Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ She Will Be Loved ❯ Chapter 11 ( Chapter 11 )

She Will Be Loved

 

By Tituba

 

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any Bleach affiliates.

 

(A/N: Hello everyone, back with another chapter. This one will either make you want to squeal or vomit so don't throw things at me when you read it *shields self with art history book*

I want to thank everyone for all the comments left for the last chapter. I love it how people are pouring their frustrations and/or congratulations into that little review box. It makes me so very happy!

Also, a note to Nowshin: I know that Orihime character is a bit OOC but just wait, there's a reason for everything, I promise! :D )

 

 

 

 

Chapter 11

 

“Come on Kuchiki!” Kaien shouted as he huffed and puffed a few steps in front of her. “You aren't getting slow on me, are ya?”

 

Rukia felt her lungs scream from lack of oxygen and pushed her legs even faster. “Not on your life!” She shouted back, increasing her speed even though she knew she would collapse soon.

 

The wind whipped through her hair as she whirled around a curve. Her feet remained steady on the ground as she sprinted towards the street.

 

“Hey!” Kaien yelled, his voice tinged with laughter but mostly breathlessness. “Watch… the—watch the… street!”

 

Rukia barely registered him as she continued sprinting. She didn't bother with the stoplights or the pedestrian signs. Her small body shot across the street like lightning in a storm. More than one car honked at her to get out of the way but she didn't think about them either. She heard Kaien's worried shouts coming from the other side of the street but she ignored him again. Her spirit was too elated. The running was intoxicating her blood and the breathlessness was causing her to feel more alive than she had in ages.

 

Her legs trembled slightly as she walked up the front steps to Kaien's house, turned, and completely collapsed onto the hard stone steps. She let loose a small laugh and then grunted when she realized how hard the cement was beneath her. Her heart was racing so fast she feared she might never be able to get it to the same rate again. Her mouth sucked in air greedily. The stenches from the city filled her body but she loved it. The air was fresher in Karakura but here… here in Hiroshima it had the smell of actual people. In Karakura, as in the Kuchiki manor, everything was sanitized and disinfected. But in Hiroshima she could smell street vendors, cars, people, and different varieties of random animals.

 

Her head dropped back on the steps and her body fell languidly out on the hard rocks. Her hair spread out and for once she didn't have to worry about how many crinkles she had in its locks.

 

Kaien had waited for the indicator light to appear on the street sign and finally crossed the road. Rukia raised her head ever so slightly and grinned a stupid, goofy, grin. She shook her raven tresses out of her face and held up her arm, her palm towards his.

 

“Looks like you're the slow one Kaien,” she teased happily.

 

Kaien's labored breathing spurted out as he drew in breath after breath. His brow was covered in sweat and his dark shirt was coated even darker with his own wetness. He bent forward and pressed his hands to his knees, ignoring Rukia's outstretched hand. With him bending and her sitting on the steps they were nearly the same height.

She drew it back down and extended her foot to kick him lightly on the arm. Her breathing was starting to lessen in its forcefulness. She extended her hands above her head and felt the warmth of the sunlight on her skin, on her borrowed shorts three sizes too big for her, on her tee shirt that Aunt Retsu let her use, and on the small tendrils of her hair that were spread out on the concrete.

 

“How did you get so fast?” Kaien wheezed as he lumbered over to the seat next to her and plopped down.

 

Rukia was still breathing hard and she shook her head. “I'm tiny. Of course I'm fast.” She bumped her knee against his. “Like a bullet.” She joked.

 

Kaien snorted and it quickly turned into a wheeze. “Fuck woman,” he coughed, “I haven't run that much in ages.”

 

Rukia turned her head towards him and frowned, “What? You don't run in college?”

 

“Run, yes,” he said, “Sprint for four miles, no.” He pressed a hand to his chest. “I think my heart's gonna explode.”

 

“You'll live.” Rukia shrugged the comment off and sighed, her body was tingling happily now. She loved how alive she felt.

 

Kaien coughed again, “N-No, I don't think I will.”

 

She glared at him playfully. “If I'm able to run like that then you should be able to run like that.” She let out a little laugh and cleared her throat. “Pussy.”

 

“Hey now,” he shook his head and grinned at her just as playfully. “Just because we all aren't four foot nine and weigh negative sixty pounds doesn't mean we should all be as fast as you.”

 

“Whatever,” she scoffed breathlessly, “You've got more muscles than I do. You should definitely be running faster than me.”

 

He panted for a few more moments and let his head lay back on the concrete steps. The two sat in silence for a while. The minutes simply ticked by in placid harmony. The sun warmed their skin and the sweat covering their bodies cooled them simultaneously. Rukia's raven locks soaked up the heat from the glistening day and she sighed when they massaged her scalp lovingly. She breathed in the sweet scents of the after noon and wondered if there was a street cart somewhere further up the road.

 

“So,” Kaien began softly, his breathing a bit more normal, “Do you run like this back in Karakura?”

 

Rukia's tender limbs stretched out even further across the steps and the bumps of the stairs scratched against her body. She yawned and shook her head, “No… not really.”

 

Kaien chortled and sighed, “Well you should. You should join the track team or something. Or at least race with someone on a regular basis.”

 

She shook her head, “The only person fast enough to race me isn't someone I want to be around very much.”

 

Kaien turned towards her and arched an eyebrow upwards, “Really? Who?”

 

Rukia swallowed and closed her eyes. Really, she didn't want to talk about this, not when she felt so nice after her run. Her body tingled—still in happiness—but the thoughts in her mind began to take away the delightful feelings rushing through her.

 

Kaien must have noticed her hesitation because the next moment he turned his body a bit on the side, facing her, and frowned, “What's the matter?” He asked, his voice was filled with all the seriousness of an adult but also with the confidence and trustworthiness of a teenager.

 

Rukia shifted her head a bit away from him, through her closed eyes she could see the brightness of the sun as it filtered through her lids. The color was a light red—tinged with orange.

 

Orange. “Ichigo.” She murmured softly.

 

Beside her, Kaien frowned, “Ichigo… where do I know that name from?” His voice didn't betray any of the emotions inside of his body yet she knew that he could see her face and the hurt that was barely hidden on the surface.

 

Rukia cleared her throat quietly, “Ichigo Kurosaki,” she said in a strangled voice, “He's one of my friends from back in Karakura.”

 

Kaien's response was immediate. “Yet from the way you're sayin' his name it doesn't sound like you consider him much of a friend anymore.”

 

Her mouth drew itself into a tight line and her brows furrowed painfully on her forehead. Now the sun that had seemed so pleasant only a few moments ago was beginning to feel hot and unwelcome. It felt as though her shirt was sticking more than it should to her skin and that the sweat supposedly cooling her was instead sizzling all over her.

 

“Not really,” she said tonelessly, “Not for the last two years anyway.” She bit her tongue and frowned. She didn't know why she felt compelled to add that tiny detail about the years at the end. Maybe she just wanted to talk to someone so badly that she was practically begging him to ask her about it.

 

“Why two years?” He asked immediately. Rukia didn't know whether to congratulate herself or scold herself for allowing him to ask such a question. She had been leading him, yes, but had she truly wanted him to answer and ask her?

 

Her mouth opened softly and she shut it again. She didn't think she could tell him. But then again… he looked so much like Ichigo… what if she told him and—and tried to articulate what she needed to say to Ichigo? She sighed and shook her head softly. She doubted she would ever have to explain her situation to Ichigo, the perpetrator of the entire sexual fixation. But what if she told Kaien about her loss of purity and he judged her? What if he told people in her brother's circle? Would her future be ruined if she told him?

 

She drew in a deep and steadying breath. All of the repercussions seemed small right now. She craned her neck to the side and felt the sun on her skin just a little while longer. She could feel Kaien's penetrating stare on her side as she breathed slowly, just savoring the pungent smells of life for a little while longer.

 

“Kaien…” she began, her voice was small and her eyes were still closed. She wanted to avoid looking at him while she said what she needed to say. “Ichigo… one day he, well, we kind of had this kind of thing. I don't think he meant for it to happen… but it did, so I just kind of went along with it.” Kaien's eyebrow rose but she didn't notice. “For a while we didn't have the thing again, but then he kind of… came back… and we had it again. It went on for a while and I guess I kind of thought that things would go uphill from there.” She stopped and drew in a breath. Her fingers were trembling on the stairs and she straightened her spine just a bit more.

 

“But they didn't?” He asked, his voice was cold but Rukia still couldn't bear looking at him.

 

“Um, no,” she whispered, “They didn't. After a few more… things, which we never talked about, he started dating one of my friends… and yet he still kept coming for more… things.” She swallowed the lump in her throat and sighed, “He said that he had her but needed me.”

 

“And these things,” Kaien began, “Are they still going on?”

 

She paused and answered with a tentative `maybe.'

 

She could feel his muscles tensing beside hers and wondered how angry he was. Half of her didn't even want to know. She didn't think she could even look at him right now.

 

“Do you want them to keep going on?” He asked her.

 

Rukia's throat tightened and the sun on her skin no longer felt warm and welcoming; it felt more or less like the clammy hand of uncertainty now weighing down upon her.

 

Did she want Ichigo to stop coming? In the hours of pained passion she'd had only a few days ago the answer had seemed obvious. She didn't like being emotionally abused and she hated having her body used again and again by her erstwhile best friend.

 

But then again… the only connection she had left with Ichigo came from his visits to her bedroom window. She sighed inside of her heart and wondered if she really wanted to halt Ichigo, in all sense of the word. If she did, the only thread holding them together—that tattered and worn thread stripped bare by months of silence and pain—might be severed. Was it worth allowing him to go on like this just so she could salvage what was left of their relationship?

 

The answer was simply silence.

 

“I don't know.” She answered truthfully, “I really don't know.”

 

Kaien looked at her and frowned, confusion was written plainly over his face. “You don't know?” His voice was bland and chastising, as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world, yet she hadn't been able to pick up on it.

 

“I don't.” She affirmed. “When I think about it, these things that we have together are the only things that keep us together. I mean, when they started, we just… drifted, I guess that's how to describe it. I didn't go over to his house anymore, I didn't talk to him during school, I mean… I barely did anything with him other than walk with him in a group filled with other people.”

 

“But he has a girlfriend, doesn't he?” Kaien asked, his voice was still cold but softening a bit, as though he actually understood where she was coming from.

 

“Yes,” she murmured, “She's one of my `friends.'” Rukia turned to him and made a face, trying desperately to lighten the mood, “But I don't like her that much.”

 

Kaien snorted, “I think you told me about her in one of our emails. And if it's that Orihime girl I would have to agree with you.” He paused and shrugged, “Even though I've never met her personally.”

 

“Believe me,” Rukia snorted, “You don't want to. She's just—she's just… I don't know… too… too much of everything. Too happy, too dim, too content, too busty, too annoying…” Rukia sighed, irritated by her train of thought. “Some days I just don't want to be around her.”

 

Her voice lowered and she closed her eyes tightly. “I especially hate it when I see her with Ichigo.” She swallowed fitfully and shook her head, “I just… when I see them sometimes I just want to start screaming, you know? `Why are you with her and not with me? Why are you sleeping with me but traipsing around with her?'” She sighed angrily. “After a while it just got to be too much.”

 

There was silence between them. “So you're definitely sleeping with him?” Kaien asked after the moment had passed.

 

Rukia frowned at him, “Of course, what did you think I meant when I talked about those `things?'”

 

Kaien shrugged and shook his head as if blindly tossing off her rhetorical question, “I just thought it was a casual ass grab or a kiss here and there. Didn't know it was… that.”

 

“You did so,” Rukia muttered, disgust and hurt rising in her vocal cords. “Don't play the village idiot.”

 

Kaien looked at her with alarm and furrowed his brow; it was uncanny how much he looked like Ichigo at that moment. “Honestly, Rukia… I wasn't thinking like that. I just never thought you…” Rukia shot him a deadly glare. “Well, you would… ever… you know… in high school too… I mean, Byakuya is… well…” he finished slowly with his voice fading out and a slight fear and discomfort taking over his tone.

 

Rukia's icy stare held him motionless and he flinched under it. “Never thought I would what?” She asked him clearly but didn't give him the chance to answer, “Have sex?” She scoffed and turned away from him, “Yeah, well, neither did I, but it's been happening for the past two years.”

 

His expression was one of remorse and she immediately felt guilty for saying such a thing. Kaien only knew her as the soft and shy girl she had been years ago. He didn't know the woman she had become. Sighing softly, she shot him another glare, a playful one this time and said, “If you ever tell my brother I swear to God I'll come back and cut your balls off.”

 

The tension that had been building between them broke off with a snap and Kaien laughed lightly. He shoved his knee against hers and then paused for a moment before reaching his body across the expanse of concrete that separated them.

 

Rukia turned to him to say something else the exact moment his mouth rested on hers. Her eyes opened wide and his were half-closed, his coal-black eyes staring gently into hers. His mouth was smooth and soft as he played it against hers. Her face shot with heat and a small gasp escaped her mouth, allowing Kaien to sweep his tongue inside of her once… twice… Rukia tentatively touched hers against his; he smiled against her and continued with the sweet kiss.

 

Rukia's mind buzzed as she kissed her childhood friend, so many thought were ranging through her head as he leaned forward just a bit more, adding just a little more pressure to her lips. They weren't even touching in any place other than their mouths. Rukia's hands lay firmly planted on her lap, her fingers flexed and released as he toyed with her tongue and lips.

 

The kiss didn't last long, it seemed to end the moment it began, and Kaien pulled back swiftly, as though he didn't want to prolong it any more. His eyes remained half-lidded as he pressed a kiss to each side of her face and then to the tip of her nose.

 

Rukia was panting slightly and her body was tingling from the after-effects of such a passionate display of affection. Silently, her mind was reeling. Kaien's kiss had been so unexpected but so… appreciated all at the same time. He had kissed her like he meant it. Like he actually had feelings for her. He kissed her like there was… hope for them possibly in the future. His passion had been real, his heat had been real, and his tenderness had been real. Everything before her was tangible at this moment frozen in time.

 

There was only one thing amiss. Rukia tried to force the thought back into her mind but it still remained, horribly prevalent and unfazed by anything that had just happened between her and Kaien…

 

Kaien had kissed her just like she wanted Ichigo to kiss her.

 

Rukia blushed at such a thought and looked guiltily at the ground. She knew that Kaien was watching her. He was studying her face as if to gauge her reactions.

 

Rukia steeled herself against the discomfort settling inside of her stomach. She tried to block out the painful realization was coming into her mind but the damn thing wriggled right through to the most vulnerable places in her heart.

 

What had just happened with her and Kaien was… nice… but it wasn't right. No matter how much she'd want it to be right such an act would never find refuge within her heart. If she was to be completely honest with herself she knew that she would have to acknowledge that it was only Ichigo Kurosaki who would find solace inside of her heart.

 

It might be against her judgment, against her will, and against her mind, but she knew that now, at this moment, after having just kissed what should have been the man of her dreams, she was instead thinking of a friend who had wronged her deeply, but one whom she still loved.

 

Kaien was still watching her, his stance was growing more and more agitated the longer she sat in silence. She allowed a small smile to bloom on her face and he grinned at her, the tension immediately leaving his body.

 

“See? There's my girl,” he said cheerfully and began to stretch out on the concrete steps. He began to speak of dinner, what his mother was making tonight, and other topics that seemed so unimportant.

 

Rukia listened to him with false interest and nodded when she was supposed to as they went inside the house and prepared for supper. She was acting just like the good little girl she was known to be. Like she was supposed to be.

 

Throughout dinner Rukia continued look at him with false adoration, engage his parents in polite conversation, and laugh when necessary. She would allow him to think that she was happy. Let him continue with this façade for a few moments more. What would it hurt? She was so good at putting up acts for the benefit of others. One more shouldn't do much harm.

 

As she went to bed that night she curled down and thought of her mouth. She had scrubbed it thrice as hard with her toothbrush earlier. Nothing seemed right. Kaien's kiss had been lovely at the moment, but later, in the dark of night, she felt dirty and sullied.

 

Why? Why should a man with intentions are pure as Kaien's make her feel wretched? Shouldn't it be Ichigo who made her feel this way? Shouldn't Kaien be her knight in shining armor? His kiss should have personified the equivalent of waking Sleeping Beauty from her vicious trance. Yet it didn't, she felt like she had just pricked her delicate finger on the tip of a poisoned spindle.

 

Would Ichigo become her knight? Her prince?

 

Somehow she knew, in the depths of her heart, that he was the only one her soul would ever accept. He would always be her prince and she his princess. She knew that she would always wait for the day that when he realized the horrors of his mistakes. Painful as it was, she loved him, and she would always love him. This was her curse—her wicked stepmother, her poison apple, her spindle…

 

The only question was… when would he arrive with her rousing kiss?

 

*~*~*

 

Rukia settled into a restless sleep. Her mind kept replaying her kiss with Kaien. Each time she was the spectator, watching as if from the sidelines. She saw many times how he laughed brightly, stopped for a moment, and then leaned in to touch his lips to hers. She saw her own flushing face, her own surprised eyes, and her own lips shifting against his.

 

Several times she floated above the two, her ethereal body shifting in the air above them. In those instances, when she was a specter of ghostly status, out of the very corner of her eye, for barely less than a second, she could swear that she could make out a flash of bright orange, an aura of anger, shame, and jealousy, and finally, a body slumped as if in defeat. Then it was gone, erased as if by magic.

 

Rukia awoke the next day with thoughts of orange floating through her mind.