Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Different Circumstances ❯ The Metal ( Chapter 52 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work.

The Metal

Fighting defensively wasn't helping. I found it hard to concentrate on fighting the man, whom I'd once loved, because we often had to avoid other fighters whose battle brought them into our path. At the same time I was also combating back the thoughts which swirled through my head. Fighting on 3 fronts was not easy.

I'd fought Gin previously, but never seriously. We'd spared and mock-fought on many occasions while we were friends/lovers but it became clear that both our fighting skills had developed and changed from those times. Previously I'd mainly fought defensively and I was still doing so as I was mindful of the baby I had to protect, but Gin made it essential to fight him offensively also as he kept forcing the attack, getting closer to me.

He wanted me to help him die!

He wanted me to kill him.

For all the anger and pain he'd caused me, I didn't feel he deserved to die. For the pain he'd caused others, as I did not know the extent, how could I judge? How could I be judge and executioner of this man? He wanted to die but I didn't want to kill. As his friend I felt for his pain, for the recognition that he would lose his freedom to make his own decisions and be subject to the commands of Aizen. To thrust my zanpakuto into his heart (or more probably his torso) was something I was unsure I could do, How did you prepare to kill a former friend/lover/enemy/traitor/abductor and all the other roles he'd played in my life? There was no longer a feeling of hatred to spur on the desire for his death; rather I felt compassion and sorrow for his position.

"Kill me, Ran," he hissed softly as his latest attack brought him close.

"No," I protested as I parried his blow. "There has to be another way!"

"Aizen won't be easy to kill and I don't know if the effects of his zanpakuto will last after his death. I'm not prepared to take that chance," he said, as I was forced to attack him, again the action bringing him close enough to talk without raising his voice too much.

"You've told me your reasons," I said sadly, knowing he found them valid and could see no way past the future he'd outlined.

"You loved me once. Kill me with your love," Gin said, a small wry smile twisting his mouth.

There were so many answers I could make to his statement; some bitter, some sad but both of us harking back to the hurts of the past was not going to change anything. I bit my lip and faltered, "I don't think Zaraki would approve."

"You don't have to live for his approval otherwise he controls you as much as Aizen controls me. Think for yourself," he sniped and pushed the blade of his blade against my own to push me back.

The statement and action shocked me and momentarily I let my guard down. Gin had the opportunity to strike but instead stopped and stared at me, his guard down also.

"I do think for myself," I answered, wondering how much time had passed while I formulated my reply. While I knew this time was passing all too fast, it seemed to stretch, slowly, ever onward. "I loved you Gin. Once you meant the world to me but that moment has passed." Voicing the words made me sad but reinforced the way I felt. I'd never forget the love which had taken over my life and forced me into an emotional prison after it was no longer returned. Even if I didn't love Zaraki, why would I again willingly enter into the torturous maze of attention and abandonment? I wondered if my thoughts were visible.

It seemed I was still not very good at hiding my feelings from him, or my words caused him some pain as the expression on his face became bitter. "Do you have to continually remind me? We are fighting and I have asked you to kill me in remembrance of the love we once shared. We talk because fighting without words is only for thugs or those who have no conversation but when you speak every other sentence is something about your 'husband', your 'child', your 'future'. I have no partner, future or child. Spare me the repetition of the details of your life."

Stung, I replied, "I mean you no harm..."

"No, you didn't mean it, but the result is the same, whatever your intention."

This discussion was not helping and I was feeling the unwelcome guilt which didn't seem fair. I had not abandoned him. Why was he trying to push this feeling onto me? I didn't want to kill him; I'd mourned the loss of his love and friendship for years and only recently found happiness and an escape from a crippling loneliness I didn't know I was experiencing. He was not being fair and I no longer wanted to fight him.

"Go and fight someone else," I said as I prepared to sheathe my zanpakuto. "I cannot kill you, I will not kill you, nor do I desire to kill you. Find someone who has that desire."

Gin stared at me, his eyes momentarily visible. There was a shocked recognition as he began to believe my words and then his shoulders slumped. "No kind or friendly death," he stated plainly, not even voicing the words as a question.

"Not from me. I would forever feel the guilt and loss and you don't really wish me to experience that, do you?" If he was asking, he should know what the request meant.

He thought for the moment and shook his head. "I may wish for death at your hand but hadn't thought of the consequences." He straightened and looked over my shoulder. Something in his expression changed again and the zanpakuto in his hand again was pointed firmly at my throat. "This will end now," were his words.

Instinctively I stopped the process of sheathing my zanpakuto and found it was now pointing at his chest. How could this be happening? It had seemed that we had agreed to stop fighting and now he was planning to kill me? It made no sense.

Considering everything that had happened, why should it make sense? Ever since I'd gone to the human world, life had made little sense and if I were honest, the sense that existed before had been tenuous. Trying to impose order on chaos made no sense yet that was how the human race managed their world view. I now recognised the chaos that was barely concealed by the rules that tried to control it, but did not thrive on the recognition.

The my attention was caught by what I thought were the sound of running footsteps. It was odd that I could hear these footsteps over the noise of clashing blades, yelling, swearing, screaming, groaning, maniacal laughter, bellows of rage and the occasional thud of falling bodies but then I noticed we had moved, or the fighting had moved and now we were at the edge of the battles. It sounded like the footsteps were approaching me from behind. I wanted to turn around but as Gin had the point of his zanpakuto pointed at my throat it did not seem feasible, or even sensible to attempt the move. At the same time not checking who was running and the possibility that the person might be a potential threat made me very uncomfortable. Even a quick glance over my shoulder was not really a choice because I did not trust Gin. Realising how far I had come from having total trust in the man to now showed me how clearly things had changed. I did not hate him now but as he was close to being under the influence of Aizen, how could I trust him with any confidence?

For a moment I considered asking Ashcat to check for me, but usually my appeals were met by grumpy demands to be left alone, or to let her sleep or she was busy. I found I was biting my lip as I kept my arm steady and feared the person facing me as well as the person who was approaching me from behind. This did not feel safe, nor did I have much choice in my actions unless I pushed the blade into Gin's chest, which I didn't want to do and if I did it make cause me to be defenceless if the person posed a threat. Sometimes blades did not come out of chests quickly and cleanly, especially if they caught on bone of other obstructions.

These thoughts passed very rapidly through my mind, and as my mind moved through the ideas of my blade being caught on flesh and bone of the man I once loved sickened me. Why did logic coolly present images of blades being caught on flesh and bone as a reason not to take action? The images which quickly passed through my mind revolted me slightly and the anxiety which accompanied them did not help. As was often the case, I was alone. My 'protectors' were busy protecting me from other threats while I was trying to calculate the way of dealing with a definite and potential problem. Even though only a few seconds had elapsed, I felt I was dithering.

Then the unexpected happened. Gin swiftly reversed his zanpakuto and pushed it into my right shoulder, hard, spinning me around to face the person running towards us, while he grabbed my left hand to stop me from moving too far from him.

The unexpected sudden movement meant I turned with the blade still pointed at normal chest height and within a few seconds I felt a double impact of my zanpakuto pushing through something which had run into it and a blade hitting Gin in the chest. The hand clutching my shoulder gripped it tightly and I felt Gin stagger slightly and my shoulder twisted slightly from the shared impact.

At the same time I felt the force of whatever hit my blade run up through my zanpakuto, then up my arm, through my shoulder and into my chest. The impact almost pushed me back, due to the strength or weight of the force and for a second I wondered if my blade would be wrenched out of my hand due to the power of whatever it was which hit my blade.

it was impossible to determine the length of time passed since hearing the footsteps and being in this unexpected position. My head had turned and I was staring at Gin. Involuntarily my eyes, moved and looking down I saw a length of steel embedded in his chest, a handle to the steel and a hand gripping the handle. Following the hand my eyes travelled up the arm and I looked briefly at the face of the attacker who had stabbed Gin, or the person who had intended to stab me.

There was no denying the possible interpretation of events. If the person had stabbed Gin, the indication was the person had approached me from behind, blade drawn and with the intention of stabbing me in the back. There were other possibilities but it was easy to dismiss most of them as unlikely.

My gaze travelled from the face down to where my blade, my length of steel, had forced a passage through the chest. It was interesting to see how far the body had pushed itself onto the blade and the amount of blood staining the white cloth surrounding the blade was startling. The wound inflicted was bad, but had not killed immediately. Neither Gin or my potential murderer were dead, but it seemed unlikely either of them would walk away from this confrontation to have a relaxing cup of tea and a life.

Gin's zanpakuto, which he apparently had enough time to raise was piercing Tosen's arm, the one not holding the impaling blade.

Why did I have the feeling that despite the hunks of metal piercing them, neither of the wounded people would die silently?

I looked at Gin. His eyes were not fully open, but as usual they hid his eyes but his mouth was twisted. From pain? Was he trying to smile, because it resembled a grimace more than any sign of amusement or happiness.

Then I looked at Tosen, his face expressing both pain and anger as he twisted, almost wrenching my zanpakuto from my hand. It did not surprise me to recognise Tosen as the person who had attempted to kill me; why should it? During our last conversation he expressed his thoughts about me very clearly. While Aizen might wish to keep me alive for breeding purposes, Tosen did not share his agenda. He made it clear he felt I was a problem which should be removed permanently and as his warped viewpoint had led him to betray the Seireitei why would he follow Aizen's orders when he was convinced he was right?

One of them was going to speak first so it seemed best if I remained silent but Tosen was still trying to wrench the zanpakuto out of my hand. "I will try to remove my blade if..." I began.

His lips twisted with anger. "Why would I need your help," he began and was interrupted by a coughing fit which forced him to bend over, not an easy task when a blade is sticking through your body. The move made me readjust my grip and I felt Gin's hand tighten on my shoulder as he too began coughing.

Blood splattered my shirt as Tosen continued to cough, the blood welling from his mouth. Briefly he stopped coughing and tried to pull himself in an upright position. "You killed me, Ichimaru...," his accusation began.

"Yeah, well, I can see you hand holding the thing that is interfering with my breathing privileges," Gin drawled quietly.

"I didn't mean to kill you. I simply thought to remove a problem," Tosen said, his voice losing its original strength.

"A person is not a problem. But you did me a good deed, even though you meant to do harm, so I owe you. Any little thing I can do for you to even the score?" Gin seemed to be less troubled by the threat of death than Tosen but given our previous conversation, this did not surprise me.

"Let me kill the woman, as my final contribution to Aizen's cause and to prove the Seireitei's faith in their Captains should not extend to brutal thugs. Stupid, brutal thugs."

Given the nature of his injuries it was surprising he was able to make such a clear and coherent, if threatening, statement. At the same time it was also difficult not to take offence at his request.

Gin laughed shortly and then winced in pain. "Didn't know it would hurt to laugh with a sword sticking out of my chest. Look, Tosen, I don't want her dead. Didn't the fact I got her out of the way of your cowardly attack slightly hint that? No? So your blindness stretches further than your sight."

The words did not flow that easily, there were pauses as Gin gasped for breath and swallowed hard but his ability to reply impressed me.

"You will let me die with my task unfinished?" Tosen seemed incredulous and then coughed again.

"You've done enough," Gin told him and then pulled back on my shoulder hard while hissing at me, "Get the blade out of him. It's the only thing keeping him upright."

I looked at my blade and then at Gin's. "You first," I replied. It seemed safer if one of us had a weapon at the ready in case Tosen was not as badly wounded as he appeared. There was no denying he looked bad and he appeared to be in considerable agony, but I didn't trust him.

For a moment, I wondered if he would laugh again, but he took in a breath, seemed to think better of it and glanced at Tosen. Gin didn't speak but I felt his grip tighten even more on my shoulder as the blade slowly slid out of Tosen's arm and Tosen seemed to muffle a groan while slumping forward further. It could be a ruse, I could easily convince myself it was a ruse. How stupid would I be to trust a man who hungered for my death? The little voice asking if I could trust Gin was ignored. I knew I could not fully trust him but he had pushed me out of the way of Tosen's blade.

"If you pull your blade out of Gin, I'll remove mine from you," I told Tosen.

I wondered if I saw a small smile hover at the corners of his mouth. Was it reality or my imagination, fear or paranoia which made me see that smile? Without further discussion I swiftly attempted to pull my zanpakuto out, but as I had feared it did not emerge easily. I felt the blade grate on something and without considering the result of my actions too deeply I tried to twist the blade, trying to dislodge the obstruction, momentarily forgetting the obstruction was someone's body. Tosen struggled, his grip on his zanpakuto loosening and again I felt the pressure of Gin's fingers bit into my shoulder. With a swift movement, which pulled me backwards, Gin tried to free himself from the intruding metal.

Time seemed to slow and I was certain someone spoke, I think it was Tosen as his lips seemed to be moving, but the words were blurred and even though I listened, I could not understand them. I felt my body moving, not through my own efforts and my eyes slowly followed the change in scenery caused by the movement. For some reason I could see everything, every moment was clear and distinct but I felt I had no agency in any of my actions. I felt my body reacting and moving but there was a distance between my body and my brain as if they were somewhat connected but not working together. It was strangely unpleasant. Possibly due to recent events I hated not being in control of my actions of the actions my body took

This action did not help me in extracting my blade but pulled Tosen with us. At first I saw him bite his lip and then his mouth opened and he screamed.

The scream was a mixture of agony and anger and the force of it made me jerk my hand back with more force. There was a brief sound, which I will not describe as the memory of that sound sickens me even now, and my blade was free. Gin was still partially skewered by Tosen's zanpakuto but despite his pain and the blood which was flowing from his wounds, he raised his blade and pointed it at the largest expanse of Tosen who was hunched over, one hand clutching the wound made by my accidental attack. It was not to last. His hand holding the zanpakuto dropped and the point of the blade lodged in the ground as if it were being used as a physical support to hold him up.

Tosen's hand was no longer straight and the pain seemed to be making him move backwards, which had the effect of releasing Gin from the zanpakuto. Tosen sank to the ground, one hand clutching the wound in his chest, showing no sign of wishing to continue his attack. I wanted to do something but Gin, released from the blade was bleeding profusely and he needed my attention.

Gin still held onto my shoulder and I knew that any action I took would need to maintain my support as it seemed uncertain whether he would be able to remain standing if I tried to remove his hand from my shoulder. I turned as much as I could toward him, to look at him, trying to gauge how badly he was wounded. Looking at his pale, sickly face with beads of sweat prominent on his forehead there seemed to be an obvious conclusion to draw. He saw me looking and even though he was in obvious pain his lips twisted in a facsimile of his mocking smile.

"Not quite the death I wanted, but better than dying to protect Aizen's honour. Dying to protect the one I loved and betrayed gives me a feeling of something I thought I'd forgotten," he sagged at the knees and my body was drawn down as he sank to the ground.

"Gin," I began and then paused. What could I say to him? Reassuring him that he wasn't going to die wouldn't fool him or anyone within our immediate radius and he had asked for death rather than live under the tyranny of Aizen's control. "Thank you," was the only thing I felt I could say in this problematic situation.

"Don't thank me. We moved beyond thanks when we were kids. Just promise to live, have the kid. Live, love, be happy and all that stuff. You chose the thug, he makes you happy... You always choose the wrong men," again the words were spoken over an extended period of time with pauses for coughing.

"The wrong man. I chose you once," I corrected gently, meaning him, "but you were a good friend", I added. "I truly loved you Gin, more than was sensible. Now I love Zaraki."

"For a limited time," a voice hissed. "I don't believe in love after death. When you die, you're dead." I felt something whistle past me as strong hands lifted me. I did nothing but felt the kiss of ash as my zanpakuto blurred in front of me as a shield to deflect any possible blow. There had been no mental command for Ashcat to provide this protection but I had briefly considered what defensive action I could take.

I was unsure how Zaraki had come to know of my plight but it was his hands which had lifted me and he was now holding me tightly.

"Thanks, Ichimaru. I know you tried to protect her," I could feel the vibration of my husband's voice as it boomed through his chest. "Not as well as me, but having a bloody hunk of metal decorating your torso from both sides didn't help." I him move swiftly and as Ashcat dispersed.

"No matter, it was enough," Gin said, slowly. "At least Tosen has stopped moving. I didn't know Ashcat could be so vicious. I knew she had powers she chose not to use, but.."

What did he mean? Ashcat had simply provided a protective shield. Hadn't she?

"How many chances do you give a person to kill you? Silly woman. If you weren't going to kill him, what choice did I have. A simple task to stop his breath in his weakened state," her silky voice told me. "Do I have to do everything for you?"

"You barely do anything for me," I retorted, stung at her comments and also annoyed at her insinuations. "Most of the time you ignore me."

I wished to continue the discussion and refute her charges but Zaraki was talking to me. "Matsumoto, wife, can't I leave you alone on a battlefield?

It didn't seem fair. We were on a battlefield and it was not a safe place, for anyone. Gin was dying, Ashcat claimed she'd killed Tosen and I wasn't sure who was alive, still battling or needed help. The thing that worried me the most was the location of Aizen. With his powers he me might be close or he might not really care what was happening if it didn't interfere with his final plan.

A.N.

Why the long wait for the chapter? One of the problems with this story is I need a piece of music for writing a fight scene. There were many which seemed possible, full of lots of bass and strong chords but they didn't work. Going through the music library I finally listened to 'Meddle' and due to the confusing nature of this fight 'One of these Days' was the breakthrough. For some accidental reason, the majority of the other songs contain the word 'One' if their title.

Season's Greetings, whatever faith you follow. Be nice to the people around you. It makes life easier.

Soundtrack

'Comet (HÅkiboshi)' Younha (from the Bleach Soundtrack, third ending song)

'One of These Days' Pink Floyd (this melody underlies the chapter)

'Once More' The Orb

'One Truth' Globus

Review. They sometimes amuse.