Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Different Circumstances ❯ The Sleeper ( Chapter 34 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly.

 

The Sleeper

 

What do you do when two simple words save your life, but you don't understand why? After saying the two words Zaraki stood there, motionless. The red colour in his eye drained away, but the eye remained unfocused, staring past me. His blade was halted in mid air, centimetres from my chest. If he had placed enough force behind the blow and I'd failed to dodge, I would be dead. It was a few moments before I could act, chilled as I was by the knowledge that he might have killed me.

 

“Zaraki.” The name was barely a whisper as it emerged from a throat stiff with fear.

 

Not a flicker of response. I reached up and removed his eye patch to see if his other eye was still tinged with the colour of blood. It too was clear and staring past me. I put my hand under his nose and felt his breath warm against my skin. He was still alive but motionless. I touched his face but he didn't react. I called his name again, louder this time, but he didn't seem to hear me.

 

Panicking I tried to pull his zanpakuto from his grasp, but could not get him to release the handle. I tried harder but could not budge it even slightly and fearful of leaving the blade so close to my chest I decided to move it. Using a considerable amount of force I pushed his arm so that the blade was pointing at the floor and then I hugged him. Ignoring the blood leaking from our injuries I wrapped my arms around him, rubbing my body against his, resting my head against his chest, listening to his heart, babbling wildly as I tried to elicit some response. His body warmed mine and I felt his penis stir slightly but while he was there physically, his mind was elsewhere. What could I do? I kissed his chest, ran my hands over his back while he stood there, immobile.

 

“Beloved. Please,” I said and then started shaking helplessly. The confusion and conflicting emotions were making my head ache. The sick feeling in my stomach along with the weight I felt in my chest made it difficult to breathe. I wanted to sit down but my legs refused to move and also threatened to cease holding me up. I didn't want to move from his warmth but holding him while he was so still scared me. The tremors increased.

 

“Get a grip,” Haineko said.

 

The lack of sympathy in her voice and words took my mind off my fears and the shaking grew less.

 

“Feeling sorry for yourself won't help.”

 

Now she was being deliberately insulting. “Are you suggesting I should be happy that my husband despises and hates me? Or that he's turned into statue? Those things are good are they?” The anger seemed to work. I managed to regain control over my limbs and breathed a sigh of relief.

 

A giggling purr heralded the reply. “He doesn't hate you.”

 

“Were we involved in the same fight? Or did you wander out or take a nap while he was insulting me?” All the cruel words, the slights and his quick belief that I had slept with Yamamoto for my promotion were replaying constantly in my mind. Even though the cat was annoying me, her conversation at least provided some distraction from the pain those cycling thoughts produced. After being reassured that he loved me, I was once more prey to uncertainty that our marriage was built on little more than sexual desire.

 

“If he really hated you and wanted to kill you, you'd be dead.”

 

Her logic was wrong. “He hates Kurotsuchi but he didn't kill him fast. And if that last blow had landed I doubt I'd still be breathing.”

 

The silence that greeted my response didn't make me feel any better. “You would have dodged it. You know you would. He was killing the painted dolt faster than he tried to kill you?” The statement sounded exactly like a question that had no answer. “And what was with that dumb comment about Yamamoto. You didn't sleep with him to become a lieutenant.”

 

I replied sadly, “I know that and you know that, but it seems my husband doesn't trust me. I told him the truth about the number of men I'd slept with but he wants to believe that I lied. Is it so hard to accept I've had fewer lovers than he has? And before you say anything about my reputation, we both know who started those rumours.”

 

“No, I don't,” Haineko said. “I asked but you wouldn't say.”

 

Feeling shamed by being forced to disclose yet another portion of the lengths my foolish devotion had led me. “Gin and Aizen. Mainly Gin. At first it was to provide a reason for why he broke up with me and later from anger when Aizen told him those lies about us being lovers.”

 

The stunned silence echoed through the room. I waited for Haineko to say something or for Zaraki to respond to me or anything to happen that would break the current torment I was feeling. If Zaraki would love me once more I'd do anything he wanted. If he would respond, smile or even mock me again instead of being an inert but attractive body that barely breathed in my embrace.

 

“Did he ever love you?”

 

I'd asked that question many times and then fearful of the answer I would think of something else. Now I knew I had to face the truth in a situation where I doubted the man I loved more than any other even cared about me. I had a talent for choosing badly. “I don't know if Gin ever loved me. And now I wonder if Zaraki did….does. I don't want to use the past tense.”

 

“Why did you wait for that grinning bastard for so long? It makes me look bad being owned by someone who can't get over a man like that. Not your husband, I like him, but that other creep…” my spirit kept talking.

 

“I've known Gin since we were children and we'd been through a lot together,” I said.

 

“It was dumb and because I belong to you it makes me look dumb. At least you finally managed to get a husband. I thought you'd never hook one at your age,” Haineko was once again leaving me in no doubt of her feelings. “Though I'm not sure about this baby thing. It might hurt and then you'll have to clean up after it. What are you going to do about that hunk you're hugging?”

 

“Thank you for your kind advice regarding my life,” I said wishing once again that my cat could be lazy about speaking as she was in most other things. “I don't know what to do about Zaraki.”

 

I began to rub him, scared that whatever was happening would affect his circulation. I rubbed his arms, his chest, his back and legs but he still remained inert. To make him more comfortable I tried tugging him over to the bed bur couldn't move his feet. I tried again pushing this time rather than pulling. My hair was heating up the back of my neck and irritably I lifted it.

 

“I can't move him, I can't get a reaction but he's still alive. Should I get Retsu? Maybe she will know what's wrong with him.”

 

Haineko was silent. The silence made me wonder if it was a good idea to involve anyone else, especially if he awoke and was once more the violent stranger. My friend was probably still attending to the wounds that Zaraki had inflicted on Captain Kuchiki and from the sounds coming from beyond the door she might need to repair both Ichigo and Renji. The mess was already too great and I didn't want to make it any worse.

 

Giving up, I sat of the bed and stared at the naked body of my husband. It was rare to see him motionless except when he was sleeping but this was different. It was difficult. I wanted to be close to him, I loved him. Yet I was scared of him and for him. Should I bind him, have my zanpakuto at his throat when he became conscious so that I might possess at least one advantage?

 

I tried to remember a kido binding spell and the words sluggishly returned. Casting the spell now would be pointless. I'd have to wait until he came out of the trance or whatever it was the Zaraki was in. There was something that could cause this reaction, but it was so unlikely that I dismissed it. As the time dragged I was being forced to accept what might have happened. If my surmise was true it would mean big changes and I feared Zaraki's' reaction.

 

He had stated that he wanted to be stronger, but still the thing I was considering went against his beliefs and the way he ran his Division. If this did happen would it change the man I loved? Would it, in some measure control the part of his character that I had only found out about today?

 

As my thoughts wandered in ever decreasing circles a realisation made me sit up in shock. Yachiru had known about this side of him. Her knowledge was too detailed for her to know about it second hand, so she must have witnessed it. I'd known it and accepted it during the frightening confrontation in front of everyone, but it now struck me how this might have affected a young child.

 

Berserkers were normally unable to act rationally. Once roused they would fight until the enemy was dead or the berserker had died. There had been no reports of a person who could control or even summon the impulse at will. If it was possible to learn this technique a new type of Shinigami would be created, but a future that contained an army of these fighters was frightening. How many would manage to undergo the training without dying or going insane? And there were other costs. Zaraki might be able to manage it, but how many other people had his initiative?

 

Yachiru had experienced this hidden side of Zaraki. For some reason I believed that she was instrumental in his ability to summon it at will and maintain some measure of restraint over the blood lust, but he still did not have the facility to prevent it from taking over completely. She had said something that once he had chosen a target he could not be swayed unless certain things happened. My mouth went dry. Would our child inherit this curse? Then the other thought that followed immediately was how to protect my husband and child from Kurotsuchi. He'd already announced his intention of capturing Zaraki as a test subject for analysis. If he had the opportunity nothing would prevent him from doing the same to my child. My fear of the new Shinigami might become real. Would anyone here support the 12th Division Captain?

 

“I should have let you kill him, husband. Once again I made a mistake and I can't do anything to change it.” My eyes were damp and I blinked rapidly. “I wish you'd told me but there was no occasion where it came up except when you bit me. You wouldn't tell me then because…,” I knew why he hadn't told me but I didn't want to say it aloud. “Circumstances kept pulling us apart and we've had so little time together.”

 

“Why do your eyes get wet so often? Can't you be more stoic and less weepy? Don't bother telling me its hormones. You made a mistake. Again.” Haineko was not being very sympathetic. “So, fix it.”

 

This was unbelievable. How could I fix something that was so wrong? Hunt down the 12th Division Captain and kill him? “And what do you suggest I do?” Anger was an antidote to tears.

 

“Wake up the hunky sleeper and work out a plan.”

 

“That's your suggestion?”

 

“And you should wipe off all the blood. You don't want to set him off again. You'll have to open his mouth and get all the blood out of that too otherwise he'll want to kill you. Instead of sitting there acting like an elderly dripping tap you could do something.”

 

The cat was becoming annoying, but her advice was sound. Looking around the room I tried to find some cloth aside from the sheets that could be used to wipe away the blood. I didn't want to be reduced to ripping up my clothes or the sheets for this. In the corner of the room I discovered cloth that seemed slightly familiar. As I bent to pick it up I recognised it and almost recoiled, but steeled myself to touch it. The last time I had seen it had been when I these hakama to gag Gin after he'd abducted me and I managed to escape. Using my ex-loser's hakama to fix this problem seemed fitting in an improbable way.

 

Did that mean I was in that room? I couldn't really recognise it because all my attention has been focused on Gin and not the decorations. If we were in that room, where were we in Hueco Mundo? Weren't we very close to the heart of the place? Why weren't the Arrancar attacking and trying to wrest this area back from us? There was something very odd about this, but I would think about it later. Now I had other things that needed my concentration.

 

Exerting my strength, I ripped the material and with the help of some water began cleaning the gashes on Zaraki's body. I noticed that the touch of the cool water caused his skin to gooseflesh which again reassured me that he was still alive. Moving rapidly over his body, denying my inclination to linger in some areas, I washed off all the blood I could find. I considered applying healing ointment before I attended to myself, but decided that if he did return to normal consciousness, the blood splattering my body might cause problems. Scrubbing at my skin, I winced as I encountered the slashes. Then I noticed that none of them were very deep and would heal, probably without leaving a visible scar. He'd had the opportunity to hurt me, but it seemed he had been pulling back. The cuts stung, that was true, but none of them were death wounds.

 

Not being content with that explanation my mind presented an alternative: a torture I'd once heard described as the death of a thousand cuts. If he'd been attempting that, counting the number I had, it would have taken hours. Which did I want to accept as true? That a tiny part of my husband had cared enough not to really hurt me; or he wanted to draw out my death to a torturous finish. Of course there were other alternatives which didn't seem relevant. I clung to the hope that one part of him still loved me and didn't want to kill me.

 

Time was passing and I still hadn't devised a method of opening his mouth to try to remove the blood. I certainly didn't want to use the hakama Gin had worn for that purpose. Instead I found a small towel that I moistened and then stood in front of Zaraki wondering how to make him open his mouth. Using my hands I tried to pry his jaw open, but it remained rigid and I began to despair.

 

`Tread on his foot,” Haineko purred.

 

In desperation I tried, but nothing happened. I stomped on his foot again but there was no reaction. He wasn't feeling pain, he hadn't heard me when I called to him but he still seemed to retain one reaction. I reached down and began stroking his penis as I ran my tongue down his chest. For moments nothing happened, but then I noticed his breathing quicken slightly. Encouraged I knelt down and began sucking on him, drawing him into my mouth, waiting for the sigh I knew so well. If he sighed he'd open his mouth and I would have a chance to remove the blood traces.

 

He swelled larger and then I heard a groan, followed by the anticipated sigh. I was on my feet before the exhalation had finished and carefully swabbed his mouth as best as I could. Barely in time, I removed my fingers from his mouth before it closed. Backing away I looked at him and noticed that he was gradually focusing on me.

 

“Why did you stop sucking me? You know it means I have to fuck you here and now, don't you wife? Get on the bed immediately or I'll have you where you stand.” The voice that emerged from my husband was rough with lust.

 

“Zaraki?” He sounded so normal. I backed away even further, worried that this was a trick and that me might still try to kill me.

 

His zanpakuto clattered to the ground as he advanced closer toward me. “If you have a thing about me sucking your fingers you only have to ask.”

 

Sucking my fingers? Why would…. He must have felt my fingers in his mouth when I was trying to remove the blood. From the lust burning in his eyes and the heat of his hands as they encircled my waist I already knew the answer to the question I asked. “You don't want to kill me?”

 

His brow furrowed and he stared at me. “Kill you? No. Fuck you, yes. Why are you still standing up?”

 

What should I do? I wanted to find out what was happening but he had already placed me on the bed and was kissing me while one hand slid between my thighs.

 

Before we went any further I grabbed at his eye patch and removed it. Then I tried to keep my eyes open so I could notice any changes in the colour of his but it was proving difficult. His tongue was in my mouth and his fingers were drawing small intense circles on my clitoris.

 

“I thought you despised me,” I panted when I finally managed to wrest my mouth from his.

 

His hand became still as he gazed down at me. “Why?”

 

Possibly this wasn't the best time to raise this matter but I couldn't have sex with him when I didn't know what he really felt. “You said some things after I stopped you killing Kurotsuchi.”

 

As he released me and sat on the edge of the bed I knew I'd said the wrong thing. Even though I really wanted the sex I didn't want to find out afterward that he despised and hated me. That would have crushed me and I was through with allowing anyone to use me and then discard me as though I didn't matter.

 

His face became carefully blank. “Matsumoto, did I hurt you?” His eyes searched my face and then my body. With a tender finger he traced some of the slashes that still wept a little blood. I stiffened as I saw my cleaning had been in vain.

 

My tongue refused to move and I found I was holding my breath. If I managed to answer him, what should I say?

 

He looked down and obviously noticed the few injuries that I had given him. He looked at me again and his voice rough with emotion he demanded again, “Did I cut you? Was it me that marked your body? Tell me now.”

 

Unwillingly I nodded. If I lied now he would find out later and that would only cause more problems.

 

“Is Kurotsuchi still alive?”

 

I nodded once more and his face became pale with rage. “You got between us, didn't you? You must have cut me when I was in the killing rage and challenged me. Did you?”

 

“Yes,” the word was barely a whisper as my throat threatened to close completely. Anger, I hated anger and how it was used as a weapon in relationships.

 

“Fuck! You're a fool, Matsumoto. Why did you do it?” he yelled at me.

 

I had a choice. I could cry and beg forgiveness or I could yell back. Considering the feelings I had been experiencing anger was an easier emotion to summon and after all his earlier taunts I didn't want to appear weak this time.

 

I sat up and folded my arms feeling ridiculous trying to be dignified while naked. But he was naked too and it didn't seem to worry him. “Kurotsuchi is the traitor and I didn't want you to kill him before we could find out what he knows.”

 

His face didn't alter. “That's the wrong answer. You don't give a shit about the man and I know he's the fucking traitor. Why did you do it?”

 

There were so many reasons I'd done it. Recalling the justifications I'd made I knew that there was one reason I hadn't wished to admit. Kurotsuchi made my skin crawl. He'd threatened Zaraki and me more than once, not overtly. He'd threatened my child in front of witnesses. Those were only some of the reasons I hated the man. “I want to be the one who kills the prick,” I yelled back. “I don't want you to kill him. He's mixed up in this and probably helped in the abduction. You were upsetting Yachiru and she's already suffered enough.”

 

A look of astonishment crossed his face. “You want to kill him? It wasn't some misplaced idea of honour to protect the bastard?”

 

How had he guessed? “That too,” I admitted with shame. In hindsight the action was clearly that of an idiot and I was the idiot. In my heart I knew that I had hoped that my action would stop him, forcing him to revert to his normal self, but I had overestimated my influence, his love or the power of that other person he held within him. If that aspect of him had emerged when Tosen and Gin had tried to kill him there would have only been bloody gobbets remaining and the present crisis might not have occurred. Or at that time he might not have been able to summon it at will. One day when peace had again returned, I might ask him.

 

“Honour is a word used to justify stupid actions. Matsumoto, don't be foolish in future. There is no nobility in death.” He ran a finger beside the slash on my waist. Some blood covered his finger and before he could do anything more I wiped the blood away. I didn't want him tasting it and then changing back into the monster.

 

“Why are we talking about that tosser? I did this, didn't I?”

 

It sounded like a question but it was a statement. Even so I nodded.

 

He gathered me in his arms and held me close, almost too tightly. “Fuck! Fuck this! I cut you.”

 

I pressed my face into his chest, not wishing to move any distance from him. “I cut you too.”

 

“Yeah, I noticed. Trying to prove something were you? Hold on a minute.”

 

As he released me I complained. Ignoring my words he retrieved the wound ointment and slathered it over every cut and abrasion on my body and some places that weren't marked. “I won't say I'm sorry. That would be meaningless.”

 

I hadn't expected an apology. That wasn't his way.

 

“If I believed in honour, I'd offer to release you from your wedding vows, but I don't. And there's no way you're getting away from me. If you try to leave me I'll stop you,” he continued.

 

The flash of red in his eye drew my attention and I tensed, fearing the return of the stranger. “Never get between me and the person I'm fighting. Understand?”

 

“I won't,” I promised immediately. I might make mistakes but I'd never make that one again.

 

With relief I noticed that the red faded. “I rather cut off my cock than hurt you, beloved. But I'd prefer not to hurt you and keep it so we can fuck.”

 

He placed his finger under my chin and looking deep into my eyes he brought his face close to mine. “I love you,” he said and kissed me.

 

Believing that this crisis was over I released some of the fevered grasp I had on my emotions and tears began to seep out of the corners of my eyes. Anger and tears. Fear and anger. Sorrow and joy. This day was providing a smorgasbord of emotion. I think Zaraki noticed I was crying but he continued to kiss me, letting me feel his need and love. The tears began to fall more freely as the insults he'd thrown at me played unceasingly through my mind. Had he meant any of them? Were they his true feelings which were covered by the veneer of love and lust?

 

“Why are you crying? Which person do you want me to slice for you?” Zaraki finally asked.

 

“Did you mean what you said?”

 

“Yeah, I love you.”

 

I had to ask and if I left it any longer the words would fester and destroy too much. “Not that. What you said earlier.”

 

Silence. Stillness.

 

“About how happy I am we're having a child?” The rough voice betrayed nothing as the long silence was broken.

 

“No.”

 

“If you're going to ask a question, ask it. Don't make me guess.” The edge to his tone indicated there might be a problem if I expected him to remember.

 

Taking a deep breath I told him. “You said you didn't want to have a child with me and I was pathetic and useless. That you wanted to drink my blood. You called me a weak deceiving fool and said you were going to cut my head off.” The sobs caught in my throat as I said the final words. “And you didn't want to have sex with me.”

 

Clearing his throat, Zaraki asked, “Are you sure that was me? I didn't want to screw you?”

 

Weeping helplessly I nodded. I was nodding far too much and it was making my head hurt. Wiping at the tears with the blood stained towel I was still holding I found it hard to focus on his face, but it seemed he was frowning.

 

Very slowly he began to explain. “Beloved, when I taste blood, especially my own, I change.”

 

“I know that, now,” I said impatiently.

 

“Yeah, you know that. When I return to normal I don't remember what I've said or done. I've had to rely on Yachiru to tell me, but she's not here.”

 

He didn't remember? That was difficult to believe.

 

“Retsu explained that it's like another personality. I don't understand what she was going on about. Matsumoto, anything I said I didn't mean.”

 

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that he loved me and wanted me, but our relationship had changed into something I'd never expected. Now I feared him more than I had previously. Yes, I still loved him, but could love and fear for the man exist without the love becoming some desperate emotion that was tainted by the conflict between the two feelings?

 

“I thought you hated me,” the wail in my voice was embarrassing. I sounded desperate, needy and scared; probably because I was.

 

“No!”

 

The sudden close hug forced the breath out of my lungs. He was holding so close that I could feel his hot breath on the top of my head. While I wanted the demonstration of love it was hard to fill my lungs with the necessary air. Pulling away he felt the resistance and grasped me even closer.

 

“I need to breathe,” I gasped.

 

He released his hold completely and sat at the head of the bed, leaning against the wall. Swiftly he held me and placed me in his lap. The large obstruction of his erection under me made me wriggle to get comfortable.

 

“You know what happens when you do that,” he told me.

 

I smiled at him uncertain of the way my emotions were running. He was trying to tease me but smiling was hard.

 

“I love you, woman! What does it take to make you believe that?” His voice was a mixture of anger and indulgence. He kissed my cheek and then my eyes.

 

“You were trying to kill me,” then I had to know the other question. “Why did you stop trying to kill me?”

 

Wrinkling his forehead he looked confused at my sudden query. “Did you want me to kill you?”

 

I shook my head hard. “No, but you stopped and I couldn't get your attention,” I explained.

 

He laughed as his hand stroked my stomach tenderly. “You got my attention when you sucked me.”

 

“I'd tried other things before that and you hardly blinked. What happened?”

 

The sullen look at encompassed his face and I knew I was once more treading on dangerous ground. “I don't want to talk about it.”

 

After everything else that had happened I didn't think this was fair and if he was going to lose his temper if I asked now, he would later. Before I said anything I questioned whether I wanted another confrontation so close to the dreadful minutes I'd already lived through. I nestled close to him and kissed the cut that I'd inflicted on his chest while I ran my fingertips over his back, rubbing them in small circles.

 

The pleased sigh told me he was enjoying the touching. “You're going to ask again, aren't you? Hell Matsumoto; can't you let it alone?” His voice was a mixture of impatience and indulgence.

 

“Of course not. You were trying to kill me because of that other person… is it a Hollow like Ichigo's?”

 

“It's not a frigging sissy Hollow like the orange kid has. It's more powerful than that and we don't indulge in meaningless dialogues or internal fights,” Zaraki sounded disgusted with my suggestion and I quickly kissed him to stop any anger that might result.

 

When I took my lips from his it was impossible for me not to notice that his erection had grown and was straining against me. “If you tell me I'll let you fuck me.”

 

“Let me? More like beg me” The humour vanished from his face as soon as he said the words.

 

This time I let the silence stretch as long as he needed. Whatever had happened was important and in view of his other hard kept secret it seemed that anything that important needed to be shared so I didn't do something so devastatingly stupid in the future.

 

Zaraki's shoulders straightened even more and his arms held me close to him once more. This time I could breathe, but the position provided limited access to see his face. This wasn't going to be easy and I tensed awaiting his words.

 

“It's Memento Mori,” he said.

 

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A.N.

 

Soundtrack

`Speakerhumper' Hatiras

“Release the Pressure' Leftfield `

`Keep Hope Alive (J.D.S. Mix)' The Crystal Method

`Security' The Freestylers (simply because I keep listening to the thing all the time I was writing this chapter.)

 

The spin off that delves into the relationship between Kiyone and Byakuya (Freedom Lost With Our Innocence) is nearly complete, as is the next chapter of Obsidian and Alabaster.

 

Thanks to the people who take the time to review. Especial thanks Bastion, cancerchick16, and hollowwithin for reviewing.

 

Review. Reviews can amuse.