Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Bleach Ficlets: Dare To Live ❯ 9 The Birds & The Bees ( Chapter 9 )

Authors Note: I don't own Bleach and make no claims on it. If I did, there'd be a whole hell of a lot of kinky shit going down.

 

9The Birds & The Bees

 

The liquid warmth of Zangetsu's reiatsu washed over me followed immediately by the skin tightening, dry heat of Shirosaki's. For once, they'd actual started messing around with the reiatsu when I was in bed, starting at the ceiling, thinking. My hand drifted down to my cock and I closed my eyes, letting the pleasure and pressure build in me from my hand and whatever the hell they were doing. When I did orgasm, I had to bite my lip to keep from yelling, it was so freaking fantastic. My body felt relaxed and I had to force myself to move and get tissues to clean up the mess I'd made. I was just tossing the used tissue in the trash when the door to my room banged open.

 

“Ichigo, I've been a bad father and neglected an important part of your education. I'm going to fix that right now before another second passes.”

 

My father, the drama queen, just scared the shit out of me by barging into my room unannounced. What he was talking about was anyone's guess. The guy was an idiot most days. Sure, he had his moments where he was kinda cool but those times were between huge chunks of dorkiness. Some days I wondered how we could even be related.

 

“This is important, Ichigo. Your life depends on this information.”

 

I rolled my eyes. Whatever. Experience told me he wasn't going to leave until he said whatever he thought he needed to. I sat down on my bed, thankful I'd at least finished jacking off and cleaning up before he walked into my room. Catching me mid-stroke woulda been fucking embarrassing and a total mood killer. I really needed to consider getting a lock for my door.

 

“I know you're a healthy teenage boy and you get urges. Strong urges. That's normal but there are some precautions you should take when you satisfy those urges.”

 

Oh, no fucking way were we going to have this conversation! Especially after that really good wank session brought on by what I'm almost positive was Zangetsu and Shirosaki fucking each other. “Dad, I already know….”

 

“No, no, we need to talk about this. There's all kinds of diseases out there. Just because a person doesn't look sick doesn't mean they're perfectly healthy. I can't stop you from having sex but I want you and your special someone to be as safe as possible.”

 

“Dad, we don't need to talk about this,” I could feel the hot blush in my cheeks. I did not want to be having a conversation with my dork of a dad about my sex life. He ploughed on like I never said shit and I wondered if I could get away with strangling him and burying his body under the rose bushes in the backyard.

 

“Condoms are your best protection against STD's. They work to prevent pregnancies too, but they're not one hundred percent effective,” he said, clasping his hands behind his back and going into full doctor-lecture mode. “Don't keep them in your wallet as they can get damaged there and condoms do have expiration dates on them. Always wear one when you have sex, Ichigo. Even if the young lady says she's perfectly healthy and is using some other type of birth control.”

 

“I don't have a girlfriend, dad. You don't need to worry about it,” I said in the hopes that would shut him the hell up. Could this be any more embarrassing?

 

“Oh. Ohhhh. Well, in that case, condoms are even more of a requirement for you and your partner. Lubrication is important when having anal sex but be careful because oil-based lubes react badly with latex condoms and actually cause the latex to break down. Do you already know about prostate massage or do you want me to explain that, too? Or would it work better if I showed you what to touch and how?”

 

“No!” I shouted and held up my hands. Okay, that tears it. I was going to kill my dad once I got over being dead from embarrassment at this conversation. I was so not having this talk with him.

 

“If you want, I could talk with your partner about effective techniques for prostate stimulation. Prostate massage feels wonderful. Gives you that extra zing in your pleasure. My most powerful orgasms have been with a partner stimulating my prostate,” my dad said with a blissful smile on his face.

 

Whoa! TMI! TMI! I didn't need to know my dad liked having his ass played with. So not cool. At the same time that I was trying desperately to erase the knowledge of what my dad liked sexually, a little voice in my head that sounded an awful lot like Shirosaki, asked just who it was that'd been dicking my dad and when. Oh god, I needed to go bleach my brain. I think I'd just been scarred for life. My dad clapped a hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze before moving towards the door.

 

“If you ever have questions or feel like you need to talk about… anything, come to me, Ichigo. I won't judge you or the things you do. You're my son and I love you no matter what you are,” my dad said with a seriousness I'd only heard from him when I caught him talking softly to the picture of my mom he kept near his bed.

 

“I'll remember that, dad,” I said feeling like he was talking about more than liking guys over girls. I almost wished I could tell him about being a Shinigami and Soul Society and everything. He paused at the door and gave me an intent look.

 

“So, is your boyfriend that nice, dark haired boy with the glasses or the tall, quiet boy with the muscles? Or is it that new boy you've been hanging out with? The one with the red hair and tattoos? I bet you get hit on by all the cute girls and boys just like I used to.”

 

I was off my bed and shoving my dad out the door before he had the chance to say anything else that might make me murder him just when I was starting to think he might be having one of his cool moments. I slammed the door shut and leaned against it, sliding down to sit on the floor. I so didn't need my dad trying to figure out which one of my guy friends I was sleeping with. Knowing him, he'd actually ask them when he saw them next. I groaned softly and banged my head against the door. Could my life get more weird?