Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Hollow Charm ❯ Hollow Victory ( Chapter 25 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Tite Kubo owns Bleach.  I just borrowed the characters.

He expected the Hollow to screech with laughter and ask what he was talking about.

It didn’t happen.

He expected insults and cruel but clever insights into his flaws and a graphic explanation of what a compromise truly meant.

It didn’t happen either.

Forcing his head to move he observed the Hollow who was looking at him as if he’d never seen him before.  The distortion had spread to its face, lengthening one side while the other had the mouth twisted permanently into an awkward half smile.  A smiling Hollow was bad, but this distorted forced expression wasn’t much better.

“Does it hurt?” he asked on impulse.

“Does what hurt?  Being trapped with you until we work out how to get out of here?  Or what your bitch of a girlfriend did to me?  Both hurt in ways you couldn’t imagine.  You think you’ve felt pain?  Ha!”

The words were delivered without inflection, but the depth of feeling behind them made him aware that there was much he’d never considered.  He’d hated the Hollow for existing, but all the emotion it displayed he’d dismissed as irrelevant and repulsive.  Due to the forced merge he’d experienced some of those emotions closely but he’d at least retained his own feelings.  While he’d felt the hate he’d had love counterbalancing the negative.  It was true that the love had almost been completely submerged by his own anger fuelled by the raw power of the Hollows, yet trying to imagine how it would be to feel that anger without the love or other gentler emotions that he had, unnerved him.  

What emotions had he put aside?  Dredging through his memories he acknowledged that he’d sacrificed grief, anger, guilt, hatred and the other problematic feelings that caused him to disturb his family.  While he couldn’t rid himself of them completely, the majority had been fed into the creation of the Hollow leaving him with portions that had grown over time, but never to the levels one would expect in a teenager.  His suppressed anger had assisted him when fighting, permitting him to make decisions that owed some part to reason, but not all.

Orihime had recognised it.  She’d said as much to the Hollow and had expressed her pity and compassion.  Her kiss had been a misguided attempt to bestow peace and to bring them together through the sacrifice of her love, but it hadn’t worked.  Of course it hadn’t worked because both he and his Hollow had actively fought against the union.  Each was used to the independence of thought and emotion and to blend the two together would be overwhelming.  To combine the anger and other negative emotions into one person would have disastrous consequences and he could see now that while, in theory, the union was the best outcome it would be impossible without the side effect of mental instability.  

“Compromise” the word sounded peculiar as it emerged from the Hollow’s distorted mouth.  “You suggested a compromise.”

“Yes.” The word was stark in its sincerity.

The mouth twisted even more as the Hollow tried to form its lips into the sneering expression that had served as its smile.  “Give me the body and disappear.”

“That’s not a compromise,” Ichigo said.  Trying to bargain with this thing wasn’t going to be easy, or enjoyable.  It radiated anger, dissatisfaction and pain with every breath.  “And I don’t think I can.”

“Coward.  You’re afraid of dying.  Too bad.  I don’t do compromise.  Not with morons who don’t know their blade from a hunk of wood,” the Hollow was back in full taunt mode, but panted slightly after it spoke.  “Up til now you’ve used me as an unexpected weapon.  I only get out when you’re losing a fight and don’t have a choice.”

“I….. I,” as he tried to find a way of denying the charge he knew he couldn’t.  The Hollow was correct.  His use of the thing hadn’t been intentional, but when the battle was going badly he welcomed the intercession of the thing.  It wasn’t restricted by the morals or honour by which he was bound and would take everything that much further.  It also didn’t seem to experience pain the way he did, which it knew, otherwise why would it taunt him about it?  “You take over and I have to fight to get my body back.”

The echoing laugh was bitter.  “Take over?  More like I’m forced to get stuck into your fights because you’re such a weakling.  That girl could probably beat you if she wanted to try, and if she had the guts to go all out, instead of quivering and carrying on like her own powers were going to beat her up.  Aside from the tits, what do you see in her?”

That didn’t seem fair.  In the past he would have said that Tsubaki would assault her, given the opportunity, but that had changed.  Now the midget seemed to have formed an affection for Orihime and was not happy that Ichigo was a rival.  How he could even see him as a rival was superfluous as she loved him, Ichigo, though he was aware he didn’t deserve her.  Under the influence of the Hollow he’d been brutal to her and deserved only to be punished.  This was the punishment, not put off, but happening as a direct result of his actions.

And how could he explain that Orihime was sweet, nice and gentle.  The Hollow wouldn’t understand and would only make fun of both of them if he bothered to mention those words.  “You do take over.  What about when I was fighting Rukia’s brother…”

“And he was handing you your arse?  If I hadn’t taken over we’d both be dead and so would that bewitching little piece of flesh.  I don’t know why you didn’t make a play for her while she was sleeping in your wardrobe.  I bet you thought about it,” the Hollow was taking another opportunity to taunt him.

Could the Hollow think only of satisfying its base urges?  To Ichigo that proved his superiority, but a feeling in his stomach reminded him how often he’d thought of fighting and sex.  “I think of other things,” he protested aloud.

“Even when you caught glimpses of her changing?”

For a second Ichigo wondered what he was talking about, then realised he had briefly looked but knew Rukia would blind him is she found out.  The price was too high for anything more than a quick glance.  What did people expect of him?  He was normal.  He would have had to be made of cement not to try to look at a nubile woman who was changing in his room.

“I didn’t look much.  I didn’t stare,” he asserted, while assuring his conscience that he’d behaved in a perfectly normal manner.  He was a teenage boy and some accidental glimpsing was perfectly common.  For example when Yoruichi had stripped, he hadn’t stared more than the average male and he’d covered his eyes, mostly, when Ran had been trying to entice him.  And, this he prided himself on, he’d even told Orihime about those incidents.  Except he hadn’t mentioned Rukia.  Not because he thought it was a problem, but Orihime might tell Rukia and he didn’t want to face the set of problems that would cause.

“You did stare at Rukia, you prat, and didn’t mention it to your piece of skirt.  Why was that?  Because she would see her as a real threat.  Even though she knows that the girl’s with the red nuisance, she still thinks you’ve fucked.  All the time she imagines you together.  If you’d screwed the girl when you had the chance, she might not think like that.”

Ichigo was shaking his head.  “You’re wrong.  You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The Hollow grinned.  “Even if you ask her, she’ll deny it.  She thinks she loves you, but she doesn’t trust you.  Why would she?  You didn’t protect her.”

He opened his mouth to protest but found he couldn’t.  There was enough possible truth there that he’d be a fool to argue about it.  “You’re trying to make me distrust Orihime.  Instead of fighting me physically, you’re trying to make me doubt.”

The twisted expression on the Hollow’s face was partly regret.  “You already doubt.  I’m only showing you the truth.”

Again the half truth was hard to argue against.  This wasn’t meant to be a battle of wills and words, which is how the Hollow was treating this interval.  Ichigo guessed that it was a distraction because reconciliation would rob the Hollow of much of what bolstered his existence.  To reconcile he would need to sacrifice most of his anger, hatred, bitterness and need for vengeance and try to come to terms with those other emotions which he had up to now either denied, been denied or ignored.

From everything he’d experienced with the Hollow he knew that it would not agree to reconcile on the basis of words or simple actions.  Once more he would need to prove his superiority in some form to subdue it.  Even if they managed to purge the majority of the negative emotions, to merge would be difficult and he recognised that even if it were possible it would not be permanent.  It would be essential that he maintained contact of some sort with Orihime because she would be the key to this blend, if it worked, but sooner or later there would come another point where they would again battle for control due to some new threat or difficulty.  Why he knew this, why the knowledge had suddenly come to him he didn’t know.  For a moment his throat closed as he considered that instead of winning one battle against this creature, the battles would continue for the rest of his life and, possibly, even after his death.  

As he touched on that thought, he quickly veered away.  The concept that even his physical death would not free him of his unwelcome passenger was something he didn’t want to explore too closely.  Even existing with if, for however long his life might be, was almost too distasteful to accept.  

“What I want to know is why you believe her.  She’s put us here so we ‘reconcile’.  How does she know that’ll even help?  That girl’s away with the fairies,” the Hollow said and then laughed at his own joke.

“Stop calling them fairies.  They’re powers,” Ichigo said, not very convincingly.

“They look like fairies, they fly like fairies, they act like fairies.  Hell, I bet they even taste like bloody fairies if you wanted to take a bite.  That’d be right.  You see ghosts and your girlfriend has a fairy fixation.  It sort of right isn’t it, seeing how you’ve acted like a bloody pansy while you’ve been around her.”

First, people at school made comments about his sexuality based on his hair and friendship with Chad.  Then he’d had to cope with the sly insinuations of Hat and Clogs.  Then all that weird stuff that happened in the Seireitei followed by Tsubaki’s constant assertion that he was homosexual.  Now his own damned Hollow was making another accusation.  Was it possible that he would change into one by constant accusation?  And it was wrong.  He’d almost had sex with Orihime, if only things had worked out, without all the external and internal influences.

“If it had been me, any of those times, that girl would have had her legs in the air before you’d remove her panties,” the Hollow said and grinned at Ichigo.  “But you kept running away.”

“Because of you,” Ichigo protested.

“Pfffft,” the Hollow stuck his tongue through his teeth and waggled it at Ichigo.  The sight was unappealing at best.  “Keep going.  I’m sure you’ll convince others, once you convince yourself.”

“Every time I got close…”

“I encouraged you and then you got scared like the weasel you are and ran away.  What is it?  Scared of having to please a woman?  Worried you might not hold on?  More comfortable with a picture than a real female?”  The Hollow was laughing wheezingly and then bent over, gasping for breath.

For a moment, Ichigo bent forward, preparing to offer help.  It was what he’d do for any person, but realising who he was considering assisting he snapped back.  “Why don’t you just die?”

“If wishing made things happen, you wouldn’t have returned to the human world,” was the reply.

Shrugging aside the insult, Ichigo tried to pursue what he saw as the objective.  “Orihime said we should reconcile.”

“Yeah, ‘she said’.  She said lots of things.  Remember repeating the same 4 hours over and over again?  Being a puppet under her orders?  She said lots of things then, didn’t she?  So did you.  Fool.”  The Hollow tried to straighten up, but after a few minutes appeared to give up.  “The Fool is a tarot card, isn’t it?  Do you recall any interesting card games?”

An image of holding a strange pack of cards in his hand briefly formed in Ichigo’s mind.  He felt worried, very worried, but the image and feeling faded as fast as they had formed.  “No.”

The irritating giggle made him try to strain to recapture the image, but it receded even further.  “I thought you’d tell me that the fool is often wise.  Remember Lear?  His fool is wiser than the King, but for all his wisdom he failed.  All fools fail.”

This was going in a direction that was moving further from reconciliation, not closer.  “If it makes you happy I agree to be the fool,” but then a rather nasty smile spread over his face and he didn’t try to prevent it.  “That makes you a Fool’s horse, so who’s the bigger fool?”

His eyes glittering, the Hollow stared furiously at Ichigo.  “You won’t be the King forever.”

“But you’ve never been the King,” Ichigo said maliciously.  “What could you call it?  Rex envy?  Regal resentment?  Majesty grudge?”

“Shut your lying mouth you Shinigami shit.  You don’t know what your effing talking about.  Why would I be jealous of you?”

The vehement denial proved to Ichigo he was getting to the Hollow.  His breathing had quickened and the tension in his muscles was evident.  “Because you want to be me.”

There was a short silence before the Hollow made his response.  “Why would I want to be you or anything like you?  You think because we look alike that we think alike?  I don’t want to be some stupid teenager attending a stupid school and acting like a hero at night.  You’ve been reading too many comics.”

“Then why are you fighting me?  If you win you’ll have to do what I’ve been doing all this time.”

The Hollow laughed.  “I wouldn’t go home unless it was to sample your sweet little sisters and kill your crazy father.  School is for losers which means it’s where you belong and when I take over it’ll be another thing that goes.”

Sickened by the threats Ichigo burst out “Then why would I let you take over?  You want to hurt my family and destroy the people I care about.”

The Hollow’s smile was as usual, unpleasant.  “You’re tired of pretending to be something you’re not.  If I take over you won’t have to pretend anymore.  You’d be free to sleep the days away.”

The removal of all his concerns and worries.  That sounded good.  Even when he knew the cost, the baser part of him longed for the simplicity.  Images of sleep and rest, taking things easy, but even as the attraction drew him in, he felt a warning build in his gut.  “I’d be trapped here, like you are now.  If you’re so eager to get out it why do you think I’d want to stay?”

The Hollow giggled.  “You thought about it, didn’t you?  I saw the look on your face, but you’re too clever for me, aren’t you Kingy?  You can see through all my words to the truth.”

Responding to the possibility of a compliment, Ichigo stood straighter, and set his chin defiantly.  “Yes.”

Continuing to smile the Hollow continued, “Why do I even try to battle against your superiority?  It must be fate.”

The word made Ichigo start.  Fate?  Fortune?  Why the two words were inextricably linked within his mind he didn’t know.   When the Hollow had mentioned fate he immediately thought of fortune.  Straining, he tried to recall why, but nothing happened.

“You can’t argue with the Fates.  None of them will listen and since they have taken a personal interest in you, Kingy, it doesn’t matter what happens here.  You will never be with the girl.”

The words brought a fluttering memory to the forefront of his mine, but it slithered quickly away before he could capture and examine it.  A voice which had been whispering within his mind for some time, but had been smothered by all the other thoughts, plans and fears briefly spoke without competition.  

“You cannot protect her.  You protect no one,” it said calmly.

“But what of love,” he wondered.

“Not now, possibly never,” the calm voice said almost in answer.  It didn’t seem to care that the words instilled a terror within him that he had never wished to feel again.  For all he had tried to deny the gradual increase in his feelings for Orihime, these words again made him experience all the uncertainty and dread.  Even if he fought and won against the Arrancar, if he managed to subdue his inner Hollow, he would not be able to protect the woman he loved and he might not even experience that love for very long.  

Again he was tempted to let it go, permit the Hollow to take over because if he was to be of no use to anyone, if he couldn’t protect those he cared for, then there was little point in his existence.  What was he fighting for?  

“What are you fighting for?” the Hollow seemed to anticipate his thoughts.  “Because you like to kill?  Does hurting people make you feel important and powerful?”

Ichigo found he was shaking his head.  Who did the Hollow think he was?  He was only a Shinigami by accident.  It wasn’t something he’d sought out.  It was something that happened to him like the amount of fights in which he was involved in his normal life.  People chose to fight with him in the beginning and then violence became a part of his existence.  Sliding into the role of saviour of the innocent had suited him better than the constant battles with people who objected to the way he looked so he hadn’t objected, but now he was questioning why he was doing it.  Had it simply become a habit, or was it because of Rukia’s expectations, or the threat that Hollows posed for his family and friends?  

The uncertainty he was experiencing about the reasons for his actions drew his attention away from the Hollow.  While he knew it was the wrong time to consider these issues, he didn’t believe he would be able to concentrate on reconciliation when he was not reconciled in his mind.

This situation scared him.  There was no margin for error but there could be no middle ground on which they could meet if he was uncertain about his motivation.  Was he really acting out of the honour or was it to gain the admiration of those he helped?  But very few knew what he was doing?  Or was it pride that caused him to act as a hero, because it was an act.  He didn’t think he was a hero.  Heroes were brave and didn’t expect any reward.  They were completely selfless and performed their feats of bravery with no expectations.  

He was sure that heroes never felt the terror that sometimes froze him.  When he was fighting to control his Hollow in the middle of a fight, the fear the built almost overcame him.  No hero would feel that way.

A sudden blow to the back of his head nearly knocked him unconscious and he quickly spun out of the way before a second attempt could be made.  

“What sort of fighter are you?  Letting your guard down and giving me the chance to get behind you.  Kingy, you’re so full of crap.  Thinking noble thoughts of how wonderful you are when you should be watching me.”

“I wasn’t thinking noble thoughts.”  Stung by the accusation and disorientated by the blow Ichigo kept close watch on the Hollow who was grinning in a pleased way.

“Sure you were.  You had that anguished expression you get when pretending that you don’t think you’re a hero.  Get over yourself.  I have.”  The derisive chuckle that accompanied the words goaded Ichigo to action.

He grasped the handle of his zanpakuto with both hands and faced his foe, then shook his head to trying to ignore the effects of the blow.  His ears still rang from the impact and he wondered if that wet feeling at the back of his neck was blood.  He almost reached up to check, but that would mean he’d have to split his attention.

“I have an idea.”  There was a strong possibility that this would not work.

“Kingy!  An idea!” the Hollow squealed in mock approval.  Then he dropped his voice to its normal pitch and said, “If I was the skirt I’d bat my eyelashes at you and hang on your words, but I’m not and I won’t.  I don’t give a shit if you have an idea or not.  Just get it over with.  Prove you’re my superior.”

He was going to nod, but as he began to incline his head he experienced a sudden rush of pain.  “If I can help you change back to how you were, can we call a truce?”

He stared at the Hollow who didn’t react at all.  Waiting for some response, Ichigo moved his neck gingerly and the pain again exploded through his skull.  What had the thing hit him with?  It wasn’t a fist.  Could it have been the handle of the zanpakuto he held, apparently with no intention of using it, but his stance betrayed he was prepared for any sudden attack that Ichigo might provide.

“Truce?  First you offer a compromise and now a truce.  Both are for idiots.  It means we have to agree not to do something or whatever.  If I beat you I won’t need a truce.  You’re only offering it because you’re scared you’ll lose,” the Hollow sounded confident.

“You haven’t beaten me yet, have you?”  Ichigo couldn’t resist pointing out.

The Hollow sneered.  “I’m waiting for you to get serious and then I will.”

The extreme frustration Ichigo had felt building within him exploded and he lashed out at the creature, slashing at him with his zanpakuto.  Not expecting the sudden attack the Hollow had no way of retreating and looked down, amazed to see the blade sticking through his chest.  “I knew you were lying,” he said as blood dribbled out of his mouth.  “You talk about helping people and you try to kill the one who understands you.”

The shock that Ichigo experienced at the truth of the words forced him to pull the blade out.  The Hollow collapsed to the ground, bleeding freely.  “Don’t you remember your first aid?” he said mockingly.  “You could help me.”

As he watched the blood pool under the Hollow, Ichigo experienced a sudden surge of panic.  What would happen to him if the creature died?  He’d lose the ability to briefly garner the Hollow’s power and defeat the stronger enemies.  The power was important to him.  If he had to continue being a Shinigami he needed to remain strong.  After all the time spent hating the creature that lived inside him for it flaws he was scared to continue living his alternate life without its assistance.

The Hollow lifted up his head and looked directly at Ichigo, a twisted smile on his lips.  “Kingy, you’ve won and you’ve lost.  What use is a dead horse?”

“Orihime.  Help!” Ichigo yelled not sure if she could hear him.  “He’s wounded.  You’ve got to save him.”

He shut his eyes and yelled again as loudly as he could.  He felt like screaming as he finally acknowledged the trap.  If the Hollow died then part of his power died.  If the Hollow stayed he would never have peace.  It was either loss of power or constant internal battles.  How could he deny that the Hollow was in integral part of his personality fuelled by his hatred and anger and while they were negative emotions, they were valid.  No person could pass through life without feeling something, even if it was only contempt.  To offset anger, he could forgive.  There was an alternative way to manage and it the Hollow survived he would have to face it, but not through another’s intervention.

“Ichigo.  She is attending to him now.  You can open your eyes,” Zangetsu’s voice broke through the confusion he was feeling in his mind.  

Orihime looked up from her examination and exclaimed, “What did you do?  He’s dying and I don’t know if I can save him.”

Author’s Note:

This story should be finished in another three chapters, with any luck.  (Yeah, you’ve said that before.)

It has taken much time to write this chapter and I sincerely apologise for the delay.  Ichigo and the Hollow were arguing so much over what was going to happen they gave me a headache and I don’t like writing with a headache.  (Where do you get these excuses?)

Please review.

MS
Converting /tmp/phpB3pqwR to /dev/stdout