Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Hollow Charm ❯ One of the Pawns ( Chapter 2 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach. I just borrowed the characters.

 

One of the Pawns

5 days later

 

Ichigo could barely look at himself in the mirror anymore. Each time he saw his reflection all he could see was a failure. Someone who said the right words and had good intentions, but could not protect his friends; could not protect himself. He couldn't protect Orihime.

 

She had so much faith in him, had put so much trust in his ability to beat off any attacks, and he had allowed her to be hurt while he stood there, useless. The internal struggle with the Hollow, only recently quelled, had been harder than he could have imagined. He could not, would not change into that thing in front of Orihime.

 

Now, she probably hated him. How could he blame her, when he hated himself even more? Her dismissal of his attempts to apologise had hurt and confirmed his fear that she loathed him. He wanted to apologise, to hold her but he was too scared to touch her. She had been so badly injured that touching her might hurt her further. Touching her might also rouse his Hollow. She wouldn't want him to touch her anyway. Failure was contagious. She had lost Tsubaki because of him.

 

The irony was that she had tried to protect Chad and then tried to protect him. She was not a fighter, not a protector. His role was to protect her and to keep her safe. Seeing her helpless and injured in bed made his heart ache. She could hardly look at him as he tried to apologise. As she spoke to him, he felt as if she was trying to induce him to leave. It was obvious she did not want him near her.

 

The Hollow did not need to tell him that this was his fault but he did. No one else had tried to blame him. Every one had expressed understanding, not allowing him to account for his failure. Urahara and Yoruichi had explained that they had not expected to experience the kind of power the enemy had shown. Even Yoruichi had been hurt by her contact with one of them. Her injuries were impressive, but she just shrugged them off and continued on as if nothing important had taken place. She assured Ichigo that she has been unprepared for the strength they attackers displayed. Ichigo should just accept it and move on. Train harder, become more powerful.

 

But how could he deny the fault? The guilt was almost overwhelming. Another spike of remorse was how he had been barely injured in comparison to Chad and Orihime. He wanted to take their injuries, their pain. It seemed like he hadn't even tried and in his heart he knew that he hadn't tried hard enough. If he had let the Hollow take over, he might have defeated the enemy, but at what cost?

 

He had visited Chad. Chad was his usual taciturn self and would not accept an apology. `It was my fault. You weren't there when I was injured. I thought my powers would be enough, but those guys were strong. Stronger than I thought anyone could be. You aren't responsible for every injury, Ichigo. You expect too much of yourself. I'll heal. Orihime is making sure of that,' Chad said

 

The words provided little solace for Ichigo. Orihime again. Even though she had been injured, she put another person's need before her own. If she had chosen to use her healing powers on herself, she would be well. Instead she had identified the person with the most injury to be healed first.

 

Today Orihime was back at school, still covered with bandages. Instead of seeking his gaze, she seemed to be avoiding him. She walked past, without even acknowledging his presence. He missed her usual smile and greeting. It appeared she had trouble staying in the same room. Ichigo stared at his desk. That way he didn't have to see Orihime. She would probably prefer it if he did not look at her. He no longer had the right.

 

He swallowed trying to rid his mouth of the bitter taste.

 

The Hollow had not allowed him much privacy. After his defeat, it had gloated, `You are inferior in every way to the other Shinigami. They saved your miserable hide and have you even thanked them? Oh, that's right. They didn't want to accept your pitiful attempt at gratitude. Why should they? You were so caught up with yourself that you didn't understand the situation. If you'd let me take over, so much power would have been available to you. I would have fought without your infantile conscience. I can kill without hesitation. You hesitated and let your friends get hurt. I could have protected them and then claimed my rewards from the girl. That would have been fun. I might have let you have some fun too, when I was finished with her.'

 

Then the Hollow had further tormented Ichigo, telling him in salacious detail what he would do to Orihime if he had the chance. Ichigo felt the bile rise to his throat again. If his Hollow self ever touched Orihime she would not survive the encounter. The Hollow had outlined some perverted ideas of what it would like to do to Orihime that made Ichigo shudder. Pain featured in most of the scenarios outlined. The one that alarmed Ichigo most was the detailed description of how the Hollow would kill Orihime once he had finished taking his pleasure from her.

 

First his inaction and now the Hollow threatened Orihime's life. He could not allow the Hollow to take over. The Hollow would not be allowed near Orihime again.

 

Ichigo had no idea who the people were who had attacked him. Maybe they had something to do with Aizen. He supposed that was possible, but he didn't really care. If they came back he might let them kill him. He was useless anyway. If he was gone the Hollow would go as well and would no longer be a threat to anyone. Maybe Seireitei would send a real Shinigami to replace him when he was dead, someone who did not freeze. A Shinigami who would protect; not a failure that stood by, immobile, while people were hurt and killed.

 

Forgetting his resolve to keep his eyes on his desk, Ichigo occasionally glanced in Orihime's direction, but she still avoided his gaze. He wanted to talk to her, to apologise and explain; to obtain her forgiveness. If she would let him explain. How could he explain? An explanation would mean he would have to tell her about the Hollow, and that he didn't want to do. As he watched her, he noticed the sad expression she wore. She was not only injured, she was sad and all because of his failure.

 

The isolation was hard to cope with. He couldn't talk to anyone. He'd tried to broach the subject of the Hollow with Urahara, but couldn't say the words. His tongue couldn't even form the beginning of the questions he wanted to ask. How would he frame the question? He had hoped that Urahara would initiate a discussion about the Hollow, but he mainly talked of inconsequential matters and gossip. Urahara had been unfailingly helpful, tending to Orihime and trying to reassure Ichigo. Even so, after a few days Ichigo found he was subconsciously avoiding Urahara. If he asked and Urahara could not help, what options were left?

 

If Hirako had returned maybe he could have talked to him. Thinking about it further, Ichigo dismissed that idea. Knowing that Ichigo was vulnerable would be the perfect excuse for Hirako to again try to persuade Ichigo to become a Vizard.

 

Fear consumed him. Fear of the Hollow within, fear of others finding out the extent of his failure. Fear of rejection by his friends and family. It appeared the rejection had commenced. Orihime did not want to know him.

 

Ichigo suppressed a groan. Finally he had discovered he loved her and now she was as distant to him as if she was in an alternate reality. He couldn't tell her how he felt because of the Hollow. Even if the Hollow did not exist it was obvious that Orihime despised him. Ichigo again stared at his desk in despair. There was nothing he could do.

 

The sound of footsteps and familiar voices made him look up. Maybe it was something that would distract him from his unpleasant thoughts.

 

`What the hell are they doing here?' was Ichigo's initial reaction when he saw the new students entering the room.

 

The reactions of his classmates to the Shinigami amused him, as much as he could be amused. Best of all Rukia and Renji were there. He could talk to Rukia and maybe Renji. Rukia might be a pain at times, but she did understand.

 

Seeing the state he was in made her act immediately. Forcing him to kill a Hollow had helped, a little. Being made to face one of his fears did not make it go away, but it made it easier to cope with.

 

It was a bigger relief when Rukia forced him to apologise to Orihime and she finally accepted his apology. He felt her eyes upon him once more, a sad little smile on her face. He treasured that smile, even though it was sad.

 

Maybe Rukia could help with his other problems. Up until now he had forgotten how much he relied upon her knowledge and friendship. It was a relief she had returned.

 

The unplanned meeting in his bedroom at least explained what had been happening. He felt uncomfortable with all the people crowded into his room. What would happen if his family found out? How could he explain all these strange looking people, especially Matsumoto? Finally after the ruckus, after the explanations, all the Shinigami left except Rukia. Watching her little performance for his family made Ichigo smile slightly. She was so convincing.

 

Ichigo finally had a chance to talk to her. He was unsure how to ask her the question he needed answered.

 

After trading a few insults with her, he finally summoned enough courage to ask, `Rukia, have you ever heard of the Vizards?'

 

She looked at him curiously. `Yes, I've heard of them, but only as a myth. They are supposedly corrupted Shinigami. If they existed they would be considered renegades. I suppose that Captain Kurotsuchi would be interested if they existed. He'd probably want to experiment on them. If they did exist, we might be ordered to hunt them down and destroy them.'

 

`Oh.'

 

`Why are you interested, Ichigo?' Rukia asked her eyes trying to read his expression.

 

`I met one. He wanted me to become a Vizard. The bait was that I would learn to control my Hollow. I don't know what I should do.'

 

`Vizards do exist? This changes a lot of things. I wonder if I should tell Seireitei? I don't think it would be a priority at the moment. As you are asking about them, you haven't accepted the offer. I wonder if they are as powerful as the Arrancar? I can understand the temptation, Ichigo. It would seem to be the answer to you problems.'

 

Rukia sat down and pondered the information.

 

`Hey, not on the bed,' Ichigo protested. `Sit on the chair. It's not proper for you to sit on the bed.'

 

`Get real, Ichigo. Everyone else was sitting on the bed. Okay, I'll sit on the chair if you are so picky. Who died and made you king?' Rukia moved to the chair as Ichigo sat on the bed.

 

Ichigo scowled at Rukia. `Take this seriously. I need to talk to someone and you're the only person here at the moment.'

 

`Please, don't flatter me so much. I don't think I can handle the compliments,' Rukia said dryly.

 

`I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I'm grateful for your help today,' Ichigo said grudgingly.

 

`Especially with Orihime, huh?' Rukia guessed.

 

Ichigo felt his face redden.

 

`I was right. I thought so. It's pretty obvious,' Rukia said smugly.

 

`What do you mean?' Ichigo stuttered.

 

`I thought that you might be `noticing' Orihime. I noticed you watching her in Seireitei.'

 

`Noticing? What the hell does that mean?' Ichigo said in disgust.

 

`Paying attention to, becoming interested. I see that it has developed. All she needed was time for you to get to know her. I wonder how this progressed so quickly. Did she use the charm, or something?' Rukia asked.

 

`I can't believe how quickly news spreads in Seireitei. Even school is not as good at circulating the gossip. How did you hear about the charm?' Ichigo asked, frowning.

 

`Oh, everyone in Soul Society knew Jidanbo had it. No one ever wanted to accept it when he offered it to them. It's a well known magical item. Nearly every person who has used it is unhappy with the result. I can think of one or two cases where it worked fine, but in those cases the people who used it stuck strictly to the rules. The rules governing its use are so tight that it usually ends badly. Jidanbo gave the charm to Orihime out of genuine regard, and he did try to tell her all the rules, but there are so many. I think he hoped she would remember all the rules and it would work out well for her.'

 

`He knew that it might not work and still he gave it to her?' Ichigo asked.

 

`I think he hoped that if it was used by a human, it would be partly neutralised. In most cases, anyone who has used the charm finds that the object of their affections remembers everything. It seems to only ever be used by people who are in love with someone who isn't in love with them. I don't know why. It also exerts a rather unhealthy influence over the user, encouraging them to act differently and to keep repeating. In your case, it probably worked because it provided time for you to learn more about her. As you already liked her, it almost certainly accelerated things. Knowing you as I do, I'm sure you became angry with her for using the charm and probably said some hurtful things. You would recall some of the repeats, most people do. So, what caused the recall? Critical mass or drinking?' Rukia asked.

 

`Um, both,' Ichigo confessed.

 

`So you remember everything? Why did she use it? She doesn't seem the type.'

 

`I don't want to talk about it,' Ichigo said worried that mentioning the events would rouse the Hollow again.

 

`Tell me. Come on, I won't laugh.'

 

`No. I can't.'

 

Rukia looked at Ichigo's stubborn expression. `Something else happened. What was it?'

 

`The Hollow spoiled it. Everything was going so well last time I saw her before the Arrancar came and then the Hollow tried to take over. I was worried what it would do to Orihime,' Ichigo said bluntly. It was the truth and might centre Rukia's attention elsewhere. He didn't want to describe the initial incident. It would be embarrassing for Orihime. He respected her too much to confess that episode to anyone, especially Rukia.

 

`Wait a moment. You're not…yes you are. You're in love with the girl aren't you?' Rukia asked intent on the answer.

 

`Yes,' Ichigo said softly.

 

`You love Orihime and the Hollow is causing problems. The Vizard appears to promise you the way out and I can tell you've been thinking about it. Answer this truthfully, Ichigo: Do you want to become a Vizard in order to become stronger, control the Hollow, or for some less noble reason?'

 

`I'm not sure,' Ichigo said thinking hard. `If I were to be honest all those reasons make me consider becoming a Vizard. One reason you didn't mention is I don't think I have much time, Rukia. The Hollow caused me to freeze when the Arrancar came. I can hardly control him anymore. Being near Orihime makes him go crazy. He almost took over 5 days ago,' Ichigo voice was harsh with fear and the realisation that he had little time.

 

`I don't think I want to know why, yet. I do have one question. If you are in love with Orihime why were you looking at Matsumoto when she lifted her skirt?' Rukia said smiling as Ichigo again flushed.

 

`Give me a break, Rukia. Can we keep to the subject?'

 

`Which one? Vizards, Orihime, the Hollow, or what was under the skirt?'

 

`All but the last.'

 

Rukia became serious. `Let's talk about the Hollow. Before you investigate the Vizards further, have you mentioned the Hollow problem to Urahara?'

 

`No. I tried, but I was scared of the answer he might give me. I'm pretty sure he would tell me anything he knew. I tried to ask, but couldn't. It felt like I was blaming him for that side effect of becoming a Shinigami.'

 

There was silence as Rukia contemplated the problem. `He would be the best person to ask. He probably would know more about the combination of the Hollow and Shinigami and might know more about the Vizards. He did create the Hyogyoku after all. Why don't we go and ask him now? I want to say thank you to him for all he did for me,' she said grimly.

 

Ichigo looked at her severe expression.

 

`Might there be an ulterior motive for seeing Urahara?' Ichigo hazarded. `It's in the past now, Rukia. He had his reasons, I'm sure.'

 

`His actions nearly caused my death. Those same actions gave Aizen the power he wanted. It nearly broke Seireitei. We don't know enough about the situation and Urahara seems to be keeping a lot of it to himself. I think he's playing a very dangerous game and I don't enjoy being one of the pawns. He owes me something. Reimbursement for the money I paid out for the gigai, at least. An apology would be nice, but I don't expect that. I want to make him sweat a little.'

 

`Okay, we'll go and visit Urahara, but before we do, tell me what should I do about Orihime? I think I've really hurt her. Before you came she wouldn't look at me, would barely talk to me.'

 

`There's something you haven't told me. What did you do? You must have done something stupid,' Rukia guessed.

 

Ichigo hung his head.

 

`Kissed her? Made a move? What?'

 

`I kissed her held her……..and then the Hollow tried to take over. I…I left in a hurry,' Ichigo said sheepishly.

 

`You kissed her. From your expression, and that interesting shade of red you have become, it was more than a simple kiss. The Hollow tried to take over. Then you ran away?' Rukia asked. `

 

`Twice.'

 

Honestly, Ichigo. You're an idiot. The poor girl is probably confused. I suppose you were cold to her afterward and tried to pretend nothing had happened.

 

Ichigo nodded reluctantly.

 

`You're lucky she accepted your apology. I would have pounded you,' Rukia said.

 

Ichigo smiled ruefully. `Orihime is unlike anyone else I know. She is certainly not as direct as you. But what should I do?'

 

`Maybe you should sort out the Hollow problem before you try to do anything. If he tries to take over when you are with Orihime, what would happen? You keep saying that you could barely control him when you were fighting the Arrancar. If you ran away again, you would upset her even more. Poor Orihime. I'm pleased Matsumoto went to stay with her. She undoubtedly needs the support,' Rukia said.

 

Ichigo thought about her advice. `Let's go and see Urahara, now. I want to learn all I can about this, and maybe you can exact a little revenge. By the way, what's happening between you and Renji?'

 

`Nothing,' she said stonily. `Why do you ask?'

 

`I thought there was something between you. He was so intent on saving you, even though it meant he had to directly disobey his captain, and he was almost kicked out of Seireitei. He was prepared to die for you,' Ichigo said.

 

`So were you,' Rukia pointed out.

 

`But I owed you. He did it out of something else. Love?'

 

`We grew up together. We're like brother and sister,' Rukia said coldly.

 

`I find it funny when you lie to yourself. Your face lights up every time you see him. His loyalty to you is more than brotherly. Why are you both being so dense?'

 

`You're giving me advice about my love life? I don't believe this,' Rukia shook her head. `I'm just pleased that after all this time, I'm friends with Renji again. He means a lot to me. Leave it alone, Ichigo. Let's concentrate on your problems.'

 

`You're so stubborn. Come on. Let's go to Urahara's. Oh, that's right. Renji is staying with him, isn't he? Talk about a double motive for this visit. You just want to see him again. He's only been gone a short while. You've got it bad, Rukia.'

 

Rukia reached across, grabbed the pillow and started hitting Ichigo with it.

 

`Stop talking about Renji and motives. You are deliberately trying to annoy me,' she said panting and laughing.

 

Ichigo grabbed the pillow from Rukia and suddenly stiffened, `Can you feel that?'

 

Rukia nodded as she took out her phone and checked the location of the Hollows.

 

Ichigo was worried. He had felt something similar before. `Orihime,' he said.

 

`She's got two Shinigami to protect her, one of them a captain. We better go out and see what we can do. I don't like this Ichigo. It feels wrong. It's too soon,' Rukia said, looking worried.

 

OoooooooooooooooooooooO

 

Fighting Grimmjow destroyed the little confidence Ichigo had managed to regain. Grimmjow seemed barely interested in the fight, nonchalantly averting any attacks and constantly insulting Ichigo. No matter what Ichigo did, it didn't work. He was losing badly and becoming more fearful as time passed, anticipating what would happen. Ultimately the Hollow nearly gained control again. Ichigo briefly considered allowing the Hollow to take control, just to defeat this powerful, arrogant foe.

 

All the time he was been fighting, Ichigo had worried about Orihime and Rukia. He had trouble concentrating on the battle. Ichigo had lost his focus. He lost to the Arrancar for the second time. He had nearly lost to the Hollow. Three failures in one battle was three too many. Worse, he felt some slight gratitude to Tosen for interrupting the fight and forcing Grimmjow to return to Hueco Mundo. Grateful to a traitor because his miserable life was saved! Ichigo did not appreciate the irony. It was the bitterest defeat of all. Maybe he should have let Grimmjow kill him, and then the pain would be no more.

 

Watching Orihime heal the injured, forced him to again recognise how useless he was. He couldn't fight, couldn't protect, and couldn't heal anyone. He was worthless.

 

The worst part was when Rukia again broached the possibility of Urahara helping with the Hollow in front of Orihime. Orihime had looked confused, not seeming to understand what the conversation was about. Ichigo groaned. Orihime was too clever to allow two mentions of the Hollow to go unquestioned.

 

`I have to explain to Orihime about the Hollow, but I don't want to tell her now. I don't want to ask Urahara. I get the feeling he doesn't know and it would embarrass him if I asked. If I can gain control of the Hollow, maybe then I can tell Orihime. Just looking at her is torment. Her eyes seem so sad. I think she's terrified of the Arrancar and she watched the whole fight. If only I could reassure her, get her to smile at me one more time,' he thought as he gazed at her averted face.

 

Quickly dismissing Rukia's suggestion, Ichigo at last accepted that there was no one he trusted who could help him now. There was one final option. Tomorrow he would hunt for the Vizards. He had no other choice.

 

Author's Note:

 

Next chapter, hopefully, will allow me to be a little more creative. Thanks to yuwa for the review.

 

Review please.

 

MS