.

“Ah... I... I beg your pardon for those hasty words, sir.” The outlaw didn’t reply. “You... I confess you may not be like those evil men. Not exactly, anyway...”

“...Heh.”

“Perhaps your motives are better than I assumed at first glance. But they still mystify me. Won’t you tell me... a little more about her? Why she trusts you with her honor?”

Nothing but a low, compressed sound from the outlaw. Rin burned for answers too; what a strange guardian had chosen her!

Or... had she chosen him?

“Please... even more than I did the first time I saw this girl, I want to help her. Though I know she’d be better off anywhere else than with you, the last thing I’d wish is for her... to break her heart.” Still no answer; the scholar sighed. “I realize you believe you can’t afford to trust anyone, sir. In your place, I suppose I wouldn’t either.”

“Such a pity.”

“She’s young and has a will to live... at least there’s a chance. I’ll engage the best doctor I can find, and my wife will gladly take on nursing duties. We’ll do everything possible... if you’ll only let her go with us.”

“Will to live, you say? She’s almost killed herself before now, dude – I’ve had to pull her out more times than there’s scars on this arm.” The blade’s tip whipped a low thrumming note through the air and the sword slid home into the scabbard. The outlaw smacked his hilts against his side with a hard slap of the palm and called out towards the road, sounding both annoyed and a little defensive. “Willya quit bawling, lady? I’m not gonna injure your damn husband!”

“Ah... thank you, I’m sure.”

“Sorry.” The outlaw cleared his throat and sat down. “Won’t happen again.”

“I’m glad to hear that, sir. But what do you mean, she’s almost killed herself? In what cause?”

“Ada-uchi for Dad and Mom, that’s what. Got themselves murdered. A good samurai family... once upon a time.”

Yes, samurai. She knew what she was. Her enemy had driven it into her like a spear – what her family had, and what he had lost. To pull himself up again, he would cut down anyone who stood in his way, and he’d already proved his ruthless determination. So must she. That was the cause for which she lived now; nothing else mattered, no other person, especially not herself...

Didn’t it?

“Namu! Such a terrible duty fallen on a young girl! No male relative...?”

“Nope, it’s all up to her, and she took it on with a vengeance. If she hadn’t hired herself a bodyguard, she’d be months in her grave – hell, if she hadn’t gotten me.” Though he laughed, he didn’t seem to be joking.

“You think only your sword can defend her?”

“I... that’s who I am. Her yojimbo. I can’t quit.” Both rock-hard conviction and quivering tension. Like a man striving to reach the top of a precipitous cliff without trapping himself in a cleft or committing a fatal slip. “I swore that was one mistake I’m never making again.”

“Again?”

Mirthless chuckling. “Oh, man, when I fuck up, I fuck up real good.”

“Err... I see you’re not an unintelligent man, despite everything...”

“Thanks a lot, asshole.”

“I’m not samurai, of course. I wasn’t raised by the warrior’s code. Loyalty to the end, never abandoning a post... I realize it’s what a bushi values more than life, but I can’t see that through your eyes... ah, so to speak.”

“One hundred ghosts... plus a few dozen more. What do I say to ‘em?”

“Is that why you became this girl’s guardian? In expiation of your murders?”

“I made a promise. Before this flesh of mine will let me rest...”

“I don’t understand.”

“No reason you should.” The outlaw gathered saliva and spat. “Yeah, my body’s screwed me over damn well. One way or another...”

“Um... it’s plain to me what you suffer at the idea of losing her, even to save her life.”

“Guess I ought to do something about that. So you think there’s an outside chance for her, assuming I hand off my duty to you and just walk away?” A harsh sound in his throat. “Let me put it real clear, guy – I Don’t. Fucking. Think. So.”

“Mm – perhaps most bushi wouldn’t consult a woman’s opinion, sir, even on a matter that so directly concerns her. But if...?”

“Heh... not two days ago, she could have stayed behind while I chased down my own quarry. She knew it was a risk sticking with me... and there she lies. That answer your question?”

“Oh.”

Rin wondered what would have possessed her to make a decision like that. She doubted it had been quite that simple. After all, she couldn’t possibly return any desires the outlaw might have beyond wishing to do his duty as a bodyguard. He’d probably just seized her and thrown her on his horse!

“Isn’t there anything I can say to change your mind, sir? Any reasoning or appeal to feeling?”

“Would I tell you if there were?”

“I will regret it for the rest of my life if I can’t persuade you. And you? Perhaps there will be second thoughts... once it’s too late. When her young body burns with convulsive fever, then sinks to lie still and cold in your arms... and you’ve lost for ever the highest motive for which a man can live.”

“What the hell would you know about that?”

“I take you at your word not to strike me down.” The scholar’s tone gained confidence; he felt safer now, or believed he’d detected a weakness he could exploit. “So at the hazard of your displeasure, samurai, I’ll say that it’s a greater crime to reject a blessing than it is to neglect a duty. Perhaps you blame yourself for desiring a woman’s body, but even the lowly earth may bring forth the divine fragrance of the lotus blossom!”

“...Huh?”

“Love... is the salvation of the entire world.”

Rin felt stunned and blank. The scholar could look at her guardian’s face while she could not; she longed to enter into his eyes at this moment, and read what he saw there. Again, though... he was certainly exaggerating.

“Gimme a break. It’s beyond saving.”

“You’ve promised to pay back a debt? To heal the wounds you’ve inflicted?”

“I ain’t a healer any more than you are, ya quack. But at least I can slice off a rotten limb.”

“You can’t do anything with those weapons other than maim and kill!”

“No shit, really? Hacking a guy who deserves it – now that’s paying my debts.”

“What about healing your own soul?”

There was a tense, twitching pause; Rin searched for a signpost in her disorientation. Who was this outlaw who believed he mattered so much to her? What did she matter to him?

“Guess the amateur doc thinks he’s made a diagnosis...”

“You stink of blood and death, swordsman. You see nothing before you but despair, and that’s the blackest of all sins. Act from the promptings of grace instead! Believe in the possibility of redemption, and heaven itself will show you mercy.”

“Gosh, preacher, you sure do spin an awful pretty line. Too bad yer talkin’ straight out of yer ass.”

“Why do you watch over this young woman with such vigilance, then? Only to have a cause? To justify your lust for killing with a better name than murder?”

“I know what I am, ass-talker! And there’s one thing I’ll never be – a guy who can give her what she wants from me.”

“No, you’re not. So you can’t make this decision for her. You don’t deserve to... outlaw.”

Silence.

“...Did I really say I wouldn’t slice you?”

“That’s right, you did.”

“...Crap.”

“You’re a stubborn man.”

“Back at ya, friend.” Rin heard a slow, meditative scratching of fingernails on dusty scalp. “It’s kinda exhaustin’ just matching insults with you.”

“Don’t give in to despair and damnation. Surrender instead to hope, and the promise of redemption. Only then... can you be set free.”

“Heh, heh... I’ve heard that line before, preacher.” Her guardian laughed, though not very harshly. “From an old bitch of a nun – who’d just slapped me in chains.”

“Eh?”

“So – throw down my sword. Admit I’m beaten and walk away from the fight.”

“Not as a defeat – ”

“You call that no defeat? Turn my back and leave the woman who’s gonna haunt me forever... in someone else’s hands.”

The scholar was silent, as if he realized that argument could do nothing more. Only one more battle... and her yojimbo had to vanquish himself.

“Desire... yeah, right. Waking and sleeping... I thank the gods every damn day. What a fucking blessing.” He groaned, but turned it into a snigger. “Damn... I know I’m a fool. Couldn’t be a worse one. Born and bred to it... just like her.”

A samurai’s training made him a fool? Her parents... fools?

“So, hell... if you think about it, that’s right up my alley. Putting my trust in what can’t be trusted.” Rin’s guardian chuckled almost in her ear, as if he crouched right beside her again. “Gimme a minute here, preacher.”

“Hnn?”

“Go get that palanquin ready or something. I’ll bring her out to the road.”

“Can’t we help you carry – oh.”

“Yeah. Outta my face.”

The man’s steps retreated.

Above her, deep even breathing for a while, as if her guardian encouraged her to draw air by example. Rin had started to lose focus when she sensed a vague pressure on her skull. “Little woman... I got no options left. It’s... dammit, it’s my duty.” He spoke through a tight jaw, as if he still had to convince himself to let go.

Until that moment, Rin hadn’t believed he ever would act as the scholar begged him to do; strangely, she felt somewhat stricken as well as relieved. Not for the outlaw’s sake, surely... but how could she possibly regret escaping his grasp?

“Maybe it’s better on a lot of counts. But – if I ever s-see you – ” He stopped again. “Why do you keep talking to a woman who can’t hear you, moron? Shit...”

Light cut off. A firmer pressure that she felt deep in the joints of her jaw. He made an irregular inhalation in her ear, as if he’d done something to interrupt his own breathing for a moment. Then crushing pressure, closing off her mouth and constricting her chest. Her nose was almost blocked too, but she smelt him so strongly that his face must be what smothered her. A taste seeped across her immobile tongue. Salt and smoke and human tang, a hint of musky sweetness. He was kissing her, this man who cared for her. Kissing her on the lips – she knew that, because she knew the taste of his mouth.

He wasn’t her husband nor her betrothed, only a bodyguard irregularly employed. He didn’t have any right to handle her with such an intimate caress... but he’d done it before, many times. And... she had liked it?

Indignation aroused Rin’s roiling thoughts, she almost recognized him – a face flickered in her memory, a ruined eye, but her impending lack of air clouded her mind. Then she could breathe, but the touch and the taste were gone and the familiarity faded.

“She don’t even know you...” he muttered after a moment. “You asshole.”

She felt a rising, swinging, turning movement. Dizziness and walking rhythm. Lowered and arranged, then at rest again, and the scent of a woman’s clothes: someone motherly. “There you are, lady. She’s in your hands.” The woman murmured something nervously courteous, as if she didn’t care to be near him for long. “What’s your name, preacher?”

The scholar replied with graceful formality. “This simple person is called Yoritawa, the second son of Yoriyoshi the money-changer. Four generations of my family have resided in the town where we met, and are well known there as men of business. Instructor of mathematics and accounting is my humble profession.”

“Pleased to meet ya, townsman. I guess I don’t need as much introduction... hell, I’m posted all over.”

“I wondered about the significance of the name and divine symbol you chose for yourself, Manji-san. It’s not many who – ”

“Well, ponder on, Yoritawa-sensei.” He took a deep breath. “Her name’s Rin. Asano Rin no Takayoshi, Mutenichi-ryu.”

To Rin’s surprise, her ears gave back a sound that she must have made. A tiny mew in the throat, like a newborn kitten. She meant to speak that name, Manji. That was what he was called – her teacher, her yojimbo, her big brother, her beloved. Manji-san, I don’t hate you. Even for wanting to give me up. She made another faint cry. Why wouldn’t her eyes open to see his face?

Quiet voice, but very close; for her alone. “Rin... they can take care of you. I can’t. Not anymore.”

The palanquin’s curtain fell.

“Thank you, Manji-san, for entrusting me with a responsibility so close to your heart. This simple person will do his best to carry out this solemn duty under the eye of Heaven... ah yes, my good fellows! To compensate you for the additional burden... and for not taking flight in the first place, of course. Let me demonstrate my gratitude for your loyalty.” Coins chimed into a couple of palms and the bearers made appreciative grunts. “That much again when we arrive at the temple, if you’ll give the journey your best legs. Haste is essential – leave me in the dust if I can’t keep up with the palanquin!”

“Uh, tips and stuff? Hey, I’ve got plenty of gold right here. That doc’s gonna cost you – ”

“Put it away, sir. I won’t accept a single piece of your money... whatever its source may have been. No, no... I must insist on that point. O-Rin-san will want for nothing.”

“Hrrm... well, take these along while you’re at it. Saddles and all.”

“Your horses...? What?”

“That nag’s a loaner. He’ll get picked up later. The big one I borrowed too, but the owner don’t want him back. Keep him for yourself. Or give him to your damn sutra-chanters if you like – anyhow, I don’t want to drag these freakin’ beasts around for one more freakin’ instant. I’ve had enough falling off horses to last me a lifetime... or several.”

“Very well, I’ll take them. Anything else?”

“If I ever hear any harm’s come to her... I know where to find you.”

“Ah. If she dies of this evil, you’ll hold me accountable?”

“Smart-ass.” A staccato laugh. “Now climb on that horse. I got his head.”

Creaks of harness. The earth rose and swayed underneath her, setting off waves of dizziness. The sounds began to fade, but as if from a great distance she heard Yoritawa call out again.

“Wait a moment. Have you any message for her?”

“Ahhn?”

“A message. What should I tell O-Rin-san, if she...?”

“If...”

“Nothing?”

“Eh... when she wakes up...”

“Yes?”

“Tell her I said – I got things to do. She ought to go where she needs to go. Don’t wait up for me.”

“That’s all?”

“...That’s all. I guess... she’ll know.”

“Fare you well, then. Repent of your sins and be cleansed, and the blessings of the divine Amida will go with you. Even the worst of evildoers may call on his holy name, renouncing fruitless effort and trusting only in his beneficent love for all mankind. He will welcome you to the Pure Land with open hands, to eternal joys and an end to all the sufferings of human flesh.”

Yoritawa steadily raised his voice, as if addressing someone who drew further and further away. The bearers’ sandals thumped the damp road. “Be of good cheer, friend, and fear nothing! Paradise awaits, if only you will – ”

“Yeah, preach it, brother...” She could almost see the dismissive roll of the single eye, the sardonic grin, but Manji’s voice was receding beyond hearing. His lean figure retreating into the growing darkness of the road. A flash of white in the twilight as he held up his right hand. Turned his face away.

“...Goodbye.”



Continued...