Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Different Circumstances ❯ The Muddle ( Chapter 30 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly.

 

A quick recap on events:

 

Momo is pregnant to Aizen and engaged to Iemura, a seated officer in 4th Division;

Retsu is pregnant.

Rukia was pregnant, but due to her injuries when fighting Aaroniero Arruruerie the 9th Espada, she lost the child. Subsequently she broke her engagement, publicly, to Renji.

Byakuya is engaged.

Ikkaku has been having an affair with Nemu, but her father found out and forbade it. The affair has continued in secret.

Captain Hitsugaya has formed a relationship with Captain Soi Fong.

Matsumoto is pregnant once more to Zaraki.

Arai is an original character and does not appear in either the anime or manga.

Ichigo has not formed a relationship with anyone. He is not a central character for the purposes of this story.

I'm Australian. I spell the English way. Live with it.

 

Are you clear on this now? Good. Don't make me explain it again.

 

The Muddle

 

 

“If you're pregnant it is my fucking business. We're here to get that girl back, and distract the damned Arrancar. I want to rend that bastard Aizen to pieces which means there's going to be lots of fighting and I need to know who else is pregnant?”

 

Retsu sighed and resumed her seat, her poise unchanged as she gestured to Zaraki to sit. “You may as well enter, Captain Kuchiki. Your breathing has become agitated while you were standing outside the door. I trust your sister is safe?”

 

I hadn't even felt the slightest touch of the other Captain's reiatsu but Retsu was apparently very sensitive and could discern things that I could not. Once again I wondered how strong she was. From my dealings with her I knew she kept more hidden than she revealed. Once I had even considered that she feared for others to find out her true strength but later decided that her discretion was part of her character. She would show her strength as, and when, needed.

 

“I left her with Isane. The incident with my lieutenant has broken her control over her tongue,” his expression was a mixture of compassion and abhorrence. “She continually mentions her loss. I do not believe she is speaking about her betrothal.” He gazed at each of us with determination and decision. “I think we need to be perfectly honest with each other.”

 

“So, you're going to tell us all the details about your engagement?” sniped Zaraki. The comment earned him a hard glare from Rukia's brother.

 

“I mean anything that concerns this mission,” he said aloofly, raising his eyebrow as if he was slightly amused that anyone was interested in his personal life. “My forthcoming nuptials have no relevance.” He sat down in a chair, his posture correct, his clothing arranged to fall in elegant folds as he placed his hands carefully on the top of the table. I noticed he appeared composed, but there was a tension lurking just below the surface that would be brought to the surface very quickly.

 

“Yeah, you want to know everything about us, but won't tell us about yourself. What's wrong Kuchiki? Did you get the girl up the duff by mistake?” Zaraki wasn't letting it go.

 

I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent the laugh the comment had created. The way my husband treated Captain Kuchiki had changed and there even seemed to be a layer of tolerance there that I hadn't noticed before. From Zaraki, that comment was gentle teasing.

 

The sudden silence and frozen expression on the 6th Division Captain's face told the whole story. I hid my shock, but a guttural laugh from Zaraki told me he was pleased he'd shaken the man. “Great. Captain Control got led astray by his dick and now you have to marry the girl.”

 

“As did you,” Captain Kuchiki shot back through gritted teeth. His glance at me was less than kind.

 

Zaraki leant back in his chair, the smile baring his teeth made him look both smug and violent at the same time. He grabbed my hand and pulled me onto his lap, embracing me close. His erection was as ever, present. “Nope. Didn't know she was pregnant when I married her. I married her because she begged. She couldn't get enough of me. Still can't.”

 

It increasingly infuriated me that he was saying things like this to anyone. I opened my mouth preparing to say something rude to my husband, but Retsu spoke quietly. “I heard that you asked Captain Hitsugaya for permission to marry Ran before you even asked her if she wished to marry you. If anyone got trapped into the marriage, it was Ran. She wasn't even aware she was marrying you until it had happened. No one could pretend that surprise, or delight.” The tone was droll and Retsu's eyes twinkled as she spoke.

 

Again I felt grateful at how she again dispelled a potentially dangerous situation. “He did ask me, eventually. And I wanted it to be fast, before I could change my mind.” I said and smiled at my husband who was staring at Retsu in amazement, with an unwilling smile on his mouth. He squeezed me and his hand began to slip down my leg until I took it within mine.

 

Captain Kuchiki shook his head, frowning. “We need to concentrate on immediate matters. Who is pregnant? We need to know in order that we can plan accordingly. If I had known there was any potential for this situation, I would have demanded that any woman found to be pregnant would remain in the Seireitei.”

 

Retsu's expression hardened. “Why?” I was sure that even Soi's lieutenant would be warned by that tone, but it slid beneath Captain Kuchiki's notice.

 

“Because they're a liability. I would be unwilling to send a pregnant woman to fight because I would be risking two people. The hormones and changes that the condition produce may make the woman's behaviour erratic,” he explained and his eyes flickered over me. “Though some women are always unpredictable.”

 

I felt like poking out my tongue at him to prove my unpredictability but as he spoke, an idea flickered at the edge of my mind but retreated before I could fully grasp it. Something about the male view of women and pregnancy. There was a key to a realisation there if I could track it down. Once I did there might be an important answer to a question which was yet unasked.

 

“I may be unpredictable,” I said boldly to the Captain, “but I'm open to new ideas. That way I can learn.” I wasn't going to say anything more about my pregnancy if the man was going to see me as a liability. His attitude was the liability, if anything was.

 

His face showed no expression at my jibe, but a flare of anger showed in his eyes. Zaraki laughed and kissed my cheek. He seemed to enjoy it when I made the man uneasy.

 

“Whatever your argument, I cannot disclose anything about my patients,” Retsu said.

 

“Well, Kuchiki, my wife is pregnant. I don't care who knows that, but whether she stays here is a matter that I want to work out with her and I won't accept anyone else getting involved.” Zaraki had placed his hand on my stomach and was rubbing it in a possessively gentle manner. “Come on Retsu. You're pregnant too. Admit it.”

 

After a brief pause she nodded. “Yes. I too am expecting a child.”

 

“Damn,” said Zaraki. “But I'm pleased for you,” he told Retsu. “I know you've always wanted a kid.”

 

If it had been any other time or place I might have asked who had fathered her child, but it didn't seem appropriate.

 

“My sister……” Captain Kuchiki seemed both eager and ambivalent about asking the question.

 

“I cannot tell you that,” Retsu said. “You will have to ask her.”

 

“That is not what I wish to say,” Captain Kuchiki said gravely and then he turned to me. He gazed at me as if measuring me and when I gazed back without averting my gaze he nodded, as though satisfied with what he saw. “She asked to speak to Lieutenant Matsumoto. She did not seek my opinion, in fact she ignored my advice, but her tone was urgent.”

 

Retsu's eyes flickered between the Captain and me and she nodded slowly. “I think we should leave this discussion until later. It would be better if every member of the party was present as the decisions made will affect us all and there is some information I am not at liberty to disclose.”

 

Zaraki held me close for a minute. “Matsumoto, you can go and talk to Rukia. I'll let you. At least she won't attack you like that nut job friend of yours. Hey, Kuchiki, have you checked your sister for weapons, because I won't allow my wife to talk to anyone who might be armed.”

 

“Isane would have already done that,” Retsu interjected coolly. “That is normal practice when we are concerned about the emotional fragility of a patient.”

 

A cold note entered Zaraki's tone, one I hadn't heard previously. “Then I demand you retrain your Division. A `patient' was passed weapons by a visitor and she nearly killed my wife. Your normal practice failed.”

 

Retsu blanched at his words. “That was an oversight and I will ensure it doesn't happen again. When I return I will find out how such a mistake occurred.”

 

“My sister would never attack a fellow Shinigami unless she was provoked,” Captain Kuchiki said, apparently horrified by the allegation.

 

I didn't care what he said. Seeing Retsu upset by an incident that happened while she was absent didn't seem fair. If she was responsible, then Kurotsuchi was responsible for the attack, but I doubted if he'd feel a nanoseconds responsibility, or care. Rather than allow this discussion to travel own the path of greatest recrimination I wanted to deflect attention and I wanted to have this interview with Rukia behind me. I knew that it would be upsetting for her to speak to me and I was reasonably certain that it might work on some of my emotional tender spots. The self controlled woman who had dumped her friend was not someone I really wanted to talk to. Her cool arrogance and attitude toward the man I thought she loved made me question if I had ever known her. With the few taunts against her brother showing, she had still seemed to retain most of her dignity when she had spoken aloud the words that broke Renji's heart. It was for his sake that I was prepared to talk to Rukia, though I didn't think I was the best person to do so. “Where is your sister? I'll talk to her now,” I asked Captain Kuchiki.

 

“I'll take you to her,” he said as he gracefully rose from the chair. “Why she wishes to speak to you and not draw advice from Isane I do not understand. Or even a consultation with Captain Unohana seems sensible, but she wishes to converse with you.”

 

I gave an airy reply which was partly correct, but also partly false. “We became friends in the human world while we were there on the mission,” I said lightly. But the friendship was not as deep or long standing as my friendship with Renji. I ached for my friend but knew that I couldn't provide any comfort in the mood he was in and it would seem strange if I tried. Later, when some of the pain had eased, I would talk to him and offer him comfort. It might help him to talk it through with a friend, who had been dumped, and it would bring my bitter memories close to the surface, but now I had Zaraki. That made all the difference for me because there was no longer a cause of regret, only relief. As Renji had loved Rukia as long, or longer than I loved Gin, I was sure the wounds would be deep and possibly never completely heal.

 

“Hmm. My sister has not mentioned that, but perhaps with all the other events that occurred around that time, it seemed unimportant,” he said, the disbelief in his tone cutting. The man never let up. It made me wonder how he had acted with his wife, if he had ever relaxed and showed the least sign of normal functioning. How had he unbent enough to sire an heir?

 

Opening a door, he ushered me into a room. Rukia was kneeling, back straight, trembling, her hands gripping her clothing between whitened fingers. She turned toward the door and her flushed cheeks and harsh breathing indicated that she was holding tightly to the semblance of form.

 

“Ran! It's a muddle. Such a muddle,” she began and then saw her brother. “Excuse me brother,” she said as she bowed. “I apologise for my earlier outburst.” Her teeth caught her bottom lip and she seemed unable to say anything further. Her hands twisted in the fabric she held and I wondered how long before the threads would give under the pressure and break.

 

“I anticipate that my presence here is not required. Please escort me back to the main strategy room, Lieutenant Koutestu,” he said to Isane.

 

“If that is what my captain requested,” Isane said and left shutting the door behind them both.

 

Now both Isane and her brother had left, Rukia flung herself at me in a paroxysm of grief saying repeatedly, “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I hurt him. I'm so sorry.”

 

Unwillingly I opened my arms and patted her on the back. Until now I had shared very little physical contact with Rukia as she always seemed to draw back and reject any touch. Now, suddenly, she seemed to crave touch and contact. For the first time I felt her cling to me, her hands gripping me tightly as her small frame shook hysterically. Her sobs were heart rending and I felt her tears wet my uniform.

 

The girl had been holding everything in so tightly that now it all burst out with her tears and broken words. Earlier, when she had broken with Renji, I had thought her cold and passionless, but she was only providing an honest but heartless façade. It was obvious that her training had provided the necessary stability to appear cool and untouched. Now she was a frightened, unhappy girl who was mourning how much she had hurt her friend and probably grieving over the loss of her child. Tears stung my eyes and I found I was crying for both of us. The news of her loss made her grief mine as we were sharing a similar experience. Coming to this place had meant the termination of both our pregnancies and while I didn't want to leave my husband, I feared the place and the possible outcome there might be for the child I was now carrying. At least, this time, I was aware of the extra responsibility I had.

 

Not wishing to mention our shared experience, I patted her back gently, knowing that there was no point in trying to talk while she cried like that. She wouldn't be able to hear me above the sobs and it was important that she felt she could talk, without interruption. I knew from some of our conversations, that she often did not feel she could talk freely, that her words might be reported back to her brother and she would be judged on them. I would not like to live like that.

 

“I didn't want to hurt him, Ran. I didn't, but I thought if I told him clearly and truthfully he'd let it go; let me go. He deserves better than me, someone who can really love him for the wonderful, annoying, idiot that he is,” she paused and drew a deep breath.

 

I felt some of the tension in my shoulders drop. She had cared about hurting Renji and the little amount of resentment I had stored against her faded. When she had publicly repudiated him, I had wondered at her motives, but underneath it all I had believed she was pretending.

 

“If he hates me, it might make it easier for him.”

 

I didn't know if that was true, because I'd still loved Gin even though he had given me cause to hate him. For a time I had both loved and hated him, confusing one emotion with the other, but most of all I'd wanted to return to that time before we had grown into adults. Foolishly I believed if he returned I could forget the hatred and exist only for him and for the love I felt for him. Loving someone for so long is a habit that is hard to break. Without Zaraki I might still be mourning for that man and once more I thanked whatever force had brought us together, even if it was simple lust.

 

“I didn't want to get engaged. My brother had told me that he had repeatedly informed Renji that he would prevent any marriage between us; that he would deny an alliance between his sister and lieutenant. Byakuya had even once mentioned that he was considering using my marriage as an alliance with another noble house or with a Captain, to end the situation, but didn't provide any details. No one even asked me. Renji came bursting in on the day you got married and told me my brother had withdrawn any objection and we could get married. He took it for granted that I'd agree and all I could do was nod. I was speechless and so scared,” she gulped and then blew her nose on a handkerchief. “I'd only found out that I was pregnant.”

 

“I'm afraid that your brother's change of mind was my fault,” I said, a weight descending on my shoulders. I didn't know if she was aware of my brief liaison with Renji and I was reluctant to admit to the affair.

 

“How?” The simple question nearly undid me. The pain in the voice rang through my ears. “If we'd been allowed to marry years ago, maybe this would still have happened now. Does marriage prevent you from falling in love with someone else? Does it produce new antibodies that fight the love disease?”

 

Rukia wasn't taking this very well. Gathering my courage I decided that since nearly all my secrets were being stripped from me, I may as well disclose this one myself.

 

“Renji and I had an affair.” Her gasp showed that this she hadn't known. Her hands still gripped my shoulders and I felt the heat of her palms radiating outward. This was hard, but it had to be said.

 

“After I broke up with Gin and after…. After the bad time I had,” I choked on.

 

“You mean after Aizen raped you….” Rukia said and then covered her mouth with her hand.

 

I wondered briefly if the story had been published in the Shinigami newsletter as everyone I talked to seemed well aware of that episode of my life. Heaving a sigh I decided that trying to hide from the experience or shield it from my thoughts was a pointless exercise and I nodded. “Yes. Renji helped me and we had an affair. It was only short because I knew he was in love with you and I was still pining for Gin.”

 

Rukia gave a small burst of unamused laughter. “You can't have another affair with him now to take his mind off me, can you? It would help me but your husband wouldn't like it.”

 

“Don't even joke about it, Rukia,” I told her seriously. “I told Zaraki I owed Renji and why. He was trying to help both of you. I'm sorry. I caused this. I wish there was something I could do.”

 

“No one can help me. I have no further problems,” Rukia said the tears coursing down her face. “I've estranged my childhood friend because I can't and won't marry him and now everyone thinks I'm a completely heartless bitch. I've lost my child and I can't even tell the father. Everything's fine. I've nothing to worry about.”

 

My mind seized on her last comment and I pulled away from her to look at her with a strange feeling of compassion. “It wasn't Renji's child?”

 

Rukia blushed and bit her lip as she shook her head vehemently. “I wasn't sure how I was going to explain the baby. I was trying to work up the courage to tell the father and my brother, but I was scared. When Renji told me when were engaged I thought it had solved my problems, but it only created more. I tried to have sex with Renji, but I couldn't. It felt wrong. Let's face it; I had trouble even letting him kiss me. Instead, I kept putting off the wedding. Renji wanted to get married immediately, but I delayed it and delayed it again, hoping he would get the message, but he didn't. I wanted the child but couldn't see how I could have it. Everything I thought of was wrong. Everything was wrong and there was no one I could talk to. I tried to talk to you, but you were either with Zaraki or then…. Well, you weren't there.” Her voice trailed off and it was obvious she was talking about the abduction, but perhaps didn't wish to mention it directly.

 

I pondered her words and felt saddened that my words had brought her to this situation.

 

“Poor Renji. He doesn't deserve this. He's always cared about me, even when we were fighting. Then I humiliated him in front of people he has to work with by telling him I wouldn't marry him and there was someone else. They'll all pity him and hate me. And they should. And he'll want revenge.”

 

“I'm so sorry, Rukia,” I reached up to push the hair out of her eyes and the rattle of paper in my sleeve reminded me that I was carrying a note for her. I pulled it out and handed it over, hoping it might provide her some comfort. “Yumichika gave me this and asked I give it to you, in private, if I had a chance.” It was hard to keep the speculation out of my voice but seeing how tightly she held the paper and the avidity with which she opened it I knew my surmise was true.

 

She read the note quickly, glanced at me and read it again slowly. Her mouth drooped and the tears ran faster down her cheeks. “I didn't have a chance to explain to him,” she said mournfully. “After my engagement was announced it seemed I was never permitted time by myself. I tried to get to see him. When I tried to write him notes, people came and interrupted. I only managed to tell him I was pregnant.”

 

Now Yumichika's despair became clear. He thought Rukia was marrying Renji because she was pregnant with Renji's child.

 

`He says he understands and wishes me good fortune in my future. That he loves me and only wishes the best for me. Oh, Ran. Now he'll hate me, too. When he finds out we've lost our baby, or that it was his baby, he will be so sad and hurt. How was he, when you saw him last?” She seemed reluctant to hear my response.

 

Even before she asked the question I was wishing she wouldn't. “Upset,” I said.

 

“If my brother had been a minute or two later in saving me, none of this would be happening. I'd be dead and Renji would be fine. Yumichika would be able to move on,” she said with a voice so heavy it seemed to be dragged down by the weight of a dead star.

 

“They'd be in a worse situation. We all would, Rukia. No one wants you dead. I know it's hard to believe, but this will pass. The pain gets less with time and Renji will forgive you, but you have to wait. And you'll have to tell him the truth.” I sounded so hypocritical. It had taken me this long to tell Rukia the truth about my relationship with Renji. “You can't do anything about Yumichika until you see him.” Even though I trusted Rukia, I had to remember that the 12th Division communications were cut off from us and there was no method by which she could contact her lover.

 

“Do you love him?” I hadn't expected to ask that question but wanted to know.

 

Rukia didn't answer immediately, her brow furrowed as she thought. I noticed her eyes move around the room rapidly as she continued to think. “I do love Renji,” she offered. “I love him as a friend and a brother and former lover. The love is still there, but it's changed and I can't recapture the same passion and care that I once had. Marrying him would be wrong, almost incestuous. As for Yumichika,” she paused, rubbed her forehead and shrugged.

 

“You said something about getting him out of your system,” I prompted, in spite of my better judgement.

 

“When we went to help Ichigo, it was strange. Renji went to stay with Urahara and he got busy doing jobs there. Yumichika hated Keigo's sister and the way she treated Ikkaku so he tried to stay away as much as possible. Ichigo hates being interrupted when he studies and I can't stand it when Kon is all over me and trying to look up my skirt or whatever perverted notion he has, so I kept going out for walks. I kept meeting Yumichika, in the park, on the street.” Rukia was examining her fingernails with great interest. The explanation sounded very pat to me, almost as though she had spent time rehearsing it. “We spent time together and it, the sex, just happened. I didn't expect it. And then it happened again. Soon we were planning to meet, every day, every few hours.” She shut her eyes and her face twisted in a look that seemed to be both blissful and painful.

 

The explanation sounded reasonable, but she did not pause as she recited the words, which added to my belief that this wasn't the whole story. Ikkaku and Yumichika were normally always to be found together and knowing the two of them, they could have prevented Keigo's sister from annoying them. I'd witnessed Rukia stomping Kon; I'd stomped Kon. He was an annoyance, nothing more. There was a truth here that wasn't being acknowledged.

 

“I thought is we had enough sex I'd get him out of my system. We didn't talk about a future or plan what we would do when we returned to the Seireitei. We met and had sex, and then more sex, and it was the best sex I'd had,” she said in a strangled tone and took a deep breath and then blew it out.

 

I knew that tone. I knew her expression. She had become addicted to sex with Yumichika. “I won't ask if he's better than Renji.”

 

“Different. But I never craved Renji's touch. I thought I'd taken precautions, but I must have forgotten once or twice. Do you think if I screw him often enough I'll get over him?” she asked hopefully.

 

That wasn't the question. “Do you love Yumichika?” I asked, making it perfectly clear whom I was asking about.

 

“NO!” her voice was shrill with denial. “I just like having sex with him.”

 

“How soon did it start, after we arrived in the human world?” My curiosity would get me into trouble soon, but I was getting used to that. I hated dealing with the consequences, but who else would make her face the truth? Her brother?

 

The colour rose high in her face and she couldn't meet my eye. “I can't remember.” Was her reply.

 

I didn't believe her. She knew exactly how soon it started. “An hour? A day?” I guessed.

 

Her eyes shone with rage and sadness as she glared at me. “What do you think I am? Do you think I'm anything like you?”

 

The words hurt. The rumours about me had far reaching effects. When I had been in the depths of self hatred after Gin had broken with me, I'd heard some of the rumours about my infidelity. It was apparently the main reason he'd dumped me. At the time the rumours had only reaffirmed and strengthened my despair and after the rape…. After the rape, the rumours had intensified. Even while I was trying to deal with the fallout of those experiences I'd wondered who had concocted the rumours as I thought I had detected Gin's subtle touch. If that was true than it seemed odd that he wished to abduct me, but he had shown no care for me, only a desire to cause me pain and suffering. Once more I wished I knew what had turned his friendship into such bitter loathing.

 

Even though I'd thought we were friends, Rukia didn't falter as she made the accusation. But now her eyes were wide with shock as she realised what she'd said. She was shaking her head as words of denial sprang to my lips, but I remembered I had acted thoughtlessly, at least on one occasion and only recently. That memory made my heart lighten and a small smile touched my lips. Some mistakes ended up being inspired. “Yes, I had sex with Zaraki the first time we met, alone. I don't deny that nor do I regret it. Why do you regret having sex?”

 

“Because I'm meant to uphold the standards or so my brother tells me over and over. I don't want to admit we started having sex the day after we arrived in the human world.” As soon as she realised her admission, she dropped her head to her chest and her shoulders shook convulsively.

 

“Yumichika works as fast as his captain,” I observed dryly as I patted Rukia on the shoulder. There was more background there. Possibly Rukia and Yumichika had been meeting privately in the Seireitei before they left, but nothing had developed until she was free of her brother's observation and Renji was distracted by the odd assortment of personalities at Urahara's shop.

 

“And I still haven't got over him,” her voice was low and pained.

 

“You'd been noticing him, how long, before we went to the human world?” This was beginning to sound suspiciously familiar. Did we all notice another person and not act on the feelings?

 

“Ever since Renji introduced us,” she admitted painfully. “He's different to the other Shinigami. At first I thought he and Ikkaku were lovers, because of all the rumours.”

 

I'd heard those rumours too and I shrugged. “Rumours! I heard a rumour that you were sleeping with Ichigo, but I didn't believe that. And it was suspicious. You slept in his wardrobe for weeks.”

 

The startled expression that passed across Rukia's face almost made me laugh. “Ichigo? And me?” As all the implications passed through her mind she began to look slightly sick. “It's not true! No one could believe that!”

 

I smiled and said slowly, “Rumours are not truth. I've given up listening to them. I always missed out on hearing the good ones anyway as many of them involved me.” I gave Rukia a very innocent look and after a second, she giggled. Even as I told the lie, I excused it. I thought I knew every rumour, every harsh and ugly detail of the things I was supposed to have done, but they meant nothing to me.

 

“So you didn't sleep with all your friends in alphabetical order?”

 

I hadn't heard that rumour, but I shook my head. Alphabetical order? That would mean a more methodical mind than mine. “No. Was it first of last name that I used for the order?”

 

Frowning, Rukia shrugged uneasily.

 

“And is it true that your brother is secretly meeting with Renji for clandestine passion?” I asked, trying to shock her with a stupid rumour I'd heard. If it had been true, Rukia would not be in a muddle, but it would also provide difficulty, especially if her brother was now engaged to an unnamed pregnant……. Shinigami?

 

Rukia choked and looked at me, her mouth wide open. “My brother and Renji?” Her voice ended on a high squeak. “The noble Captain Byakuya Kuchiki and Lieutenant Renji Abarai?” She began to laugh, softly at first and then increasingly loudly. “Next someone will suggest your husband and Ichigo.”

 

The mention of my husband matched with anyone else made me flinch. “If there was even the slightest doubt in my mind, they would both be dead.”

 

The in-taken breath made me look at Rukia. She looked terrified. “I'm not suggesting anything. From the few seconds I saw you together; it's obvious that Kenpachi adores you. I was trying to point out how absurd the idea was.”

 

I nodded, understanding what she meant. People would make up strange stories to satisfy their own beliefs. It meant nothing, but it could cause harm. Now I had made her laugh, it seemed that the truth should come out. “It didn't start in the human world, did it? Your relationship with Yumichika.”

 

As the colour drained from Rukia's face I awaited the words of dissent.

 

“We only met to talk, about Renji and Ikkaku” she said in a whisper. “And he wanted to hear about the human world. We talked and then we talked about other things. About growing up, the Academy and our Captains. He's so handsome and as I thought he was gay, I thought he was safe, but then I began to develop feelings for him. I kept looking at his hands and imagined what it would be like if he touched me.”

 

I nodded. Yumichika was attractive, if you liked very handsome men. He wasn't to my taste, but I could see how other women would find him attractive. “Safe? You really haven't heard all the rumours about Yumichika,” I told her.

 

She shrugged, without any emotion. “I know he's not safe now. Dangerous, hot and gorgeous, but not safe.”

 

I almost chucked at her description of the 11th Division 5th seat. I wouldn't have ascribed those words to him, but each of us had our own preferences.

 

“We met accidentally the day after we arrived in the human world and I sort of let it slip that I thought he was gay. He immediately offered to prove he wasn't and I agreed, thinking he was going to pick up some woman. I was jealous, but followed him as he led the way. Instead he took me to a love hotel.” Her eyes went dreamy and she shivered at the memory. “He'd asked me about them and I described them thinking he was finding it amusing, not that he was planning anything. We took a room for the whole night and he proved he wasn't gay. We didn't even make it to the bed! Then he insisted he had to keep proving that he liked women and I had to prove I wasn't a lesbian, many times. But I don't love him. I don't.” The words were flat and held no shred of truth.

 

I was beginning to get a very good idea of why we didn't see Rukia or Yumichika often in the human world. The constant burden of proof kept them busy.

 

“Face it, Rukia. That is the weakest refutation I've ever heard.”

 

“I don't love him,” her voice rose again. “It would hurt Renji too much if I'd fallen in love with someone else.”

 

“But it's alright to fuck Yumichika as often as you did and fall pregnant to him as long as you don't love him. That won't hurt Renji? That you're only using Yumichika for sex? What does that say about you?” Putting it into these words would, I hoped, make Rukia acknowledge that what she was saying was a load of garbage. The poor girl didn't want to hurt Renji, but she couldn't stop giving into her feelings.

 

She stared at me, her large eyes growing even larger as she began to grasp what I said. Her face seemed to crumple and I prepared for the tears that were certain to fall.

 

“You can't always choose whom you love,” I told her.

 

The room was already quiet but I could hear Rukia's breath become louder as she struggled with her thoughts. There was little more I could do to help her come to terms with the truth or assist her in her continued denial. Deciding to give her more space I walked to the window and looked out onto the bleak landscape. In my previous visit I had been too preoccupied to look at the scenery. The moon was misshapen, looking like a single cold orb that was observing the land beneath with contempt. It reminded me the way Aizen had regarded me after the rape. This place suited the man more than the Seireitei ever had. Outside the building everything seemed dead or empty, within was a spartan space inhabited by arrogant, selfish and hungry monsters. Rukia had fought and barely beaten one of them at great cost and she was still recovering from her injuries.

 

A violent explosion of guilt ripped through me. This wasn't fair to Rukia, but it hadn't been fair to Renji either. But if I did nothing the situation would deteriorate even further, if that was possible. As usual I had entered a situation I knew nothing about and was making everything worse.

 

`You're right,” a small voice told me.

 

Would this help? Making Rukia face up to her real feelings was a tiny part of the solution and this was not the only problem we faced. I dreaded trying to sort out the rest.

 

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A.N.

 

Soundtrack

 

`Sly' The Cat Empire

`Season of Hollow Soul' k.d. Lang

`Life in a Glasshouse' Radiohead.

 

This chapter has been sitting around for a while and yeah, thought I'd post it. Thanks to Bastion, Mors' and ldymoon for the reviews. Kill Mayuri? Really? I wonder why I never thought of that? Heheheh.

 

Review. I like reviews.