Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Minutes to Midnight ❯ Without Understanding ( Chapter 29 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Without Understanding

Pairings/Characters: Gin/Ichigo, Rukia, Renji, Kisuke

Rating: T

Warning: Minor Spoilers

Words: 3133

Description: Takes place between One-Sided Symphony and A Toppling Mistake. In an effort to understand the relationship between Ichigo and Ichimaru, Rukia finds herself on the end of an Urahara lecture.

“Ya think yer brother will ever get over being mad at us?” Renji asked, one hand rubbing over the back of his head as he remembered their last encounter with the Kuchiki glacier. Just one glance into grey eyes, and he felt his balls practically freezing off.

Rukia shook her head. “If he regains his abilities, he might just be thanking us,” she responded, her eyes carefully scanning the halls around them.

They were technically still in enemy territory, after all. And though Aizen said they weren't going to be harmed, she didn't trust that some random Arrancar wouldn't take it upon themselves to attack unwelcome guests. Not to mention she highly doubted that the Arrancar following Renji and her around was going to step in to help either. In fact, the girl just might casually pretend she hadn't seen anything.

“If,” Renji repeated with the sharp bite of sarcasm. “Taichou's got ta agree ta the damn experiment first.”

“Taichou...” Rukia murmured the moniker under her breath, wishing that it was true. She knew it was habit for Renji, but still, it was a reminder of everything her brother had lost.

Renji winced. “Er... I mean... shit, Rukia, I don't know what ta call 'im now. Anythin' else seems too formal when he's always been taichou ta me.”

“I know.” She sighed, shoulders feeling stooped under the weight of the circumstances. “But now that we're here, even if he gets Senbonzakura back, he won't be your taichou.”

He fidgeted under the reminder, only to square his shoulders. “I knew that when I decided ta help ya,” he replied solidly, though she could see that he was troubled by that after having worked so hard to get to the second-seat. “Sides, we might've been on the wrong side anyway. Ya heard what they were gonna do ta Ichigo and Hime, and I can't really agree with that.”

“Neither can I.”

And that, at least, Rukia believed strongly. Yes, she had come to Hueco Mundo to help her brother, but she had also come to find the truth.

All the hints that Zaraki-taichou had thrown her direction had only been the beginning. She wanted to know why Ichigo had left in the first place and why he had been so angry when she had seen him in Seireitei. She wanted to know just what the captain-commander was hiding and why it felt like everything she knew was suddenly turning out to be so wrong.

They passed a hallway veering off to the right, Rukia vaguely recalling that it led towards the training arenas, when her ears caught a sound. Any response she might have been planning paused as she peeked down the corridor, catching sight of two very familiar forms. She drew to a halt, unable to tear her eyes away from the sight as Renji continued without her, oblivious to what had captured her attention.

She saw Ichigo first and foremost. It had been his voice that grabbed her ears. But he wasn't alone, not that he really was these days. He was with Ichimaru, and something in Rukia stuttered at the sight. It was still hard to believe their relationship. That they were lovers. That Ichigo would allow Ichimaru to touch him. Much less…

Rukia shook her head. Recognizing that the two hadn't seen her yet, she edged towards the wall and peered around the corner, not wanting to be caught. She just wanted to observe, to find out just what they were thinking. There had to be something.

She watched as Ichigo pressed Ichimaru up to the wall, fingers locked in long silver hair as he pulled the man's head down towards him for a kiss. The other hand disappeared within Ichimaru's clothing, likely wrapped around his waist. The traitor for his part had both his hands on Ichigo's hips, squeezing gently. And she idly noticed that Ichigo had replaced his dark blue sash with a much lighter one that matched Ichimaru's.

“Rukia?”

She nearly jumped two feet in the air at the unexpected voice. “What?” she hissed and whirled around to look up into concerned eyes.

Renji arched one brow, wrinkling the tattoo on his forehead. “What're ya doin'?” he asked and then leaned around her, craning his neck to see what she was looking at.

“Nothing,” she stated defensively, and he didn't seem to believe her for even a second.

She watched as he realized what had distracted her and made a face, one that she couldn't quite interpret. It wasn't really disgust or disappointment or jealousy. Just a shade of confusion. Renji didn't understand their relationship either.

Shaking it off, he drew back to the safety of the corridor, view blocked by the corner of the wall. “Let's go,” he suggested, already stepping back towards their original destination. “I don't want to catch them going at it again. Once was enough.”

He had a point, but Rukia found herself wanting to linger, to see if she could find the one thing that would help her make sense of it all. A part of her still didn't want to see it. The same part that felt betrayed and disappointed.

The sound of a rumbling stomach echoed quietly in the hallway, reminding Rukia that they had originally been seeking out a late lunch. Both of them deliberately avoided the main mealtimes in hopes to prevent running into too many Arrancar or Espada. And Byakuya, who refused to leave his room, was usually brought a meal by either Rukia or Renji. They spoiled him far too much.

“Come on,” Renji prodded, though only verbally. He knew better than to give her a simple poke with his finger. “I'm hungry.”

“Go by yourself,” she retorted just a bit crossly, ears somehow catching the sound of the two males down the hall kissing and the faint murmur of Ichigo saying something to Ichimaru. “You're a big boy now.”

Renji twitched at the subtle insult and drew himself up straight. “I didn't say that I wasn't,” he retorted, bristling. “Fine. Be a voyeur.”

“Ooo, big word.”

Scowling, Renji muttered something that was probably rude and uncomplimentary under his breath and stalked away. Rukia wasn't too concerned as he wasn't angry with her so much as annoyed. With him gone, she returned to her - for lack of a better word - spying. Whether or not the two hadn't noticed her or had and were choosing not to care, she wasn't certain. Ichigo's senses certainly weren't that acute, but Ichimaru's had to have been.

She peered back down the hall, watching as they continued to kiss with Ichigo very obviously taking the lead in this instance. Rukia was just beginning to wonder if they planned on going at it right then and there, though she had heard that wouldn't be unusual, when they broke apart. Ichimaru said something, voice too low for her to catch, but it made Ichigo flush and scowl at the same time.

Ichigo muttered something in return and took off down the hall, looking just a bit perturbed. But judging by the way his companion good-naturedly followed him, folding his hands into his sleeves with that familiar smile on his face, it wasn't quite so much a disagreement as Ichimaru teasing him. Luckily, they were both heading away from her so that there was no chance of being discovered.

When they disappeared around the corner, Rukia followed as quietly and surreptitiously as she could muster. She really wasn't sure just what she was doing, and part of her felt a bit silly. Possibly even stalkerish. And yet, she wasn't stopping either.

She watched as they walked side by side, carrying on a conversation about... video games of all things. Or at least, the snatches that she managed to catch seemed to go along that vein. It was damn perplexing. Until they arrived at a door and stepped inside. She waited several minutes, pressing her ear to the paneling, and then confirmed the sound of metal clashing. The training room then.

Steeling herself, Rukia very carefully pushed open the door and peered through the crack. She was nearly blinded by the brightness of the fake blue sky and blinked away spots of light. The sound of battle floated to her ears, and it took her several moments, but she finally spotted them above her in the sky.

Ichigo hadn't entered bankai yet. It was more like they were warming up than anything else as they exchanged rapid blows. But Ichigo still had a look of determination on his face, as though it were a real battle and not just a mockery of one.

Her lips thinning, Rukia stepped fully into the room and carefully let the door close behind her. Darting to the nearest rock to conceal her presence, she continued to watch. It made no sense to her. There was no plausible explanation. Why and how. She simply couldn't see it. They were far too different.

Ichigo had honor and determination. He fought for what he believed in, and he was loyal. He was kind, despite the scowls, a genuine good guy.

For all that, Ichimaru might as well have been a monster. The sight of him was enough to make her skin crawl, and she would never forget how he had tormented her. And Ichimaru had betrayed them all, even his dear friend Matsumoto. Not to mention what he had done to Hitsugaya-taichou.

How could Ichigo even consider being with someone like him? How could it have started?

Despite what Ichigo had told her, she still couldn't believe that Ichimaru hadn't manipulated him in some way.

“Taking up a new hobby?”

The unexpected voice made her heart leap into her throat in surprise, and she choked on the next breath. Rukia jumped and whirled around, only to find Urahara-san standing behind her, smiling pleasantly. She realized that she had been caught, and shame and embarrassment colored her cheeks a revealing pink.

“I...” Words absolutely failed her.

He stepped up beside her and observed the same scene she was watching, an almost fond look entering his expression. “Figure if you watch long enough, you'll catch them in the middle of something?”

Her cheeks flared even brighter as she bristled and struggled to draw herself up straight. “That's not--”

“Or maybe,” he smoothly interrupted, capturing her eyes with his shadowed ones and completely making her lose her train of thought, “you thought that you would be able to find proof that Ichigo is just being manipulated.”

Rukia bit her lip and looked away, knowing that Urahara was right in many ways. Her hands curled into fists at her sides. “It doesn't make any sense,” she ground out, hating that she had to talk to this man about it. “Ichimaru is--”

“What? The enemy?” Urahara inserted with a raised brow. “And you're where again? For what purpose?”

Flushing, she knew she was easily being outwitted. And she didn't think saying that Ichimaru was just a creepy bastard would be quite enough for Urahara either. He was giving her that knowing gaze, the one that said he understood more about the situation than she did.

Rather than respond, she jerked her attention back towards Ichimaru and Ichigo, both of whom had recently summoned their Vizard abilities. The sight of the bone-white mask on Ichigo never failed to give her a shiver, but she really didn't like seeing Ichimaru's. It only highlighted the angularity of his face, reminding her of the subtle torment he had subjected her to over the years. She shuddered and cast her eyes to the side.

“They're trying to kill each other,” she muttered, the sounds of swords clashing endlessly traveling to her ears.

Urahara-san shook his head. “No. They are trying to make one another stronger,” he corrected almost as though he were chastising a child.

A wave of powerful reiatsu swept through the training grounds, battering at the two forms observing from the side. Rukia's eyes tracked a stray yet strong getsuga tenshou as it carved a dark path through the sky and headed straight for Ichimaru. He didn't even bother to dodge, just lifted Shinsou and blocked the massive wave of energy with his zanpakutou. A Hollow chuckle echoed from behind the mask, making her skin crawl. And Ichigo in turn sped forward, energy crackling around his fingertips as he... he...

Rukia gaped, her mouth dropping. “Ichigo is using kidoh,” she whispered in a completely surprised voice.

From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Urahara's pleased grin. “Of course. Gin's been teaching him. Unsurprisingly, he's a fast learner.”

Rukia grappled with that concept for several long moments, finding it harder and harder to stick to her original thoughts. True, Aizen probably had a lot invested in Ichigo and to train him in kidoh would make sense. But somehow, she had the feeling this wasn't what had occurred.

She watched as they collided in midair again, a ripple of power radiating out from their combined zanpakutou. And yet, despite the intensity of the battle, they were chuckling. She couldn't make out their conversation over their joined blades, but she could hear the laughter.

They were having fun. Despite the fact that Ichimaru's clothes were ripped in a few places and Ichigo had a pretty good gash going on one of his arms. Or that part of his mask had crumbled away, while Ichimaru's was still going strong and didn't look to be fading anytime soon.

“Rukia-san.”

Urahara's voice, quietly insistent, pulled her away from watching them. She met the shopkeeper's eyes, his expression rather serious.

“You may not understand it, but I assure you, Gin loves Ichigo. And I'm certain his feelings are returned. There is nothing you could say or do to get between them.”

She flushed, a warm rush of embarrassment coloring her cheeks. “I wasn't attempting to,” she responded and honestly didn't know if her answer was true or not. She had followed them with the intention of... something. And watching them hadn't really answered anything, only leaving her with more questions. More wondering. More confusion.

The older man leveled a look at her, filled with centuries of experience. “Come now, Rukia-san. Lying to me is the same as lying to yourself. And you'll only isolate Ichigo if you see solely what you want to see.”

Rukia swallowed, his words carrying a harsh sting. “I just...”

She struggled to explain herself, eyes following their movements as they both hit the ground. They skidded to a stop with Ichigo emerging victorious or something similar to it. And a part of her half-suspected that Ichimaru had allowed him for the sake of what happened next.

Ichigo's fingers curled in the collar of Ichimaru's robes and jerked the silver-haired man towards him. Their lips met in a fierce kiss, Ichigo claiming Ichimaru's mouth with a ferocity that surprised her.

She couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from the sight, as though she could discern intentions just from watching. “I just don't understand. I don't get what Ichigo sees him in,” she murmured more to herself than her companion.

From the corner of her gaze, she could see Urahara smile. And she couldn't quite interpret which emotion heralded it.

“An equal,” he answered simply. “A friend. Someone who can love him unconditionally and already does. Someone who hasn't and never will be afraid of him.”

And what could she say to such a response?

As much as she hated to hear it, Urahara's words had the ring of truth to them. Ichimaru could understand what she and Renji could not. Ichimaru wouldn't be afraid of Ichigo's mask.

Her fingers curling into fists, Rukia forced her eyes to the sand, where it was safe and she could hide the sudden heat behind her eyelids.

“It would probably be best if we left now,” Urahara continued, surprisingly cheery. He was already turning away from her, picking his way silently across the sand in the same manner in which he had snuck up on her. “It seems Ichigo is in a rather aggressive mood today, and I for one do not wish to watch.”

A blush stained her cheeks when she realized that he was indeed correct. Ichigo certainly seemed to be the one dominating the moment, and the sight of it touched something inside of her. Something she didn't want to admit just yet. So it was a tactical retreat when she hurried after the shopkeeper and slipped out of the training grounds, breathing a sigh of relief once back within the stark white hall.

Urahara-san was nowhere in sight, somehow managing to disappear in the few seconds it had taken her to follow. Sighing to herself, Rukia squared her shoulders and turned in the direction she thought the mess hall to be in. Maybe if she was lucky, she could catch Renji before he left. Then, she wouldn't have to walk back to their rooms and face her brother alone.

Ichigo and Ichimaru lingered on the back of her mind, as well as Urahara's words. About how Ichimaru could understand him. How he wouldn't fear him; how that was the basis for their relationship. That the very things that made their union difficult for her to comprehend were the very reasons that they worked so well together.

She thought about what it meant to be a Vizard, to be Shinigami and yet have part of oneself inhabited by a Hollow. To be able to access that power but with a price. She wondered if she would take that leap, if she would be able to conquer her own Hollow.

She doubted it.

And Rukia wondered to herself. If she had been able to understand, could she have gotten there first? But then, she had known for how long and still hadn't been able to help Ichigo. He'd ended up going to the Vizard, the outcast Shinigami for aid because she couldn't give it to him. Hell, she hadn't even understood what he was going through enough to help him. She'd been utterly useless.

“No, he's right. I am. I do love him.”

“You don't know him like I do. And you never will.”

“Someone who can love him unconditionally and already does. Someone who hasn't and never will be afraid of him.”

“Maybe you didn't know me that well in the first place.”

Chewing on her lip, Rukia mentally chastised herself. It strung; it really did. Her inability to understand their relationship didn't make it any less honest, any less true. Nor did her opinion really matter. Ichigo had already proven that to her.

They were together. And if words didn't explain that, then she would simply have to resign herself to incomprehension. Just like Renji.

A sobering thought indeed.

- - - - -